"Come in Chloe!" Susan yelled, pulling the tie around her robe into a knot, virtually ignoring her sister's arrival and making for James' cot. How could such a tiny mouth make that much noise? And not only volume but somehow this was like nails on a blackboard as far as unbearable went. She picked him up, holding him to her chest, stepping from side to side, trying to comfort him.
"You alright?" Mark stepped in behind her.
"Oh, hi." She spun around, all too aware that James had pulled her robe open just a little more than she was comfortable with. "I thought you were Chloe." She tried to adjust James at her chest but only made the robe gape more.
"I heard James, so I figured you were busy."
"You probably heard him down the street. Any suggestions?"
"Earmuffs?"
She laughed and looked at James. "What's the matter?"
"I can take him if you want to..."
"Yeah, I'll just get dressed."
"No, I mean... go for it... but I meant you could get him a bottle."
She smiled at his nervousness and closed the gap between them, putting James in his arms. They were both all too aware of how happy-family they looked with both their arms around James.
"Thanks." Susan took off to hide her embarrassment.
Don't do that, she scolded herself, don't look at him – don't even think of him like that. Oh my gosh, what am I doing? She sighed, sitting on her bed. Don't think about it. She pulled on a shirt and jeans. She ruffled her hair in the mirror and threw the bedspread generally over the bed. It almost looked tidy. Next: bottle. She was running out but breastfeeding in front of Mark was just a little out of her comfort zone. She laughed at the thought, scampering barefoot to the kitchen. She leant on the bench while the bottle was in the microwave. Then she noticed the silence. James had stopped crying!
She found them in the lounge, James chewing on Mark's finger.
"I wonder how long it will take him to realize there's no milk in there." Mark smiled triumphantly.
"I'll remember that." She handed him the bottle, sitting down beside them.
"Sleep well?" he filled the silence, knowing it wasn't helping matters to be wondering how she looked that beautiful at this time in the morning.
"Oh, you know." She shrugged.
"Not a clue." He looked at her.
"I feed him at ten, just before I go to bed, and then again at two or something. I just find it really hard to sleep afterwards." She admitted with a well-timed yawn.
"Well, we could swap sometime – I mean you could get a decent night's sleep and I could feed him if you left enough bottles." He offered without a second thought.
"You know you can stay here, the couch folds out."
"Oh... yeah, but I don't know if that'd be the best idea." He hardly trusted himself. Not that he'd try anything but he might begin to hope again... no. Definitely a bad idea.
"How are you planning to feed James in the middle of the night if you're not here?"
"I hadn't really thought about it."
"Oh, come on Mark. We're both adults. And I'm irrational and hormonal but I have an excuse." She played with James' hand. "If my memory serves right you're the rational one."
"It's a tough job but someone's got to do it." he joked but turned serious, "It's just not that simple."
"No it never was." She avoided his eyes, "but you're still welcome."
"Hey sis!" Chloe barged in.
Suzie ran into the lounge.
"Hey honey," Susan hugged her niece, "In the lounge Chloe." She yelled.
"Oh, hey." Chloe entered.
"Chloe, this is Mark." Susan knew Chloe would recognize the name from the 'explain how you're pregnant and we're not going to believe the immaculate conception story' conversation.
"Oh, right. Nice to meet you Mark. I have to run, I'm late. But I'll see you tonight. Bye honey." She waved to her daughter and disappeared.
Suzie was happily playing with James, getting him to hold her fingers and bouncing a doll on elastic over his pudgy stomach.
"Bye." Susan said redundantly and raised her eyebrows to Mark in acknowledgement that this was normal.
"So, where's she working?"
"Accounting firm. Secretary."
"So she's...?"
"Yep, clean. But she's still the same as ever." Susan shrugged.
He nodded.
"I really would like you to stay." She got back to what she'd been saying before Chloe's timely and dramatic arrival. "I'd like the adult company." She nodded at Suzie, giving her permission to pull a cardboard box out from under the coffee table. It was half-full of toys. "But it's your choice."
"Yeah, I'll stay." He didn't let himself analyze it. She wanted him there? He'd stay. He'd never been able to tell her 'no'. Why start now? Plus, she was right. Reasonable adults. He could pull that off. It was only a few days. Well... maybe. "Um, I was thinking."
"Uh oh." She teased.
He laughed nervously, "You know how I said I didn't want to miss everything?"
She nodded.
"I don't want to drive down every other weekend to see you. I mean, I'll miss everything. He's not going to time his first words and his first steps to my days off.
She knew he was right. But she needed him. Maybe she should move back? She dreaded what he might say next.
"So, I was thinking of maybe seeing if I could get a transfer."
Okay, she wasn't expecting that, "What?"
"I mean, only if you want me to. I don't have to..." he felt like a fool.
"No, I mean... that's huge. You can't just pack up and leave everything. I couldn't ask you to do that."
"You didn't ask me. And you left everything behind – Suzie's not even your child. James is mine. I can't just go home and get on with life as usual. I don't even want to."
"But what about..."
"To be honest, I don't have that much keeping me there anyway. I have work, and a few friends and an apartment," with too many memories of you.
She swallowed, "That's a big decision to make in one night."
"Well, it's not in concrete yet. But if you'd prefer – if it wouldn't help, I won't come."
"No. Of course I want you here. I just... I don't want you to regret it and resent," she sighed, "me."
"I won't. Plus, James is as much my responsibility as he is yours." He took her hand.
"True." She relented, finally allowing herself to believe this might last, that he might stick around, that she might not be completely alone with James.
Suzie climbed onto her aunt's lap.
"Hey honey."
"sings?"
"You want to go to the swings?" She turned to Mark, "Can you hold the fort while I get some things together?"
He nodded.
Suzie climbed onto Mark's lap from where Susan left her on the couch.