Chapter 3-Sucked into the Wine Cellar

From Russia with love and Borsht, in which the Author makes horrible word puns

Lily Evans and Ginny Weasley had spent most of the night awake discussing their predicament. Ginny was amused to learn that their host and cook looked like and were named after characters from a muggle game. Lily felt like wise about the things she learned about Voldemort and Ferret boy. The two girls opened her eyes in the morning to see not only that they were still on the floor in front of their respective beds, but also there was a maid in a knee length red dress bustling about the bedroom tidying everything up. "Excuse me." Lily said cautiously. The maid turned, her curly black hair flying about her shoulders. " Oh sorry," she said with an odd accent. Or at least not a British accent. "You looked quite sound and all the other rooms have been taken care off." Her face was heart shaped and her voice was like honey smooth and golden. "You know, you might want to hurry on down. One of the guests was found this mornin' in his bed and someone had turned him into bird. I can't quite recall what kind of bird it was but the man's name is Albus. I'm sure the two of you know him." Lily and Ginny looked at each other, bemused. "I guess I'll come back once you two've freshed up." Turning to the leave the maid remembered something "Oh yes and by the way I'm Miz Sca'lett"

Delores Umbridge was in the room on the other side of the hall standing of her bed. A rat had just run across the room. Slowly she climbed of the bed and dashed to the other side of the corridor just as Miss Scarlett exited Lily and Ginny's room. "What's the matta'" Scarlett drawled in her southern accent. "I…I just saw a rat," Umbridge simpered. "Oh sorry 'bout that. Take this and just spread it around the room. It should take care of it in no time." As the mid sauntered of Delores looked at the small package she had been handed. DeCon: Rat Poisoning.

A rat without a toe wandered into the bedroom of Delores Umbridge. 'She must have been eating something. Messy eater.' It thought as it chewed of a small beige yellow crumb of something. 'Tastes like pineapple upside down cake. Ooh more!'

While our rodent friend indulged in pineapple upside down cake-flavored genocide, the rest of the congregation was in deliberation over the strange fate of Albus the Augrey." Tom had to had to have done it!" Ginny cried amongst the brouhaha. Voldemort set at the far end of the table leaning back in his chair and sulking. "I did not do it," he said sourly. "I WISH I did, but I didn't. Whoever did that better watch out because they stole my game plan. But… they can sign up for the Death Eater Auxiliary whenever…" "Hey!"

" What that's some good stuff they pulled off," Voldemort whined. His chair toppled over. Ginny leaned over him and hissed, "Tom the matter at hand."

"Don't call me Tom."

"Okay then Voldie-Woldy Cookiemort-kins"

"Sod off"

"Then stop pouting like a kicked puppy and talk to us!!!" Ginny shouted. The other guests watched half horrified half amused. It was in fact very funny to see a six and a half foot man, the prince of all darkness and self-proclaimed greatest sorcerer alive get told off by a 15-year-old girl who was just above 5'1". Sirius scooped up Dumbledore and covered his eyes, whispering to Lily, "This cant be good for his heart, seeing something as disturbing as this." Ginny was still trying to psychoanalyze Tom.

"All I have to say is I've been trying to take him out for years and someone beat me to it."

" And how does that make you feel?"

"Like… Stabbing whoever augreyed him!"

" No, no way, not in a million years. You are not keeping that freakin bird in here!"

"C'mon Stinkerbella, he's got no place to go…" Sirius pulled a puppy face and batted his eyelashes at his cousin.

" No, and make it shut up!"

The Black cousins were currently arguing over the fate of the augrey formerly known as Dumbledore. Sirius obviously wanted to keep him but Bellatrix felt other wise.

"Oh really," Sirius huffed indignantly. " Why not. Ooh, ooh I know. you're afraid of him."

" I AM NOT AFRIAD OF BIRDS!!"

" I didn't say afraid of birds I said afraid of him," Sirius indicated the bundle of feathers singing mournfully on Bella's bed. "Bella's scared of birds, Bella's scared of birds, Bella's sca-"

"No I'm not! Just keep the stupid thing! Happy!"

"Yes."

Bellatrix flopped down on her head and on top of Dumbledore. Screeching she picked up the bird and threw it at her cousin who caught it and quickly scuttled out cooing to his headmaster.

Lily Evans wandered Lock Kelspe estate looking for someone to talk to or the 'prize' which ever she found first. As she rounded a corner into what looked like a conservatory, she found the former. Watering the plants in the far corner was Miss Scarlett. Lily padded up behind her and tapped her shoulder. Scarlett jumped a mile up and when she came back to earth see looked like she had just outrun her death.

" Oh my…Lily… shouldn't sneak up on people like that…"

" Sorry Scarlett" Lily said giggling.

"S'not that funny" Scarlett said, miffed. When Lily didn't stop laughing, Scarlett poked her and went about her business.

"Sorry really I mean it you just looked so funny."

"Humph."

"Anyways I was actually wondering just now why I didn't see you yesterday."

" I am never here for meals, I simply don't attend."

"Why?" The two of them walked through the rows of plants, stopping occasionally when Miss Scarlett had to water one.

" That French cook, Mrs. White," Scarlett drawled the name her voice dripping with contempt.

" You don't like each other."

"That would be a massive under statement. We loathe each other. She's the one who suggested-" Scarlett hadn't been watching were she stepped and she tripped over a Caphliora bush.

" Oh darn it, I'm so clumsy sometimes." Lily helped her up.

" What did she suggest?" Miss Scarlett's eyes widened and she had the distinct look of a person who had said too much.

"Please Lily just forget it please." With that said Miss Scarlett went about her watering as though nothing had happened.

Sirius snuck into the kitchen, on a mission. He tiptoed over to the economy-sized freezer and opened it. As he did a mournful wailing filled the air. He whirled around to shush his companion and at that time he saw the pie. Sitting on the counter, the aroma of peaches wafting from it sat the heavenly creation. Closing the fridge Sirius moved toward it, shushing the singing augrey. Now standing directly over the pie he inhaled the smell was glorious. Looking dubiously towards the doors, he broke off a small piece and tasted it. Divine! He picked up the peach pie and his bird and strode boldly away from the kitchen

That night in the dining room, dinner was being served and it was by know means as quiet a meal as it had been the night before. Colonel Mustard was absent but no one paid any mind to that. The nine remaining guests were seated around the table, chatting, arguing, and being reanalyzed. However this all stopped when a hole began to form in the table; right in front of everyone's favorite Dark Lord. From this hole a red sheet of parchment appeared. On it in black writing were the words: A Riddle For Riddle. Tom looked at it hesitantly, but before he could pick it up it flipped over and much like a Howler, a gruff magically magnified voice recited

"The game has been set

The requirements met

And the players all agree.

"To return to their homes

And the times of their own

I leave you this cryptic three.

"For the man who was once bold and handsome

But now lives for the reapers ransom

Beware a crimson kiss

And the pod of lily.

" To the enemy of Aves

And the cousin of a knave

Your fear shall unhinge thee.

"Lastly he who brought you here

Shan't be the one to make things clear

But holds your fates with the cellar key."

The poem, which had written itself on the back of the parchment, as if it were being dictated, now lay still in the center of the table. The congregation was silent until Colonel Mustard entered through the double doors proclaiming, "Well that was interesting. Interesting indeed." " How did you… if you were on the other side…" Umbridge trailed off and the colonel gave her a sympathetic smile that didn't reach his eyes at all. "well it was quite loud you know." Mrs. White chose that moment to bring in the main course of the meal, Borsht, mashed potatoes, and pasta Alfredo. The guests ate silently a few quiet conversations punctuating the near silent atmosphere until… " SIRIUS HORATIO BLACK, you bloody… you…" Bellatrix Black, who seemed to have Borscht dripping down the side o f her face, was having trouble thinking up a name worthy of her beloved cousin. "You bloody chizpurfle!" she bellowed as she retaliated by flinging mashed potatoes at him. Sadly her aim was rather off and instead of hitting Sirius it connected with the fore head of Draco Malfoy. Disgustedly, Draco wiped the offending spuds of his forehead and onto the robes of the person next to him, an amused Delores Umbridge. But before he could fully wipe his hand off she smacked it towards the person across from her, Voldemort. The traveling potatoes hit him square in the chest. The chuckles that had washed over the table stopped as everyone waited to see what the master of all evil would do. Voldemort calmly picked up his own bowl of borsht and, eyes glinting happily, emptied onto the mousy head of Umbridge and the sleek blonde tresses of the Malfoy next to her. Amid the food flinging chaos that ensued immediately afterwards, Ginny Weasley slipped out of the room completely unnoticed.

As she stood at the doors to the wine cellar, Ginny Weasley couldn't help but be a little apprehensive. 'The riddle said our fate was with the cellar keys' But the rules said stay out of the wine cellar

"Here goes nothing" Ginny muttered to herself. She put her hand on the door and it was sucked in as she tried to pull her hand out an invisible hand on the back of her neck pushed her forward. She dully noted that the hands fingers felt scarred and rather long. The unexpected pressure made her pitch forward and with a yelp of surprise Ginny disappeared through the door.

AN:
Hey thanx for all of the reviews it was insane whenI opened my mailbox there were so many reviews for all of my stories!! NEWayZ someone expressed the wish that this not turn into a draco ginny and i jst want ed to say i have no plan to throw any real romance into the spin. i save that stuff for all of my other stories.
love ( until the pistachio's of doom bowl over your cities and leave a trail of caramel sauce behind them to drown you in a stinky pool of ill fate)
Kaybella