Susan watched James sleep. He looked so much like Mark when he was asleep. She knew she was supposed to sleep when he slept but she just wanted to wath him.
Then someone knocked at the door. She opened it expecting Chloe and Suzie. Apparently she was a no-appointment-necessary babysitting service.
"Mark!" she breathed in disbelief.
"Hi." He looked shocked to see her.
"Hey." She smiled slightly, still in shock.
"Sorry I didn't call I just..."
"No, don't worry about it... you want to come in?"
He nodded and followed her inside nervously.
"He's sleeping, but..." she opened James' door.
Mark swallowed and went inside the dim room. It was light outside but the curtains were closed.
Mark looked down into the crib, his eyes watery and wide, his mouth gaping, speechless.
"I'll leave you to..." Susan whispered and backed out.
Several minutes later mark followed and found her in the kitchen.
"Coffee? One sugar right?" she held out a steaming mug.
"Yeah. Thanks." He smiled. She'd remembered how he took his coffee.
"I only remembered cause I've been trying to tell James about you. I remember the oddest things. Mostly how you take your drinks and I think he's a bit young for that. And... I told him about Rachel and ice skating and the helicopter... plastering Carter's leg, the carnival... I promised I'd take him." She smiled, realizing she was rambling. "Maybe you could come too."
"Yeah." He smiled genuinely.
"I mean, you don't have to..."
"I want to." He insisted.
"I don't want you to feel... obligated."
Mark sighed. "The thing is, Jenn and Rachel moved to St Louis. I still see Rachel but Jenn is perfectly adamant that she doesn't need me. So if you'll let me... I don't want to miss anything." He shook his head.
"You decided this in the last five minutes?"
"No, it took two days of bribery and corruption to get time off and fly down here. I don't want to make the same mistakes twice."
"Okay." Susan nodded. She hadn't expected him to be this easy on her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"You had your reasons. I just wish I could have been there."
"I should have told you straight away, but after the way I left I just couldn't face you."
Mark looked sad. "People still asked about you for months – just assumed we'd kept in touch. Then it stopped. I think Doug spread the word."
"Sounds like Doug."
Mark grinned. "Dr. Intercom right?"
"Yeah – how is he? Did him and Carol ever...?"
"I don't think they've decided yet." He smiled
Susan laughed, "It's weird how two people who so clearly want to be together take so damn long to do it."
Mark shrugged. "We did."
Susan met his eyes and nodded. She took a deep breath and smiled. Too deep. Too personal. "So how have you been?"
He nodded and shrugged, "You know, just the usual."
"Kerry's still pelting you with olives, figuratively speaking?"
He nodded, "or stones, or bullets. I think it depends on the time of the month."
"Hey, there's more than the time of the month..." she laughed as Mark held his hands up in mock-surrender. Her laugh faded to an affectionate smile, "you look just the same."
"So do you. You look really good." He looked at the empty tea cup in his hand. "I should probably go." He put the cup on the bench.
"Where are you staying?"
"Holiday inn."
She nodded. "Why don't you stay till he wakes up?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, keep me company." She walked through to the lounge and he followed, sitting on the couch.
"You know, he looks like you?" Susan offered.
"Really?"
"Yeah." She smiled, "When he's sleeping – I dunno if you noticed – and... when he's angry at me... ironically."
"How is that ironic?"
"Oh. I dunno." She shrugged awkwardly.
"I was angry. You didn't even say goodbye."
"I couldn't do it." her voice came out as a whisper.
"It was a long time ago. You did what you had to do... it happens." He shrugged redundantly.
She let out a breath. "I missed you – and not just cause of James.
"I missed you too." He confessed.
She smiled sadly as awkward silence filled the space between them.
Fortunately James cried and pulled them out of the past into reality.
Mark followed at a safe distance. She turned on the light and went to the crib. Mark looked around the room. There wasn't much. But some photographs on the dresser grabbed his attention.
A baby one – must have been when he was just newborn, all chubby and wrinkled.
One of Susan holding him, looking at him. He wanted a copy of that.
And he recognized the last one. It was he and Susan at the photo booth. He smiled at the memory and the realization that Susan really wanted him here. He turned around.
Susan was bobbing James up and down. "James, this is your dad." She smiled.
James' big brown eyes looked at his dad and he waved a weak fist at him with a cheeky smile. He then tried to put the same fist in his mouth.
Mark smiled, hoping Susan couldn't see how full his eyes were.
She could. "Do you want to hold him?"
Mark nodded wordlessly, not taking his eyes off James. He went to him happily.
"I'm just gonna heat up a bottle." Susan left.
Mark was still dumbfounded. He was already a Dad but somehow this was no less miraculous.
"Hey James." His smile was wavering between laughter and tears. "You are so beautiful." He breathed.
James laughed, looking Mark in the eye.
Mark had to laugh too – just a little breathless silent laugh, filled with awe. "I love you." He kissed James' forehead and heard Susan's breath catch in her throat. she'd been watching from the doorway.
"Here you go." She handed Mark the bottle. And he held it to James' mouth.
"Thank you for... he's incredible. I'm glad you told me."
"I wanted to for so long."
"It's okay. We don't have to go over that again.
She nodded and took a deep breath.
Mark couldn't take his eyes off the child in his arms. He didn't want to leave. Ever. It was one of those cold grey afternoons when you just want to be at home. And he hadn't felt so at home in a long time. He'd been living in her apartment and it stubbornly refused to become home because she wasn't there. He'd been here for all of an hour and he didn't want to leave.
"Do you want to stay for dinner?" she asked nervously.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I've got extra – I was gonna have it for lunch but I'd like... I mean I don't want... I mean, you're more than welcome..." she sighed, "If only I could form a complete sentence."
He laughed, "Oh, you can't expect too much. You make beautiful babies.
"I didn't do this one on my own." She grinned, "So you'll stay?"
He nodded
"You want to play with him while I go get it ready?"