Disclaimer: I am not Tolkien the Great, and, sadly, I own nothing. The Radagast-Gandalf conversation is from the book, although the wording does not match exactly, because I had to do it from memory, not having the book with me at the time. The same goes for the Gandalf-Saruman one when Saruman betrays Gandalf, and the Frodo-Gandalf conversation. The Cirdan-Gandalf conversation is copied exactly from the Silmarillion.

My Old Friend

I walked slowly to one of my favorite places in Minas Tirith. It was a quiet, tucked-away corner with old boxes and empty baskets that gave it an abandoned look. There was an empty house that gave shade, so it was pleasantly cool. There was a bench next to a stone shelf that had a few withered potted plants on it. I seated myself on the bench and let my mind drift.

My thoughts went to Frodo, Sam, and the Ring. Where were they now? Were they safe? Was Frodo resisting the Ring, or was he slowly falling victim to its power?

I looked up. The sky was darkening, though it was not even noon. "Sauron's doing," I thought. And my thoughts turned to Sauron's servant, his puppet, Saruman.

Anger filled me as I thought of my former friend and counselor. "He tried to take Merry and Pippin, and if he had gotten his hands on them, he would have tortured them without mercy." I shuddered to think of those happy young hobbits, trapped in Orthanc. "He betrayed me, would have killed me. We had been the best of friends for all our lives, and he would have killed me."

And then, as suddenly as the anger had come, it disappeared, and was replaced by grief. I thought of all the times we had spent together, all the happiness we had shared. For we had been the best of friends. I remembered sailing to Middle-Earth, leaving Valinor, my home, far behind. How happy I was to see Saruman waiting to greet me. The first words he said as I stepped of the ship.

"Welcome, Olorin, to Middle-Earth."

I also remembered the words of Cirdan the Shipwright as he gave me Narya, the Red Ring of fire.

Cirdan drew me off to the side after Saruman had greeted me warmly.

"Take now this Ring," he said; "for thy labors and thy cares will be heavy, but in all it will support thee and defend thee from weariness. For this is the Ring of Fire, and herewith, maybe, thou shalt rekindle hearts to the valor of old in a world which grows chill. But as for me, my heart is with the Sea, and I will dwell by the grey shores, guarding the Havens until the last ship sails. Then I shall await thee."

I fingered Narya as I thought of Cirdan's words, wondering if the day he spoke of, when I would sail home, would ever come. I wondered, also, why Cirdan did not give Narya to Saruman. He was higher in the Order, and came first to Middle-Earth. Had Cirdan felt in Saruman the possibility of corruption? Had he thought Saruman unable to use Narya only for good? But I knew, that even if Cirdan had not trusted Saruman, he would never thought him capable of treason. Even I, who knew him best, had not suspected that until it was too late.

I remembered how Saruman had showed me all he had explored of this world, in the time between his coming and mine.

I smiled, as I thought of how we had laughed over my new names, given to me by the Men, the Elves, and the Dwarves.

"Gandalf. Mithrandir. Tharkun. They sound strange, but with use you will like them as much as Olorin. Except for mayhap Tharkun," Saruman laughed.

How we had planned our expedition to the eastern side of Middle-Earth, to try and discover from whence the evil in Mirkwood had come. How I was not able to go, because of the death of a great friend.

"I will go alone, and tell you all I learn and see," assured Saruman. "You must stay, and mourn for your friend. Help his family carry on."

I was unsure, not willing to let him go alone.

"The East hosts greater dangers than the West, Saruman, and not all come in forms of obvious evil. Remember why we came here; to stop the growing evil in Mirkwood. It could be one of the Ulairi, and then again it may not be. Beware of all the strangers you meet."

"I will be fine, Gandalf. Am I not one of the Maiar, the greatest of the Istari? You worry too much."

But when Saruman came back from the East, he was changed. He did not, as he had promised, tell me all he had done. He stopped traveling, and took up his abode in Orthanc. My friend had always had an arrogant streak, and after his trip it became more obvious.

My smile faded as I thought of Saruman falling to evil. I remembered him telling us not to attack Dol Guldor, to wait. I did not see it then, but Saruman was seeking the Ruling Ring, not to destroy it, to hide it, or even to attempt to use it for good, but to use it to rule Middle-Earth. He thought that if we let Sauron remain in Dol Guldor, he would lead Saruman to the Ring, for Sauron was searching for it as well. When Saruman finally did give consent to attack(Not to save Mirkwood, or try to stop Sauron, but because he feared Sauron would find the Ring before he could), Sauron feigned defeat but returned in secret to Mordor, where the Nazgul had prepared for his coming, and Barad-dur rose again.

And then there was the Betrayal.

I had announced that I would be leaving Frodo for the time being.

"Only for a short while, I hope," I said. "But I am going down beyond the southern borders to get some news, if I can. I have been idle longer than I should."

"Has anything happened?" Frodo asked. He could tell I was worried.

"Well no; but I have heard something that has made me anxious and needs looking into. If I think it is necessary for you to go off at once, then I shall come back immediately, or at least send word. In the meanwhile, stick to your plan; but be more careful than ever, especially of the Ring. Let me impress on you once more: don't use it!" And with that I left, and I was not to see Frodo again until he reached Rivendell.

A few miles out from Bree, I saw my friend and fellow Istari Radagast the Brown resting on the side of the road.

"Gandalf!" he cried. "I was seeking you." His voice lowered, and he looked anxiously around. "I have an urgent errand. My news is evil. Nazgul. The Nine are abroad again. They have crossed the river in secret and are moving westward. They have taken the guise of riders in black. But that is not the only reason I sought you. Saruman the White says that if you seek advice and help, then you should come to Orthanc. But he said you must be there by Mid-summer, or it will be too late. That is today, so you must ride hard and fast. Now I must go."

"Stay a moment!" I said. "We shall need your help, and the help of all things that will give it. Send out messages to the beasts and birds that are your friends. Tell them to bring news of anything that bears on this matter to Saruman and Gandalf. Let messages be sent to Orthanc."

"I will do that," he said, and then rode off as if the Nine were after him.

I reached Isengard two days later, in the evening. The gates were heavily guarded, but they welcomed me in. As I rode up towards Orthanc, the gates shut behind me, and for reasons unknown to me then, I was afraid. But I did not turn back; I thought that Saruman was my friend, and that the fear was an irrational one.

Saruman greeted me at the steps of Orthanc, and led me to his high chamber. He wore a ring on his finger.

"So you have come, Gandalf." He spoke gravely, but in his eyes there was a white light, as if there was cold laughter in his heart.

"Yes, I have come," I replied. "I have come to you for aid, Saruman the White." The title seemed to anger him.

"Have you indeed, Gandalf the Grey!" he scoffed. "For aid? It has seldom been heard that Gandalf the Grey sought for aid, one so cunning and so wise, wandering about the lands, and concerning himself in every business, whether it belongs to him or not."

I wondered why my friend was saying these things; he had never spoken like this before. "But if I am not deceived, things are in motion that will require the union of all our strength."

"That may be so," he replied. "But the thought is late in the coming. How long is it that you have kept a secret of great importance from me, your friend, and head of the Council? What brings you from your lurking place in the Shire?"

"The Nine are abroad. So Radagast told me."

"Radagast the Brown!" said Saruman scornfully. "Radagast the Bird-tamer, Radagast the Simple, Radagast the Fool! But he had just enough wits to play the part I set for him. For you are here. And here you will stay. For I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman the Ring-maker, Saruman of Many Colors!"

And as I looked at his robes, I saw that they were not white, but woven of many different colors that changed and shimmered when the robes moved.

"I liked white better," I said.

"White!" he sneered. "It serves as a beginning. The white page can be overwritten, white robes can be dyed, white light can be broken." He then drew himself up; as if he were reciting a speech he had rehearsed many a time.

He spoke of helping the power rising in the East, of serving it, making sure that Sauron took over Middle-Earth. He said that then we could overthrow the Dark Lord, and rule Middle-Earth ourselves, with wisdom and justice.

"And so," he concluded, "our aims would be the same, and the only thing changed would be the means we use to reach our aims."

"Saruman," I said, "I have heard such speeches before, but only from the mouths of mercenaries of Sauron."

"So you will not join him?"

"No. I will not."

"I did not expect you do see wisdom, even in your own behalf," he said, and he was now cold and perilous. "Very well, then. I shall keep you here until you tell me where the Ruling Ring is, and if you do not, and I find it without your help, you will be sorry you did not agree to join forces with me and the Power in the East.

I remembered how Saruman imprisoned me on the top of Orthanc, where I had to watch, helpless, as be created armies of orcs and wargs and other evil beings.

I thought of the battle of Helm's Deep, and I became angry again, as I thought of all the lives lost because of Saruman.

I thought of the time it had tried to give my friend another chance. But when I went to Orthanc, Saruman had tried to convince me yet again to join him. And although I seemed sure and confident on the outside- or so I hoped- inside I was filled with turmoil. How could I punish Saruman? For he definitely deserved punishment. But how could I stand by and watch him suffer and live in pain because of me? But how could I not? He was the cause of thousands of deaths. If it were not for him, Boromir would still be alive. If it were not for his betrayal, the Fellowship would have never entered Moria, and I would not have fallen to the Balrog. Hatred filled me as I thought of all the horrors he had brought about, all the innocent lives he had ended, all the families he had ripped apart.

And yet, I also felt pity for him. He fell victim to Sauron's evil, to the Ring's power. And so my hatred and anger turned to Sauron. He turned my friend to evil, he created all the suffering and grief and death. It was Sauron who killed Boromir, Sauron who steered the Fellowship to Moria, Sauron who had ended all those happy, innocent lives. It was Sauron who created the Ring.

But I knew in my heart, that as much as I wanted to forgive my friend, I could not lay all the blame on Sauron, and I could not, if we won this war, go to Saruman and set him free, and pretend that his betrayal never happened. Saruman would have to pay for what he did, no matter how much pain that caused me.

"Mithrandir!" shouted a Gondorian soldier, jerking me from my reverie. "Mithrandir! The armies of the Enemy have reached within a mile of the city! Everyone able to wield a weapon must prepare for battle!"

"I will," I said, standing.

It was time to fight.

Ulairi: yet another name for the Nazgul.

A/N: I have started to write a prequel/sequel to this, called "Into the East." It is written in Saruman's POV, and is about the expedition mentioned in this story that Gandalf couldn't go on. The one that Saruman turned evil during. Yeah. So if you liked this story, and want more, read that one. And review!