Capítulo Uno: ¡Todavía rojo vivo!
When a dyed purple owl wearing a tiny sombrero swooped into his office, diligently hooting "La Cucaracha", Snape knew it was going to be a long day. He had seen this owl many times before; it belonged to his Hispanic half brother, whom he had (thankfully) not seen for about 12 years. In order to greet it properly, he, with a terrified look contorting his sallow face, took up a confiscated broom that had been leaning on his desk and thrashed it wildly through the air. "Shoo! Shoo!" he commanded, amidst the lavender fowl's screeches of indignation. José Juan Pablo, the bird, released a package from his talons and roosted on top of a tall filing cabinet, ruffling its feathers angrily.
"I don't want the bloody letter!" snarled Snape, using the broom to knock the box off of his desk. It skidded to the stone floor, quivered and promptly hid in a corner. With a malicious glare in its direction, Snape swept the mussed black hair from his forehead and tried to return to lesson preparation. He, however, couldn't concentrate; his heart rate was too high, throbbing loudly in his head. It never failed. Every year, Seguro Snape, professional cabana boy, remembered his birthday. Simply for that reason, Severus Snape, for most of his life, allowed that generally treasured day to pass by unnoticed. He wouldn't have minded a decent gift, but knew that he would never receive one that met his lofty standards. For example, the previous year, José Juan Pablo (then a bright green) had swooped into his Potions lesson (sixth-year Gryffindors and Slytherins) and deposited a hideous Muggle garment onto his head: a positively charming t-shirt depicting an inebriated parrot holding a bottle. The caption? "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor". He had hidden the shirt in the farthest corner of his most isolated filing cabinet.
"Damn it!" Severus finally cried, leaping to his feet and pouncing on his birthday present.
José Juan Pablo raised a feathery eyebrow in confusion as Severus ripped open the package, revealing a complete set of bondage necklaces, a pink t-shirt reading "If I were your pet I'd run away", and a letter in a scarlet envelope.
"…" Infuriated, he silently stared at the obnoxious gifts, trying desperately to incinerate them with his eyes. You can only imagine his surprise when the envelope actually burst into flames. "What the..?" he dropped it instantly, pulled up the hem of his robe, and prodded the smoldering pile with his toe, as if crushing a roach. The fire dwindled and died, leaving a small pile of ashes on the floor. Confused, but somehow annoyed, he leaned over it. A small messaged was framed by the gray matter. Snape's nostrils flared when he deciphered the flowery handwriting.
Still Red Hot!
See you on Monday!
-S. S.
His black eyes involuntarily shot to the calendar. "Nnn-nn-n-no-no…NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"