"Okay Katsuragi, time to apologise…" she whispered to herself. She swiped her key card through the door scanner, opening the door with a rush of compressed air.
She heard another door open from inside the apartment, followed by the excited waddle of penguin feet on carpet. PenPen rushed around the corner into the hallway, warking happily.
"Hey there boy," she said, smiling despite herself. The pure adoration PenPen gave her (or at least the grocery bag that contained his food for the next week) was enough to hold any nagging problems at bay. She walked into the kitchen and placed the bag on the table, pulling out two cups of Shinji's favourite ramen, a razor and some shaving cream.
It had started a few nights ago, when Misato had been staring at her roommate for lack of anything better to do. At the time Shinji was wearing the same uniform, had the same hairstyle and the same look of concentration she had grown accustomed to as he studied for his end of year final exams. Yet something about him had been different.
It was only when Shinji looked up from his study texts that she realised what seemed so strange about him. A fine line of hair, not even thick enough to be called fuzz, could be seen on the outline of his chin. Shinji had finally started growing some facial hair, although several years later than his peers at school.
Which had, in traditional Katsuragi fashion, led to teasing on a variety of subjects ranging from his late blooming to his raging hormones. Having had one too many Yebisus for one night, Misato had not realised when the teasing had gone beyond making him embarrassed to making him angry. He had been deliberately avoiding her since then.
Placing the cups of ramen into the microwave, she switched the power gauge from "reheat" up to "boiling hot". Still thinking he was about to be fed, PenPen kept darting around and in-between her legs, warking happily.
"Stop that! I'll cook you up a fish after I see to this," she said, annoyed but still playful.
She guessed that as Shinji's guardian, it was her duty to teach him the stuff that was a father's duty to impart to his son: how to shave, how to knot a tie, how to fish…. Well, maybe she could pawn off the fishing one to PenPen. He probably knew more about the subject than she did.
The microwave alarm dinged and the door popped open. Carefully taking out her peace offering to Shinji, she headed towards Shinji's Lovely Suite.
"I'm coming in!" Misato yelled, knocking on the door.
"DON'T!" Shinji screamed in panic from behind the door. "I'M…."
It was too late. Misato had already begun to slide open the door before Shinji had even opened his mouth. PenPen slipped past her legs and into the room, slipping through while the door was only half-open.
She tried to shut her eyes, but the sight before her forced them wide open again. She had thought that maybe he was getting dressed, but she was wrong. Close, but wrong.
Shinji was lying on his bed, pants removed and boxers hanging around his ankles. Both hands were covering his manhood, all the blood in his body currently divided between his 'Master of Ceremonies' and his perspiration-drenched face. Misato's sweatdrop was so large that within a few seconds she was more drenched than he was.
When Shinji had first moved in, she had expected that something like this would happen sooner or later. She had even tried to catch him out on several occasions, with no success. But as the years went by, the prospect had faded. And now that it was upon her, she didn't know what to say.
"Shinji, I…"
"GET OUT!"
"I…" she began, taking a step forward. Right onto PenPen, who was standing there in a state of avian shell shock.
PenPen squawked in pain, trying to get out of her way but knocking straight into her other leg. In the din of cursing and warking that followed, Misato lost her balance and fell forward, sending one of the ramen cups flying through the air.
Shinji had made many bad decisions in his time in Tokyo-3. All the times he had ran away from home and battle, killing a friend and accidentally wounding another… all paled in comparison as he lifted his hands from his crotch and caught the scalding Ramen Cup.
He liked his Ramen hot, but Misato had made it boiling hot. The shock of the heat made Shinji fumble the Ramen cup and drop it… straight onto his unprotected Swartz.
"AUUUURGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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JAPANESE RAMEN
Chapter 1: Enter the Stooge…./Insert Witty Second Title Here
By Rion and Seph Khan
An Operation A801 Ordered Production
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The Ball Stealer was a giant oak tree situated just to the side of Tokyo-3 High School's basketball courts. It has earned this dubious title over the years because when a basketball got thrown up into its branches, it was never seen again. Despite complaints from various school teams playing basketball on the Ball Stealer's court over the years, it had never been cut down. Despite all its faults, it still provided a lot of shade for students to sit under while watching a game, something most people except for the basketballers appreciated.
Sitting at the base of the tree amongst the shrubs and bushes were three high school seniors, leaning against the trunk to stay cool before being called in to start the school day. Two enjoyed the shade while the other loathed it, loathing the tree like only one who has been long spited and denied by something can.
"Come on man, spill the beans!" cried out Touji Suzuhara, the unelected (and uncontested) leader of his merry trio.
It had been four days since Shinji had last come to school. He hadn't paid a visit to any of their local hang out points like the ramen stand and the arcade, nor had he been available when they called him at home. The excuses and lead around that Misato gave them was more than enough to provoke both suspicion and worry.
"But…"
"Come on Shinji, we haven't heard word or tale from you in nearly a week. We deserve an explanation," said Kensuke Aida, the bespeckled computer geek with the military fetish from hell.
"Well, it's kind of embarrassing…"
"We're your friends, aren't we?" Said Touji, slapping Shinji on the back with his cybernetic arm. "You should be able to tell us anything!"
"That and we're going to pester you to give in, so you might as well tell us and save yourself a lot of hardship…" Kensuke added, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose in a fashion eerily reminiscent of Shinji's father.
Shinji sighed, knowing that any chance of hiding the sordid details from them was worthless. He couldn't come up with a decent lie even if his life depended on it.
"Alright," he said, "Just as long as you realise I'm swearing you to secrecy…"
"Of course!" The other two chorused, grinning. What they were about to hear ought to be good…
Shinji began to tell his tale of woe and sorrow. At the beginning Kensuke and Touji had to restrain themselves from laughing out loud, but as time went by and the story progressed they had to start fighting back the urge to wince in phantom pain and horror.
"…Dr Akagi said that if Misato hadn't poured beer over it when she did, I would have wound up with third degree burns" he concluded, sighing. Kensuke and Touji crossed their legs and lowered their hands into their laps out of sympathy. All three were silent for a few seconds before Kensuke said what was on everyone's mind.
"Ouch…"
"You've got that right," said Touji, pounded his cybernetic fist behind him against the trunk of the tree to show his support, as well as in retribution for the half court shot it had stolen from him last week.
On the other side of the tree a basketball fell from the branches on high and hit an injured basketballer also in Shinji's class. Taking the basketball in his hand, he looked up in amazement at the braches above.
"Well I'll be damned…"
"You can say that again," said his companion, who had not even been looking at him or the ball. He leaned over to the basketballer and whispered into his ear. "Did you just hear what Shinji Ikari said over there?
"No. Why are you whispering?"
"Just listen…" he said, retelling the story to the best of his ability.
One minute later, the basketballer blinked.
"I thought this sprained ankle was painful, but now…"
"Kenji is going to cack when he hears this," said the whisperer, smirking.
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Five minutes later, on the other side of the school. A small clique of senior girls were chatting amongst themselves by the water fountain.
"You'll never believe what I just heard from Kenji!" said one of them "Shinji Ikari accidentally used lighter fluid the other day as lubricant while jerking off!"
The response from each girl varied.
"Really!? Are you sure?"
"You soooo have to be kidding me…."
"Who's Shinji Ikari?"
"Kenji swears!" said the news bearer, a serious look on her face. "One of his friends overheard Shinji talking about it with the Stooges!"
"That's weird… he never seemed the type…"
"We soooo have to tell everyone about this."
"Stooges? What does an old American show have to do with it?!"
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Ten Minutes later, just at the entrance of Shinji's classroom.
"You so have to hear this man! Shinji sets his pubic hair on fire while masturbating, Purple Monkey Dishwasher!"
"Wow…. that's some serious friction he had going there…"
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Twenty Minutes later…
"And that was 'The Wall' By Pink Floyd" said the Student DJ in the school broadcasting room. Covering his mike, he whispered to his co-host "Who chooses this ancient Gaijin crap anyway?
The co-host shrugged while the supervising Media teacher gestured to keep the show going.
"Oh yes… This next song is dedicated to a very special person. I'm sure he knows who he is…"
The Student DJ cuts the microphone pickup and loads up the song to be played. The opening bars of "I Touch Myself" begin on ever speaker throughout the school.
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And finally, half an hour later in Shinji's classroom. Kensuke and Touji enter on ahead of Shinji, who has had to make a trip to the nurse to refill on ice for his underwear icepack. Much to their amazement, the classroom is near silent, even though the Sensei hasn't arrived yet.
"I don't like the looks of this" whispered Kensuke.
"Act normal, but be ready to run at short notice." Touji whispered back. The two made their way in silence to the back, where they sat in the chairs and waited….
Shinji walked into the classroom to the sound of giggling from a number of the girls. The super human ability that allowed him to know when the joke is on him, even if he didn't know what the joke is about (dubbed "Shinji Sense" by Kensuke) sent tingles down the length of his spine.
Everyone in the class was watching him, either smirking or staring at him in disbelief. Shinji looked to Kensuke and Touji for support, but from the bafflement on their faces had no idea what was going on either..
On some unspoken command a group of boys jumped to their feet and saluted Shinji, fists to chests followed by outstretched arms in the style popularised by last week's World War 2 European history lesson.
"All Hail Lord Ironfists!" they shouted in unison "Heil! Heil!!"
The entire class burst out laughing, with the exception of Kensuke and Touji. Shinji groan was loud but inaudible under the wall of laughter. Shinji clenched his hands into fists and screwed up his eyes in embarrassment.
"God?" Shinji prayed, "Why do you hate me so?"
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Kensuke briefly glanced over at his friend in the other row. Shinji's head was slumped against his computer keyboard, with his hands covering his head. His attempt to hide from the world had met with limited success, as over half of the class was still looking at him.
Kensuke sighed, knowing there was nothing he could for him at the moment. He had tried to message him all morning, but he wasn't responding to any chat prompts. Promising to win the war even though he has lost the current battle, he shut down his link to Shinji's computer and opened up a new chat program, this one connected off the network and onto the Internet. It wasn't long till the person he had been talking to for the past month popped online again and messaged him.
*Kat*: Colonel_Ken? You still there? I miss you! ^x^
Kensuke replied, his fingers typing at speeds even a secretary would blush at.
Colonel_Ken : Sorry…. Just wondering about friend… he looks pretty down…
*Kat*: You mean the Ramen one? That story made me LOL :P
Colonel_Ken: Ah yeah…
Feeling slightly guilty, Kensuke decided perhaps a change of topic was required.
Colonel_Ken: So, how long have we been talking for?
*Kat*: Must be three months now ^_^ Getting tired of me already?
Colonel_Ken : Just wondering, that's all :P
*Kat*: Hey, guess what! My dad finally got the scanner working! You want to see what I look like? :P
Colonel_Ken: What kind of question is that? Of course I do! :-)
*Kat*: Okay then… I'm sending now…
After ten or so seconds, Kensuke's email program started flashing, indicating that he had a new email. Attached to it was a large jpeg image file. Both in dread and anticipation he opened the email and opened the jpeg. '*Kat*' was standing by a lake in a park somewhere in her home country. Contrary to what she had told him, she wasn't ugly in the least. She would never win a supermodel competition of course, but she was still a lot better than what he had mentally pictured her to be.
Colonel_Ken: Why hello there sexy… ^_^
*Kat*: ::Blushes furiously:: Sweetie…
Colonel_Ken : Heh :-)
*Kat*: Well, you know now what I look like… can I have a pic of you?
The moment of truth had arrived for Kensuke. This had gone wrong several times before hand, and he was determined to not let *Kat* get away like the others.
Colonel_Ken : Sending now. Be warned :P
*Kat*: Cool :-)
The email he sent off contained the pic Hikari had taken of the three stooges for Touji's last birthday, and it had turned out surprisingly good (at least the bit with him had). He crossed his fingers, hoping that she wouldn't consider him as bad looking as he had jokingly warned her.
*Kat*: Got it! But there are three guys in this! Which one are you?
Colonel_Ken : I'm the one on the right…
He sat back and waited… and then waited some more. After ten minutes with no reply, the sick feeling in his stomach had grown all the way up to his throat. Fingers shaking, he typed.
Colonel_Ken : You still there?
Within five seconds, he got his reply.
User *Kat* has left chat room. Do you wish to save this session? Y/N
Kensuke sighed and pressed N on his keyboard, heartbroken.
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Touji idly watched the sunset from his position out on the basketball court while he bounced the ball lazily with his right hand. Without skipping a dribble he looked at his watch and then turned his gaze in the direction of his homeroom. He bounced the ball up and tucked it under his right arm.
"Any second now."
Touji spread his feet shoulder width apart and puffed out his chest for added effect. As if on que Hikari Horaki emerged from the classroom and walked over to the boy who was a pillar of confidence moments ago but now just a bumbling idiot. He decided to go for the natural approach and directed a big stupid grin in the direction of the young woman in question.
"Hey babe!"
The glare the rather irate girl tossed him was more than enough of a response for him. His chest deflated and he dropped his basketball that went bouncing off to some undisclosed place on the court. Hikari marched right up to Touji before pulling at his shirt top, bringing him down to her eye level.
"What did I tell you about calling me that on… school… grounds?" She growled.
Touji's mind was spinning. ' Now she emphasised those last two words, what could it mean? Think Touji think! Why did she get so pissed about…'
It clicked. "Oh…"
"Yes… oh."
The boy nervously rubbed the back of his head. "I'm really sorry babe… I forgot about it."
Hikari groaned to herself and started wondering what she had seen in the oaf in the first place. Angrily she tightened her grip on the scruff of his shirt.
"Touji, I'm the class representative, I have to maintain authority no matter if we have a relationship or not. If the other students see you walking all over me they will too. I… WON'T… LET… THAT… HAPPEN!"
Touji was rather concerned now, being that Hikari's hand had moved from his shirt neck to his throat and as squeezing rather tightly at that moment. After a few seconds she released him, straightened herself out and began to walk away.
It then dawned on the young man that he totally forgot to arrange his plans with Hikari for the party at Mana Kirshima's place the following night. Using poor judgement Touji decided to call out instead of trying to catch up to the retreating girl.
"Hikari!" He shouted. "We're still on for Mana's party tomorrow right?!"
Hikari chuckled nervously as several students who were going home from cleanup duty and other extra-curricular activities all looked in her direction. What as the idiot doing?
"Sure I might see you there!" She called back.
Touji spluttered. "B-But I thought…"
Being embarrassed enough Hikari took Touji's lapse to make her escape. Touji hung his head in defeat and slowly went in search of his missing ball. Maybe the following night would hold better prospects for him, if Hikari even decided to show up at all.
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Shinji stepped into the apartment, dropping his bag and stooping down to collect the mail off the floor while slipping off his shoes. Flicking through them he sees they are just the usual items, however for dramatic effect he decides to read them out aloud, knowing full well there is no-one to hear him anyway.
"Power bill, Car payment notice, beer restock reminder, mysterious envelope… hey!"
Shinji examined the white envelope which had their address on it, with both Shinji's and Misato's names on it. All neatly typed so as to not betray the handwriting of the sender, it also didn't have any return address. However from the stamps on it, it came from overseas and from the way it felt there was certainly a card inside.
'I guess I should probably wait for Misato.' He thought to himself. Unlike Misato Shinji didn't open up any mail that wasn't a bill with reckless abandon.
Shinji picked up his bag with one hand and held the mail with the other before dumping the correspondence on the kitchen table on the way to his room. Walking into his room he puts his bag on his desk then pulled his white shirt off and changed into a pair of shorts. Feeling properly attired for 'lounging around' he ventured back into the living room and turned on the television. Intrigued by the noise PenPen wandered out from his fridge.
"Wark?!"
After spending several years with the warm water Penguin Shinji had developed quite a repour with the flightless bird. Slowly it developed into a mutual understanding and was reaching the stage of a full-blown language of head tilts and different tone squawks.
"Super Robot Wars" replied Shinji.
"WARK, WARK!"
The penguin quickly waddled over to the couch and plops himself down next to Shinji. The two settle back as the Divine Wind mechanoid cuts the Lightning Strike bot in half with its katana.
"That Divine Wind bot sure does kick some butt" admired the boy.
PenPen looked at him with narrow eyes. "WARK!"
"No way. Divine Wind would cut up the Sumorizer no challenge."
PenPen slapped his flipper down on the armrest. "WARK!"
The challenge made, Shinji saw his chance. "You're on!"
PenPen held out a flipper that Shinji smacked with his palm. They then both turned back to the television as the Divine Wind bot finished off the Gunslinger as it lay treadless on the ground. Then a tiny roar came from across the arena and a large bot stomped its way towards the smaller one.
"Ah, the Sumorizer has entered the arena and is charging towards Divine Wind. Will its razor sharp katana be enough to cut the thick hide of its opponent?" Cried the announcer on the television.
The large bot collided with the smaller one sending them flying into the side of the arena. Still holding its sword the Divine Wind drove it into the torso of the Sumorizer. Still functioning the Sumorizer picked up the Divine Wind and pile drove it into the floor, pieces of metal and circuitry flying everywhere.
"It looks like it's all over for the Divine Wind. Wait, it's unsheathing its wakazashi. But the Sumorizer sees this and it's… it's… YES! It's the flattener move! Get the recycling bin, there's nothing left!"
Shinji was completely silent as he slowly turned his head towards the beaming penguin who was excitedly slapping his flippers together. Shinji groaned and hung his head in defeat, it just wasn't his day.
"Okay, you win" he sighed.
"WARK, WARK, WARK!"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll get on it. But I'll need a few things first…"
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"I'm home!" Announced Misato as she stepped into the apartment, unceremoniously shrugging off her flight jacket and letting it lay where it drop.
"Welcome home!" Shinji replied from the kitchen, his voice raised above the sounds of cooking.
Again with total disregard for her possessions, Misato kicked off each shoe watching them bounce off the wall and fall directly onto the shoe rack. She punched the air in celebration of her accomplishment then turned her attention back to the kitchen.
"Shinji-kun, what smells so good?"
It's nothing really. I'm just feeding PenPen."
Misato blinked. "Feeding…"
NERV's battle tactician walked into the kitchen to find PenPen at the table being boosted up by several telephone books and wearing a bib. Shinji walked over carrying two large plates of lavishly prepared fish with steamed vegetables and places them in front of the anxious bird who would have been salivating at this point if penguins could.
"…PenPen." Misato concluded in a whisper.
Shinji turned away to return to the sideboard when PenPen piped up in anger.
" WARK!"
"Sorry sir," Shinji sighed. After spending three years being ordered around by Asuka he thought he would be free but the bird had learnt well from his forbearer.
Shinji slammed a can of Yebisu on the table and popped the top. PenPen happily clapped his flippers together before tucking into his meal. The sight was truly one to be envious of and Misato was no exception. Expectantly she sat down at her regular place at the table and waited, eyes closed.
Hearing a clatter of kitchenware Misato opened her eyes to see a bowl of rice with some traces of meat and vegetables on it, looking more like decoration that actual flavour.
"B-But…" Misato stammered.
Shinji gestured with his thumb. "You can thank gobble guts over there."
Both glanced over at PenPen who was gorging himself on all the contents of the fridge rather noisily. Both sighed at the same time and began eating their rice.
"Let me guess, you bet on Robot Wars again didn't you?" Misato asked, her mouth still half full.
"Yes…" The boy whispered, his head hung in shame.
Immediately Misato switched from food to lecture mode. "Shinji you've got to stop doing that. Last time you ended up taking his health needle in his place."
"The swelling is almost gone now." Shinji looked at Misato sheepishly. "I was sure I could win this time."
"Shinji, the Sumorizer never loses. Never."
"It will one day. One day…" Replied Shinji darkly, while looking over at PenPen, his fist clenching and unclenching unconsciously.
The boy then dropped his chopsticks in realisation and walked over to the table and collected the strange envelope from the pile and moved back into the kitchen to a confused Misato.
"I almost forgot. This came in the mail today."
He handed Misato the envelope. The woman examined it for a moment before turning it over. She looked surprised.
"You didn't open it?"
"It was addressed to both of us. I didn't feel right opening it without you."
The woman smiled. "Isn't that sweet?"
"Um, thanks."
Misato's smile widened as she watched the boy begin to blush. Turning her attention back to the envelope, Misato tore it along the top and pulled out a postcard that showed a picture of a European bar with the caption "Munich Beer Hall: If it was good enough for Hitler, it's good enough for you! "
"That's in Germany isn't it?" Asked Shinji who was looking over Misato's shoulder.
Misato rolled her eyes, there was only one person who wound send something like that. "Asuka…" she mused.
Flipping the card over the two began to read the badly scrawled Kanji on the back.
Hi,
I'm coming to Tokyo-3 on important business. Should be there the day after
you receive this postcard. Have my room ready for when I get there. Looking
forward to seeing everyone again.
Except Shinji.
~Asuka.
Shinji frowned while Misato read the message again to make sure she didn't miss anything in the badly written text. Obviously all the time spent away from Japan her language skills had degraded from bad to completely horrible. She had even misspelled her last name.
'Important business, the yearly group synch test isn't due for another two months. I wonder what she means.' Misato thought to herself, stoking her chin.
'Great, I have to move back into the broom closet again.' Shinji thought sourly.
Both people got up from their places and wandered to their respective rooms to mull over the startling new revelation. Hearing their doors slide closed PenPen dropped to the floor, his stomach swollen massively from the intake of food.
The ironic punishment department of Heaven/Hell Industries had done its job well that day.
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The next afternoon Shinji, Touji and Kensuke trudged up to their favourite hangout, a quiet little ramen stall only several blocks from the school called 'Hiroshi's Ramen!' As the three took their usual seats, the aforementioned Hiroshi gave them a quick glance and began preparing their usual meals. The three had been there WAY too often.
"You boys okay?" asked Hiroshi, concern in his voice. Ever since the trio had started coming to his establishment over two years ago, he had bonded with them to the point where he felt like their unofficial older brother of sorts. Especially to the Touji kid, because he always bought the most.
" No…" they answered, sighing in unison. Not only did they come here way too often, they also spent way too much time together as well.
Hiroshi frowned. "Want to talk about it?"
They answered in unison again. "Not really…"
"Come on guys. You've been coming here for about two years now. I think we can trust each other here. I might even be able too help, you know."
"Well… okay," they answered in unison yet again. It was starting to freak him out. Hiroshi waited for their answer but nothing was forthcoming. Then, in a blur it all came out.
"A girl I'm really afraid of yet secretly attracted to is coming back to town for some unknown reason and I really don't want to be put in the really small spare bedroom again!" Shinji whined.
"The girl I really thought was my girlfriend and who seems so caring and understanding just completely snubs me whenever there are people around; it's like she's ashamed of me!" Touji complained.
"I can't even get a girl because I'm so geeky and nerdy looking, man I want a girl, one with a cute face, a nice ass and big round…"
Kensuke stopped as he noticed that Shinji and Touji had ceased their confessions and Hiroshi was no longer cooking. That and they were staring at him in complete silence.
"WHAT?!" blurted Kensuke. "I'm just saying what you're all thinking!"
Everyone else returned to what they were doing earlier, each nodding to himself. The only sounds made were those of Hiroshi's cooking. Finally he turned back to the boys, who were resting their heads on their arms and staring blankly into space. The time had come.
"Well, here's what I think," said Hiroshi.
The boys perked up and turned their attention toward the older man. He focused on Touji.
"I've heard nothing but good things 'bout your class representative you know, Touji. You yourself were beaming when she finally confessed her feelings. She's a sweet girl and you're very lucky."
"I know, I know. But now I've seen this side of her and I don't like it at all. It's weird."
"You know," Hiroshi mused "she could be showing this side because she doesn't like a side you're showing."
"But I haven't done anything different since she first told me!"
"Maybe that's the problem."
Touji blinked. "Huh?"
"Women like change. They like something out of the ordinary. Tell me, what's the most romantic thing you two have done so far?"
Touji sat thinking for a moment before his face brightened.
"When we watched the entire Matrix series at a movie marathon last month!"
Kensuke, Shinji and Hiroshi covered their faces, groaning.
"WHAT?!" Touji exploded, a vein forming on his forehead. "She was holding my hand the whole time! It was sweet!"
"She was actually tugging on your hand to try and get you to leave, actually," Kensuke corrected.
Touji deflated. "Oh."
"You need to do something special for her. Take her to dinner and then a movie she would enjoy… or a play." Suggested Hiroshi.
Touji brightened. "Okay! McDonalds and the Space Vixens marathon!"
Hiroshi smacked his palm over his face. "Oh God." He wondered if the class representative he had heard so much about was in fact as bright as she had been made out to be.
Touji tried to recover from his outburst after noticing the older man's reaction. "But it has chicks in it!"
"You've got to stop thinking about what you like. A relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship."
"You're telling this to me!?" the jock bursted out. After a recent food fight in the classroom, Hikari had installed a policy of martial law. Overnight, rice balls had become contraband material. Being the staple foodstuff of many students, Hikari's policy of banning the main staple of any Japanese student's diet had not caused any deaths yet, but the first was expected any day now.
"Stop talking and just listen, Touji please!" Hiroshi begged, hoping that Touji's denseness wasn't contagious. "Do something special for her. You'll realise that it won't hurt as much after you see the look in her eyes, even if you spent a fortune."
"Yeah, her eyes are real cute…" Touji absently stated, a spacey look on his face.
Noticing a distinct change in his friend's demeanour, Kensuke waved a hand in front of Touji's face.
"Touji, Touji? Snap out of it man!" Kensuke ordered, snapping his fingers.
"Better leave him, Kensuke," warned Hiroshi. "He might have actually got the message."
"It's either that or he's started thinking about Space Vixens again," replied Kensuke.
They all laughed as Touji continued to be an inanimate object. One that did admittedly try to think of a word that rhymed with brown, though rather unsuccessfully. Desperately seeking another distraction, the now-really-freaked Hiroshi focused on Kensuke.
"Anyway… Kensuke, I will admit it, you're a geek."
"Gee thanks…" grumbled Kensuke. "I don't remember coming here to be insulted. I can get that for free anywhere else."
Realising his error, Hiroshi shifted into repair mode, hands held up defensively.
"Hey, hold on, hold on. I didn't say you were hopeless though."
"Really?" the otaku asked, hope in his voice.
"I think you need a change of appearance. I mean, as much as I like a good leet joke, there is such a thing as going too far."
Hiroshi motioned to the Kensuke's shirt, which read '3v1l l337'.
"I'm pretty sure girls these days aren't really into that stuff," Hiroshi added.
"I see…" Kensuke whispered, in his mind screaming out at Megatokyo for having lied to him again.
"Show them that just because you're smart, you're not totally socially inept. Cosmo says that smart is definitely sexy, though not smart bordering on geeky."
Kensuke and Shinji both looked at the ramen vendor in shock.
"Erm, I saw it as one of the main articles on the front page."
The two boys continued to stare.
"My girlfriend asked me to get her a copy!"
Kensuke and Shinji looked at each other, then back at Hiroshi.
"Right…"
Hiroshi blushed, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "Anyway, let's focus on YOU guys, shall we? Remember, the ones WITHOUT girlfriends."
"Yeah, yeah," they answered.
"Now, where were we? Oh yes, remember change the clothes. Presentation is half of the battle. As for conversation, try to avoid talking about computers if you are approached. Otherwise their built-in geek sensors will go off like crazy and so will they."
Hiroshi then smirked, a glint of mirth in his eye.
"Also, don't freeze;" he added. "They can smell your fear."
Kensuke gulped audibly. Laughing, Hiroshi turned to look at Shinji, who had a very hopeful expression on his face. He just shrugged and turned back to the food.
Shinji was stunned. "Huh?"
"Sorry, you're on your own with that girl. But you have to admit that two out of three isn't bad."
Shinji turned to see the thoughtful expressions on his friend's faces as they imagined and planned.
"Yeah, if you're one of the two," grumbled Shinji.
"Don't dwell on it that much Shinji. Your food is ready!"
Hiroshi slapped a bowl of ramen down in front of Shinji. The third child gulped and began to turn pale. Touji and Kensuke looked at each other as Shinji began to have some of his trademark flashbacks.
FLASH!
Misato entering the room.
FLASH!
The ramen cup sailing through the air.
FLASH!
Shinji missing the cup.
FLASH!
Hiroshi beamed at him. "Come on, eat up! It's steaming hot, just how you like it."
"R-Ramen?" Stammered Shinji.
"What else?"
FLASH!
Misato entering the room.
FLASH!
The ramen cup sailing through the air.
FLASH!
Chibi-Shinji, abandoned by Father at the train station…
FLASH!
Shinji missing the cup.
Shinji's eyes opened wide in terror. " NOOOOO!!!!"
Before anyone could react Shinji threw the bowl in the air and scrambled off down the street as fast as possible. Hiroshi, Touji and Kensuke watched silently as Shinji turned around the corner before the bowl returned to earth and smashed on the concrete. They all sweat dropped.
"What was THAT about?" asked Hiroshi.
Touji shook his head. "It's a long and painful story."
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The lift doors opened on the fifth floor to the sight of a horde of teenagers that had spilled out of the party apartment and into the hallway. The other residents of the floor had bolted their door and put on their earmuffs, hoping that there would not be that much vomit and broken glass to clean up in the morning.
Touji strutted out of the lift, holding a bottle of vodka in his hand. Behind him staggered Shinji, hauling a heavy carton of Yebisu in both hands with extreme difficulty.
"I don't see why I have to carry the carton," Shinji wheezed. "Can't we swap?"
"I had the fake ID, so I call the shots," Touji said, smiling. "Now get moving, you underaged pack mule…"
Shinji groaned and stumbled forward, cursing his non-existent upper-body strength.
"Are you sure this is the right place?" Shinji asked, nervous. When it came to any gathering with more than four people, Shinji began to fidget and want to hide somewhere.
"Lots of drunken teens, blaring dance music… I would say it is
the right place," said Touji confidently. Nevertheless, Shinji tried to
hurry up so he could hide behind Touji's back.
They arrived at the open door which most of their fellow high school students
were moving in, out and through. Standing just by the entrance was the organiser
of the party, the energetic Mana Kirishama. Seeing the two of them coming towards
her made her face break into an even wider smile.
"Touji and Shinji! Nice to see you!! Hikari is already here!!!" she said, rattling off her greeting at machine-gun speed. Shinji idly wondered how many exclamation marks he would have to use if he were transcribing her words into English.
"It's Showtime," Touji said, using his spare hand to slick back his gelled hair. "Baby, here I come!"
Touji stepped forward into the apartment and quickly disappeared into the mass of people. Shinji blinked, his human shield having vanished within seconds. Seeing Shinji alone, Mana's smile and speech grew (if possible) even wider and faster. Shinji gulped.
"Shinji, you came! It's great to see you for once! You've finally come out of your shell!!"
"Ah… could you slow…" he began, blushing.
"Come in, come in!" she said, gesturing inside and giggling. Shinji walked forward, his arms staring to shake from the strain of holding the beer carton but sweating for a completely different reason.
'Stay cool, stay cool…" he whispered to himself as a mantra, using the large carton as a makeshift battering ram through the crowd. It wasn't long till he found the beer table and quickly dropped the carton down on it. Touji was already there, mixing up a light alcoholic chic drink he thought Hikari might like. Seeing that Shinji had arrived with his precious load, he ripped into the box and pulled out a six-pack for himself. With enough beer to last him for… well, at least a little while, he headed back into the throng once more.
"See you 'round Shinji," he called, leaving the poor Eva pilot stranded once again.
Sighing, Shinji made himself a bourbon and coke. Now looking his part as a normal teenage drinker, he searched the room for somewhere where he could stand unmolested by the crowd for more than three seconds.
Somewhat later while standing in a darkened corner he did what he did at all the get-togethers he went too: observe the drunken revellers around him. This party was proving no different too all the ones before it. People came in, got something to drink and then formed their own little cliques, spread around the apartment. This was especially true of the girls, who came and left in their own tightly knit groups. They even went to the bathroom together, a trait that neither Shinji nor any other man could completely fathom.
Within ten minutes Shinji was as bored as he had been during Dr Akagi's last marathon Sync Test. Unlike most his age, he couldn't distract himself from the tedium of social interaction through the golden embrace of cheap liquor. Any more than a small sip of his bourbon and coke every three minutes was enough to make him run to the nearest toilet or pot plant.
'Why did I ever come to this thing?' he thought. 'All I ever do is stand in one spot and feel rejected by… everyone'.
This was not completely true, and Shinji knew it. While Touji often left him to go pester Hikari, Kensuke had about as much luck at parties as Shinji did. More often than not, they spent the night together in one of the corners, Shinji moping while Kensuke perved at the girls. Still, any company was better than no company. Failing that, he could at least vent his frustration on Kenuske. For that matter, he wondered where Kensuke could possibly be. He had said he would be coming and it was unlike him to be late.
As if in answer to his thoughts, from across the room during one of the music breaks he heard Mana greet her latest guest.
"Hey Kensuke! Like the jacket!"
Shinji smiled a bit. He guessed that Kensuke had taken Ramen Master Hiroshi's advice and ditched his army fatigues and Megatokyo wardrobe for a maturer look. Maybe it wouldn't be so embarrassing to be seen with him in public any more.
Kensuke made his way through the crowd to the drink table. He wasn't hard to spot amongst the crowd though: he was the only one wearing jeans, a suit jacket and no shirt.
The music started up again, hiding a rather loud groan of despair coming from Shinji's direction.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few minutes later Kensuke found his way to the darkened corner, much to Shinji's embarrassment. His beloved video camera had been replaced for the night with a can of Boa.
"Hey Shinji! Whasup my man!" He said, his breath reeking of alcohol. Shinji took a step back, face blanching.
"Did you start drinking before you even got here?" Shinji asked in disgust. Although more of a prolific drinker than Shinji, Kensuke was still a lightweight compared to most people. But based on his breath alone, he had approached the fabled 'Misato on Saturday night' level of intoxication.
Kensuke nodded, nearly falling forward in the process. He was only able to save himself by bracing himself on the wall, further encroaching into Shinji's personal space.
"It takes a few drinks before you get comfortable cosplaying as Great Teacher Largo," he slurred sorrowfully.
"I think it took a few drinks just to be comfortable wearing no shirt," Shinji observed, gesturing at Kensuke's unathletic physique.
"Potato, potatoe...."
"You haven't changed, Kensuke. In fact, you've done exactly the opposite of what Hiroshi told you. You've just exchanged one geeky evil for another!"
Kensuke sighed again and hung his head, this time careful to do it slowly so as to not lose his balance.
"I need a hug…" he sighed. Shinji blinked before responding at a higher octave than normal.
"Don't touch me!"
"Alright, alright. I'll go look for Touji and…" he hiccupped, "…Hikari."
"Fine. Good luck in getting a… 'hug' from them," Shinji said, just wanting to get rid of his drunken friend. To think that just a moment ago he had wished Kensuke would hurry up in getting there.
'And they dare call me pathetic…' Shinji thought as he watched Kensuke stagger back into the crowd.
"Look everyone! It's Lord Tetsuoken!" a drunken student called out from the crowd.
"Heil, Heil!" came the loud reply from all the boys from his home class. The laughter lasted for over a minute, with each embarrassing second Shinji trying to blend further into the wallpaper.
'Okay, scratch that.'
Shinji had had enough. Heading to the kitchen, he poured what remained of his beverage down the sink and placed the glass on the dishwasher. With his public responsibilities taken care of, he headed straight to the door and the freedom that lay beyond it. If he had wanted to be insulted, he could have stayed at home where Misato would have only been too happy to oblige.
As he stood by the lift and waited for the elevator car to reach his level, a hand latched onto his shoulder and wrenched him around suddenly.
"Shinji! Where are you going?" Mana asked, trying to hide the distress in her voice. Shinji searched for something to say, something that would sum up all his surprise and curiosity. He didn't find it, but he came up with the next best thing.
"Huh!?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kensuke had searched the room from top to bottom, but could still find no sign of Touji. Nor could he seem to find anyone at all. The only thing he could see were blankets and towels. Lots and lots of them.
"This is an awfully small bedroom," he said, hiccupping. "Shinji thinks he's got it bad…"
The fact that he was in the linen closet had still escaped him.
He stumbled backwards with enough force to reopen the door and gain his freedom. Taking the sudden revelation of his confinement in stride, he headed off down the hallway in search of his other friend.
As is a common problem in parties, hallways act as two-lane footpaths, yet only have enough room for one person to go either way. This is especially so when both people are tipsy.
Such was the case when Kensuke bumped into a girl who, through his beer-fogged eyes, sure looked familiar. He moved to the side the same time she did, each allowing the other to pass. Looking at each other's in-sync actions; they smiled bashfully, the girl more so than Kensuke. For a change, someone else was being more nervous around Kensuke than he was around them.
"You go first," the girl said, fidgeting.
"No no, you go first. Ladies have right of way" he replied, slurring only a little.
'I'm sure I know her… wasn't she in my class last year? Kyoko, Ko Ko or something'
"Thank… thankyou Kensuke."
"No problem, Kyoko. Are you enjoying your evening?" he asked, smiling. He doubted she was interested in him, but it was still nice to be talking to a member of the opposite sex without being slapped.
"Ah, my name's Keiko."
Kensuke gulped. He had really done it now, he knew it. The slap should be coming any second.
'Retreat! Abandon ship!' a little voice cried in the back of his brain.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Well, you know…" he began before hanging his head in defeat. Giving up while he was only a little bit behind, he moved to the side and pressed his back to the wall, allowing her to pass.
"It's… don't worry, it's okay" she said. Kensuke sighed in relief again and moved away from the wall. However, it was now the girl's turn to look down at her feet.
"I don't blame you, forgetting the name of someone as plain and boring as me…" she said softly.
'Teen Angst! If I can deal with Shinji, I can certainly deal with this!' he thought, mentally jumping for joy and doing cartwheels.
"It's not that you're plain or boring! I'm just an idiot when it comes to names, that's all. I remembered you on sight at least!"
'You did?"
"Of course! How could I forget a face like yours?" he said, grinning.
'That can also be taken as an insult!' he realised too late. 'Abandon ship!'
Keiko certainly didn't seem to see it this way, judging by her growing smile. Kensuke sighed in relief.
"That's very sweet of you to say, Kensuke."
"It's just the simple truth, that's all."
'Score!! I don't believe it; this is actually working!' he crowed internally.
"I never thought I would hear something like that coming from you, Kensuke," Keiko said. "I guess not many people know this side of you."
'And she's flirting back? Dear God, this can't be happening!'
"Ah yeah."
They were silent. Kensuke had now reached an impasse. What should he do next? Half of him wanted to ask her out there on the spot, the other half was screaming at him to 'Abandon ship' while he still hadn't made a complete fool of himself.
'I've got to say something, anything! As long as I don't talk about Megatokyo or Mecha I should be fine!' he thought.
"Ah, that's a nice outfit you're wearing," Keiko said, blushing a little.
Ten seconds passed before he realised that apart from Mecha and Megatokyo, he had nothing to talk about.
"I'm wearing no shirt!" he put forward as a conversational topic. Keiko's smile dimmed noticeably
"I noticed that."
'I'm losing her! I've got to abandon… I mean, says something fast!'
"So are you doing anything tomorrow…" he said, moving in closer to her. However, all this time standing braced up against a wall had caused Kensuke to forget one small thing: he was still plastered.
He lost his balance and fell forwards onto Keiko, causing both of them to hit the ground. As Kensuke's fuddled mind began to clear, he noticed two very important things. The first what that he was sprawled on top of her in a matter Hikari would have termed 'indecent'. The second was that the squishy thing under his left hand was Keiko's breast.
"G-Get off of me!" she screamed. He tried to push himself off, but considering the only source of leverage, this was an act of folly. She shrieked, his hand now pushing down hard on her already squashed bosom.
'Oh no I've done it now! The only girl to show interest in…hold on a second, is this bile at the back of my throat that I feel?' he thought to himself, head swimming.
It was. Keiko's scream was so loud and piercing that it was heard above the blaring decibels coming from the sound system. Or at least, it was till the stereo volume was raised by the party DJ to block her out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hikari was sitting with several other class representatives around the kitchen table, discussing politics when Touji finally found her.
"Hey b… Hikari!" Touji called, luckily remembering himself this time. He congratulated himself for actually thinking before he spoke for once.
"Well, if it isn't the Neanderthal… Shouldn't you be out clubbing and spearing your dinner for the evening?" said one of the class reps, a young man wearing yellow glasses and a pseudo-intellectual goatee.
Most of the small group laughed, while Hikari tittered nervously. Touji restrained commenting about the nature of the male's class rep's sexuality only with considerable effort. Putting down his drinks, he grabbed a spare chair and sat down next to his girlfriend.
"Hikari, I got you something from the beer table," he said, holding out the glass for her.
"Thanks Touji, but I'm not drinking tonight," she said, looking at the mostly teetotaling crowd around her.
"Oh well, maybe sometime later then" he replied, taking the glass back.
"And I assume all that Yebisu is for yourself?" the abrasive Class Rep said, smirking.
"Jun, there's no reason to be so…" Hikari began before Touji interrupted her
"They are," Touji said in deadpan, glaring past Hikari at Jun. He had just noticed the other class rep's awfully close proximity to Hikari and he didn't like it one bit. Taking a beer bottle out of the six pack, he quickly opened it and began to empty it of its contents.
Deliberately ignoring Touji, Jun returned to what they had been discussing.
"Mayor Kobe should be re-elected for a third term. He's a man who has proven he has what it takes to run the city."
"Two terms is enough! The old man has to go!"
"I'm supporting Candidate Shirou's campaign. What this city needs is a woman's touch!"
"So, what do you think, Touji?" asked one of the girls, a smirk on her face and a sparkle in her eye. Discussion around the table stopped as everyone looked at the jock, awaiting his answer. Hikari groaned and covered her eyes, hoping he wouldn't embarrass her too much. Touji, realising he had been put on the spot, took one last gulp from what was already his second drink.
"Well, I don't really see the point, ya know? It's just a waste of time."
"A waste of time?" said Jun, condescendingly. "You think our proud democratic institutions are a waste of time!?"
"It's just a City Council election."
"A city that we all live in!"
"The way I see it, why bother getting a puppet elected? You all know that the true rulers of Tokyo-3 are the three super computers down in NERV's basement, don't you?"
His answer was met with stunned silence. The student council stared in shock at the Evangelion Pilot and NERV employee.
"Ah, you did know that, didn't you?" he said, worried.
'Damn. That's the fifth piece of classified info I've leaked this month!'
"Well, I should go see if Kensuke is here… I heard some screaming from the hallway a few minutes ago, so he probably is…" Touji said, rising from the chair and picking up his six pack. "Coming, Hikari?"
"I… I think I'll stay with my friends tonight Touji…"
"But babe!" he whined, realising what he was saying only after the fact. Hikari, who had a moment ago been mostly hesitant was now furious at him.
"I. Would. Prefer. To. Stay. Here," she made out between gritted teeth. Touji took a step back involuntary
"Yes Ma'am…"
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Shinji had been staring at Mana like a deer caught in a car's headlights for almost a minute. He had known that Mana had mysteriously returned to Tokyo-3 several months ago and was in class 5-B. He had also seen her around the school grounds a few times but she showed no memory of the brief contact they shared when she was on the run from the Trident project officials. As such he thought it was best to keep his distance from her, even if he still had feelings for her. Now it looked like he was making an ass of himself in front of the only girl who had been truly nice to him, then seemingly forgot him and now was being nice to him again. If that made any sense at all. He gathered up all his charm and courage…
"Parties really aren't my thing," said Shinji sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head with his right hand.
…and made a bigger ass of himself. But he was in too deep; backing out would only make it look worse. She had also moved in front of the lift doors, standing in the way of the only possible exit. Mana opened her mouth to speak but Shinji cut her off, his heart racing.
"Really, I only came because Touji and Kensuke asked me to keep them company. But they seem… well, rather preoccupied," he added.
In the background, a high pitch scream rang out before dying under the increased volume of the music. Mana and Shinji winced.
"I see…"
"Well… they sure make a impression," Shinji joked.
"They sure do," giggled Mana. She was definitely tipsy if she was laughing at such a weak joke. Suddenly her expression changed from carefree to serious. His Shinji sense upgraded his status to 'Run Away Alert III'.
"You don't have many friends, do you Shinji?" asked Mana, her voice soft and concerned. A stark contrast to the bubbly disposition she had previously worn.
"No… not really," he nervously replied wondering what she was trying to get at.
Hearing that, Mana went through her third personality change in under a minute. She turned her head Shinji and sniffed softly, as if holding back the urge to cry.
Although his status had downgraded down to 'Run Away Alert II', Shinji was still royally confused. His feet beginning to unconsciously twitch as he prayed to whatever god might be listening for something to interrupt this very awkward teenage moment. When nothing happened, he went into his default mode, 'Blame Self'.
"Did… did I do something wrong?" he asked tentatively.
"I'm so sorry, Shinji…" said Mana, her head still turned away.
Shinji was flabbergasted. She had stolen his line! "Sorry? What for?"
She was silent for a moment, as if trying to summon up the nerve to say what she wanted to. Then she turned her head back, her green eyes locking directly onto Shinji's, her hands clasped in front of her chest.
"I don't know why, but somehow I feel this definite connection with you. I… I can't explain it, but I just knew that I had to talk to you outside of school. But I also knew that… you probably wouldn't come."
She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts.
"But I'm glad you did." She smiled again before beginning to ramble once more.
"This may sound pretty weird, but I didn't realise any of this until I touched a live wire and electrocuted myself in science class last month. But any way, I've wanted to talk to you for such a long time. But I never knew how to approach you till now. I had wanted everything to be perfect but obviously I've failed… again,… and now you're leaving and I'm making a complete fool out of myself!"
Water began to form under her already red eyes as she waited for something, anything expectantly.
'Is she coming on to me? Again?'. He then looked at the girl, who seemed on the verge of breaking down. His heart screamed in protest and started attacking his common sense with a baseball bat.
"That's not true!" he spluttered out. Obviously his heart needed some better dialogue; making it up on the fly was definitely not working.
Mana blinked, then smiled. "You're so sweet. But I think I already
knew that."
'She IS coming onto me!'
"Well, I guess that's…" began Shinji.
Switching to her fourth personality change in as many minutes, Mana grabbed Shinji's hand and pulled him back into the apartment and onto a vacant couch. Shinji's brain was fried. One of the cutest and definitely the nicest girl he had known in his 17 years on this planet had come to stop him leaving the party. She was now sitting very close to him, so much so he could smell the Barcadi on her breath. Obviously someone else had needed some liquid courage, he concluded.
Mana shifted closer to Shinji, who was sitting stiff as a board. "So now that you're going to stay a little longer, let's talk."
'AHHHHH!!!'
He swallowed audibly as Mana crossed one leg over the other, her miniskirt riding up a little further.
"Sure," he gulped.
Mana intertwined her fingers with Shinji's, both boy and girl blushing but neither moved. Taking the initiative again, she leant towards Shinji's ear, letting her breath tickle him and making him shiver.
"So tell me… why do they call you Lord Iron Fists?" she whispered.
"I'm sure you already heard all the stories," he squeaked.
"But they're all just rumours. I want to hear it from you." Mana emphasised her point by moving even closer, brushing his ear lobe with the tip of her nose.
"Ahh… c-can we talk about something e-else please?" stammered Shinji as he snapped his legs shut tightly.
"Aww, come on Shinji," Mana said playfully. "If you tell me your secret, I'll tell you one of mine…"
"Well, umm…"
Shinji peered over at the door to the apartment, which had a surprisingly large crowd gathered around it. Shaking his head, he turned back to Mana and blocked out the rest of the world.
Somewhere across the room, Kensuke half-stood and half-leant up against the wall, looking not nearly as bad as he felt. With a groan, he looked up from his vomit stained shoes to the commotion, the world seeming to shudder and blur. It took his eyes a second to focus and then moments more for his beer-filled brain to process the images.
"G… Gaijin Whore!" he managed to squeak out before going limp and sliding down the wall, unconscious.
"Huh?" said Shinji and Mana in sync.
Shinji turned back towards the doorway, only this time to see Asuka Langley Sohryu looming over him, wearing a short cocktail dress that left little to the imagination and a superior smirk on her face.
'I'm telling you, God… I don't know what happened to those fifteen Angels, honest! …' Shinji pleaded in his mind.
His prayers going unanswered, he started to look for possible escape routes. His 'Run Away Alert' status was now peaking at 'VII'.
"Hello Shinji," Asuka cooed, her German accent flowing freely. Her fluent Japanese had evidently degenerated a little during the year she had been away. "Who is your little friend here?"
"Shinji, who is that?" asked Mana, disturbed by the presence of the somewhat familiar redheaded beauty.
The German girl took a good look at the person snuggled up to Shinji and scowled.
"Aren't you supposed to be dead?"
"Asuka!" exclaimed Shinji.
"What are you talking about?" asked Mana, bewildered.
Asuka look questioningly at the girl for a moment before grinning.
The girl has obviously been reprogrammed by the Japanese government, which must be why they let her back into the general populace.
Ignoring Asuka, Mana turned to Shinji. "What is she talking about, Shinji?"
"Nothing. I mistook you for someone else," interrupted Asuka, extending her hand. "Asuka Langley Sohryu, pleased to meet you Miss…"
"Mana Kirsihima." Mana weakly shook Asuka's hand while giving her the once over. "Likewise."
Asuka had never liked the girl. She had known from day one that Mana was a spy sent to find out NERV secrets and betray Shinji's feelings. But the stupid boy never listened and got hurt by the whole incident. While she may have maintained a cold exterior, especially to the Third Child, she hadn't enjoyed watching that happen to him.
She had to get the girl away from him as fast as possible.
Asuka turned to Shinji and gave him a cross look. "It's not very nice of you Shinji, going to a party just as one of your dearest friends comes back to visit. Here I thought you might have actually developed some manners these past three years."
Mana looked ready to shoot back in defence, but Shinji squeezed her hand to hold her back. He didn't really want to see a brawl, either verbal or physical take place. After all, both girls had extensive backgrounds in the martial arts and he would no doubt get a few roundhouses to the head for his troubles.
"I thought that you would have been tired from the trip and…"
"How considerate." She smiled again. "But the prospect of seeing everybody again was too good to pass up. Obviously Misato thought so too, because she showed me the invitation."
'Who needs Angels screwing up your social life when you have Misato?' Shinji thought sourly.
"However, since I'm here now, you can make up for this indiscretion by looking out for me for the rest of the night."
"Hold on a second. Shinji doesn't owe you anything!" interjected Mana.
Asuka frowned at the girl. She could never know how much Shinji owed her…
Shinji knew this as well. Resigning himself to his fate, he stood up and looked
down at Mana.
"Asuka's right, it was rude of me. It's only a little favour really."
Asuka beamed. She looped her arm around Shinji's and looked down at Mana, who had a look of utter confusion on her face.
"I'll come see you later, okay?" Shinji told Mana, trying to salvage whatever they still had between them.
"Shinji dear, could I trouble you to get me a drink?" Asuka asked..
"Uh, sure Asuka. How about a Barcardi Breezer?"
She grinned. "You remembered!"
Asuka watched Shinji walk over to the table before she turned back to Mana, who was scowling.
'You lose' Asuka thought before walking off to join Shinji, a predatory smirk on her lips.
"Where's Hikari anyway?"
"I think she's over there with some other friends from school."
"Ohhh! Introduce me!"
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Hiroshi wheeled his Ramen Stand down the pavement, carefully watching the path ahead of him. Overturning his place of work was not what he considered an ideal start to the morning, something that had been driven into him the hard way after a number of roadside accidents. However, he was being more careful than usual, considering how top-heavy his new "Free Love Advice with any purchase over 500 Yen" sign had made the cart.
As a general rule of thumb he tried to arrive at his small spot by the roadside at least half an hour before he expected his first customers. Although it took only a few minutes to set up the stand, he liked the quiet time in the morning to gather his bearings as well as to ponder life's meaningful questions.
However, today was not going to be one of those mornings. When he arrived at the intersection of 12 and 43rd, his three main customers were already there, waiting with heads bowed.
They looked up at the sound of his cart's rickety wheels trundling down the footpath, all three wincing at the hangover-amplified sounds.
That fact the three of them where hung over did not surprise Hiroshi. Touji's eyes were red and watery, his hands acting as an impromptu sun visor to keep out the morning sun's bright rays. Shinji looked like he had slept on a concrete floor for the night. Kensuke shivered in the gentle morning breeze, his hands wrapped around his bare chest trying to keep the warmth in. Even at a distance Hiroshi could still smell the vomit on his jacket.
"Last night didn't go so well, did it boys?" he asked rhetorically.
In a rather abrupt manner, Touji pulled a handful of small change from his sweatsuit's pocket and thrust them under Hiroshi's nose.
"Just give us the ramen."
"Same here. The usual," Kensuke said, reaching into his pants pockets.
"Could you do up your jacket, or at least put on a shirt? I have some customer dress standards, you know!"
"Since when does a roadside ramen stand have a dress code?" asked Kensuke, irritated. He really wasn't in the mood for talking, let alone arguing at this time of day in his current state.
"Since now," replied Hiroshi, looking down at the travesty the boy was (or was not) wearing. Had Kensuke even listened to anything he had told him? "You're scaring away my other customers!"
"But we're your only customers! We always have been!"
"Okay, you have a point. Just eat quickly and get away from my store."
"Customer appreciation my ass…" Kensuke muttered under his breath.
"And you, Shinji? What would you like?"
"Nothing for now," said Shinji, holding up a paper bag from McDonalds. "I thought I would try some ethnic food for a change today."
"If you want to eat in front of my store, you're going to have to put some Ramen on that," Hiroshi pointed out.
"Oh, very well." Shinji sighed, reaching into the bag and pulling out a Big Mac. Hiroshi spread some Ramen onto the 51% meat (thus legally able to be advertised as such) patty and took some small change from Shinji. With that out of the way, he quickly whipped up Touji and Kensuke's breakfast and handed them over, getting a subdued thankyou from each.
The three sat down at the nearby bench, where Kensuke and Touji tore into their meals as if they were manna from heaven. For his part, Shinji looked down at his Ramen burger with a large degree of uncertainty.
"Last night blew," Touji commented once he had run out of food to stuff into his mouth.
"Seconded," said Kensuke.
"I agree," said Shinji mournfully. "I think that I was getting somewhere with Mana. She was… interested in me."
"I tried not to embarrass her in front of her friends. I tried to be thoughtful and talk about the stuff she was interested in. I even bought new snazzy clothes!" Touji said, pointing down at his tracksuit. However, apart from being less faded it was the same as all the other tracksuits he had been wearing for the past five years. "I even tried talking to her friends! It's not my fault they're a bunch of arrogant, good for nothing…"
"…And then Asuka barged in. I spent the rest of the evening serving as her chattel slave. Now not only are my chances with Mana ruined, Asuka is treating me like her butler or something!"
"At least I learned something last night," Kensuke chimed in. "Next time, don't throw up all over the girl who is being nice to you. But still, there is a bright side to my misadventure. I, for one, got a good feel of her tit…"
Shinji face-faulted, dropping his Big Mac onto his shoes. Ramen spilled from both sides, providing enough food to keep several nearby ant colonies from starving during the newly returned winter season.
"Kensuke! I've told you not to startle me like that!"
"Sorry. I'm just trying to stay positive, that's all," Kensuke said in a voice close to a whisper, his eyes starting to water up.
"We suck." Shinji said, summing up the situation and his seventeen years of achievement (or lack there off) in this world.
"Seconded."
"Passed by acclamation."
"Just think!' said Kensuke. "We have nearly a month and a half until graduation and you two still haven't had sex yet." Both Shinji and Touji focused him in their sights with their glares. "Okay, okay, none of us have gotten laid yet!"
"I overheard Kyosuke and Shita talking this morning. At least I think I did; I'm still having trouble with both seeing and hearing. If they're to be believed, both of them got lucky last night…" Touji muttered.
"But they're losers!" exclaimed Kensuke. "Even more so than us!"
"You're right! I refuse to stand for this any longer!" Touji cried out.
"You're sitting…"
"Thanks Kensuke," Touji said, rising to his feet. He began to orate, his voice rising in volume as he went. "No longer will we be mocked by our peers! No longer will we remain womanless! I'll win back the love of Hikari, and you guys will find someone! Somewhere!! And we'll do it before the end of the year, I swear! We will be virgins no longer! ARE YOU WITH ME, BROTHERS?!"
"Aye!" cried Kensuke. "You'll have the strength of my steel! FREEDOM!!"
"Even though it was an "Army of Darkness" quote, I'll take it as a yes!" said Touji, pumping his fist into the air. They both turned to look at Shinji, who had not leapt up with them. Instead, he was looking down at the small bite he had made in his Big Mac.
"This Ramen Burger isn't bad at all," he said to himself, not too unhappily. Feeling the two sets of eyes on him, he looked up at his standing friends. "What?"
"Shinji, will you stand by your brothers in this most holy of causes?"
"We're doing what to whom now?"
"Were going to get laid before Graduation! Just stand up and say yes!"
"Get laid before graduation? But what's that got to do with making our lives better?"
"Stand up and pledge, Shinji!" Touji yelled. "No more being pushed around by Asuka! No more 'Lord Iron Fists'! If not to lose your cherry, do this to regain your dignity! Say it!"
"I," Shinji began, gaping up at the steely look of determination that had appeared in both Kensuke's and Touji's eyes. He gulped.
If Shinji had been psychic, he would have foreseen that his future spread out before him in two very different paths, originating from this very moment. The first ended in painful and humiliating defeat, while the second was just like the first only under slightly different circumstances. But he was not psychic and as such, could not imagine the suffering either of his decisions would cause.
Sometimes you have no choice but to go with the flow and throw caution to the wind, no matter where your personal opinions might lie.
"…I'll do it…"
To be continued….
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Authors Notes:
Rion:
At last we have emerged from the shadows and we've brought company. These fast
few years have been a trial of blood, sweat and pre-readers. Finally however
we are ready to launch our magnum opus on you the viewing public. Stay glued
to those mouse buttons as there's a lot more coming your way.
I would also like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the efforts of those
tireless few who have both helped us and nearly driven us mad during this story's
production:
Worldmage - Grammar King!
Hotwire - Master of the anecdote.
Rhine - Source of many whacky ideas.
God - For just being him.
Seph:
Here's Chapter 1 in it's entirety. We've been working on it for quiet some time,
and hope it meets your expectations. Chapter 2 is of with the pre readers as
we speak, so as soon as they get off their butts we will put up the latest installment
of Ramen-Whackiness, hopefully before the Takoball ballot closes.
Peace out Y'all