CHAPTER ONE

It's Christmas Time

"What in the name of God are you doing, baka woman?!" Hiei asked, horrified. "What the heck are you bringing a tree into the house for?!"

"It's a Christmas tree!" Shadow replied.

"So?!"

"Do you even know what Christmas is?"

"Nope. Fill me in," Hiei said, clueless. A little cartoony looking boy with a round head and a blue blanket popped in.

"I can tell you what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown," the little cartoon said.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU NON-ANIME THUMB-SUCKER!!!" Shadow screamed, kicking the round-headed cartoon boy out the open window.

"What the hell was that?" Hiei asked.

"Um... Never mind. Okay, Christmas is a human holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus, though only really religious people actually think of it as that. Most people think of it as a day they get off school or work, they get presents, gather with family and friends, get a lot of food, sing Christmas carols, and have their houses all decorated up all pretty-like with lights and a tree and mistletoe and garland and other such shiny things!" Shadow explained. Hiei raised an eyebrow.

"And the point of it is...?"

"Like I said, you're supposed to celebrate the birth of Jesus!"

"Who the hell is Jesus?"

"Some guy. He's the Son of God, but like I also said, only really religious people care about that. Do I look religious to you?!"

"No," Hiei said, without the slightest second of hesitation.

"Exactly. I just decided that this year I should decorate for Christmas! The first decorated Christmas in this house. You want to help decorate?"

"Not really."

"Why not? It's fun!"

"I don't do 'fun' very well. Haven't you figured that out yet?"

"Fine! Buzz off. But I might need your help with the lights or something later."

"Right." Hiei walked away.

Shadow had big plans for Christmas. She was going to have a party, and there would be presents, and food, and she was going to decorate the house so it glowed and blinded anybody who looked at it, and planes tried to land in her backyard, and terrorists thought her house was a worthy bombing target, and...

She looked at the calendar. December first. She had plenty of time to decorate! Especially if she managed to drag Hiei down to help her. Or maybe Kurama would help. Or Eclipse. Sure! She had plenty of friends who could become her Christmas decorating slaves for a week.

Woohoo for Christmas decorating slaves!

Laughing to herself, Shadow continued wrapping strings of lights around the tree. Next came the shiny gold garland, then those thin strips of silver shiny stuff, and then the shiny colored spheres. After all the decorations were on, Shadow climbed up and put the shiny star at the top of the tree.

"SHINY!!!" she screamed, plugging in the lights. They reflected off all the shiny decorations, making the tree nearly impossible to look at.

"OH MY GOD! I'M BLIND!"

Shadow spun around. Eclipse stood in the doorway batting insanely at her eyes like it hurt to look at the tree. Kurama stood behind her.

"Hello, Shadow. Don't you think you went a bit overboard with the shininess?" he asked, squinting. Shadow unplugged the lights.

"Maybe just a bit, but you haven't even seen the beginning of it."

"Uh... Shadow, just because it's your first officially celebrated Christmas, that doesn't mean you have to got completely hog-wild with decorations," Kurama said.

"Yes, well duh! But I want to. I want planes to land in my back yard!"

"You mean the back yard with the forest of heads on sticks?"

"Yea-- Hey! Shut up about that! Those people deserved it!"

"Sure they did!"

"Crazy fan girls harassing poor lil' Hiei like that! Yes, they deserved it!"

"What about the men's heads I saw out there? Surely Hiei doesn't have insane fan guys?"

"Heck no! Those were the fags I gathered up by dressing as a hooker."

Kurama's jaw dropped.

"And when did you do that?!"

"What does it matter? Sorry you missed it?"

"SHADOW WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WALKING AROUND DRESSED AS A HOOKER? YOU'LL MAKE HIEI JEALOUS!" Eclipse screamed. Shadow's jaw dropped.

"And what is that supposed to mean?!"

"Absolutely nothing!" Hiei said coldly from behind them. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Visiting. Got a problem with it?" Kurama asked. "Are you aware that this girl here murders your insane fan girls, and then prances around dressed in a skimpy outfit just to gather men to behead?"

"Yes. It was on the news," Hiei said, shrugging. "They're still searching for her."

Eclipse and Kurama got eyes the size of dinner saucers, and their jaws dropped. Shadow stood there smiling innocently.

"You're kidding!?"

"See, Hiei isn't jealous or he would have said something before now."

"Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time! Do you have any idea how many people will be miserable because of your heartless cruelty?!" Kurama asked.

"Oh, honestly Kurama, what good are emotional lectures going to do to her? She has no heart. She's worse than me!" Hiei said dryly.

"And besides, what are you trying to get me to do? Turn myself in and tell them what I did to the bodies?" Shadow said in disbelief. "Those bodies are all mangles, weighted, and thrown in the river with waterproofed suicide notes lodged in their rib cages! What good would it do for the families to find that?!"

"You are a sick, heartless girl," Kurama said.

"YOU ARE DISSING ME! Honestly, use your brain, you genius! If they actually intended to sleep with a hooker, they must be really crappy family men, or they have no family at all! So it doesn't matter! At least I didn't go out and murder every man I saw!"

"True."

"So I have more intelligence then anyone gives me credit for. Anyway, I'm going to decorate the outside of the house. If anyone wants to help--" Shadow said, but everybody was gone so fast it was like somebody had frozen time and plucked them away, then restarted time. "FINE, GO AHEAD AND DITCH ME LIKE THAT!"

She sulked off to decorate.