NOTE: I don't own anything that has to do with Homestar Runner, besides the stories I made. And you might have thought the last one sucked (I'm not comfortable with anime, so I too knew it sucked), but this one, as well as the grand finale, will be better. Anyway, I did this later than I thought for I had to study last week for tests. Anyway, here's Cheat Commandos!

Cheat Commandos: Decemberween or Destructionween?

We go to the Cheat Commandos Headquarters Playset in a snowy area on Decemberween Eve. Inside, all of the Cheat Commandos except for Foxface (doing last minute Decemberween shopping at the mall) and Flashfight (he's working late at "Ze Pentagon") were gathered in the living room where there was a picture of Gunhaver.

"All right guys, now that we have our lists ready, let's say what we asked Santa to give us!" announced Gunhaver.

"Isn't that supposed to be private?" asked Reynolds.

"NO! Not for the Cheat Commandos, but since you're not really one, we're going to force you to say what you want! Okay, I'll start. I wanted a Kahr P9 gun!" said Gunhaver.

"You always wanted guns," muttered Reynolds.

"I wanted earmuffs!" said Silent Rip.

"I wanted a double-edged commando knife!" said Fightgar.

"I wanted shaving cream to eat, I mean shave!" said Reinforcements.

"(Cheat noises)" said Firebert.

"No way! You should have asked for a better commando name!" retorted Gunhaver as Firebert sighed.

"I wanted a large set of shurikens," said Ripberger in Japanese.

"Since no one understood what you said, we'll say you didn't want anything, so you won't get anything!" said Gunhaver.

"Oh man! I never got what I want! Getting a set of shurikens is not hard!" complained Ripberger in Japanese.

Crackotage opened his mouth when Gunhaver dived at him and shut his mouth.

"We have no time for couplets!" said Gunhaver as he walked away.

"All I wanted were some Baha Men CDs," said Crackotage with no couplets, breaking his tradition of talking, but no one heard that.

"I want to go on missions!" said Reynolds.

"That's extremely ridiculous! Come on, let's go do some stuff…" began Gunhaver as the Blue Las-Alert went off.

"It's a Blue Las-Alert!" said Silent Rip.

"We know that! Bring it up on screen!" ordered Gunhaver.

Silent Rip pressed enter on the computer to reveal Blue Laser and his minions (4!) at a toy store.

"Blue Laser's been spotted at the toy store at the mall on Decemberween Eve 90 Discount Sale!" said Silent Rip.

"With the money he could save from…" began Gunhaver.

"Uh Gunhaver, this is what you say all the time, and we usually break his chances for a normal life, and he probably wants to crush you for revenge after that event some years ago before the show even started," interrupted Reynolds.

"What's your point?" asked Gunhaver.

"He might become a good guy, and we're ruining him!" said Reynolds.

Gunhaver and Silent Rip just stared at him menacingly.

"All right, he is trying to save money so he can buy toys for his babies so he can make super weapons he can use with the happy twins. You have to go save him while I stay here and get your presents from the storage room, I mean do something unimportant," said Reynolds in a monotone voice.

"But you're not staying here! You're coming with us on the mission!" said Gunhaver.

"Really?" asked Reynolds with excitement.

"Of course! You're going to be the guy who walks with us so we won't be suspected as the Cheat Commandos. Other than that, you're still worthless!" explained Gunhaver.

"Oh, I'm still worthless," groaned Reynolds.

"But Firebert's staying here because his commando name stinks!" shouted Gunhaver, being answered with a Cheatish sigh, "Anyway, let's rock, rock, on!"

As the commandos went to the vehicle room, Reynolds whispered something in Firebert's ear. Inside, they were about to board the jet, but it was an empty space with a note that said:

"Out for shopping. Took all of your vehicles to car/airplane washes. Why can't you clean your vehicles? Love, Foxface."

"Oh man! We have to go to the mall another way!" said Gunhaver.

"Walking, perhaps? It's good for us," suggested Reynolds.

"That sucks as Firebert's commando name! We'll take the bus!" announced Gunhaver.

So the commandos boarded a bus headed for the mall.

"So, how much does it cost to go in?" asked Gunhaver.

"Considering you have destroyed my bus a lot of times, it's $100 for each of you," replied the Cheat bus driver.

"But we're not Cheat Commandos, we're Reynolds Commandos! Reynolds, pay for us!" ordered Gunhaver as he pushed Reynolds in front.

"It's a quarter for each," said the bus driver as Reynolds paid $1.75 for the Cheat Commandos, or "Reynolds Commandos."

Soon, they arrived at the mall, with Reynolds in front of them to convince people they were not the Cheat Commandos. Then they arrived at the toy store, where Blue Laser was putting toy guns in the cart with help from the four minions.

"Aren't these inappropriate for the children, sir?" asked a Blue Laser minion.

"OF COURSE NOT! THE TOY GUNS WILL BE PERFECT TO PREPARE THE TWINS TO BECOME THE NEXT LEADERS OF BLUE LASER WHEN I CAN'T BE LEADER FOR SOME REASON!" screeched Blue Laser.

"But sir, you started training when you were 21 years old, sir," said another Blue Laser minion.

"OH SHUT UP!" screeched Blue Laser.

Meanwhile, Reynolds was standing in front of a Cheat statue on a fountain while the rest of the commandos were behind it. Gunhaver was looking through binoculars.

"It looks like Reynolds back doesn't look…" began Gunhaver.

"Uh, Gunhaver, I can hear what you're saying about my back," interrupted Reynolds.

"Okay, anyway, it looks like Blue Laser's buying toy guns for his twins so he can create a greater force made of three leaders! We got to go!" shouted Gunhaver as he sprang from his position and crashed through the wall next to the entrance. The other commandos except for Reynolds and Silent Rip did so. Silent Rip jumped through the entrance and crashed into the cashier, who said, "Watch where you're jumping!"

"Not so fast Blue Laser!" shouted Gunhaver as he appeared to the scene.

"UGH! WHY? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STAY HOME ON DECEMBERWEEN EVE?" asked Blue Laser.

"Because you drink Listerine on Decemberween! He, he, hah, hah!" said Crackotage.

"WHAT? I DON'T DRINK LISTERINE! BUT THAT BOZO OVER THERE IS MORE LIKELY TO!" screeched Blue Laser as he pointed to Reinforcements.

"Hey! Quit insorlting me! Now I have to drink my morthwash!" said Reinforcements before turning around and drinking Scope Mouthwash.

"Uh, back to the subject. Because we know you're up to something evil!" replied Fightgar as he held his gun and fired, doing nothing.

"Why didn't you load it with bullets?" asked Gunhaver.

"Uh, I don't know," replied Fightgar.

Then Fightgar found a piece of paper taped onto his gun. He read it:

Dear Fightgar,

Along with the Cheat Commando vehicles, I've also taken your bullets to the bullet wash. You know, it's always nice to wash your bullets, because you want to be clean!

Foxface

"SO, YOU THINK I'M DOING SOMETHING EVIL EVERYTIME I GO OUT OF MY HOUSE, WHICH IS LIKE, TWO TIMES A WEEK? I TRY TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE, BESIDES TRYING TO CRUSH YOU…" screeched Blue Laser after Fightgar read the letter.

"See?" asked Reynolds.

"Just continue being stupid, civilian," shouted Gunhaver.

"And do not die, for I won't say good-bye, he, he, hah, hah!" said Crackotage with his couplet.

"…BEFORE THAT CIVILIAN LOSER INTERRUPTED, I TRY TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE, BESIDES TRYING TO CRUSH YOU, AFTER GOING TO JAIL FROM TRYING TO BLOW UP THE WORLD, AND YOU PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING? FINE! THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU!" screeched Blue Laser as he pointed to the third Blue Laser minion, "ACTIVATE THE BLUE LASER!"

"The Blue Laser? Sir?" asked the minions in shock as the Cheat Commandos gasped and ominous music played.

"YES, THE SAME LASER WE USED TO DESTROY THE TENTH PLANET OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM!" shouted Blue Laser as even more ominous music played.

"There is no tenth planet of the solar system," said Ripberger in Japanese, oblivious to the fact that nobody understood him.

"GET THE BLUE LASER READY!"

Then the fourth minion got out a remote control and began pressing buttons for like, twenty minutes, with everybody standing in one spot.

"WHAT THE CRAP IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?" asked Blue Laser.

"I'm entering the code for maximum power," said the minion, who was new.

"YOU FORGOT 'SIR!'" shouted Blue Laser.

"Sir," added the minion.

"CODE, SCHMODE! JUST FIRE THE BLUE LASER AT THE MALL AT…" began Blue Laser as he pointed to Reynolds, "THAT GUY!"

"What? Me?" asked Reynolds as a minion shot some sort of binding, trapping him.

"Oh no! Reynolds is going to be zapped. There's nothing we can do! What shall we do? We're going to be doomed! Anakin Skywalker is going to be Darth Vader next year! Am I hyperventilating? Should we care? Am I talking too much?" asked Gunhaver.

Outside of Earth in outer space, a blue satellite with the Blue Laser logo flew above where the mall is. Then the satellite made the glass roof of the mall open up. Then it fired a large blue laser to be aimed at Reynolds. The laser was inches away from zapping Reynolds into oblivion when…

Foxface dove to the scene, dropping all of her large shopping bags, and blocked the laser with her bulletproof khaki-style handbag. The handbag had a lot of armor to force the blue laser back at the satellite, destroying it in a big fiery ball seen from Earth and Mars.

"Ooh," said everyone, awed by the sight, before doing what they were doing a minute ago.

"DRAT! WE WERE FOILED BY A LOCAL LADY!" shouted Blue Laser.

"No, she's one of us!" said Gunhaver.

"WHAT?! SHE'S ONE OF THE GUYS?!" asked Blue Laser.

"I'm not one of the 'guys;' I'm better," replied Foxface as she walked up to Blue Laser and whacked him with her handbag, sending him flying into a shelf, making boxes on the shelf fall and crush two of the Blue Laser minions.

"Wow, Foxface does love me!" exclaimed Reynolds.

Then Foxface walked up to Reynolds and whacked his face with her handbag, sending him toppling on the floor, unable to move, for he was still trapped.

"Come on, let's go back to the headquarters playset!" said Gunhaver as they exited the mall (leaving Reynolds behind from the excitement) and boarded the newly washed Action Figure Storage Truck.

Back at the headquarters playset, they saw Firebert dressed up as Santa, carrying a sack of presents.

"Firebert, that costume sucks! Are you telling me you were that Santa who gave us presents all along? You've deceived us! You're grounded! Go home!" ordered Gunhaver as the depressed Firebert walked away.

On Decemberween morning, everyone opened their presents, and they all got what they didn't want, Deep Impact DVDs for each of them (they got that for the last five years). Reynolds was still in the mall (closed), Firebert was at home and was not enjoying Decemberween, and Flashfight came and they all had Decemberween breakfast.

"Happy Decemberween. Rock, rock, on!" said all of the Cheat Commandos (except for Ripberger, who spoke in Japanese, except for the last sentence).

"Cheat Commandos, happy Decemberween, buy all our playsets and toys!" sang the voices who would sing the Cheat Commandos song.

Epilogue:

Blue Laser and his remaining minions were singing the Decemberween song, very badly.

"DECEMBERWEEN, DECEMBERWEEN, YOU'RE 55 DAYS AFTER HALLOWEEN!"

"WITH CHEAT COMMANDOS RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES! I WISH THEY ALL WERE TINY-SIZED!" screeched/sang Blue Laser.

"DECEMBERWEEN, DECEMBERWEEN, I JUST HATE DRINKING LISTERINE!!" sang Blue Laser as all glass in the area broke.

THE END

Stay tuned for the Decemberween Carol! (Parodying Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol)