The Weiss Christmas Continues, Part III
So what was everyone else up to on the day Yohji serenaded Aya in the Koneko? Because nothing says "RL avoidance" like another fic, no siree...

In the meantime...

"Do you think they'll figure out there was no extra credit?"

"Nah. Why would they? I'm the researcher in the group, after all, so they're used to me gathering and sharing data. And I don't lie to them much; I save it for special occasions." He kissed her on the cheek. "Like this. Well, not this this; I know better than to lie to Aya-kun about his little sister."

She giggled. "I know what you mean. So, what do you think we should get Ken-kun?"

Omi pondered. "I hate to give him another football-related gift. What about this? He is Catholic, after all. And we can get him something else, too."

Aya-chan nodded. "It's a pretty little nativity scene. But are you sure porcelain will survive in his room?"

He laughed. "Ken-kun isn't a total klutz. It's his way of getting out of the shop. He prefers to make deliveries. All the running about, the fresh air – that kind of thing."

"Okay then. What else?"

"I don't know." They exchanged rueful glances. "We're going to end up in the sporting goods store, aren't we?"

"It looks that way. Too bad he's not a computer junkie, like you," she pinched his cheek, and immediately soothed it with a quick kiss, "I'd suggest a PDA to keep track of all his games, then. But it would never survive the football field. Ken-kun is a very hands-on coach."

He brightened. "Wait a minute, that's not a bad idea. And I know how we can make it work!"

The previously-mentioned Mrs. Himura tried to pull out her keys, but couldn't juggle the flower arrangement long enough to reach into her pocket. So, frowning, she rang the bell.

It was soon answered by a giggling, flustered, frantic whirlwind, all centered around her husband.

"Milady! Back so soon?"

"Yes, dear. HEY! Back in the house, you!" While the child in question clearly was not intimidated – the giggles were a dead giveaway – at least she (he?) did obey and reenter the house. The arrangement had several close escapes before she and her husband managed to close the door with all ankle-biters safely inside. "I hope Yahiko appreciates the day off. His kids are a handful and a half!"

Before her husband could respond, her own handful entered the room. "Mom! Tell these brats I'm not a Barbie doll!"

She did her best to contain her giggles but it was a losing battle. "I see Sano and Saito left their kids here as well?"

"Moooom! They want to use make up! Like the braids aren't bad enough?!"

She exchanged a fond look with her spouse. "So, three little girls and one boy managed to overpower one master of the sword and one apprentice?"

Her husband sighed and took the bags from her arms while she held onto the arrangement. "It's a close battle and one still underway, my pardons. This one believes it was the attempt to bake that gave the little ones an advantage."

It was true the kitchen wasn't as big a mess as it could have been, but it was a close thing. "Here, put that arrangement up high and let's get started on this mess. I don't want Tsubame to return to a messy kitchen."

"Tell me again why we're out shopping for Christmas gifts for Nagi."

"Because even though he is Japanese and therefore should not celebrate Christmas, the other three-fourths of Schwarz are from cultures that do, so of course he wants to. Besides, I'm the leader and I say so."

"Well, if you're going to be an utter bastard and pull rank like that, I want compensation."

"You can sleep in late tomorrow. Now help me find something for him already."

"Can't we get him some computer junk?"

"Like what? We'd have to know something more about computers to know what to buy. And don't even suggest clothes; I hated getting practical gifts as a boy."

"What? Do my ears deceive me? Bradley Crawford didn't like getting socks in his stocking?"

"No, you German slut, I did not. But I'm not sure if LEGO would be something he'd like at his age."

"Some dirty magazines, then?"

"SCHULDIG! We are supposed to be setting an example! And what kind of parents would give a boy something like that?"

A shrug. "Cool ones?"

A stare. "You really were raised by wolves, weren't you?"

"Doberman Pinschers, perhaps. And what's wrong with a gift certificate?"

"It's slapdash, and we have a reputation of professionalism to maintain."

A slack-jawed stare. "For fucking Christmas gifts?!"

"We are Schwarz. Our professionalism should show in everything we do. Besides, you don't complain when it applies to our sex life."

"That's different."

"No, it's not. Or shall I bite down during the next blow-job?"

A wince. "Okay, okay, I got it. Professionalism in all things." A pause. "Why not get him HALO2?"

"Isn't that rather violent?"

A blink. "Violent? Do you remember what we do for a living? Does "killing" ring any bells?"

"Okay, fine, HALO2 is it. Now, do you remember the gaming system he uses?"

A shrug. "Doesn't matter. The kid's current one could stand to be updated. Get him an XBox as well; make his year – well, his month at least."

"Okay. But I'm still getting some LEGO kits."

"So you can play with them and relive your childhood? Okay, shutting up now. Better make them Bionicle kits."

"Sounds acceptable. Now, for the really tough challenge —"

"—Yes?"

"What to get Farfarello as a gift."

"That's a good one. What do you get a homicidal maniac who goes nuts at the sight of anything vaguely hinting of Christianity during that same Christianity's holiest time of the year?"

"That would be Easter, but you see the problem."

"We don't have to worry about Nagi's gifts setting him off, at least. HALO is anything but holy." A snicker. "Other than the weapon-made holes."

"Schuldig, focus!"

While it was nice to have a little sister of sorts, even if she wasn't really his little sister and was dating one of them — definitely unsisterly-like activity — there were some times when it was a pain. Like now. It wasn't that he minded shopping for a gift for Aya-chan, but he always hated going in the girly parts of the department store. And what was he supposed to get her? Nothing too personal, or Aya would have his liver and Omi his spleen, but nothing impersonal, or she might not think he liked her. And he did, he really did. Aya was a much nicer person now and could even be caught almost-smiling on occasion; she helped keep Yohji in line (Who knew she could backtalk so well? And boy, but could she play the dozens!); and she gladly gave advice when he had that crush, even helping out with finding a gift. So it had to be a good gift, one that said "you're a good friend".

And that's why he currently wandered the fragrance-cum-jewelry section of the store. Though he was pretty sure jewelry was a bad idea. Maybe someone else shopping here was in the same boat and he could ask them for help.

"Sir? Excuse me?"

"Yes?"

"I see you're looking at the bath fragrances, too. I'm shopping for my sister," it was close enough to the truth, they were a family of sorts, "and was wondering if you could recommend one."

"Sure! Be glad to help!" And his fellow shopper gave a polite, yet slightly goofy smile. He pointed. "This scent is good for general illnesses." Another bottle. "This scent is good for tuberculosis." And another. "This one helps with neuralgia."

Okay, this was weird. This guy was apparently an expert in scents for ill people. "May I ask who you're shopping for?" Because he really pitied them. Maybe he could burn a candle for each of them.

"Sure! It's one of my classmates!"

One classmate?! With all those illnesses? Not that being an assassin made him an expert on death or anything, but this person should be dead!

"Please offer their family my condolences. How long has he been in the hospital?"

He blinked. "No, Higurashi is fine. She just misses a lot of classes."

No, sounded like a case of skip-class-itis to him. He snickered.

"It's not funny. Poor Kagome is very sick."

And this guy was clueless. "I apologize. I did not mean to make light of your friend's plight. I offer my sympathy," because you're really don't get it, do you? And people called him slow. At least it was an act with him. Besides, his team had figured it out. It was only Kritiker and Manx who didn't know it was an act, which was just fine with him. Let Omi and Aya worry about the planning. He backed away as quietly as he could, leaving the clueless person behind.

Teasing from Yohji be damned. He was getting Aya-chan some doujinshi. What was the name of that circle she liked so much? Ryogetsu DX vs AtoZ SP? With any luck, he could find both some explicit volumes she'd like and some tamer ones that met Aya's approval to place on top and thus camouflage the rest.

"So why do you like to celebrate Christmas? I thought you'd really want to kill someone right now."

A cackle. "Kill them? And put them out of their misery? Besides, what's so holy about Christmas? Commercialism run amok, people trying for perfect gifts and gatherings and of course failing miserably, depression everywhere – God cries at Christmas, Nagi!"

"So that explains the blinking sweater."

"Why else? And think about all the poisons! Poinsettias, mistletoe, tinsel, wrapping paper! Toxic, all of it!" And so the laughter continued.

"I still say the candy canes on your eyepatch is a bit much."

"And the tooth-rotting delicacies! The sugar, the candy canes, the cookies, the gingerbread! And for adults, rum cake, rum balls, whiskey punch! More pain, more depression!"

He wished Schuldig was here to shut Farfarello up. Using his powers to pound him against the wall would be too obvious in this crowded mall.

"Look! Santa Claus praying at a manger! Tell me that's not a knife in God's gut! We have to get one!"

He hoped his patience would last for the rest of this shopping mission.

"Aya?"

"Yes?"

"What do you think the others are up to?"

"Does it matter?"

"I'm boooored! Can't we close early?"

"No, Kudoh. And that's final."

"Meanie." And he blew a raspberry. "Bet anywhere else is better than here right now." He muttered, "No chances of sex when customers might come in, yadda yadda yadda."

"I heard that!"

"Beeda!"

"No, ma'am, I'm sorry, but we saw that PDA watch first! Give it back!"
"Kids! Settle down now or no Christmas cookies when they're done baking!"
"You will look in the back and you will find me a set of Ginsu knives!"
"Oh look, it's one of those cute florists! SQUEEEEEEE!"
"Get off Santa's Village or I swear I will crumple you and it into dust, I don't care how many people are in line to sit on Santa's lap."
The only one who might have known exactly how lucky Yohji was to be in the shop was Schuldig, but Schuldig was too busy trying to mind-whammy a brain-dead sales clerk to find this out, let alone tell Yohji.

-end-

Commentary on scenes:
1) Omi and Aya-chan, of course. Guessing on the "Ken as Catholic" based on his raising by nuns.

2) Poor Kaoru, Kenshin, and Kenji from Rurouni Kenshin. Brought 'em forward to present day because, well, it was fun. If you want to read a much better, more believable account of Kenshin and Kaoru in present day, check out Vathara's fics here on fanfiction(dot)net. I promise it's worth your time. Anyway, here the Himuras are visiting from America, where Kaoru has her own dojo. Kenji's her apprentice, of course, and not much older than the ankle-biters. They're staying with Yahiko and Tsubame, and are giving the couple the day off by looking after their kids. Apparently they extended the babysitting-for-the-day offer to Sano and Saito as well, who've adopted one or two abandoned kids they've come across during their time on the force. And yes, S & S are a couple. I'll figure out where Tokio and Megumi are later, same as Aoshi, Misao, and Hiko. The cooking? Silly Kenshin thought the kids might like to share in the American holiday and thought baking cookies with four kids ages 10 and under was a good idea. Note that the Himuras only have one child at present so he didn't know how kids in groups of three and greater like to gang up on adults.

3) A bit on the domestic side of Schwarz with Schuldig and Crawford as yes, they are a couple. (See "blow job" reference.) Schuldig is a bigger softy that he likes to let on; he did notice that Nagi has a old gaming system. Brad really thinks he's getting the LEGO Bionicles for Nagi, but I suspect Schuldig will sneak a few for him, too.

4) Ken ran into Houjou from Inuyasha. Illnesses from Chris Rijk's translation site, www(dot)wot-club(dot)org(dot)uk(slash)Inuyasha(slash) , honest. And I'm working on Ken's character. I finally realized I can use a blend of two relatives because, well, to base him entirely on my sports-obsessed uncle would be too mean – to Ken. It's one of those "truth is stranger than fiction" situations: no one would believe a character that obsessed with sports. "The Dozens" is an insult game: "Yo momma so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits around the house! – Well, yo momma so fat, she has her own ZIP code!" etc. Not sure at present who the crush was on; muses haven't revealed it. Doujinshi circle borrowed from nekojita because I don't know of any and the pics she's posted are pretty. (discrete drooling by author)

5) Nagi discussing the season with Farfarello. (Not a couple, ick, just two teammates out shopping.) It took Seraphim Grace's fics here on fanfiction(dot)net (silly but fun) to point out Farfarello just might be pro-Christmas. And I wish I could claim Farfarello's examples, but I can't. They're real.

6) Yohji and Aya. "Beeda!" is that pull-down-eyelid, stick-tongue-out, make-noise combo insult Yahiko loves to give Kaoru. And very childish.

7) And a brief return to those in scenes 1-5.
a) The watch really does exist;
b) Kaoru knows giving sugar to kids is a Bad Thing, but is gambling cookies are a diluted enough form;
c) anyone who's worked retail at Christmas knows there's no way Schuldig can successfully mind-whammy that poor clerk;
d) poor Ken should have figured that anyone female who drools over them at the shop is likely into yaoi doujinshi as well – all those pretty boy-men!
e) and can you really blame Nagi? Farfarello made him wait in line to sit on Santa's lap.