Memento [Part Thirteen]
The room was warm, which was partly good for him but no matter how much he tried, he couldn't lift his head up from the table. It had been hiding on top of his folded arms ever since he positioned himself in the snack room's table. It was soothing in some way but it meant that he was not doing his job. He had to wonder if he were to be fired if they found him loafing on the job. Break time was over more than a few hours ago and yet, he felt more comfortable there than anywhere else.
"You've been here all afternoon."
Trowa did not move to indicate that he heard the statement and did not even look up to acknowledge his newest companion. All he noticed was the omnipresent squeak as the door swung open and the soft tap of boots reverberating on the linoleum floor. Perhaps somebody had been sent to find him. He did need to get back to work but the way his head was nestled in his arms was much too tempting, much more pleasant than doing anything else.
"You never told us what happened."
It was more a demand than a simple statement. Trowa knew he didn't keep very many things from his comrades although this matter didn't have much to do with secrecy. It was a matter of sanity. Since the day he witnessed Quatre's sudden transformation, he had yet to figure out the nuts and bolts. Nothing made very much sense.
"If it would make you stop brooding, you should skip work and go visit him."
Ah, it was Heero alright. He was concerned without being too obvious. It would have sounded insensitive coming from someone else.
"I can't."
"And why not?"
Trowa had to remind himself of the reason.
"He's avoiding me," he answered, the sound of his muffled voice seeming to him like he'd just regressed to childhood. "...quite literally too."
Trowa heard the sound of the chair scratch against the floor. It appeared he wasn't going to be left alone.
"What happened?"
They were demands rather than words of sympathy. Trowa supposed he sounded just like Heero at times but it was unnerving when it wasn't coming from him.
"He brought me up with him on the roof."
"...and pushed you off the ledge," Heero continued for him.
Trowa raised his head in annoyance and looked at Heero with a bit of anger. He wanted to be taken seriously and for some reason, Heero decided to sound more like an unwanted antagonist than a helping ear.
"Don't look at me like that," Heero said in response to his display. "It was the only way to get your head off the table. Now talk to me properly. Just because Quatre has taken to writing himself notes, does not mean that you should start acting like a child."
Trowa leaned on his chair and then crossed his arms, the once annoyed look replaced with mild disinterest. Sometimes Heero was a little too harsh.
"Like I said earlier, he brought me up with him on the roof. We were having a pleasant conversation when all of a sudden, he suggested that I stop visiting him," Trowa said, relaying his story in two sentences.
"Am I supposed to fill in the gaps? Trowa, I'm concerned as much as you are and if you don't be more specific, this information would be useless for me."
Useless for Heero? It was already useless for him. He doubted that anyone could even make use of it. Trowa stood up for the first time in two hours and refilled his cup with hot tea. He really didn't want to relay it verbally, just replay the scenario in his head.
"He was showing me the maps he made to find his way around," Trowa started, taking a seat and relaying to Heero the incident that had him confused. "The old folks taught him how to make them. Apparently, they get lost a lot too."
"Old folks?" Heero inquired.
"I guess I haven't told you," Trowa answered. "He got fired from his job a few weeks ago since he'd become absent-minded. For some reason, his performance was deteriorating. He said he started forgetting things, so much that he couldn't really work anymore."
"So how did he end up with the old folks?"
"Lara brings him with her when she works. She didn't want him to hide himself home all day. I think it was a good idea. He does look better now than when he refused to leave his room. At least her patients in the nursing home teach him a few tricks to help him get by."
"Get by," Heero voiced out. "You make it sound like he's incapacitated."
"He practically is," Trowa answered and then sipped his tea. "He does get sick still but now he gets too confused to do anything simple. I was told that he even gets irritable at times."
"Irritable enough to tell you he doesn't want to see you anymore?" Heero asked.
"No. He wasn't angry when he said it. He looked more regretful. He was telling me to leave him alone but it looked like he didn't mean it. I can't consolidate what he was really trying to say. It sounded like two different messages in one - leave me but stay."
Trowa had to pause. He couldn't tell what was going on with Quatre or with him for that matter. Did he simply refuse to understand just because he didn't want to stop seeing him? It was difficult from him because he truly didn't want to leave him alone. Quatre had become his obsession. It was hard to let go.
"He called this morning," Heero interrupted. That got Trowa's attention.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he responded automatically.
"He wasn't looking for you," Heero answered. "He didn't even say anything except that he was sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
Before Heero could answer, their conversation was interrupted by two voices coming toward the room. It wasn't that they were particularly loud. Their topic of interest was just too relevant not to notice.
"I know, but there were no organs. It was empty without being cut open. There must haven been something used to empty the body without doing damage to its outer shell."
"But it's too difficult to do. Why would they even bother?"
Trowa watched as the door opened, his eyes focused on the newcomers who obviously had no idea that they were in there. Trowa flicked a stray hair off his eye and looked intently at them.
"Oh, I... we were just..." was the reaction.
Seeing their surprise and apologetic looks, Trowa dismissed them and stirred his tea instead.
"Noin, Sally," Heero greeted.
"I'm sorry. We thought you would have been off your break by now."
"We're supposed to be," Heero answered for them. "He's not fragile. You might as well tell him what you found. He has a responsibility to know about it anyway."
Trowa didn't see it but he sensed that Noin and Sally were looking at him, asking for an unvoiced permission. It was rather rude that they were talking about his deceased husband as if he were nothing but a lifeless specimen. But then, he didn't mind, not really and that alone bothered him more than he wanted. Had he become so detached from the memories of his once life-partner that he would dismiss concerns for him and think instead of the living duplicate? Perhaps that was the case. He couldn't unite the two opposing forces without feeling guilty for one and unsympathetic for the other.
"I have to go."
It was the coward's way out. He left without asking questions, dismissing whatever relevant facts were there about his once Quatre. It was too disturbing. Besides, he was gone now and only the living replacement remained. He thought it best to do things one by one and right now, he had to stick with what was there. It was too difficult and too painful to piece together the shattered remnants of what was no longer present. At least he could maybe be absolved of his past transgressions if he saved this new entity.
"Oh, and don't forget to tell Trowa his boots are untied. He might trip over it later."
Trowa turned around faster than his balance could manage and held on firmly to a chair so as not to fall over. The sound, it was familiar although faint in his memories. He wondered what was going on. It was such an offensive way of relaying a joke.
"Where the hell did that come from?" Trowa asked, stressing the words one at a time. He couldn't take his eyes away from the little voice recorder that Heero held in his hand.
"Which one is it, Trowa?" Heero asked, ignoring Trowa's question and holding out the device in full view.
"What do you mean which one?" Trowa had to clarify although he was already outraged.
"Which Quatre?"
Of course he knew which one it was. It was the same voice that whispered to him sweet nothings every night. The same voice he'd never forget.
"I know which one it is Heero so you better tell me right now why you have it and where you got it."
"Not yet," Heero answered. He was obviously testing his patience. Even Sally and Noin had taken to staying quiet so as not to anger him further.
"Listen again," Heero said before pushing the play button.
"Geez Quat," a second voice said from the voice recorder. "Trowa's a big boy. You should be looking out for yourself. I hear that Walta guy's sitting next to you during the conference. The man's a giant. He'll crush you if he falls over. Besides, I'm sure Tro's going to want your cute little tush in one piece at the end of the day."
The voice was all Duo and yet it carried the essence of Quatre.
"And which asshole had dared record that?" Trowa asked calmly, taking a seat and looking at everyone present.
"The same one that left it with the body," Heero answered just as calmly.
"He was being watched," Trowa concluded, his mind coming up with unheard of punishments for the people responsible for it.
"No."
He diverted his attention away from Heero and looked at Noin. She always knew more than any of them. She was the head of the investigation after all.
"No?" Trowa asked, impatiently waiting for the answer.
"He wasn't the one being watched. From what I've gathered, it appears that it was you they were after."
Trowa stood up and rubbed his forehead. He was confused. Why didn't they take him instead? He couldn't even, in his worst nightmares imagine what it was like for Quatre.
"Where's Wufei and Duo?" he decided to ask. It was not acceptable that the other two were missing. They had the right to know the details after all.
"Wufei had to bring Duo home. He couldn't handle it."
"Handle what?" Trowa asked.
"You better sit down."
"Do you want to hear it?" Sally asked with caution evident in her voice. Of course, the answer was going to be a yes but she didn't look like she wanted to tell him. But still, he had to hear it. He'd been avoiding the matter long enough.
"Tell me but hold the details."
It was clear enough which details he wanted out. Noin nodded before offering him the seat next to Heero and Sally. She opened up one of the folders she had in hand. From the look on her face, it was evident that she had already done the drill and had probably relayed the information while he was gone.
"There were a few of those tapes," Noin started. "The tape Heero just played was one of the many we found. All of them are labeled by time, day, year and event. Here are some of those titles."
Trowa took the paper and looked at the long list, his stomach turning as he read some of them. It ranged from everything such as 'Trowa brushing his teeth - 10pm - November 3rd AC197' to 'Trowa making love to Quatre on yacht - 3am - December 29th AC198'. It wasn't just appalling; it was plain sick the way their privacy was invaded. Not just that, most of them were private moments, those that nobody had the right to invade.
"Those were the ones embedded in the stomach."
Trowa held up his hand. It was exactly the kind of information he didn't want to hear about. He already felt sick. Fortunately, Noin understood his request and stopped herself from saying anything more.
"These," Noin continued, holding out another list. "...were found elsewhere."
Trowa read the list again, fearing the worst. Unlike the first list, this one caused him to seethe in anger. It was so ruthless it broke his heart. 'Quatre crying for Trowa to come - 2pm - June 15th AC200'. His eyes unconsciously started blurring the words as if they didn't exist. It may have been tears but he wasn't sure. The list constituted the events that took place after Quatre had disappeared. Trowa checked the last entry on the list. It was AC202, the same year Quatre's status had been changed from missing to deceased.
Trowa dropped his head again on his folded arms. This time Heero was more sympathetic and had taken to keeping silent. He wasn't crying although he guessed it would have been appropriate. He should have been angry, outraged, and out of control but that wasn't him. Instead he felt tired; tired because he knew it wasn't over yet. There were still so many things to figure out, one of which was the identity of the bastard who had done it. He wondered if he was going to be able to sleep that night.
===
"And she said it still didn't make much sense to her and I told her that I wanted to leave it alone for now but no, she insisted that it was necessary. You should know how she is, Tro. She didn't want to leave me alone. She even pulled me off the bed and kicked me out of the house. It was a good thing too or else I would've been in a bad mood for the rest of the day. So, how are you holding up?"
It was 3am and the only thing keeping him occupied was Duo's vibrant attitude coming in through the vid-phone. His voice was the best indication that he wasn't going to be left alone. It was good. He liked it when Duo kept him company during the ungodly hours of the morning.
"Obviously not too well," someone else answered for him.
It was unusual but Wufei was in on the conversation as well. The screen was divided up into three equal parts so that Duo, Wufei and Heero's sleepy but anxious faces were displayed before him. None of them could sleep and it was acceptable considering their case. Duo had called him up at midnight, inquiring about his well-being when he admitted quite despondently that he had trouble going to sleep. Not long after, he found himself discussing anything and everything with the three other people on the other end of the line.
"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Trowa," Duo said, making sure to point it out to Wufei. "So, Trowa, what's the answer?"
"I think I'll be fine," Trowa answered truthfully. The prognosis wasn't good before he went to bed but now that he had the chance to talk about it, things were a lot better.
"Good. Then Hilde will be glad to hear about it."
Trowa noticed Duo's voice disappear from the screen and then heard his loud yell of 'Hilde, Trowa said he'll be fine.' It was responded to by a 'Tell me about it tomorrow, Duo. I was finally falling asleep and tell Trowa I'll come by tomorrow and bring him anything he wants."
Not long after, Duo's face came back into view.
"Hilde said..." he started but was then interrupted by Wufei.
"We know!" he exclaimed. "How could you two be so loud and perky before the sun has risen?"
"We're lively people," Duo answered enthusiastically. "Say, Heero, are you falling asleep or what?"
Trowa looked at Heero's face on the screen. Only, it wasn't there. It was facing away from them as if he were busy doing something.
"He must have dazed off although I don't know how with your loud yammering," Wufei suggested but Trowa chose to ask Heero directly.
"Heero, what are you doing?" he asked. Whatever it was he was doing looked important if he wasn't taking part in the conversation. Even Trowa was forced to rattle on about useless things only to keep the conversation going.
"I almost got it," Heero answered, confirming that he wasn't asleep.
"Got what?" Duo asked, his face looking as if he were scrutinizing what Heero was doing over his shoulder.
"If you all keep it down for two seconds, I just might get it."
They complied. Trowa had to wonder what was going on. He couldn't imagine how Heero could stay focused on doing something when it was obviously time for bed. He even couldn't keep his head straight.
"Got it," Heero said after a while, raising his head so that they could see him clearly from the screen. He looked intense but it was a little hard to take him seriously when he was obviously in the nude. They still couldn't get used to the fact that he slept in nothing at all.
"I figured out who sent the scrambled message," Heero announced.
"Was it the warning from the abandoned colony?" Wufei asked.
"Exactly."
Trowa looked at the screen with interest. At last, it was a topic about something completely different. Perhaps it was Heero's way of diverting his attention from the subject matter they would rather not have brooded about.
"So who sent it?"
"Someone not stationed far away from here. He did a sloppy job of covering himself. The message came from a clinic, from the private line of a Dr. Marion..."
Trowa blinked. Where did he hear that name before?