An Uncanny Christmas
Chapter 1: Personally, I'm a Breast Man
By
The Unanny R-Man
Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel.
Notes- This fic doesn't really fit into any of the storylines of the URM-Verse; it's just a little bit of festive fun.
Heathrow Airport; England, two days before Christmas Eve-Brian and Meggan Braddock stood waiting patiently for a flight from New York. Baby Betsy was with them too, snoozing peacefully in her pushchair unaware of the special occasion.
'Any idea what time they're arriving?' Meggan asked excitedly. This year would be Baby Betsy's first ever Christmas and the first Christmas since Betsy Senior had been brought back form the dead. That was why they were waiting in the airport arrivals lounge; Betsy Senior and Wade Wilson were coming over for Christmas. Their other workmates, Jubilee, Angelo, Typhoid, Pyro and Illyana all had other plans. Jubilee and Angelo were spending Christmas in Westchester with the X-Men, Pyro and Typhoid were in Australia with his parents while Illyana was over in Deerfield celebrating Hanukkah with Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin.
Brian sighed in exasperation; he had lost count how many times his wife had asked that question.
'They just arrived a few minutes ago, we should be able to see them any minute now.'
Meggan pouted slightly, she loved Christmas and was eager to continue with the preparations. The turkey wasn't going to cook itself.
After almost forty-five more minutes of waiting, and almost as many ridiculously expensive cups of coffee, Wade and Betsy could finally be seen struggling trough the throng of festive holidaymakers.
'Hey Betsy, over her!' Meggan yelled at the top of her lungs. 'We're over here!'
Betsy Senior turned her head in the sound of the mad lady shouting at her and led Wade towards the pair.
'Merry Christmas, Meg.' Betsy grinned as she gave her sister-in-law a big hug. 'You too, Bri.'
'Merry Christmas, Betsy.' The Braddockses replied as they joined the hug. 'Merry Christmas, Wade.' Meggan added.
'Merry Christmas, y'all.' Wade replied a she joined in the group hug.
'Nice hat.' Meggan giggled, swatting at the bauble dangling from the end of Wade's Santa hat.
'I thought I might as well get in the spirit.' Wade replied with proud smile.
'You guys all prepared?' Betsy asked. 'It's your first Christmas as parents.'
'It was a little hectic.' Brian replied. 'It took ages to get Little Betsy to sleep.'
'Yeah, Big Betsy's a light sleeper too.' Wade snickered. 'Ain't that right, Cute Buns?'
'You just get going, you.' Betsy replied as she gently booted Wade up the backside. 'We've got dinner to prepare and a tree to decorate. That's if these two haven't already started without me.'
'We wouldn't dream of decorating the tree without you, Bets.' Brian replied. 'It' your turn to put the angel on the top anyway.'
Wade and Betsy followed the Braddockses to where their car was waiting. Upon packing all the cases and present inside, they drove back to Braddock Manor.
Braddock Manor, Christmas Eve-Wade was sitting in the living room with Brian while the ladies did their thing in the kitchen.
'Not that I'm moaning but, doesn't this seem kinda sexist to you?' Wade asked.' Y'know, us guys sitting here on our butts while the women do all the work?'
'I tried to offer Meggan my help.' Brian replied. 'But she always insists on doing it herself, she says it's tradition.'
'You wacky sexist Brits.' Wade snickered. 'A nation after my own heart. Any idea what other traditions you guys have?'
'Well it's kind of traditional for the men to pop down the pub on Christmas Day while the women do the cooking.'
'Now there's a tradition that I like the sound of.' Wade grinned. 'Cept your don't Drink so…'
'I might not drink alcohol anymore, but I can till g own the pub.' Brian replied.
'Fair enough.' Wade nodded. 'Let's go get a skin full.'
Without further ado, Wade grabbed Brian by the hand and dragged him towards the door.
'Meggan, we're just going to pop down the pub, okay?' Brian called as Wade dragged him outside.
'Sue sweetie, make sure you're back in time, I don't want the turkey to get cold!' Meggan called back.
Several hours later-Betsy and Meggan had finally finished preparing Christmas dinner when Wade and Brian decided to drag themselves out from the pub.
'I hope you didn't get too drunk.' Betsy said as she saw Brian drag Wade into the living room.
'He hardly had any.' Brian replied. 'We were on out way home after two swift ones and Wade tripped up on the curb and bashed his head.'
'Are you sure that he only had two?' Meggan asked. 'Anyway, the Christmas dinner's all prepared. All we need to do now is cook the turkey, we can leave that for tomorrow.'
'So what do we do now?' Wade asked. 'Play charades or something?'
'I was going to suggest watching the telly but charades is good.' Meggan replied.
'Aww, man.' Wade winced. 'I was only kidding!'
Christmas Day-Betsy was fast asleep. Unfortunately, her peaceful slumber was soon interrupted as Wade shook her rapidly.
'C'mon Bets, wake up. It's Christmas! Wakeupwakeupwakeup!'
'I'm up, I'm up.' Betsy muttered as she swung her legs up over the end of the bed. 'Bloody Hell, you're worse than a kid at…'
'Christmas?' Wade asked, a cheeky smile spreading over his face.
Betsy just swore under her breath and pulled on a robe.
'Yay! We're gonna open our presents!' Wade said in a singsong voice as he danced around a drowsy Betsy.
Betsy just padded slowly over to the door and began the low descent down to the living room. Growing bored of his girlfriend's lack of enthusiasm; Wade rushed past her and hotfooted it down to the stairs.
Upon reaching the living room, Wade saw an equally enthusiastic Meggan fidgeting impatiently, eager to open her presents.
'Yay, it's Christmas!' they both squealed at once. 'Hurry duo you two, less dawdling, more present opening!'
Betsy and Brian just mumbled incoherently and slumped down onto the sofa while their other halves shredded through their gifts.
A short while later-The living room of Braddock Manor was in chaos, there was shredded wrapping paper strewn all over the place. Meggan and Wade had both finished opening their gifts, now it was Brian and Betsy's turn. The two twins were opening their gifts at a more leisurely pace.
Wade and Meggan were more involved with using their gifts. Wade was sat in an inflatable Homer Simpson armchair duelling with Meggan on her new games system.
'Umm, where's Baby Betsy?' Betsy Senior asked.
'Over there.' Wade replied, waving his hand in the general direction of a pile of shredded paper.
Betsy rushed over and uncovered her niece form the pile. There wasn't any need to panic however as she had found a sheet of bubble-wrap and was popping it.
'Ooh, is that bubble-wrap?' Wade asked, his face lighting up in excitement. 'Can I have a go?'
Baby Betsy just frowned at the strange man and turned her back, keeping the bubble-wrap to herself.
Wade pouted in disappointment.
'You're mean…'He whined.
'Oh have this, you big baby.' Betsy Senior sighed. 'You can have the bubble-wrap out of one of my presents.'
Wade squealed in excitement and snatched it away.
'Sometimes I wonder who's more mature.' Brian chuckled. 'Wade or Baby Betsy.'
Later that day-Wade, Brian and Baby Betsy were sat at the dinner table anxious to see their other halves' culinary efforts. They had already finished their starters of soup and prawn cocktail; they were just waiting for the roast turkey. Wade had heard that Meggan was a notoriously bad cook so he was nervous as to what dinner would be like. Fortunately, there was no need to be so wary as the food that Betsy and Meggan brought out was delectable. There were lashings of potatoes, both roast and mashed, numerous other types of cooked vegetables, little sausages wrapped in bacon, oodles of gravy and a huge bowl of leftover sage and onion stuffing. But what was most impressive was the turkey.
'Geez Meg.' Wade said, not really believing his eyes. 'What did you do? Slaughter an ostrich?'
'Nope.' The blonde metamorph replied. 'Just a boring old turkey. Brian, do you ant to carve?'
'Thanks, sweetie.' Brian replied as he took the rather pointy-looking knife from his wife. 'Wade, what would you like, breast or leg?'
'Personally, I'm a breast man, myself.' Wade snickered.
Betsy, Brian and Meggan just groaned out loud at Wade's spectacularly bad joke.
'So, what've we got planned for after dinner?' Wade asked. 'Brandy and Christmas pud?'
'Yup.' Meggan replied. 'And you men have washed up, it's onto the settee to watch the Queen's Speech.'
'Does anybody even watch that anymore?' Wade asked. 'Isn't hat kinda old-fashioned?'
'Meh, it gives us a while to digest the inner until the Greta Escape comes on.' Brian replied.
'Either that or it's a James Bond film.' Meggan added. 'I think it's Goldfinger this year.'
'Whoa, stop this crazy whirly-gig of fun, I'm dizzy!' Wade muttered.
'What would you prefer we did, Wade dear?' Betsy asked. 'Sit on the settee eating chocolate?'
'Isn't that what we do every year?' Meggan replied with a cheeky smile.
END…
Next: A Merry Mayhem Christmas
Mayhem of the Uncanny New Avengers takes his fellow teammate Tigra home to Toronto to celebrate Christmas. Lots of snowball fights and a little smooching under the mistletoe ensues.