Memento [Part Nineteen]
"...apraxia, impaired motor functioning; agnosia, inability to recognize and name objects and persons; impairment in memory, planning and abstract reasoning ..."
Trowa nodded, half-heartedly listening to what the Preventer medical team had to say. He lacked sleep and was sure that his friends were just as tired. In fact, Duo was already dozing off despite the dirty looks some of the doctors were sending his way. Heero was attentive although Trowa was sure that he was sleeping with his eyes open. There were really only two people listening to the lecture.
"This can wait until later," Wufei growled, his eyes red from lack of sleep. "I can assure you that I heard every word of your explanation and I will prove it to you later by reciting it flawlessly after you've given us some time to rest."
"I second that," Duo groaned from his position with his eyes still closed. "I didn't hear a word any of you said."
Trowa nodded, choosing not to voice his agreement while Heero continued to glare at the appropriate direction. A hushed snore would come out of him every now and then.
"Very well," one of the doctors finally agreed. "But since at least one of you listened, I don't see the need for us to meet again. Get some sleep."
Duo was the first out the door, disappearing before any of them could schedule a meeting to discuss the case. Wufei had been less hurried as he excused himself, leaving Trowa to haul Heero out on his own. Trowa would have protested the responsibility, but he was too tired to do so and surrendered to his fate instead.
Ten minutes of pulling an unconscious Heero later, Trowa found himself in front of Quatre's assigned room. He did not know what compelled him to visit when he was half-coherent, but he was there anyway. He paused before knocking on the door and then walked in the room with apprehension, imagining horrible scenarios in his head that only made him more fearful of visiting their newest patient. Trowa kept his eyes to the floor knowing that it would be the only way to avoid seeing Quatre helpless and restrained. He'd proven himself a handful before they had brought him to their facilities and it was with reluctance that he accepted their medical team's decision to restrain him.
That was the reason why he was surprised when he found the bed empty. He had conjured up in his imagination an image of Quatre laying prostate on the bed with hands and ankles pinned down. True, the restraints were still on the bed, but the person who was supposed to be on the receiving end was nowhere near it.
"It was rather rude of you to have me tied up," a voice sounded from somewhere to his left.
Trowa looked up to the source of the voice and found the missing patient. Quatre was comfortably seated on the windowsill just enough to hold his petite frame. He had one foot flat on the sill with his knees bent all the way to his chest. His other foot was flat against the wall adjacent to the one he was currently leaning on. Although it was a precarious position, he looked quite at ease with the way he was seated.
"I thought you were going to give me free reign to do what I wanted after I've had some rest," he added while looking out the window.
Trowa walked toward him, studying the reflection on the window. Quatre's face looked contemplative, not mad at him for forgetting their agreement. Still, the image before him looked broken, not more than physically he supposed. Quatre's golden hair was limp against a face that no longer held much luster. His arms were thin, too thin against a body that was equally as gaunt. The shirt he was wearing would have probably fallen off his shoulders if not for the fact that he'd pulled it forward to prevent just that. Drawstring bottoms that were barely hanging off his bony hips completed the ensemble.
"I was warned that you would be unmanageable if you were free," Trowa answered.
"I'm free now. Do you find me unmanageable?" Quatre asked, turning to face him. Although the rest of his body was clearly falling apart, his eyes were as daring as he'd remembered them. He looked ready for a verbal argument if he was given the chance.
"I suppose not," Trowa said before making himself comfortable on the abandoned bed. "But I should be more worried about how you'd managed to get yourself out of the bed in the first place."
Quatre held up his wrists, presenting him with the most logical answer to his inquiries. His wrists were thin, probably thin enough to slide through the restraints, but it was not that simple. It never was.
"You talked your way out of it," he concluded, remembering just how well Quatre could convince people. He could so easily seduce them to his side of an issue. He had always been a cunning politician that way, certainly not someone to trifle with.
"I could barely get myself out of bed," Quatre admitted. "My body's betraying me faster than I could keep up. There was naturally only one way to survive the battle," he explained, pointing a finger to his head. "The mind is quite a powerful tool."
"So you've demonstrated," Trowa responded, leaning back with his palm flat on the bed. He moved his fingers against the soft material beneath them and fought the urge to bury his nose into the mattress that had once held Quatre. He was sure that his essence still lingered there. He supposed it was inevitable for him to admit that he had an affinity for this Quatre, the novel entity that fascinated him just as much as the first.
"You came here expecting something," Quatre said as he turned his head back to look outside the window. Only the endless rows of green trees greeted his eyes, the inevitable result of headquarters being hidden somewhere far from urbanized civilization. It was probably a nuisance for someone who was forced to be imprisoned within walls that were intended to keep him safe. Trowa knew the arrangement was unfair, but Quatre did not seem to protest. In fact, he almost looked resigned to his fate.
"I expect a lot of things when I seek you out," Trowa replied, relinquishing his hold on the sheets. Tempted any further and he would have hidden himself within the layers. He hadn't really had much sleep and the idea of being surrounded by Quatre's scent was very inviting.
"I imagine I've disappointed you again."
The hint of regret in the other's voice was subtle, but it was still deafening to Trowa's ears.
"It can't be helped if you're forgetting things. I imagine that it's difficult to fight your body's will."
"But I could at least help you ease your worries. The lady who came to visit me earlier told me about a case you were working on. It was not hard to figure out what she was trying to say."
Trowa immediately reached forward when he noticed Quatre stand up and attempt to walk to the table not too far away from him. He assisted Quatre as the other half-limped to the desk and was surprised when he saw the materials scattered on top of the table. Quatre must have been busy before he came in to visit.
"I opened up my suitcases and found all these. I can't tell you what they are since I don't recognize any of them, but it should at least give you some clues to help your case."
Trowa nodded slowly, surprised that Quatre had managed to pack several important items before he'd been hauled to the hospital. He had to ask Duo if he was aware of any of the items. He'd packed the bags himself halfway through and didn't remember placing anything in there but several sets of clothing.
There were several hand-drawn maps on the table, most of them looking ordinary but many of them unfamiliar. He was aware that Quatre had drawn maps to get around places ever since his memory for directions started deteriorating, but he'd never thought about using them as clues.
"This would be useful," Trowa murmured while looking through the materials scattered on the desk. There were maps, doctor's prescriptions, and a few blueprints of machines Quatre had probably worked on at his last job.
"Aren't you going to ask me anything?" Quatre asked softly as he continued to look through the papers before him. The question forced him to look up. Quatre's question may have been sensible, but it was still unexpected. He paused for a moment before answering.
"No," he said, sounding like he was testing the feel of the answer on his tongue. "I'm sure you've been questioned enough before I arrived." He did, in fact, feel the need to ask several questions, but he was sympathetic enough not to. Quatre had probably been questioned endlessly by Une earlier. It was only proper that he would not be forced to go through the same interrogation, especially when he did not remember much.
"I'm not adverse to answering questions if they came from you," Quatre purred.
Trowa's response was to tense. The statement was said in a way that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. There was just something in the tone of voice that seemed like he was being baited. He looked up to find Quatre's nonchalant expression, but he could swear that he heard the taunting challenge behind it.
"Then tell me why you keep on apologizing," he said, finding his request very appropriate at a time when the other seemed willing to answer. In addition, he was curious as to why Quatre constantly asked for pardon as if he had done some serious transgression.
"I don't know," Quatre said and then pulled out a chair to sit. Any more standing and he would have fallen over. His legs did not look sturdy enough to support him. "It seems like I owe you an apology, a very big one."
Trowa continued to examine the clues on top of the desk, satisfied with the answer for the time being. At least he was sure that Une did not reveal anything to Quatre when she had visited him earlier. Otherwise, he would have been more worried than he already was.
For some reason, he was no longer at ease with Quatre. He could not get himself to trust the man currently in the room with him because Quatre was now a relative being, an arbitrary entity that took on many personalities. The man next to him was neither the reserved engineer he had been acquainted with nor the husband he had been searching for. This Quatre felt like someone else.
"How are you feeling?" Trowa asked if only to change the subject to one he was comfortable with. How strange Quatre was behaving was a closed case for the time being. Perhaps he was just too tired to even contemplate the possibilities.
"Confused," Quatre answered, settling his hand on top of the table. His bony arms looked like they could so easily be snapped in half, but Trowa knew the power behind the frail appearance.
"That was the last answer I was expecting," he said, keeping aloof so as not to be suspected. He decided to take a seat as well. The least he could do was listen to what the other had to say and perhaps discover a few things he could not do so by simply observing him.
"I don't remember much," Quatre started thoughtfully. "It gets frustrating. I end up depressed most days. At the same time I feel agitated, like I want to do something. That's when I get irritable and start throwing things. It helps, you know. It helps a little bit before I fall into another depression. After that, all that remains is a feeling of indifference as if nothing really matters anymore."
Quatre let out a hollow laughter, one that made Trowa wince inwardly. Truly, there were things so much worse than physical pain. The state of confusion was aggravating and he had no doubt that it could drive anyone insane. He was experiencing it himself and he could very well attest to its difficulty.
For the time being, he allowed himself to sympathize with Quatre's situation. That was, until Quatre smirked his way, looking almost sinister, like he knew something he did not want to tell.
"I find you strange," Trowa admitted despite feeling wary of his companion. He tried to remember snippets of the lecture the Preventer medical team had forced him to listen to earlier. There was something specific mentioned that did not make much sense. "You should be loosing your ability to reason," he proclaimed, sure that it was one of the symptoms. "There's no way you should be able to do so and yet it's as if you're almost daring me to challenge you."
Quatre laughed again, this time with a hint of amusement. He looked at Trowa as if he had just said something absurd, something that was completely impossible.
"My ability to reason is the last thing I'm letting go of," Quatre said, serious all of a sudden. "I still have a lot of work to do and until I finish my ultimate task, I won't stop." The second statement was left unanswered.
The sudden declaration made Trowa frown. He recognized the steel resolve in the other's voice. It almost made him proclaim that he had caught Quatre red-handed. He wanted to ask the other what his plans were and how exactly he was going to execute them. He was deadly curious but stopped himself from asking any more until his suspicions were confirmed.
"I should gather all this evidence and leave you to rest," Trowa said hesitantly before picking up the papers on the table. After stuffing them unceremoniously into a bag, he made his way to the door, intending to leave as quickly as possible.
"You should get some rest yourself," Quatre said while smiling sweetly at him. "I doubt that you'd gotten any sleep after having to deal with me."
"Sure," Trowa said, hurried. "But," he paused before closing the door. "Before I go, I have to ask you... Do you know who I am?"
"I don't recognize you," Quatre replied honestly. "My mind can't supply a name or a memory, but my intuition becomes useful in situations such as these."
Hearing that bit of information, Trowa left Quatre in peace and hurried to drop off the collected items at the nearest conference room. He knew he would be spending the rest of his waking hours there.
As he looked for an empty room to occupy, he was distracted with doubts about the Quatre they had brought to their facilities. For some reason, he was wary of their ward. He did not know what exactly triggered the strange response. He presumed that it must have been Quatre's teasing voice. He knew his husband to be a very cunning man and whatever he had planned, nobody could predict. That made him a dangerous enemy and Trowa hoped that he was not one.
He slapped the back of his neck a couple of times and tried to convince himself again and again that Quatre was not the culprit behind his own disappearance. It couldn't be. He had no reason to do so.
===
A good sleep and a long shower did Trowa a world of good. After opening his eyes to the quickly setting sun, he had managed to grab a snack and make himself presentable before looking for his comrades. It was not until he literally bumped into Hilde in the corridors that he found out that the others had already set up a meeting place without him. Hilde had chastised him about sleeping longer than Duo, but had graciously directed him to where the others were located.
Trowa thanked her and promised that he would not keep Duo away for too long. He knew why she was there late at night and felt a bit jealous that Duo had someone to wait for him when they were finished. He had his suspicions that Hilde, like them, was spending her nights and days in the Preventer headquarters until they made a breakthrough in the case. It was difficult, but it was a burden they were willing to bear.
"Tro, nice of you to join us," Duo said cheerfully as he opened the door to the conference room. "We should punish you for waking up too late, but since you brought us very lovely materials, I convinced these two to let it go."
Trowa blinked, remembering the evidence he had left in the room earlier. It was apparent that his friends had started looking through them. In fact, Wufei was already in the process of dissecting every single map on the desk while Heero flipped through several blueprints.
"I see you've found them," he said, addressing the two who were far too serious after a supposedly restful break.
"They wanted to get on it, but I told them that we should wait for you," Duo whispered to him. "Care to tell me where you got these?"
"Quatre," he answered and then took up the seat opposite Duo's. "I checked up on him before going to bed."
"Aww, you didn't take me with you!" Duo complained.
Before Trowa could explain just why he could not drag Duo half-asleep with him, a knock reverberated from the closed door. Wufei, being the closest to it, opened the door to find two people on the other end. One of them, Trowa was sure, none of them wanted to see standing up.
"Greetings," Une said. "I have a guest for you. I am sure you will accommodate him quite nicely."
Heero stood up, the sound of his chair hitting loudly against Wufei's empty seat indicating his disapproval of Une's companion.
"He should be resting," he said with concern.
"It would be in your best interest if he was here zero-one. Otherwise, you will never figure out your case." Their superior was as strict as always and with the use of their codenames, Trowa knew that her word was final. He looked at her companion and frowned as he realized that he was leaning against the doorway. It was obvious that he could not hold himself up properly. It was a wonder how he made it through the long walk from his bedroom to the conference room.
Since protesting Une's decision was not an option, Trowa rose from his seat to guide their guest to take a seat with them. Quatre looked like he was going to topple over any time soon.
"He can't even hold himself upright!" Heero said the obvious. Duo could only watch the events unfold before him. Trowa knew that he too disapproved of Une's decision, but he was not willing to voice out his opinions on the matter. It had been a while since he had seen Quatre. Trowa was sure that the sight of his best friend alone prompted Duo to keep from agreeing with Heero.
He looked at Duo, trying to evaluate his mood. Duo nodded briefly at him, but looked guilty for agreeing that Quatre should be there with them. It was with utter delight and an ounce of guilt that he helped Trowa seat their friend.
"I've missed you," Duo whispered to Quatre's ear as they sat him down at the head of the table, the only spot no one had dared occupy since Quatre's disappearance.
Quatre did not react and instead nodded to plainly accept the statement. Trowa was sure that he did not remember who Duo was, but he was courteous enough to accept the heart-felt admission. In the background, Heero and Une continued their banter.
"None of you have the skill to figure this out no matter how hard you try," Une said, earning a very dangerous glare from Wufei. True, Quatre was skilled when it came to such matters but they all had a decent amount of experience to handle such situations. They were a very tactical team with the accuracy only a few were willing to contend with.
"That is not the point," Heero said, holding himself back from screaming.
"One last time before my body gives up on me," Quatre suddenly spoke up all of a sudden. Whatever else Heero wanted to say died on his lips. "It was my request," he started again. "I don't remember much anymore or who any of you are, but I could at least help you figure out what you can't. That is probably the only thing I could do for you right now."
Trowa looked away from all of them, feeling a bit of sorrow at the meaning behind those words. Quatre knew he wouldn't last much longer and it was nothing short of devastating to hear it from his own lips. At the same time, he was still wary that this Quatre was planning to deceive them.
"...only if it is not an inconvenience for you," Wufei was the first to speak up. "We will only allow you to help us if you feel that it is not an obligation."
"Of course it's not an inconvenience," Quatre answered. "I'm sure he can confirm that." He pointed at Heero which caused all the attention in the room to be diverted to him.
Heero was frowning, but he sighed when Quatre cocked his head to the side as if to dare him to say otherwise. Trowa watched as his headstrong friend sat back down on his chair and ignored his superior. His combative mood seemed to die down instantly and his resolve to keep Quatre safe in his room was shattered.
"Whatever you say Quatre," Heero said while rubbing his forehead.
All it took was the simple statement from Heero for Une to leave them alone. However, Trowa had no choice but to raise an elegant brow at the statement. Quatre may have not known who any of them were but he did know how to manipulate them. On top of that, the annoying homing device when it came to Heero was still clearly there.
"Wow Heero, you're obviously whipped!" Duo finally spoke up as he sat back down on his chair. He had a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
Heero did not answer but instead sent Duo a warning look.
"First things first," Quatre spoke up again, indicating that they were about to begin. Revealed in his open palm was a pad of sticky notes and a pen. "I want you to tell me your names," he said, getting ready to write the information down. Trowa had to admit that Quatre had the amazing ability to cope with his handicap.
"Duo!" Duo spoke out excitedly and then raised his hand. Quatre seemed to be amused as he wrote the name on a sticky note and stuck it on Duo's shirt with just as much enthusiasm.
Trowa sighed, looking down at his folded hands. He was completely puzzled. He did not know what it was he should be feeling. While he loved Quatre dearly, both his husband and his engineer identity, Trowa could not help but be wary of him. Quatre was clever, too clever sometimes that it made figuring him out all the more complicated. Sometimes he wished that none of the mess ever happened.
"Trowa," he said his name next without looking up.
"I like that name," Quatre murmured while writing it down.
"You gave it to me," Trowa simply said before excusing himself to get a cup of tea - with honey of course.