Author's Note: Do not open till Christmas.
Buffy the Cliché Slayer
Holiday Special
A Very Merry Buffy Cliché Christmas
Twas the night before the night before Christmas
And all through Joyce's House
Not a creature was stirring
Well except Andrew who was busy "clicking his mouse."
The stockings were hung by the big hole where the chimney used to be with care.
And everyone forgot that they were still off the air.
The Scoobies were nestled all snug in their beds
While nightmares of Season 6 played in their heads.
And Buffy in her nightie and Spike dressed in grey
Had just settled in for one more romp in the hay
When up on the rooftop their arose such a clatter
That Buffy got up to make its blood splatter
She grabbed "Mr. Pointy" from off of the wall
No one interrupts her vampire booty call
To what should her baby green eyes should play tricks
She saw a miniature sleigh and eight tiny fanfics
With a little young driver so skinny and slow
She groaned to herself "Oh Gawd, not Steve-0"
More rapid than his updates he cracked his big whip
"Move you tired old plotlines and give me no lip!"
"Now AU, Now Spuffy, Now Generations, Slash that means you
On OC, on Song Fic, on X-over, and Mary Sue.
To the top of the page, from my Magic 8-ball
Now review, review, review them all!"
Buffy gave a small sigh as she put on her robe
And knew she was in a fic that has gone down the commode.
Then before she could realize that last stanza didn't rhyme
Steve-0 came down the chimney in the St. Nick of time
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his boot
A 98lb. man in a full-sized Santa suit.
A bundle of fanfics he had slung on his back.
He looked like a junkie all strung out on crack.
His eyes were all bloodshot from writing so late
Buffy wondered why it took him so long to finish a story because since obviously he couldn't get a date
His nose it was long and his brown hair was unkempt
How the crap do I find a rhyme for unkempt?
"What the $# are you doing here?" The little blonde cursed
"Shouldn't you be finishing that story or writing something worse?"
NOW, NOW LITTLE SLAYER, THERE'S NO NEED TO FEAR
I COME TO BRING YOU AND YOUR SCOOBIES SOME HOLIDAY CHEER.
"Spare me," The slayer said with a gag
"Ok let's get this over with. What's in your bag?"
A SLASH FIC FOR TARA AND FOR DAWN ONE WHERE YOU'VE FLED
AND LOOK HERE'S A FIC WHERE ANYA'S NOT DEAD.
I'VE GOT FANFIC PRESENTS FOR ALL FOR THAT IS MY GOAL
EXCEPT FOR THE ADMINISTRATOR WHO KICKED ME OFF THE SITE FOR THEM THEY GET COAL.
Buffy rolled her eyes and said "Look, as much as I find this to be an amusing tome."
"It's going to get deleted by the administrator too, because it's a poem."
BUT YOU SEE EVERY YEAR, RIGHT AROUND THIS TIME
PEOPLE TAKE AN OLD CHRISTMAS IDEA AND COMMIT THE PLAGERISM CRIME
THEY'LL STICK YOU GUYS IN A CHRISTMAS CAROL STORY OF SOME KIND
AND THAT'S THE EXACT CLICHÉ PARODY I HAD IN MIND.
AND NOW THAT IT'S WRITTEN I'LL BE ON MY WAY.
Buffy thanked God it was over and he didn't stay.
But before he had left he had one thing to do
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL EXCEPT FOR WILLOW THE JEW!