Warning: Angst, Death. But it's far from over yet.

Memento [Part Nine]

"You were expecting that he would proclaim his undying love for you."

Trowa blinked. He was expecting a different response but what he got was close enough. Hilde Schbeiker was a listener, a very good one at that. He spent half the day looking for someone to talk to and since his sister was up in the colonies and his comrades were surprisingly busy, he opted to find her and was pleased with his discovery. Not only did her lunch break coincide with his, her interests in the matter were also similar. It was no wonder Duo fit perfectly with her.

"So does it mean that when faced with the same situation, you would have thrown yourself at me?" Trowa asked.

"Thrown is not exactly the word," Hilde answered, chewing on her homemade hamburger and dipping her fries in a tiny packet of honey mustard sauce. "It's more like 'considered'. I would've considered what you said. Besides, I wouldn't know what your intentions were exactly."

"Did I sound at all like I had bad intentions?" Trowa asked.

"Not really," she answered. "It's just a little shady."

Hilde stood up to retrieve a napkin. Seeing that Trowa wasn't even touching his lunch, she took another wrapped hamburger from her lunch bag and set it down in front of him. Trowa blinked again. It was like she had an endless supply of food inside the tiny brown paper bag. It made him wonder if Duo visited her for lunch regularly.

"Canned soup isn't exactly food," she said, taking note of his startled expression. "I'm surprised you're able to cook Duo and the others extravagant meals when you feed yourself canned soup. If I didn't know you were competent enough, I'd adopt you."

Trowa nodded his thanks before opening the wrapper and beginning to eat. Not long after his first bite, he continued with his questioning. He was confused with Quatre's reactions or lack thereof and was hoping that she would understand why. If he was such a dull companion then he had to find out just how he was supposed to fix that problem.

"Should I have kept it a secret?" he asked.

"He'd have to find out anyway," she answered. "It was better coming from you than from someone else. Are you sure he didn't say or do anything?"

Trowa thought about it again. No matter how many times he replayed it in his head, it wasn't making any sense. Quatre was neither angry nor shocked about his revelation. It took a lot of concentration and an equal amount of mind work to understand the man.

"He just said 'oh' and we continued walking back."

"Odd," Hilde said. "I guess the only way to find out is to ask him. Considering the way he's been acting, I think he'd be straightforward enough to answer you truthfully. Unless..."

"Unless what?" Trowa asked, now completely engrossed in the conversation.

"I don't know. It's been bothering me that none of you have tried to find out who he is. There's always one excuse or another. I think it would really be helpful if you know... you knew."

Trowa nodded. She was probably aware of his excuse as well. In fact, everyone was aware of his excuse. It was known to all that the 'Quatre' topic was the most well-known but least talked about topic in the organization. It wasn't because they feared him. He really didn't mind that much. What they feared the most was that the four remaining would all of a sudden work inefficiently.

Trowa thought about it again. Perhaps Une's decision to bring the new Quatre to them was somewhere along the same lines. It made sense and yet it sounded too cold for her. She may have been strict but she was nowhere near cold. It was simply her way of getting things done. He was sure that she missed Quatre's presence as well. They all did.

"At least you're not being such a snob anymore. That's a good sign," Hilde said, breaking him away from his thoughts.

Trowa almost nodded since he wasn't really concentrating on what she said but then processed the information just in time. He looked at her instead.

"I'm not a snob," he said. "Who said I was?"

"Oh, I don't know... Quatre?"

"What?" he asked again.

"Don't worry about it. He said that back when you were avoiding him like the plague."

"But..."

Before he could continue, the door to the snack room opened to reveal Wufei. He had a serious look on his face that projected waves of anger more than anything else. Trowa wondered what could get him so worked up. Surely it wasn't any of Sally's silly games since he'd never seriously taken those to heart. It was something else and he didn't dare ask what it was.

"We're needed," was all Wufei said before signaling for Trowa to follow him. He acknowledged Hilde's presence respectfully by bowing his head in greeting but continued on. He was sure that Trowa was going to follow after all.

Trowa did follow but not before thanking Hilde for both the lunch and the conversation. He watched Wufei move through the corridors while he followed behind. When Wufei said 'we', he assumed it was the four of them. It was funny how they were now considered 'the four of them' when they were missing zero-four. He shook his head. It was no good to make silly analogies.

What was most important then was to find out why they were being called. He knew it was suicide to question Wufei about it when he was clearly not in the mood but he at least wanted to know why he was being summoned in the middle of his lunch break. He hadn't even finished his meal after all.

"What is it supposed to be about?" he asked.

"I don't know yet," Wufei answered. "It's supposed to be an emergency meeting."

Trowa nodded although he knew that Wufei didn't see it. To him, emergency meeting sounded nothing more than a regular meeting besides the sheer fact that it came with the word emergency before it. In fact, he hated to word emergency just because the sound of it was never good.

"Hurry up. I'd like to know what this is about," Wufei said, not really pushing him forward but walking faster instead. It had the same effect either way.

Trowa followed him at a faster pace and was lead into one of the bigger conference rooms. The first person he saw was Duo who was currently fidgeting in his seat, seemingly agitated. The sight alone made him feel uneasy already. Heero, on the other hand, was a little less obvious. The only indication that he was edgy was the continuous tapping of his pen on the desk. It was annoying but it seemed to calm Duo somewhat and that was probably the only reason why nobody stopped him. There was something he wasn't aware of, he deduced, being the only one in the room calm at the moment. Then again, he was always calm.

Wufei took his seat next to Sally and Trowa remained standing for a bit longer. He took that chance to survey his companions. Not very many people were present. Seated were Une, Sally, Wufei, Heero and Duo. He assessed the situation to be less than dramatic since the more prominent members of the organization were nowhere to be seen.

Trowa nodded in greeting after his quick survey and sat down next to Duo. Time seemed to stand still while the four were waiting for whatever news was going to be reported. Une, with her usual clam stare was eyeing them one by one. It seemed like she was measuring them up. No one pressured her to begin and yet she looked obliged to tell them the reason why she had called them.

"We have information on the whereabouts of Quatre," she said, making sure to use his name rather than his code name.

"And?" Duo asked. He'd already stopped moving about in his chair and was now trying to break in half the same pen Heero was holding earlier.

"We found him."

The pen Duo was abusing snapped in half.

Une's statement left many questions unanswered which caused Trowa a lot of annoyance. She was only dragging the matter. He wanted answers and he wanted the bearers of the news to get to the point.

"Where is he?" he asked. He looked to the others to find that they were avoiding his gaze. There was definitely something he didn't know. He would have to question them later.

"He's here," Sally answered for Une when she didn't make a move to answer the question. "...or rather, part of him is."

"You mean the same skinny, nerdish guy we're babysitting?" Duo asked, looking hopeful.

But Trowa didn't feel hopeful at all. Instead, he felt confused not knowing exactly what he wanted. He'd already spent most of his time thinking about the 'what ifs'.

"I'm afraid not."

Trowa was relieved somewhat although ten times more confused that he already was. At least they'd found him and the new Quatre was no longer the mysterious character. He only wondered about the next step. Were they going to release him from their care since he would no longer be in great danger or would they keep him because he still looked similar enough to serve as a target?

"And?" It was Wufei's turn to question. Trowa wanted to thank him and it was because no details were ever revealed unless they were pursued further. Wufei looked like the only one willing to pursue it

"Where's the body?" Heero finally spoke up and all heads present save for Trowa's whipped toward him. He could just imagine Duo and Wufei giving Heero a reprimanding look. At least Heero was gutsy enough to bring it up. It was enough of a confirmation that they knew something he didn't.

"We don't have the whole body itself," Une answered, trying to sound professional but looking disturbed. "We're missing parts... a lot of parts."

Trowa looked up to find Wufei's head drop to his folded hands. That was it then. His question was already answered and yet part of him wanted to pursue the matter further. He had a dim hope that somehow, his conclusions were his alone and that whatever theories he had were completely false. Quatre could still be alive.

"Explain 'parts'," he said, trying to be as brief and direct to the point as he could.

Sally hesitated for a moment before she cleared her throat. He observed Wufei's hand finding its way to hers underneath the table, most likely to give her the support she needed. It was a bad sign.

"So far we're retrieved his torso and two legs," she said. "They were frozen when we found them in an abandoned lab facility, somewhere close to L3."

"The results came in this morning," Une added. "We're certain it's him."

Trowa nodded and stood up just as images of his mangled, decapitated husband came to mind. Three years of waiting and trying to find answers had finally come to an end. He didn't know how to react. It was too surreal. He didn't know what was better, never finding any answers or finding out the awful truth. It was horrifying to say the least.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."

Une sounded sincere and he was sure she was. Sally was apologetic too despite not taking part in any wrongdoings against him or Quatre. They were all apologetic. He had to wonder why the innocents always took the blame for something out of their hands. It was just like his husband, now that he thought about it. He was the guy who apologized for apologizing, as Duo once described him. Trowa smiled at the thought.

He walked out the door, ignoring the sounds of Duo's quiet sobbing and Wufei's angry mutterings. At least they knew how to react to the news. He simply stood there in absolute silence, not knowing what to do. He only wondered what Heero was doing.

He didn't know how long he stood there and he didn't know where he was, not until he felt several pairs of arms wrapped around him. It was obvious who the owners of the arms were. They were never really touchy guys but the impact of the news was a little more than disturbing. Just how many people were sick enough to do such a thing?

"You knew something but didn't tell me," Trowa stated in a whisper. He didn't have to ask because he already knew. He was completely overwhelmed and yet he was surprised by how clam he was.

"You were all busy this morning. I could tell there was something wrong. It was in the newspaper, wasn't it? I don't really keep up with the news so that must be it."

Nobody was answering him but he decided to continue in the same soft and even voice. He didn't know if they were even hearing him above their sounds of mourning but he had to talk. His lack of a more humane reaction was unnerving him.

"You saw it didn't you, the pictures? It must have been too terrifying to describe even. He... I want him checked."

He felt them let go of him. They probably thought he was starting to talk nonsense. He couldn't blame them. They knew nothing of what was going on in his head.

"I want him checked!" he suddenly said and ran forward.

"Oh, shit!" he heard Duo say. "Who's 'he'?"

"No way in hell," was the last thing he heard. He knew Heero would be the first to find out.

He made two turns before ending up in front of the same door he knew was the right one and all but dismantled the offending doorknob in his rage. He saw Quatre taking a nap on the couch and hurled a chair across the room to wake him up. It was difficult to see someone he knew wasn't really there. It was like stepping into an illusion that filled the need and yet took away twice as much. He was Quatre but he would never really be his deceased husband.

He smashed his fist against a wall and this time, Quatre's eyes immediately snapped open to regard him.

"Trowa?" he asked.

Before Trowa could come any closer, Heero was already there to block him off. He was serious and it was obvious that Heero was too. Aside from the quick swipe of his hand through his red eyes, nobody would have known that Heero Yuy was crying.

Quatre looked at him with a puzzled expression from behind Heero.

"I want him checked!" Trowa said as loud as he could. By that time, a small crowd was gathering by the broken door.

"There's no way you're getting your hands on him," Heero answered in a tone so cold it made Quatre wonder.

"Out of the way Heero," he said. "I want to know who he is."

"Trowa, what's wrong?" Quatre braved to ask. He looked a lot more concerned than he did many times before but it was obvious that he didn't know what was going on. "Is there something..."

Trowa's hand went to cover his face.

"Stop it!" he said.

"Stop what Trowa?" Quatre asked while Heero chose to remain silent. He didn't say anything but he wasn't leaving his position either.

"Stop it. I can't stand it!" Trowa said again.

Duo and Wufei had finally caught up by then and were trying to push the onlookers back. Wufei wasn't in any mood to deal with them and barked orders instead before putting the dismantled door back together. It wasn't perfect but at least it gave them a little more privacy. Duo, on the other hand, was preparing to restrain Trowa if need be. From Heero's position shielding Quatre, it was not unthinkable that he was going to move forward. Trowa was a dangerous man, especially when it came to Quatre.

"I can't stand it," Trowa said again, this time softer than he did before.

"What is it Trowa? What can't you stand?" Quatre asked as gently as he could.

It was then that Trowa collapsed to the ground and sobbed uncontrollably on the floor. Nobody could really understand what he was saying although the repeated phrase eventually became clearer.

"I can't stand it," he kept on whispering between sobs. "...the way you say my name."