CHAPTER FOUR
Prison
"This is so lame! I can't believe we're stuck in jail on Christmas Eve!" Shadow whined, pacing the cell. They were in a huge community cell with about twelve other people. Hiei was sitting on the floor and leaning against the bars on the door. He rubbed his temples.
"Don't worry, Shadow... Look at all the people in here. They can't keep all of us. We'll be out in no time, I'm sure," he said quietly, sounding kind of sick.
"Are you all right?" she asked. Hiei shrugged.
"About as all right as I can be after drinking so much eggnog I lost count of how many bottles it was..."
A little man, fidgety and shifty-eyed, and seriously little... shorter than Hiei... was walking around Shadow and Hiei, inspecting their clothes, especially any bits of jewelry or shiny metal he could find on them. Shadow turned around to pace the other way and nearly ran into the little man.
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" she yelled. Hiei groaned. The little man fell over backwards.
"You better watch it, boy!" he said in a scared voice.
"Boy? I'm a girl, I'll have you know!"
"I hold your life in my hand--"
"... No you don't," Shadow said, confused.
"-- And I can crush you just like THAT!"
"Um... No you can't."
"And when I'm through with you, your drunken friend will be next!"
"Hiei? Um. No, he won't."
"And after him, the police! Then, the president of the United States!"
"What's the U.S. got to do with us?"
"And after I take over America, the greatest free country in the world, I will make it the greatest unfree country in the world!"
"Hey! You're in Japan, little dude! In PRISON in Japan. I don't think you're going to get to America anytime in the near future," Shadow informed the man.
"Oh, no worries there. I'll get out, and when I do, THE WORLD IS MINE! Give me all your shiny stuff."
"What?"
"Your shiny stuff! The earring, the necklace, the ring, your belt buckle, the snap and zipper on your pants--"
"HELLO! I AM NOT WEARING AN EARRING, A NECKLACE, OR A RING, AND YOU ARE SURE AS HELL NOT GOING TO GET ME TO DROP MY PANTS, SO YOU'D BEST GO IN A CORNER AND SCREW YOURSELF!" Shadow screamed, sending the little man spinning backwards. Hiei groaned again.
"Shadow, please. I have a horrible headache..." he said.
"Sorry, Hiei! Do you want me to kiss it and make it all better?" Shadow asked, imitating a tone like she was talking to a baby. She sat down and wrapped her arms around Hiei, pulling him close. "Pooooor baybee!"
"Oh, for God's sake!" he complained, pushing her away.
"Shadow?!"
Eclipse staggered over to Shadow and sat down.
"Hello, Eclipse. Feeling like a living person yet? Decided to join us on Earth rather than la-la-land where we talk to cards and sing with Kuwabara?" Shadow asked. Eclipse squinted.
"Uh... I have no clue what you mean."
"You were drunk. You are drunk. You drank lots of alcoholic beverages. You were lucky. You did not wake up with a perverted fox in your bed with you with his hand on your--"
"I'm gonna yack!" Eclipse interrupted. She turned away from Shadow and Hiei and threw up all over the little man with the world domination plans that somehow involved stealing people's pants zippers and belt buckles and taking over America. The man burst into tears.
"Oh, boo-hoo!" Shadow yelled. The little guy went into convulsions. Shadow tried desperately to get further away from the little puke-covered guy, but she was already against the bars.
"I think... he's dying," Hiei said dryly.
"Eeew!"
"Hey, officer!" Hiei screamed to a nearby policeman. The guy turned and looked at him. "We've got a problem! You better get over here!"
The officer ran over and opened the door, dragging out the little guy.
Nobody ever saw him again. Perhaps that's for the best, since he was planning on taking over America...
"Soo... how are we gonna get out of here?" Shadow asked.
"Hecked if I know. I wonder if it's past midnight yet," Hiei replied. Shadow shrugged, looking for a clock.
"I dunno. Why?"
"Cuz after midnight, if we're still in here, then it would classify as us being in prison on Christmas. Oh well. ... I wonder where Youko ended up? They took him separate."
"Pyeh! Like I care. I hope they're injuring him severely. He deserves it," Shadow said bitterly. Eclipse wandered over to Kuwabara, grabbed his sleeve, and wiped her mouth on it (she was just yacking, remember...). The boy didn't even seem to notice. He was still drunk.
Technically, Eclipse was still drunk too, but she was recovering. So was Hiei. Shadow had recovered by passing out on the couch hours and hours ago. Yusuke and Shizuru were still singing drunkenly, horribly off-key, but just about everybody else in the room was drunk too, so they didn't notice.
"OI, GUARD!" Shadow yelled. A guard looked at her and pointed to himself.
"Me?"
"Sure, why the hell not. Come over here."
The man shrugged and walked to their cell.
"What is it?" he asked.
"How or when can we get out of here?" Shadow asked.
"Bail, or community service... But I think they might let you out once you're sober, too," the man said.
"I'm sober! I wasn't even drunk when they arrested me!"
"They have to test your blood alcohol level to confirm that."
"Well then! Bring somebody over here who is qualified to do that, and I want my blood tested!" Shadow demanded.
"There'll be no need for that," came a voice. A door across the office opened, and in walked none other than Koenma. Shadow stared at him like he was God. Which... I guess in a way he is... Anyway...
"Who are you?" the guard asked. As Koenma crossed the room, Hiei dragged himself to his feet, using the bars as support.
"I am the mighty Koenma!"
"Uh... huh," the guard said, thinking along the lines of 'this guy is nuts'.
"Koenma, shut up," Hiei muttered.
"Hiei, I took time out of my very busy schedule to get all you guys out of this prison, but if you're gonna be like that, I can just as easily leave!" Koenma said, spinning on his heel and starting to walk away.
"Wait! He didn't mean it, for serious! He's sorry! Come back here!" Shadow whined. Koenma stopped.
"I want to hear him apologize."
"He's sorry. I said that already..."
"I want to hear him apologize," Koenma said, deciding to bend Hiei's pride a bit. Just for the heck of it, since even if Hiei didn't apologize, Koenma would get them out - he wasn't about to leave his spirit detectives (especially Hiei, not because he's a spirit detective, but because he's... Hiei...) in a ningen's prison for who-knows-how-long.
"Oh, honestly, is that really necessary?" Hiei asked.
"Yes."
"Fine. Sorry. Now get us out of here, for Gods sakes."
"Guard, I suggest you get your boss so I can talk to him. I need certain prisoners to be freed..." Koenma said.
"The boss is busy."
"What with? Too busy to talk about getting some of these obnoxious prisoners off his hands?"
"Hey, I resent--"
"Shut up, Shadow," Hiei snapped before Shadow could cause more trouble.
"He's... questioning that weirdo that came in with these guys," the guard said, gesturing to Shadow and Hiei.
"Youko," Shadow said, answering Koenma's unspoken question.
"Youko?! Oh, crap... Um... What did you mean by questioning? Because from the way you said it, I'm assuming he's using an interesting form of questioning of which the dictionary printers were not previously aware," Koenma said.
"... Um..."
"Great. Well I suggest you take me to your... questioning... room. I need to talk to both Youko and your boss."
The guard was torn between obeying Koenma and loyalty to his boss. Finally, he made a decision.
"Nope. You're not my boss, and my real boss is busy right now, so he can't give me orders. So I can't listen to you, man."
"Damn you, you--"
"Hey, I suggest you listen to this guy. You'll really regret it later if you don't, cuz he is a very, very important man," Shadow said, cutting off Koenma. She, for some reason, was trying to be friendly about it.
"Yeah right. This guy's not even as old as me! And why should I obey some teenager with a pacifier?!"
Koenma was furious. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped before a word came out, because the last person he thought he would hear come to his defense... well... came to his defense. Hiei.
"Look, you lousy guard! Just because he has a pacifier doesn't mean anything! He's older than he looks, and he could blow up this whole fucking place if he wanted to, so just listen to him, for God's sake! He's trying to be polite about this!"
Everybody was staring at Hiei, even the other prisoners. Koenma was the first to recover.
"Thank you, Hiei... Though it didn't need to be so violent, I think it got the point across very well..."
The guard was staring at Hiei, looking scared. A wet spot suddenly appeared on his pants. Shadow tried hard not to laugh at the poor guy, but she couldn't help it. She covered her mouth and nose and walked away snorting and choking to keep from laughing.
'Never thought I'd see the day Hiei scared someone so bad they wet themself...'
"Come with me..." the guard said, sounding scared and zoned out. He led Koenma down the hall.
"Woohoo! We might get out of here soon!" Shadow cheered. "Thanks to Hiei!" She hugged him. "Hiei, your negotiation skills are stunning."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he said, sitting down again.
The guard knocked at a door. Koenma waited patiently behind him. Nobody answered. After a minute, he knocked again.
Finally, the door opened. The man who had opened the door looked around, squinting to adjust to the bright light in the hallway.
"What do you want?!" he asked.
"Th... He... Y... P-p-p..." The guard tried desperately to talk, but he couldn't form any words. The boss noticed the wet spot on his pants.
"Go change your uniform!" he ordered. The guard walked away shakily. The boss finally noticed Koenma. "Who're you?"
"My name is Koenma. I'd like to speak to you about some of the prisoners brought in earlier."
Inside the room, Youko groaned. 'Koenma came down here in person. Perfect. Just perfect. God, we're never gonna hear the end of it. Especially me.'
"What do you want to talk to him for?" the boss was saying. "He's not answered any of my questions yet, and nobody else is speaking to him until he does."
"Damn. Well could you at least let out the other six?"
"Yeah, sure, why the hell not. They're just taking up my prison space anyway. Tell one of the guards you got my permission. If they have any problems, they can talk to me about it," he said.
"'Kay." Koenma walked down the hall.
Soon, Hiei, Shadow, and Eclipse were out and standing on their own two feet, supporting one of their more unfortunate, stupider, drunken friends who weren't able to stand on their own two feet.
"So what's the deal with Youko?" Hiei asked.
"Not allowed to talk to him."
"What? Why not?"
"Cuz this boss guy is an ass."
Hiei quirked an eyebrow. "I wouldn't doubt it, but..."
"No, it's cuz Youko won't answer his questions."
"Ah."
"Yeah, so we just have to wait around here until we can get him, because I can't leave a demon like that in a public place..."
"Ah."
"Can I go talk to him?" Shadow asked suddenly.
"Shadow?! Why would you--" Hiei started.
"I told you, the guy won't letting anyone in to talk to him until he answers some of his questions," Koenma insisted.
"Oh, honestly... Where is he?" Shadow asked. Koenma pointed down the hall.
"Third door on the right," he said.
"'Kay. Here goes nothing." She looked around, not sure what to do with Shizuru, who was, at the moment, leaning heavily on Shadow for support with her arm around the girl's shoulders. She threw Shizuru at Koenma. "Hold on to her for a sec."
"What the..."
They watched as Shadow ran down the hall to the indicated door. She knocked. The door flew open.
"WHAT NOW? Oh. Who are you?" the boss said.
"Shadow. I'm a friend of his," she said, pointing inside the room to where she could see Youko.
"I suppose you want to talk to him too?"
"Um... Actually, yeah."
"Too bad." The man started to close the door. Shadow jammed her foot in the way. He glared at her.
"Please?"
"No."
"I know how to get him to talk."
He looked at her suspiciously.
"If you're his friend, why would you want him to answer my questions? You're his friend but you're on my side?"
"So I'm a traitor. Oh well. So, whaddaya say? Can I come in?" Shadow asked. The boss thought about it for a minute.
"How can I trust you?"
"Oh, honestly, man! Do you think I'm so stupid as to allow myself to be locked in a dark room with a man who has a gun, then do something stupid to make him shoot me? I'm not that stupid!"
"You convinced me. But if you try anything, I have a gun. And if he doesn't answer any of my questions, out you go!" He stood aside to let her in. The door closed with a loud click behind her.
"He let her in!" Eclipse said, startled and happy.
"No fair!" Koenma whined. "How come?"
"Shadow is a devious little twit, that's how," Hiei answered. "She's smart."
"She's an idiot," Eclipse muttered.
"Oh? Why do you say that?"
"She'll get Youko released, then he'll be all fussing over her like, 'Oh, thank you for getting me out of that horrible place, let me reward you' or something like that, and he'll be a little perv, and she'll regret ever helping him," she explained.
"You know, come to think of it, you're very right, Eclipse... But she's smart sometimes. Like managing to get past that guy with that crock of bull she said. Like what she said about being stupid. She would be stupid enough to piss off a guy with a gun. I know that from experience. Only... I had a sword. Ahem. Anyway. Now all we can do is sit here and wait for the both of them to come out, and hope we don't hear some gunshots," Hiei said. He let go of Yusuke and let him fall to the ground. Eclipse did the same with Kuwabara, and sat on the floor a few feet away. Hiei leaned on the wall. Koenma sulked.
They waited.
Meanwhile...
"Hello, Shadow," Youko said.
"Hi," she said coldly.
"Okay, foxboy, this girl says she knows how to make you talk. So I made her a deal, which I'm sure you heard," the boss said.
"Yes, I heard it. I talk, we both leave, I don't talk, she leaves and I'm stuck here with you."
"Good. Now... Girl, what're you going to do to him?"
"Well first off, I have a name!" Shadow snapped. "And it's not girl!"
"Well then what is it?"
"Shadow. I'm not very pleased to meet you, but I'm meeting you all the same," she said, making a slight mock bow. The man frowned.
"Well then, Shadow, what are you going to do to him?"
"Second, what is your name? I don't want to call you man, or boss, because you aren't my boss. So what's your name?"
The man was getting angrier by the second. "That's... not... important!"
"'Tis to me."
"Out!"
"Fine. Have fun," Shadow said, starting towards the door.
"Wait! Damn you. My name is... er... Mr. Yosano. My first name is none of your business," he said.
"Yah. Okay, do continue."
"Now, Shadow, what are you going to do to this guy to make him talk?" Yosano asked, saying each syllable slowly and clearly to make sure she understood.
"It's a secret!" Shadow chirped. She walked over and whispered something in Youko's ear. His eyes glinted. He whispered something back, so low Yosano couldn't hear, and he was only standing about five feet away. Shadow's eyes narrowed and she said something back, looking annoyed.
"Excuse me, but..." Yosano tried to interrupt. Youko laughed at whatever Shadow had said.
"I'm joking," he said, smiling. "All right, you, I'll answer five questions. Only five. That's all Shadow's deal will get out of me."
"Five?!" Shadow and Yosano exclaimed at the same time.
"Look, fox, I don't want to side with this guy, but you'll answer every question I tell you to answer!" Shadow snapped. "And the deal isn't getting and additions or changes made to it, so you'd best get a life!"
"You'll answer all the questions I ask you, not just the ones she tells you to!"
Youko blinked and flicked his ears innocently, like he hadn't even heard either of them. "Could you take off these handcuffs?"
"NO!"
"Hiretsukan..."
"Excuse me?!"
"Watch your language, fox!" Shadow snapped.
"Could you take off these handcuffs please?" Youko asked, trying the polite approach for once in his life. Yosano glared.
"Fine. You try anything, though, just remember I have a gun."
"Yeah, yeah, I know, you've said that about twenty times," Youko muttered, watching the man unlock the cuffs from his wrists.
"Now, will you answer my questions?" Yosano asked, peeved.
"Five of them."
"WE WENT OVER THIS ALREADY, FOX! YOU'RE PUSHING YOUR LUCK!" Shadow screamed. She yanked on his ear. Hard...
"Ow! Okay... God. Ask some stupid questions."
"State your name and age for the records."
"Records?! Damn, you ningen police don't need to record everything in your damn police files, do you?"
"Yes we do. Name and age."
Youko sighed. "My name is... um... Kuronue... um..."
"Kur-- Ooookay..." Shadow muttered.
"... Jaganshi?" Youko finished.
"What? No no no, you steal some else's last name!"
"Steal?" Yosano said, confused.
"I didn't steal anyone's name! It's my name!"
"You aren't lying, are you young man?"
"Or course not!"
"Yes he is! You damn fox, I didn't make a deal with you to lie to the man!"
"You didn't specify whether I had to answer truthfully or not, and you said there'd be no changes to the deal, so I can answer however I want."
Shadow was about to come back with something, but Yosano's gun was suddenly on Youko's temple.
"You will tell the truth, or I will shoot you."
"What, you like paper work? On Christmas?" Youko said. He sighed. "Fine. My name is Youko... Kuramoto, and I'm... 25."
Shadow let out a sigh of relief when the police boss put the gun back in its holster. Sure, it wasn't exactly the whole truth, but it wasn't outrageously unbelievable either. That's all she needed.
Yosano asked a lot of other questions, most of them having to do with Youko's tail and ears. The kitsune gave the address of the local homeless shelter as his address in case the police needed to contact him. Muwaha.
As the interrogation started getting slower, coming to an end, Shadow started regretting the deal she'd made with the fox. She'd acted on impulse. Damn impulse! Of course, everything she'd said to the police boss had been an act, and how she'd acted towards Youko had been bogus too. Now she wished her deal was bogus, but the damned fox held up his end.
"Well... that's about it. I see nothing in this report that could convict you of further crimes, and I don't know what to say about the ears. Some people are just born with mutations like that sometimes... Have a very merry Christmas," the police boss said. Youko stood up. Shadow walked to the door quickly, hoping to get out and away before Youko did, but he caught up to her in the hall right outside the door.
"Running away now?" he asked, blocking her way.
"No, of course not. I'm an... er... uh... honorable person... I don't break deals. Could you at least wait until we get home, cuz this is kinda a bit public, and er..."
(Muwaha. Starting to wonder what she offered him, huh? Muwaha. Can you think of anything? I mean, seriously... Put two and two together. You get three, right? No? Then you're doing something wrong! Heh...Woo, don't know where that came from... BACK TO THE STORY.)
"Hey, you two! Let's go!" Eclipse called.
"Yes, we must be going, let's go, fox," Shadow said, walking away from him as fast as she could. She headed straight out the door, onto the street, and took off running. Youko sighed.
"So you talked, right?" Hiei said, leading the group out onto the street. "Or did she bribe the boss guy to let you go?"
"No, she bribed me. And now she won't hold up her end of the deal."
Hiei knew something was up. "Youko, what exactly did she offer you?"
"A kiss."
"WHAT?! Seriously? What was the deal? A kiss? Oh my God, she's lost her mind!" Eclipse said. Youko smiled.
"She said that if I answered the guy's questions, we'd kiss. Can't say I know why she said that, but I agreed..."
"Of course," Hiei muttered.
"... and gave the police officer a lot of bogus answers. Now she's not holding up her end of the deal. She ran away. Coward."
"I don't blame her. I'd be scared of you too if you acted towards me the same way you do towards her," Eclipse said.
Once they made it home... or... to Shadow's house... Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Shizuru were sealed in three separate, completely empty rooms. They would stay there until they were sober. Then Koenma turned on the group... which was only Hiei, Youko, and Eclipse. Shadow was hidden somewhere in the house.
"YOU GOT ARRESTED?! DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT WAS? ESPECIALLY YOU, YOUKO KURAMA! THOSE NINGENS COULD HAVE SEEN YOU AND SENT YOU OFF TO THE GOVERNMENT, OR PUT YOU IN THE LOCAL ZOO, AND WE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH MEMORY ERASING TO DO AND NOT TO MENTION YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KILLED A HUMAN OR THREE--"
"Or more..."
"--AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN THROWN IN REIKAI PRISON AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IN SO MUCH TROUBLE AND AAAAUGHH! NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN, OR YOU'LL BE IN PRISON! REIKAI PRISON!"
Koenma stormed out of the house. Hiei snorted laughter.
"Boo hoo. Like it really matters to us."
"Hmmm... Now where could Shadow be?" Youko muttered, walking away.
"COOKIES!" Eclipse ran into the kitchen and started gorging herself on cookies.
As you can see, Koenma just doesn't scare them very much.
The first place Youko looked was Shadow's room. Of course, all the farther he got was the door. It was locked. Obviously she was in there.
"Shadow?"
No answer.
"Oi, Shadow!"
Still no answer.
"I know you're in there, and you know you can't stay in there forever, and when you come out, I'm gonna be waiting for you. Buwaha. So why don't you make it easier on yourself?"
"Go away, you damned fox!"
"Ah! I knew it! Gonna open the door?"
"In your dreams."
"Very well." Youko knelt by the door, easily picked the lock, and opened the door. Shadow was lying on her bed.
"BLEAH! How'd you get... Oh. Oh yeah. Dammit," Shadow said, remembering (a bit too late) about Youko's lock picking and thieving and all that whatnot.
Youko smiled. He closed the door, locking it again, and walked over to Shadow's bedside. She jumped up so fast she about fell over.
"Stay away!" she said, forming a cross with her fingers.
"Shadow, why'd you make the deal if you were going to be like this about it?"
"Because I didn't think it through! I'm stupid! Duh, I think you'd realize that!"
"Well, no use thinking about it now. Regret doesn't do any good. Besides, it's not like I'm going to hurt you... It's just a kiss," Youko said soothingly. Shadow pouted, glaring at him, but she didn't move as he came around the bed and stood beside her.
"Don't try anything," she growled. "You try anything, I swear to god..."
She left the threat unfinished as Youko leaned down and kissed her. After a minute, he stopped and stepped back.
"See, you're still alive," he said, smiling. Shadow wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.
"Yeah, well that's the only kiss you're getting from me. Now get out of my room, fox," she said.
"Like it?" he asked.
"What?"
"Did you like the kiss?"
"Fox! I swear to God! Get lost!" she snapped, pushing him towards the door. "I hope the next time I come out of this room, you're not around anymore. Transform back into the human." She unlocked the door, opened it, and pushed him out into the hall. The door slammed in his face.
"Well... That could have gone better," he muttered. He walked away.
The clock said it was 1:00 AM. Technically, it was now Christmas. Hiei was in his room, Shadow was in her room, Eclipse was in the guest bedroom, and everybody else was sealed in their alcohol-and-drunk-people-proof rooms. Youko was standing in the hallway outside Shadow's room. He went downstairs and fell asleep on the couch.
Sorry it took me so long to update, but I was writing other stuff. Now I'm on Christmas break! Woohoo! I know this story won't be done by Christmas, cuz this is only Chapter... uh... four? I don't even know. And today is Christmas Eve. Sooo... Oh well. I was otherwise occupied. *nods* Yes yes. See, I borrow Final Fantasy nine from my sister, who originally borrowed it (and all the other FF games) from some of her friends, so... Anyway, and plus I was working on another story and I got a request for a story and AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Mental overload. See, so you can understand my delay.