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JAPANESE RAMEN

Chapter 2: Shinji goes Gah!/Unfortunate but Necessary Plot Exposition

By Rion and Seph Khan

An Operation A801 Ordered Production

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The quiet Sunday morning reminded Shinji of what Tokyo-3 had been like when he had first arrived in the city. There was no Sachiel, but the comparison still applied. The streets were empty as the usual weekday sounds of cars and construction had been replaced by the faint chirp of cicadas somewhere in the distance.

The old beaten path that began at the Ramen Stand and ended at his home seemed much longer than it had been last night. However, Shinji put the added length down to his mental state rather than any serious overnight road extensions.

Not only was he still mulling over his horrible evening, but now he also had the pledge he had just made with his "friends" to worry about. It had been three years since they started hanging out, but sometimes Shinji still wondered about them..

Why couldn't he have been strong enough to say "No"?

Despite jokes to the contrary, Shinji had the same urges as other boys. He was simply a lot less vocal about voicing them. But now Kensuke and Touji had put him on the spot. How could he possibly lose his virginity when he couldn't even speak to girls without stuttering and blushing?

A lot of introspection and teen angst was in order, he just knew it.

Staring down at the ground rather than watching where he was going, he didn't see the blue-haired girl sitting on the curb until he had nearly tripped right over her. It was a strange place to be sitting, especially when a park bench was just across other side of the road. Most people would have wondered why she was sitting there, but Shinji knew better. He had long ago given up any hope of trying to figure out why Rei did anything.

"Ikari," she said, not even bothering to look around at him. Instead, she continued her observation of the Toyota with the dented bumper down the street. Shinji stood in silence, wondering what he should do. Should he just move on, or should he try to talk to her?

"Ahh. are you waiting for something?" he asked, nervously taking the latter.

"Yes. I knew you would be here this morning, as you were not at home last night."

"But how did you know I was out, or when I would be here?"

Rei did not deign to answer either question. Neither did the Section Two agent who quickly dove into the bushes to avoid being seen. Rising to her feet, Rei faced Shinji.

"Come with me." she said, her tone a mixture of command and plea.

"Well, for a little while, I guess," he replied, puzzled. He was already late home, considering he should have returned just after Midnight. Luckily, Misato never got up before midday on the weekend. He still had plenty of time.

Rei rose from the curb and began to cross the street, Shinji following her.

"There have been rumours at school and on base about you," Rei said as they walked along.

"Do we have to talk about this?" Shinji said, a pained expression on his face. It was bad enough that everyone at school wouldn't stop mentioning it, but now Rei was bringing it up as well?

Rei's eyebrow rose a fraction of a centimetre.

"Commander Ikari was quite interested in reading Major Katsuragi's report. Why should I not."

"She wrote a report!?" he squeaked in shock. He blinked in surprise and rubbed his Adam's apple. He thought he had gone through this stage already.

"It is procedure."

Shinji groaned, once more looking down at the ground rather than where he was heading. He couldn't even begin to imagine what his father thought 'The Ramen Incident'. He didn't want to, but his mind still tried to think up the most horrible and embarrassing scenario it could.

They walked together in silence for some time, heading nowhere that Shinji could guess. Her apartment and the nearest NERV entry gate were in the opposite. It was only when the gradient became steeper that Shinji realised where they were going.

Downhill. They were hading towards the crater-lake, around which Tokyo-3 had been rebuilt in the hectic year of 2016.

They crossed the final street and walked down the park trail that led through the woodland separating the new city from the Zero Lake. The name had been changed from the Greater Ashino Lake by the survivors of the Angel Wars. It was partially in tribute to the Eva that had defended old Tokyo-3, as well as the lake being Ground Zero to the explosion that had destroyed it.

It was a pretty sight, if you could forget the pain and destruction that had caused it.

"Why are we here, Ayanami?" Shinji asked. Their trek had brought them out from the woodlands and down to the lakeshore, a thin patch of sand with the occasional concrete structure still protruding from below. They had been walking for fifteen minutes and mysterious girl or not, he thought he deserved an explanation.

Rei was silent, looking out across the waters.

"Ayanami?"

"On this day three years ago." she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper, ".she destroyed Unit 00 to protect you."

"Oh." Shinji said, lost for words. He hadn't even realised, hadn't even remembered. He couldn't use the events of the party as an excuse: he just didn't like to think about the waning days of 2015.

Rei carefully removed her shoes and socks, placing them in a neat pile on a damaged concrete slab nearby. She waded out into the lake, stopping when the water lapped up around her knees. Ripples from her wake disturbed the fay-like beauty of the otherwise still lake.

Back on shore, Shinji clenched his hand into a fist. The bad memories that had haunted him through the restoration years were coming back in force.

"I. I'm sorry how I treated you back then, Rei. I. I was going through a lot, and didn't know what my father had been up to. You didn't ask for any of this."

"What is past is past," Rei said, not turning around. "You accept me now as you did my predecessor, even though you know what I am."

She reached into a pocket and pulled out a vial of water. Shinji recognised it as one of the old vials that she had kept in her apartment when she was fourteen. Popping out the cork, she raised it into the air and tipped it upside down. The stagnant water inside poured out, flying a bit in the slight breeze that has picked up, before hitting the lake and merging with the body of water. Because of the breeze, small little waves now began to break on the shore, breaking the watery-mirror quality of Zero Lake.

"I have not forgotten," she said, more to the spirit of her other self than for Shinji's benefit, "although your last few moments are lost, I know what it took of you."

There was silence for a moment, as Rei thought of something else to say. After a few seconds she found it, two word she now often used though still bore its own special meaning.

"Thank you."

"Amen," said Shinji back on the shore, bowing his head in respect. Although not belonging to any particular faith, the word seemed appropriate to him.

It was not until he returned home sometime before midday that he realised he hadn't thought about his own problems throughout the strange little wake he had been witness to.

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Although times change, some things will forever stay the same. The Katsuragi dinner ritual was a classic example of this.

"Gahk!" Asuka gagged, rushing to the sink to wash the first taste of dinner out of her mouth.

"What's so bad about it?" Misato asked, chopsticks covering the distance between her plate and mouth at their regular hurried pace.

"It's. it's. why am I trying to justify myself to you!" she cried, before embarking on a bout of dry heaving, "This stuff is even worse than I remembered!"

"It's not my fault that you can't tell good traditional Japanese cooking from." Misato began, eyes closed and finger wagging. However, her eyes opened with surprise halfway through her standard speech. "What am I talking about? Shinji cooked tonight's meal!"

They looked over at the other member of the Katsuragi "family", who was staring dejectedly at his udon noodles, poking them with his chopsticks every now and then.

"Is something wrong, Shinji?" Misato asked, loudly enough to break through his daze.

"Huh? Oh, I mean, sorry about the food" he said, looking up at her, "just wasn't in the mood to cook tonight, I guess."

"If you had said so, we could have ordered out instead."

"I just thought."

"Come on Misato, it's no use talking to him when he's like this," Asuka said, her mouth finally washed out. She was now looking through the fridge for leftovers.

Misato took a look at Shinji and sighed. He had been like ever since he had gotten home, spending most of the day in his room moping. Actually, he had spent most of it sleeping, but for the parts he had been awake he had definitely been moping. She guessed a pep talk was in order before he went to bed tonight.

"So, what are you doing here?" she said, looking up at Asuka, "the annual group sync tests aren't for another two months."

"I thought you would never ask," Asuka said, head still buried in the fridge, "you've only had all day to do it."

'Just great! Some left over spaghetti and two minute ramen,' she thought as she observed the food that would keep her going until breakfast. As Misato had not yet answered her complaint, she sighed and continued. "I was finally able to find my father's sperm donor application at the clinic in Munich."

"Your father? But I thought you swore to never."

"My biological father, Misato. Two very different people, remember?"

"My bad," Misato said, taking a sip from her beer. "Do go on."

The ebb and flow of the conversation was lost to Shinji, who had once again returned to his own little world. He was mulling over the pledge again, as well as the three very strange women in his life. One was twice his age and an alcoholic. Another considered him to be little better than pond scum. The final one...

Shinji thought about the only woman he spoke to on a semi-civil basis. Although she was still her same reserved self, he felt that he and Rei had become somewhat closer over the years. But a relationship with her was out of the question. They made very strange friends, but since he knew about her "heritage", could be nothing more.

"Well, he didn't put much down on the form and he used a fake name. So all I've got to go on is a physical description and the hope that he made some other donations in his homeland as well."

There was little to no chance that he would be able to fulfil the pledge. But something that Touji had said still nagged at the back of his mind. Maybe he couldn't "go horizontal dancing," as Kensuke put it, but he could still try to stand up for himself a little more. That way, he would have at least tried to fulfil his part of the bargain, regardless of what Touji or Kensuke might say.

"Isn't that right, Shinji?" Asuka said, smirking. Since he had last paid attention to her, she had moved away from the fridge and microwave and returned to the table.

"Huh?" he said, looking up in surprise.

"You're going to help me in my search, aren't you?" Although phrased like a polite request, the tone of her voice betrayed the command behind the words. If he was going to stand up to anyone, he might as well start at home, or so he thought. He just hoped he wouldn't have too many bruises tomorrow morning..

"Search?" Shinji began, "now listen, I may."

At this point, Shinji noticed the steaming hot cup of ramen in front of Asuka. And as they say, no plan survives contact with reality.

"Gah.. Gah!"

"Shinji?"

"He's choking on his own cooking!" Misato said, leaping to her feet and cracking her knuckles "It's Heimlich time!"

"I. I'll do it," Shinji gasped before screwing his eyes shut and running to his room, crashing into only one wall on the way.

"Awww." Misato whined, looking dejectedly down at her knuckles, "all worked up for nothing."

"What's wrong with him?" Asuka asked, eyebrow raised. The sound of Shinji's head repeatedly banging against the wall could be heard coming from his room. Misato shrugged.

"I think I should have that little talk with him now."

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Satisfied with her labours, the young Mari Suzuhara folded her arms and nodded at the table set for two. One of the places had a much larger supply of food, obviously meant for Touji. It was strange; usually Touji was out of his room and practically nipping at her heels to serve dinner. He had gotten home early that morning, looking roughed up and reeking of ramen.

"Partying all night and eating cheap food all morning," the girl muttered to herself, shaking her head. "Touji! Dinner is ready!" she called out.

No response. She sighed.

'He can't still be hung over, can he?' she thought to herself.

The little girl angrily stomped towards Touji's room and nearly knocked the door off its rollers.

"GET UP RUMMY!"

Touji slowly rolled over as his eyes gingerly began to open. He blinked a few times to regain focus and only then could he see his little sister standing in the doorway to his room, the angry look on her face at odds with her pink Hello Kitty apron .

"I don't think I'll be eating tonight," Touji moaned weakly, "please let me sleep..."

With that he rolled back over and closed his eyes.

"Oh no you don't!" countered Mari.

The fifth-grader launched herself onto Touji's bed and began to pummel him. Touji squealed like a little girl as she grabbed hold of his hair and yanked hard.

"You're getting up. You need something in your stomach otherwise you are going to be sick!"

"But I'm not hung over! I'm."

"What! Lovesick, you lumbering hulk?" Mari interrupted.

Touji shut his mouth, but luckily Mari didn't notice. She was already into a diatribe of her own.

"I went to the effort of cooking you a healthy, nutritious meal, and you're going to eat it! Is that understood!?"

It was somewhere between the face pinching and finger biting that Touji decided to get up, being that he was rather awake at the point.

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Kensuke continued to stare at his faint reflection on the surface of his computer monitor while he listened to the low hum of his burner copying his next DVD-R. After several hours of soul searching, he had finally came to a familiar epiphany.

"I'm a geek," he moaned.

He also realised there was not much he could do about it. Changing his nature was about as easy as trying to change the path of an Angel with a fountain pen. He had tried but overcompensated, with disastrous effects. He sniffed before grabbing a tissue and blowing his nose. All he had he gotten from trying to act different was a cold.

"If I had worn my shirt, at least I would have been single and warm."

Then again, he did gotten some positive responses. Or at least, his foggy memory could recall some positive responses. Perhaps if he hadn't gotten himself quite so drunk before showing up. But therein lay the problem, he hadn't had enough guts to show up dressed like he had been without some liquid catalyst. He was about as spineless as Shinji when it came to girls. Even when liquored up, it had been hard enough trying to talk to that Keiko girl, and she was only kind-of cute.

"God help me if I ever tried to talk to anyone like Misato. I'd probably get a nosebleed or something."

He paused for a second.

"Argh, I'm referring to anime already!" he cried out, standing up in disgust. He then slumped back into his chair, a defeated look on his face.

"People are just so hard to talk to. Well sure, Touji and Shinji are exceptions. and maybe the class rep as well, but I don't know if getting yelled at counts."

Kensuke chuckled as he remembered Touji's plight with Hikari.

"At least I don't have his problems," he tried telling himself, rather unsuccessfully.

Boredom overtaking his self-analysis, he idly flipped through an open manga lying on his desk.

He stopped at a picture of the hero stepping out of the cockpit of his mecha. The main female character was latched onto his arm and gushing words of praise and admiration. Kensuke shut the book in frustration and looked away. However, his head slowly turned back to it as a lodestone is drawn to point north. He scowled at the collection of illustrations as if they were the bane of his life.

"Why can't life be like anime? There even the geeks can get girls. Heck, the geeks pilot the giant robots, save the world AND get the girls!"

He paused for a second.

"ARGH, I'M DOING IT AGAIN ALREADY!"

The otaku flung the manga at the wall in disgust and took a deep breath.

"Okay I can do this, I can beat this," he told himself.

The computer chimed to signal the completion of the burning process. He turned back to it and opened a file explorer window to verify that the contents of the disc were in fact there and intact. He paused at the file named ironfist.avi - a conversion of his video camera footage from the previous day's class. The gears in Kensuke's head began to turn.

"Or maybe I don't have to. That ramen rumour spread through the school like wildfire. Shinji had an instant reputation after that. Now if I could only adapt a similar situation in a more. positive light," he mused.

But then another set of gears turned and he groaned.

"But then I don't have anyone to tell it to. Shinji and Touji would know I was up to something because of this pledge."

He took a long look at his computer. Information was his life, extracting it, manipulating it for his own ends. He looked at the computer again, another idea forming in his devious little cranium. Perhaps there was a way to use his anti-social skills to acquire a social life.

.Perhaps there was another way.

Going back into the file explorer, he opened up the hard drive that contained all his videogame emulators and ROMs. Being an otaku and thus a completist, he had most videogames ever created on that one hard drive. To Kensuke, it was more of a museum archive than a database of pirated material. After all, who else but him would have everything from the Super Famicom to the Playstation 3 all in one neatly arranged file hierarchy? There were still a few more gaps in his collection, which he would get around to filling as soon as he finished the highly addictive Super Moe Neko Wai II.

Booting up the old Xbox emulator, he searched through the file explorer until he found the ROM file he was looking for. He clicked on the file and after a few seconds, the black window of the emulator filled up with a English title.

Splinter Cell.

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Touji meekly sat at the table, just staring at his food while memories of the party kept flashing in his mind. The look on Hikari's face that told him to go away kept replaying in his mind's eye. It seemed so unnatural for her to look so angry when she could be so nice.

Mari, on the other hand, was busy enjoying her cooking thoroughly. She stopped and gave him a curious look.

'He doesn't look so good at all. What did he drink last night?' She asked herself. Her knowledge of alcohol was very limited. She was the only Suzuhara who could make that claim.

"Don't you like it?" Mari said, looking at him worryingly. Touji quickly blinked and draws himself back into reality.

"Oh no, it's just fine!" he replied hastily.

"Then why aren't you eating? You don't like it, do you?"

"I'm sorry. Mari," Touji replied, "my mind was somewhere else."

He gave her a smile and crammed a rice ball into his mouth, chewing rapidly.

"Good food here," he told her, his mouth still full of rice ball. As such, it came out more like "Gumph frod hrm."

He began to wolf down his food, causing Mari to smile. However, she was mentally strangling Touji for his complete and utter lack of class. Their grandfather had enrolled Touji in an etiquette class, but several slanderous haiku and a tea ceremony faux pa that had lead to no less than four hospitalisations had convinced him that Touji wasn't so unrefined after all.

Within a matter of minutes he had finished, rubbing his satisfied stomach. His sister's plate was still half full, so he took the time to silently contemplate his situation.

'I thought I made her proud,' Touji thought to himself.

Unlike a lot of that night, Touji clearly remembered when he had put that upstart Jun in his place. Although he had used some forbidden knowledge he had learnt as one of the Children, it was still worth it, even if it meant he would wind up as Dr Akagi's "pet hamster" as punishment.

'So what did I do wrong?'

Despite his victory, Hikari was still disappointed with him. Then it hit him. She couldn't have known that the city was under the guidance of three supercomputers and that every human politician was a puppet. He had unwittingly undermined her ideas of democracy just to win an argument. Or something like that, it was only the stupid city council. no, she clearly didn't think it was stupid. He suddenly felt very low.

Mari looked at her brother with a concern. The last time she saw this amount of concentration on Touji's face was when he had watched the Matrix while Kensuke tried to explain the metaphysical arguments behind it. Needless to say, by the end Touji still didn't grasp the point while Kensuke was reduced to cursing in pure frustration.

"Are you okay?"

Touji blinked, obviously startled. However, his glassy stare was gone. "Yeah, I'm okay now," he smiled, "thanks to your cooking."

She didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or as an insult. Instead she just blushed slightly and resumed eating. When he was sure her attention was no longer on him, Touji quickly lent down and licked off the few remaining traces of food. When he started eating, he just couldn't seem to stop, no matter what his mood.

He stood up and placed his chopsticks on top of his bowl. "Thank you, Mari, it was really good."

"You're too kind," Mari beamed.

'I wish.'

"Nah. Anyway, let's wash up."

"Okay!"

Mari ran the water and stacked the plates as Touji stood with a washcloth in his hand and going through the motions of dish washing, too lost in his own thoughts to pay attention to the world around him.

'Whom am I kind to? Am I kind at all?'

He looked over at Mari, who had her hands in the soapy water, scrubbing and cleaning.

'Of course there is my sister. I've gotten into an Eva for her. Who else. There are my father and grandfather, all of us have been through a lot together.'

Mari passed him another plate that he automatically dried and stacked to one side of the sink.

'There is Kensuke, we've been friends together for years. There is Shinji, although we haven't been together as long and we got off to a real bad start, but we worked our way past that. At least I hope we have.'

He wiped another plate down.

'Then there is. Hikari. She's been like an angel to me. The ones with wings, not the ones that possess my Eva before I even have a chance to scratch myself off course. I've always cared for her in some way or other, even before she confessed to me.'

"Touji. pot."

Mari didn't like her routine slowed down by her absent-minded brother. Touji snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at Mari, who face bore a cross expression.

Touji had enough good manners to look a little sheepish. "Sorry. I guess my mind was somewhere else."

Mari rolled her eyes and returned to washing while Touji began to dry again. After finishing with the dishes, Touji returned to his room and sat on the edge of his bed. Looking blankly at the wall, he returned to his thoughts.

Had he really cared for Hikari? He thought he had. Then Hiroshi's words came back to him and it became apparent. He never really did anything special for her, anything that she really liked. As a result she had grown bitter. She might even be considering breaking up, which scared him more than that Sadako chick in that movie... He had to win her back; the question was how?

Sighing loudly, he reached for his miniature basketball, taking careful aim at the small hoop over his waste bin and arced his shot through the hoop.

He needed a plan of action. A plan that would convince Hikari that he did care for her. He had to show her that he thought she was as precious and special as the rarest diamond. Of course, such diamonds costed money- a great deal of it in fact. He had been saving for the past two years for a trip to America, working part time as a kitchen hand for "Mr. Kwon's All- You-Can-Eat Buffet!". It was hot and noisy there and the pay was minimum wage. However, he got a lot of leftover food so he didn't have to spend his pay anyway. He had wanted to see the NBA in the flesh after he graduated, but somehow, making Hikari happy was all that now mattered to him. He reached for a piece of paper and a pen, thought for a moment and then began to write up his "Touji's Action Plan Fantastic!"

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Sometime later that night, in the cavernous office of Gendou Ikari, sat... Gendou Ikari, with Fuyutski at his side. The Supreme Commander of NERV closed the manila folder full of black and white photographs. Finally, Gendou broke the silence.

"This is most... concerning," he mumbled.

"Who would have anticipated this?" asked Fuyutski, noticing Gendou's tone. He hadn't expected the Commander to take the setback so badly.

"I should have foreseen this interference" he said in the same mumble. Gendou was livid. He had forgotten megalomaniac rule number one: Always have a backup plan.

A single bead of sweat trickled down Fuyutski's forehead and onto his nose. He knew he had to try to calm his friend, before Gendou did the unthinkable and actually raised his voice.

"But are you even sure that the mission would have been accomplished even without interruption?"

"She was loaded. There was no better chance."

The old professor grinned. "Aren't we the expert on that fact?"

Gendou darted his eyes over at Fuyutski before staring forward.

"Regardless. I was hoping that the Second would provide more of an. assistance in dealing with this problem. Instead she goes and ruins a sure thing," complained Gendou.

"I don't really believe she has the right temperament for assisting anyone," Fuyutski bluntly added.

"I have known of his lingering attraction to the little shrew for quite some time. It will prove more advantageous if the scenario were to be concluded with someone he was attracted to."

"So I'm guessing Kim is out then."

"I wouldn't ever think of depriving you."

Fuyutski chuckled nervously and put away the "Female Escorts" magazine he had been about to offer to Gendou. Anxious to get his personal life off the topic at hand, Fuyutski racked his brains for other suitable "candidates." Failing that, he introduced Gendou's Achilles heel into the conversation.

"What about Rei? It seems he has had a thing for her as well. I'm sure you could just order her to..."

"Out of the question!"

Fuyutski screwed up his face in disgust. "Don't tell me you're still."

Gendou tried to block out the unscrupulous thoughts and memories that were surfacing in his mind.

"No. Better the Second than the First."

"Sure, whatever you say."

Gendou looked at Fuyutski, who had a small grin on his face. He gave a soft grunt and looked forward again.

"This is all irrelevant. We must accept our losses and move ahead with planning for the next mission."

"Are you sure there is even going to be another mission?"

"It has been confirmed."

A computer monitor rose from within the desk, an image of Japan, Korea and Eastern China appearing on the screen. The video feed is labelled "UN Orbital Recon: 08:27:54 JST". Manipulating the controls, Gendou zoomed the image to its maximum resolution. Touji Suzuhara gestured wildly with his fist on the screen, seemingly at the satellite above. The Magi ran a lip- reading program, and added subtitles to the bottom of the image.

Touji: Were going to get laid before Graduation! Just stand up and say yes!

Shinji: Get laid? But, but. Before Graduation? I couldn't.

Touji: Stand up and pledge!!! No more getting pushed around by Asuka! No more "Lord Iron Fists"! If not to lose your cherry, do this to regain your dignity! Say it!!

Shinji: I. I'll do it.

"Research has indicated that the most probable time of such an event occurring is during the Prom after party. The event is scheduled to begin three weeks from now, so our mission timetable has been set accordingly."

A large digital timer board dropped from the ceiling reading 485:43:28

Fuyutski blinked in surprise. "Isn't this... a bit much?"

"Not at all. Shinji will need all the help he can get."

"The fact that we haven't fought an Angel in over three years and that we've already made the Middle East a NERV protectorate has nothing to do with this?" Suggested Fuyutski, knowing that the hidden closet in the office contained more than just secret documents and the corpses of old enemies. Inside lay entertainment devices such as a finished copy of Pokemon for the Game Boy Advance, bongo drums and the much-loathed unicycle.

"Kim." Gendou said, returning to his normal smirk. Fuyutski gulped.

"I see your point. But tell me why are you, really doing all this?"

"I screwed up Shinji's childhood; I turned him into the wussiest teenager on the planet." Gendou sighed. "I even managed to get him to fear the colour pink."

Fuyutski's stoic face slowly gave way to a wry smile. "Actually, that last one was my doing."

Gendou chuckled. That had been an interesting day for all concerned. In order to get Shinji back onto the base, all regulation rubber gloves had to be changed to yellow.

"Oh yes, that's right. Anyway, I believe I owe him."

"And you believe getting him laid will make up for seventeen years of God- awful parenting?"

"Yes."

Fuyutski looked at his former protege with awe. "There are times I doubted you. But now I see you truly are a genius."

Gendou nodded silently.

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Hyuuga yawned as the metal door to the command centre slid open. Slowly he stepped inside and headed over to the coffeepot, where he poured himself a large mugful. Taking small sips, he walked over to his command console and sat down in the highly padded chair, the only perk in the entire job. Shigeru swivelled in his own chair, bearing a look of equal tiredness and frustration.

"Bad weekend for you too huh?" the longhaired technician asked.

"No, not really," Hyuuga replied, "guess I sort of overdid it a little bit."

"Party?" Shigeru already knew the answer, but he thought it was common courtesy to give his co-worker the benefit of the doubt.

"Paperwork."

As Shigeru had surmised, Hyuuga was a paper pusher and always had been. Of course, Shigeru couldn't go that far without going any further, so he put on a mask of astonishment.

"But you were doing paperwork all last week. Overtime even!"

"I know, but with upcoming sync tests, out come the combat evaluation reports."

It then hit the command aide. Even if Hyuuga had no life, he still got his work done. Shigeru summed up the mixture of feelings he was experiencing with one word he thought was quite appropriate.

"Shit."

Hyuuga looked up from his console. "What?"

However, he didn't see the face of the tech as Shigeru already had his head stuck inside a filing cabinet whilst throwing folders onto the console beside him.

"I'm guessing you haven't collated all those profiles then."

"No!" replied Shigeru, his head still in the filing cabinet.

"And you know all the work has to be ready today? Since the Second Child has arrived early, the schedule is being pushed up."

"Yes!"

Hyuuga chuckled at Shigeru's antics. Although he and Maya had borne the brunt of most assignment, Shigeru and his attitude always seemed to land him in more trouble and stress. Still, Hyuuga had wasted away an entire weekend on a bunch of files while his superior, the babelicious Misato Katsuragi, had probably partied the nights away. During all this, he was having the time of his life, sitting in his living room with a pile of papers, and the TV for background sound.

'I suck.' Hyuuga thought to himself sadly.

'I suck, although not as much as Hyuuga.' Thought Shigeru, not feeling as bad as he had before

He sat down at his console, opened up a file on his terminal, turned back to the folder next to him and began to enter in codes. As he scanned the information, correcting out of date information, he thought back onto how he had spent the weekend. Although Hyuuga would have believed it was with some woman he had picked up in a bar after a show, it hadn't been the case. Sure he may have managed once or twice, but it never progressed past a small make out session, if it all. Truth be known, he spent most of the time in his apartment playing his music. But that was the least of his worries at that moment, staring down at the codex of information that had to be re entered into the program by hand.

Shigeru slammed his hand down on his console in frustration. "Damnit, where is that physical fitness assessment for the Third Child?!"

"The latest one?" asked Hyuuga.

"Well of course I mean the latest one! I need those new figures."

"I think Major Katsuragi has it."

It made obvious sense, as she was both the tactical officer and Shinji's guardian, that she would need the data to assess the Third Child's combat fitness. But Shigeru blocked this out, only wanting to deal with one crisis at a time. However, there was little doubt he needed those figures. There many ways to get it, but one was more interesting as he considered the ramifications. It became more and more attractive as he thought about it.

"Could you go get it?" Shigeru casually mentioned.

"I don't think she's on base yet, and I don't have access to her office."

"But you know where she lives, right?"

"Well. yeah, but." Hyuuga nervously spluttered.

'Oh, this is perfect,' Shigeru thought. Hyuuga was already falling apart at the prospect of talking to Misato. However, he still needed to apply more pressure.

"So go over there. I really need that assessment."

Hyuuga shook his head. "I-I don't think I should. It would be extremely rude!"

'God, he's a wuss,' Shigeru thought.

"You're NERV, she's NERV, it's about a NERV matter, what's the problem here?" asked Shigeru.

Hyuuga started to blush. This was the opportunity Shigeru had been waiting for. Now if only he could..

"You've got the hots for her, don't you?" queried Shigeru, a grin on his face.

"I do not!" Hyuuga staunchly denied.

"Then why so flustered?"

"Because. because she doesn't like visitors this early in the morning."

Hyuuga wanted to slap himself in the face for making up such a weak excuse. He knew it would only egg Aoba on.

"It'll give you a chance to talk to her, and it's about Shinji, her favourite topic after all."

"Well. err."

"She's probably still asleep anyway! You'll be doing her a favour by waking her up."

"But she could still be hung over and." Hyuuga began.

"Come on, please. I'll cover for you." Pleaded Shigeru, his head bowed in the traditional begging position.

Hyuuga was still deciding what to do when he found himself out in the hallway of the command centre, as Shigeru stepped back and pushed the 'door close' button.

"Thanks pal," he said, grinning.

"But!"

"Don't come back without that report!" came Shigeru's voice over the intercom.

Hyuuga turned and sighed. However, slowly the confusion ebbed away with the excitement of seeing Misato outside of work. He began to walk briskly down the corridor.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

Hyuuga stood at the front door to the Katsuragi residence, scratching the back of his neck. He had been doing this for several minutes now, and had managed to create a considerable rash that would require serious scratching at a later date. He had a valid reason to be here, yet he still couldn't think of something to say when she opened the door.

"So, do you like kittens?" he said to himself, before inwardly kicking himself. He needed something better, and fast.

"So that Shinji fellow. ah, well. god damn it, why can't I think of anything to say!"

Looking down at his watch, he realised just how much time he has wasted in front of Misato's door. He pressed the doorbell, deciding to just grab the reports and live to fight another day. A MP3 of the Yebisu TV theme began to play, causing Hyuuga to smile a little. Then he heard the sound of shuffling on the other side of the door, as the light on the intercom speaker switched on.

'Well, at least she's awake.'

"Major Katsuragi? It's me, Makato. I mean, Lieutenant Hyuuga, Ma'am!" he said, conscious of how stupid this would. "Sorry to bother you, but the Sync Test is today! We need you, as well as Shinji's physical."

There was no reply on the intercom, only the sound of more shuffling followed by a quiet "thump".

'Has she collapsed in a drunken heap again?'

"Major Katsuragi, are you alright?" Once again he received no response, although the shuffling continued. "Could you at least open the door?"

After a few more seconds of waiting, he gave up.

"Fine, be that way," Hyuuga said, his head slumping forward to rest against the door. "I don't know why I bother," he began, not realising he was talking out loud. "I cover for you at work, I risk my job getting information for you and I. like you. A lot. Ever since Kaji left, I thought maybe you and I could. well forget it. What chance do I have if you won't even let me through the door?"

As luck would have it, the door opened at that very moment. Hyuuga nearly fell forward, able to save himself by grabbing onto the sides of the doorframe. PenPen stood in the doorway with Shinji's physical profile folder firmly clamped inbetween his beaks.

The bird and the man stared silently at each other for a few moments. Hyuuga started to sweat. This had gone from embarrassing to downright freaky.

"Ah. Misato got up early today for a change?" he said, wondering how much Japanese the Penguin was able to understand.

PenPen nodded.

"Well, I guess there's a first time for everything," he said, scratching the back of his head and stuttering out a forced laugh.

PenPen nodded again, this time a lot more vigorously. Then there was another awkward silence.

"Say, did you understand the "I like you" comment?"

Another nod.

"I see," Hyuuga muttered, a sweatdrop forming on his brow. If Misato got wind of his intentions from her pet penguin rather than Hyuuga, it would reflect really badly on him.

"You aren't intending to evolve the ability to speak any time soon, are you?"

PenPen raised one of his flippers and pointed to it with the other, indicating he wanted the time. Hyuuga looked down at his watch.

"It's 9 AM," he said, but PenPen didn't seem satisfied. It gestured at its imaginary watch again

"Oh, sorry. It's the 13th of October, 2018."

Now satisfied, PenPen shook its head. Hyuuga sighed in relief.

"Good. Now if you will just give me the reports," he began, tugging at the folder held in PenPen's beak. However, the Penguin wasn't letting go so easily.

Sighing again, Hyuuga clicked open his briefcase and pulled out his lunch for today: a tuna sandwich, one of his favourite meals.

"Trade?"

PenPen nodded, so Hyuuga threw the sandwich over its head and into the hallway. Spitting out the folder, PenPen turned and waddled back down the hall to grab the sandwich, warking happily. Picking up the files, Hyuuga closed the door behind him and walked towards the lift. Part of him was disturbed on a whole bunch of levels, but this part was silenced by a larger section that realised he had just given up his lunch to a bird that was so lazy it didn't even fly.

"I hope the little bugger chokes on it. stupid Uplift program."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

Hyuuga slipped into the Command and Control Centre over half an hour later, winded from the marathon sprint through the Geofront. Looking up from his shoes once he had regained his breath, he saw Misato glaring at him with arms crossed across her chest. Behind her at their stations were Maya and Shigeru, each smirking at his predicament. Ritsuko was perched on an empty workstation next to Maya, sipping her coffee.

"Glad you could make it Lieutenant Hyuuga." Misato said, tapping her foot in impatience.

'I'm late for the first time in four years and she's reprimanding me for tardiness?' he thought. 'Why do I even bother?'

Another look at his commanding officer explained why.

'She looks so kawaii when she's angry..'

"Sorry Major, it won't happen again!" Hyuuga yelped, snapping himself out of his daze.

"Let's hope not. Now may we get on with the Sync Test?"

"Right away Ma'am!"

The two hours passed as slowly as they did in any other Sync Test. Hyuuga concentrated on keeping his head down and watching the data compile on the screen. By the end, everyone was waiting with bated breath for the stop clock to reach the two-hour mark.

"Three, two and. one! That's enough for this time, guys!" Misato said over the intercom. She gestured to Shigeru, who cut the connection from the Entry Plugs to the CommCont Centre.

"Okay Maya, lets see how the Children are doing," Misato said. Maya entered in a few commands, displaying the scores up on the big holographic projector for the entire crew to see.

1st Child Ayanami R. (Evangelion Unit 00Beta): 68% 3rd Child Ikari S. (Evangelion Unit 01): 77% 2nd Child Sohryu, A.L. (Evangelion Unit 02): 72% 4th Child Suzuhara, T. (Evangelion Unit 03Beta): 45%

"Rei's score has increased by two points, which is a good improvement. Asuka's score is higher than the MAGI extrapolated, after all this time away from Eva."

"Well, I'm sure she'll be glad to hear that," Misato said before grumbling under her breath, 'I certainly won't, having to hear about it for the rest of the month'

"What was that, Major?" Maya asked, curious

"Ah nothing, nothing! What about Shinji and Touji?"

"Shinji's score has decreased by over 13 points! For a drop that big, he must have undergone some major psychological trauma in the last few months."

"The MAGI were expecting this, Maya," she said, before the sound of snickering made her to look around Shigeru.

"Did you have something to say, Lieutenant Aoba?" she growled as Maya looked on, still puzzled. Despite Ritsuko's best efforts, the girl was still too innocent for her own good.

"Ah, sorry Ma'am! Just coughing, that's all," said Shigeru, turning around to look down at his suddenly fascinating keyboard.

"So what about the Fourth?" asked Ritsuko, trying to steer the conversation back on track.

"His median sync ratio came in at forty five percent."

"Forty five! That's a drop of over..."

"Fourteen points, Misato," Ritsuko supplied, "at least try and read those reports we send you every now and then."

"Grrrr."

"We can't monitor his emotional state as closely as we can with Shinji and Asuka. I guess it's time Maya and I have a little talk with him to see what's wrong."

"Why you?"

"Well, it's your job to have a word with Shinji about his score. Also, I believe it would be an act of kindness if we take him aside rather than have the Commander do it."

"I don't believe you. What else do you have up your sleeve Ritsu?"

"According to Section 2, our dear Fourth Child has been blabbing out classified information again."

"Again?" Misato groaned. "So let me guess: he's going to be your guinea pig for a month as punishment? Real smooth Ritsuko."

"I thought it would be nice to tell my little Boo about the change in arrangements personally," Ritsuko said, smirking.

"Boo?" Misato asked, eyebrow raised.

"Never mind. Come along Maya, we have work to do."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

Meanwhile, down in the Boys change room.

"Squeak!"

"Huh?" Shinji said, looking up from his clothing bag. "What was that?"

"Ah, nothing." Touji said, blushing. "It must have been a faulty ventilation pipe or something!"

"Right."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

Shinji shuffled out of Misato's office with hands in pockets and head bowed. His dramatic score decrease had led to a half-hour lecture from Misato, which was always "fun". Although she had encouraged him to suppress all memories of the Ramen Incident, at least she had held back from setting up another round of consultations with the NERV psychologist. Shinji had had enough therapy to last a lifetime and was intent on never seeing another head shrinker for as long as his lived.

Touji's score must have fallen as well, if the way Maya had dragged him off to her office was any indication. Asuka on the other hand seemed gleeful about her performance. She had made the point of stopping by the Boys change rooms to tell Touji and him of her inherit superiority over the bakas of the world. Shinji had had no doubts that she had two particular bakas in mind when she said that.

"Well, I guess if it's good for her," he muttered to himself.

"Why?" came the unanticipated reply. Shinji looked up just in time to avoid walking straight into Rei (again). She was still dressed in the damp plugsuit that she had worn for the test, as well as holding onto a small glass vial of pills.

"Gah! Ayanami!" Shinji cried, leaping back involuntary. Rei blinked.

"Gah." Rei said slowly, as if experimenting with the unfamiliar sound. Shinji took another step back, this time worried. The way she said it, the fact she said it at all. memories of the early days in Tokyo-3 and the Rei he knew back then.. could she be regressing?

The small smile that came to her lips put an end to that train of thought. Shinji nearly choked on his own disbelief. Had Rei actually been teasing him?

"Ah, sorry Rei, you. you startled me, that's all!"

"Perhaps you should have been more alert," she replied, arching one eyebrow slightly.

Shinji calmed down and began to smile as well. Coming from Rei, this was "Evening at the Improv" material.

"Sorry, Rei. Say, shouldn't you have changed into your school uniform already?"

"I will do so soon. I had to wait for Dr Akagi to reissue my medication first."

"Medication?" Shinji asked. Rei held out the vial for Shinji to see. "Why do you need to take medication? Are you all right?"

"These pills are helping treat a small problem of mine. I am fine."

"Well, if you say so," Shinji said doubtfully, before trying to change tack. "At least you still have your health. I'm sure you must be happy about that!"

"Why?"

"Ah, well. it's a saying and. never mind, Rei," Shinji said, unsure whether she was teasing him again. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?"

"Very well. Good day, Ikari."

The two went to part ways. However, just as Shinji walked past Rei he bumped into her side. This small collision was enough to knock the vial out of her hands. As Shinji turned around to apologise, Rei leaned forward to retrieve her medication.

The words "I'm sorry" struggled but failed to come out as Shinji was afforded with a prime view of her small, tight, plugsuit-encased behind.

Shinji tried to shut his eyes, to turn away or at least to blink in surprise. But like many men who had found themselves in similar situations, Shinji's control over his eyes and muscles had fallen to nearly zero.

"This is an annoyance," Rei muttered to herself. The fact that both the vial and Rei's plugsuit gloves were still damp with LCL made picking up the small vial a Herculean task.

"Gah. gah. GAH!" Shinji managed to choke out.

"Do not panic, Ikari. There is nothing to startle you." Rei said, eyes focused on the ever-slipping vial rather than the now beet-red Shinji.

The vial, proving to be as hard to grab as a toy in an arcade claw machine, slipped out of her hands again and rolled down one of the Bakelite drains, wedging itself in a grate. Forced to Plan B, Rei got down on her elbows and knees and stuck her arm down the drain, trying to grab the hold of the vial once and for all. In counterbalance to Rei's searching hand, her pert XXXX swayed back and forth with Shinji's eyes firmly locked on and tracking. However, the image stopped registering on his young fertile mind as his brain started going through its stored data banks for similar situations..

FLASH!

The ever-present jackhammers are still working in the background, but the world of Shinji Ikari has gone silent. He looks into the eyes of Rei Ayanami, the strange blue haired girl who was lying naked underneath him. "Will you get off?"

Only then does he notice the warm smoothness of her breast squashed underneath his palm. He leaps back in shock.

FLASH!

From the entry plug of Unit 01, Shinji looked down at the monster that was once his friend, floating in front of the crucified abomination. There could be no radio link between the two, nor any words picked up on Unit 01's sensors. Yet Kaworu's words were as plain as if he had been standing right in front of him.

"No, it can't be. Lillith?"

FLASH!

Ritsuko is maniacally laughing, despite the gun to the back of head. The naked Rei clones looking down at the very stunned Shinji cannot help but laugh as well. The whole world seems to be laughing at him.

FLASH!

A young woman, her face lost to the mists of time, rinses a rag in a bucket. She turns to smile at Shinji, and he feels loved.

Shinji snapped.

"It's happening again!" he screamed, the reddish-white edges of his corneas showing in his eye sockets. The flight wining over the fight response, he tore his eyes away from Rei so suddenly he nearly snapped his own neck. Rushing through the nearest door into a small dank cubicle, he slammed the door shut and slumped down to the ground shaking. He repeated an old mantra that started with a whisper but quickly growing louder. However, it wasn't Old Faithful, also known as "I mustn't run away."

"She is not my mother, she is not my mother, she is not my mother."

From the other side of the door, Rei carefully got to her knees and then to her feet. Not wishing for another repeat, she clutched the vial tightly to her breast. Rei looked at the door marked "Janitor's Closet" for a few seconds, listening to the muffled. Her face had returned to its unreadable default.

'I will protect him,' she thought, 'no matter how confusing he may be.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

Maya's office looked a lot like Kensuke's idea of Heaven, or so Touji guessed. There was more processing power in the mass of computer equipment on and around her desk than in some Third World countries. Touji sat on a fold-out chair borrowed from the NERV cafeteria while Maya stood behind her desk. With her small height and the impressive tower of computer parts, it was the only way she could look at him while retaining some sense of authority.

"I'm sure you must wonder why you're here, Touji," Maya began, before being interrupted by the boy in question

"I'm here because you asked nicely and when that failed, you dragged me here by the ear."

"Well, that's true, I guess. But I did have a reason for asking you to come today."

Touji's mind added one plus one together and came up with 3.14592654.

"I'm sorry, but I'm already taken," he said, a tinge of red appearing on his face.

"Huh?" Maya said, completely lost. Standing behind Touji in the doorway, the recently arrived Ritsuko raised an eyebrow.

"I know you're pretty interested in me. You basically dragged me out of the change room half dressed. I'm flattered, maybe even a little bit interested. However, although I'm looking for some loving, I have a girlfriend, you know and."

Maya was approaching what crayon makers now dubbed the "Shinji Embarrassed Red" shade. Ritsuko came very close to swallowing the cigarette she was smoking.

".even if she now shuns me, making me want to cry deep down inside though I would never mention it to anyone, especially someone I only knew casually at work and." Touji's two brain cells crashed into each other somewhere deep in the vacuum of his skull, causing a brief spark of light. "Oh crap. Ignore that last plan."

"Women trouble eh?" said Ritsuko, walking forward and placing her hands on the backrest of the chair. Touji gulped and tried to pull the "accidental confession" foot out of his mouth.

"Ah, although I'm not interested in sleeping with you, well. ah," Touji stuttered, trying to think of a way out of the mess. Suddenly it came to him, a way to kill two birds with one stone. Not only that, he would be helping out one of his friends in the process.

" I do have a friend who would though. His name's Kensuke and."

"Touji," Ritsuko growled, moving her hands closer to his neck.

". he likes computers, obscure mecha anime and isn't that ugly."

"Touji!" Ritsuko barked, so loud that he nearly jumped out of his own skin. He certainly did shriek though.

"Neither Maya nor I are interested in sleeping with you, your friends or any other people you happen to meet on the street!"

"Sorry Ma'am!" Touji squeaked.

"What we wanted to talk to you about was your low Sync ratio. You obviously had something on your mind that distracted you during the test," Maya said, turning one of her monitors around to show the comparison Sync scores. Touji blinked in surprise at his result. His life didn't revolve around what ratio he achieved (unlike some people he could name), but even he had to admit that this score was a cause for concern.

"We were going to gently question you and make a guess as to what the problem was," Ritsuko said, looking down at a few trial questions she had jotted down, "until you were so kind as to blurt out the cause in one big slip. So I guess we can thank you for sparing us the hours-long psychoanalytical session."

"Well, what can you do?" he said, accepting that the cat was out the bag and was now drinking from Ritsuko's milk bowl.

"Apart from a painful and excruciatingly embarrassing medical examination, not much" admitted Ritsuko. "Attracting the opposite sex has never really been my forte."

"But you're women! Throw me a line here!" he cried, becoming more desperate. "What's your idea of a romantic evening?"

Ritsuko and Maya blushed again. Luckily for them, Touji remained clueless to the subtext.

"You could send roses and love letters to her beforehand," Maya said as she glanced over at Ritsuko.

"You could take her to a concert, ballet or something you obviously hate just to please her," Ritsuko chipped in, smiling a little and thinking back to the night of the "Taming of the Shrew" play put on by the Japanese Shakespeare Company.

"Most of all, make her feel special. Let her know that she's the only one for you," said Maya, not even looking at Touji any more.

"Stalk her, let her know I care. Check," said Touji, smiling as he rose from the chair, "well, now that we've gotten to the bottom of this, can I go now?

Ritsuko's hands clamped onto his shoulders and pushed him back down.

"Not so fast. There still is the matter of your punishment for blurting out secret information."

"I was kind of hoping you had forgotten that."

"Afraid not," Ritsuko said, smiling, "you're going to help us calibrate the new Medical Unit by being the test subject"

"Ah, does the unit have a name or anything?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. 'The Probulator', I believe," she replied, looking down at her notebook and smirking.

"I kind of feared that," Touji sighed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

"Are we done yet?" asked Misato in her annoying bratty voice while leaning over the back of Hyuuga's chair.

Hyuuga kept typing away at his console. "No."

Misato started to feel playful and decided to press the already frazzled technician. "Are we done yet?"

"No."

"Are we."

Hyuuga looked up, irritated. Her pestering over, Misato blushed and turned her head away. She had tried to play games on Hyuuga before but they always seemed to backfire like this.

The man himself was in no mood to play around. First Misato had chewed him out and now she was acting like a child on a long car trip. He could never figure Misato out, especially in his current caffeine-deprived state.

"I've just about finished all the data entry, but printing out all these documents may take a while. Perhaps I can go and get you a drink while they do that."

He attempted to stand but Misato put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. The technician looked up at her with questioning eyes.

"Major?"

"I'll go get us something; after all, I've been the improper one here."

"Uh, okay," he said. Hyuuga was completely confused.

"So, how do you take your coffee?" she asked him. For some reason, Misato could still feel some heat in her cheeks. It reminded her of the time at university, when she had offered to get Kaji some caffeinated soft drink during one of their study session. Although that had ended up with some rather kinky sex in a public place, it had still made her feel a little more like a woman, rather than an overbearing authority figure like Ritsuko.

"Erm, milk and two sugars."

At that point Hyuuga's brain was working on autopilot. Despite working with her for so many years, his opinion of Misato had changed once again. The more time he spent with her, the more he was unable to figure out his character. Misato was not an easy woman to comprehend, but it was those quaint little imperfections that kept a guy interested.

"Gotcha," she said, winking.

Misato stood upright and began to walk out of the Command Centre. She had almost reached the door when Hyuuga cracked.

"Major?"

Misato stopped and turned around.

"Yes?"

"Thank you," he said quietly, blushing.

"It's no trouble at all. But you could do one thing for me."

"Yes Major?"

"Call me Misato," Misato smiled, "it's not like we're not all friends here."

"Yes Maj. I mean Misato."

Misato grinned and winked at him before disappearing into the hallway. Hyuuga slumped back into his chair when the door slid closed again, tension draining out of his body like water through a sieve. At least that was happening, until a new voice made itself known in the Command Centre.

"Call me. Misato," mocked the quite un-feminine voice.

Hyuuga almost had a heart attack. He swivelled in his chair to see Shigeru on the other side of the Command Bridge, grinning like an idiot.

"How long have you been there?" the bespectacled man yelled.

"Long enough."

Still grinning, he walked over to his station. As he passed Hyuuga, Shigeru dropped a large report folder on Hyuuga's lap before flopping down into his own seat. Hyuuga opened the cover and studied the first few pages.

"The new profiles?" asked Hyuuga.

"Yep," replied Shigeru, tailing back in his chair, "it nearly killed me, but they're done."

"Lazy ass."

"Huh?"

"Nothing," Hyuuga lied.

He set the report on the side of the console and resumed typing.

"Still not done yet?"

Hyuuga started hitting the keys a little harder than he needed to. "Well unlike some, we actually have to work hard all the time."

"Ouch. You must be really hooked on her then."

He stopped. "What?"

"You must be really hooked on Misato. You should look at yourself, all flushed and agitated. All I did was overhear a conversation about how you took your coffee, yet you flipped out! Face it, you want her bad."

"Well, I."

"Not that I blame you; she is a fox!"

Hyuuga shot his co-worker a nasty glance. "HEY! Stop that right now!"

"Whoa! Down boy. I was just saying," replied Shigeru, holding his hands up defensively.

"She's a lady and deserved to be treated as such," Hyuuga grumbled, jabbing at the keys on his console. Shigeru looked at him with a downcast expression, his hands sorting and filing documents away in autopilot until he couldn't take the tense silence any more.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry, geeze. All I'm saying is you have good taste."

Hyuuga cocked his head to the side, before going back to his typing, confusing the Communications officer to no end.

"Not that it matters anyway; she doesn't think about me like that."

The conversation restored, Shigeru decided to press onward. "Well, what I saw was pretty encouraging."

"She said the word "friend," and friends don't date you know."

"Friends can become GOOD friends, if you know what I mean."

Hyuuga knew that much. It wasn't like he was completely clueless, but that wasn't the problem.

"It's not like I don't want to ask her, I'm just afraid we may lose what we have if she says no."

Shigeru was now definitely curious. What was the hangup? Unless there was something else going on he didn't know about.

"What you have? What exactly do you have with her?"

"Well I, erm, you know, there's the job and the coffee and all that. stuff."

Obviously there wasn't.

"In other words, practically nothing?"

"Yeah," sighed Hyuuga.

"So what have you got to lose?"

"Other than my job?"

Shigeru had heard some lame excuses from guys who didn't want to ask a girl out on a date, but losing his job over simple offer for dinner and movie was the most severe and paranoid ones he had heard.

"She's not going to get you fired if you ask her out."

"I've heard stories."

"What do you mean?"

"There were a few tactical assistants before me you know."

"Ah..."

"Perhaps it's best that we just kept our relationship on a professional level."

It was obvious to Shigeru that Hyuuga was once again wussing out. There was only one way to get Hyuuga to overcome his fear, and that was to get him so worked-up that he forgot why he was supposed to be scared in the first place. It had worked quite well several months previously when Hyuuga wouldn't get up at the karaoke bar. After mocking him for all the years he had spent in the Tokyo-2 Boy Choir, Hyuuga had finally gotten up and sung "Eclipse of the Heart" with the best of them. He had been cheered off stage, which could not be said of the following singer, an annoying gaijin who drank better than he sang.

"You are such a chicken."

" I. I am not!"

"Considering you don't spend a lot of time with Misato, you sure know a lot about her."

"It's just part of my job," Hyuuga reassured.

"What's her shoe size?" Snapped Shigeru.

"I dunno."

Shigeru frowned. "Be honest."

"Seven and a half," groaned the tech.

"See what I mean. You know her better than anyone, you could complete her in so many ways because of that."

"Well."

"No "well" about it. Ask her out on a date this Saturday, for the love of God man! She isn't going to be single forever; I've seen the way guys look at her, and not just on the base!"

"You're right," agreed Hyuuga, clenching his fist, "I have to do something about this. I can no longer hide my feelings from her!"

"Yes," Shigeru said, nodding.

Hyuuga stood up as if in defiance of the heavens. "I know I can be the man that will bring her happiness in her life! "

"Yes!"

He struck a mighty pose that you only found in anime. "I will ask Misato Katsuragi out on a date this Saturday!"

"YES!"

The door to the command centre slid open and Misato entered, carrying a mug of hot coffee in each hand.

"Did I just hear my name mentioned?" she asked.

"No!" Hyuuga blurted in a little girly voice.

He blushed and dropped back into his seat to resume typing, trying to avoid Misato's curious glances and Shigeru flapping his arms, chicken-like.

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Kensuke grunted in frustration as he pulled himself around another corner of the school's ventilation system. It was cold, dark and tight: nothing at all like the movies and games he had been raised on. But he had come too far to turn back now. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he saw a ray of light emanating up from a grate. Crawling toward it and looking down, Kensuke could see that he was above the school's server room.

"Any moment now," Kensuke whispered, checking his watch.

"Holy shit, some student is looking at Pr0n on the school server!" cried the Administrator as he got up from his computer and rushed out the door, which automatically sealed itself behind him.

Kensuke knew deep down it was wrong to set up a ghost program using a random student's ID, especially when he had it log onto www.tenticalmonsterattacks.com. However, he knew that the uptight school administrator would rush to the offending machine and sort it out himself. However, Kensuke believed the end justified the means, as hacking into the school's system was impossible without a supercomputer. The amazingly intricate firewall and encryption systems were far beyond that of most corporate networks. In a way it was his own fault, for if he hadn't been blatantly messing around inside the school system for the past five years the PTA wouldn't have thought such. extreme measures where necessary. Anyway, it meant that he had to infiltrate the mainframe physically.

Using his stealth electric screwdriver, Kensuke undid the fastenings on the grate and pushed it aside. Curling up into a tight ball, he pivoted around so his legs were facing the grate. He slowly pushed himself backwards and lowered himself into the room. However, he forgot to take into consideration that he had no upper body strength. Instead of suspending him from the opening and then silently dropping down, Kensuke's arms gave in almost immediately. He plummeted through part of the false floor and into a pile of network cables.

"That never happened in Metal Gear Solid," groaned Kensuke, picking himself up and made his way over to the console on the main server.

After a few little changes to the student record database, he opened up some student access accounts and sent a number of prepared emails before wiping their existence from both the student's and the main server's logs, ensuring nobody could ever trace them back to a single source.

The rumours were set in play. The game was on.

"Phase one complete; time is 16:36 hours." Kensuke said into a small pocket recorder. Running a commentary of his actions made him think more in what he called his "military mode."

The task completed, he quickly removed his electronic footprints from the log on the mainframe and all the backups before leaving the computer just as he had found it. He replaced the floor panelling and then looked up at the ventilation shaft.

How the hell was he going to get back in?

He had planned the ingress, operation and egress but had forgot one crucial thing; he had no means of hauling himself back into the vent. He couldn't leave by the front door, because there were bound to be teachers beyond and as a student, he was the last person they would expect to be in the server room for any ethical reason. He couldn't move the chair because he wouldn't be able to put it back again. It was a dilemma that could put Solid Snake in a bind, if Solid Snake were a 17-year-old geek with no fancy infiltration gadgets or muscles.

Time was running out. The Admin by all rights should have been back by now. Perhaps he had been distracted by the website longer than expected. Then he heard footsteps; the Admin was coming back! Desperately Kensuke searched the room. Finally, his eyes set upon a large rack of switches that was positioned near the vent opening. If he stretched just enough, he could hopefully haul himself up.

A small groan of protest came from the overloaded shelves as he placed a boot on the lowermost rack. Fortunately, it was strong enough to take his weight. Kensuke carefully made his way to the top and leaned slowly backward, until he felt his arm slip into the shaft. He inched his other arm up into the same space, then with a deft move of agility that Kensuke didn't think possible, pulled back and raised his right foot, which pressed up against the grate opening. To his horror, he heard the door to the server room hiss open. He was out of time! Pushing back with all the strength in his legs, Kensuke kicked back and vaulted himself into the shaft. However, it also sent the switch rack onto a course of destruction with the head of the Admin, who let out a girlish scream before being clobbered by thousands of dollars worth of hardware.

As other teachers rushed to aid the stricken man, Kensuke used the confusion to reseal the grate and crawl as quietly as he could. However, he neglected to pay attention to where he was going and in his mad rush to escape, soon found that he had no idea where he had entered from

"Where the hell am I?" Kensuke asked nobody in particular as he scanned the map of the school ducts, his pen light clenched between teeth.

It was then he heard murmuring and hushed conversation from a nearby grate. He carefully inched forward until he found the opening and peered down. Unfortunately, the room was dark and he couldn't see a thing. However, now he could hear the voices more clearly, his curiosity getting the better of him he turned off the light and listened.

"Comrades! It has not come to my attention that the atrocious city government is not even run by the people! Deep in the bowels of NERV headquarters, all the important decisions governing our lives are made by computers built by capitalists!"

There was a loud growl of discontent from the audience, the numbers of which Kensuke could not determine. Kensuke had forgotten all about escaping; his attention was caught up by the activities of those below him.

'Communists!' he thought. A Communist cadre, right in his very school! It was just like those old Cold War movies, minus the nuclear weapons and promiscuous British spies.

While Kensuke had already been unlucky twice in the space of an hour, "Luck" had decided that three times was the charm. The duct's supports had been poorly designed and had suffered above average wear and tear from the sonic reverberations of Evangelion footsteps. The duct gave way with a loud creak of metal; and Kensuke quickly found himself going from a bird's eye view to a ground view within the space of a few seconds.

"What is going on here?" someone demanded.

Kensuke groggily opened his eyes. He blinked and then noticed he was staring into an angry brown pair of eyes and jolted back into a sitting position. Ignoring the sudden pain in his ribs, and taking stock of his surroundings. He was in one of the school's older audiovisual rooms, encircled by at least a dozen other students, all wearing red berets and little else.

He also noticed the cute yet familiar, and similarly unclothed girl he was straddling.

'NUDE Communists!' Kensuke mentally added.

"An intruder!" boomed the ringleader, "Trying to assassinate comrade Keiko! Get h. I mean, seize him!"

Before he could react, two boys pulled Kensuke up by his arms into a standing position as the leader came into the circle.

"Capitalist pawn! You have come where you are not wanted."

Kensuke gazed at the ringleader while also trying not to stare at either the other boy's Wang or the two females in the group. He finally managed to place a name to the face. It was Jun, a class rep and one of Hikari's friends.

"You're all Communists!?"

"Yes, and we are everywhere," Jun replied, smirking.

"But why Nude ones!?"

"Because clothing is the opiate which keeps the masses from being free!"

Not knowing what opiates were, Kensuke decided to return to the previous line of questioning. "So. you're all Communists?"

Jun gave a wry smile. "Yes. While you, my friend, are an Enemy of the People..."

"Oh nuts," groaned Kensuke as several hands grabbed him roughly at once.

'Why couldn't I have fallen into the girl's change room, or something like that?' he thought to himself as the fists began to rain down.

Of all the days not to come to school with cyanide pills in his mouth.

To be continued.

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Author Comments

Seph Khan: After many hours of painful editing and grammar nitpicking, we present to you the finalised Second Chapter of Japanese Ramen. I would like to tip my hat to Worldmage, our poor editor. The text file of all the things that were initially wrong with this chapter was nearly as big as the fic itself. I'm hoping that we got the vast majority of the errors, but we're only human. Try not to lynch us for our occasional mangling of the English tongue.

Rion and I are hard at work on Chapter 3, so expect the draft to pop up on the EFML within the next few months.

I would also like to thank those who took the time to nominate us in the Takoballs. It's a phrase that is often oversaid with little sincerity, but it is a great privilege to make it till the second round, especially as we held back from actually rigging the vote :P

We would also like to thank our pre readers Rhine and Hotwire, as well as Daniel Snyder for their (usually) kind words and advice

Rion: You would think after years of work and preparation a second chapter wouldn't have taken so long to get out to you all, yet here we are. It's only because we dedicated all this time to working with our pre-readers and editors to come up with the best possible product for you, the readers.

The road has been long and hard, dotted with the occasional bout of frustration and the words "I'm never doing a fic like this again" uttered at least once. However that's another chapter down and more on the way so please bear with us as we serve up more hot and steamy bowls of comedy and clichés.

Snooch to the nooch.