Susan pulled out the sofa bed and spread a sheet over it.
"I can do that." Mark felt useless.
"I got it. You want to grab some blankets – in that cupboard." She pointed to the hallway.
They threw the blankets over, taking two corners each, working in silence.
"You want a drink?" Susan passed him a pillow.
"Only if you're having one." He sat on the edge of the sofa bed.
"Tea?"
"Sure."
"Go ahead and watch TV or put on some music if you like. Make yourself at home."
He flicked on the TV, leaning on the back of the sofa, his legs stretched out in front of him on top of the covers. He pulled his glasses off, trying to relax his eyes.
Susan soon joined him, handing him a hot mug and sitting beside him, her legs tucked up under her.
"It's been a good day." She ignored the quiet hum of a sitcom and canned laughter.
He nodded in reply, smiling at her.
"You okay?" she asked, not quite satisfied with his reply.
"Oh, yeah. Just a bit... um... culture shocked."
She looked confused.
"I mean – it's been a while since I was around little kids. I'm just a bit out of my depth."
"I think you're doing incredibly well. What are you talking about? Suzie would hardly let you go and James won't even go to Chloe like that – and she's been around since he was born. You're doing amazingly well."
He smiled but didn't look convinced.
"It's not just the kids. I don't want things to be weird between us." This was easier to verbalize at night.
"Yeah, I know what you mean." She looked him in the eye. "Our friendship has been dragged through the mud. It's not what it was. I mean, maybe it could be better for it but..."
"I hope so." He agreed simply, "I always regretted not keeping in touch cause, I don't know if you realized, but you were always really important to me." He mumbled those last words hoping they sounded better in her ears than they did in his.
"Thank you." She was touched. "I hope you know you meant a lot to me as well... Even with everything that's happened. I've never regretted," she took a deep breath, what to say? "I don't regret anything about us." Not entirely true. "Except for leaving like I did."
"You can't go back." He didn't want another apology. He put his mug on the floor and got under the covers, saying he was cold and she didn't have to go yet.
She lay back on the couch relaxed. It struck her as a little odd that she was so relaxed. Here she was, with Mark, who, the last time she'd seen him, they'd both been naked and she'd been sneaking out of his house while he slept. A year later with no contact and a child to boot they could lie in the same bed (well, sofa-bed, no difference except which room it lives in) and watch television like there was nothing to think about except what to get out of the freezer for tomorrow night's dinner.
"So I'm guessing you were working before..." Mark asked.
"Ah, yeah. At the hospital – you probably passed it on your way into town. But I was only there for seven months."
"So you're on maternity leave?"
"Yup, but only for another three weeks or so."
He knew that wasn't long. "Why so little?"
"Cause I hadn't been there that long." She shrugged. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I guess childcare is the way to go." Her mock enthusiasm hung for a moment.
"What if you didn't go back for longer?"
"No, I'd lose my residency."
He nodded. It would be very chivalrous to plan on supporting Susan and James on his salary but Susan wasn't your average person who'd jump at the chance of more time off, especially when it meant taking money or assistance from someone else. She probably even missed the job. "I want to help if you'll let me." Yeah, leave it up to her.
"I know, but you have to work too – even if you do move here. Lets just see what happens – it's still a few weeks away."
He nodded and turned off the television – finding the ads suddenly unbearably irritating.
"I just think you should take some time to think about things – we don't have to decide everything immediately." She said.
"Oh, I know." Time to change the subject. The future was too uncertain. The past was dangerous territory as well. Talk about James. There was so much he didn't know he hardly knew what to ask. "You said that James was three weeks premature. So what happened? I mean, were you okay?"
"Well, we're fine." She smiled at his awkward question, but she knew what he was getting at. "It was pretty scary. It was half way through my last week at work and I was running a trauma with three interns," he raised his eyebrows and she just laughed, "Anyway, I'd had false contractions before so I was trying to ignore them. But they got really bad and I went to sit down but another contraction hit and I didn't quite manage to hide it and I ended up on the gurney in the next room.
He smiled but he was far more interested in the giving-birth bit than the inappropriate timing. "So everything was okay?"
"Ah, they had James in the NICU at first. For a week – his lungs had some growing to do."
"Were you okay?"
She nodded, not so convincingly, "Oh, yeah, I was fine. Kept me in hospital for ages though. I lost a bit of blood. And the obstetrician said I'd been working too hard." She shook her head like the mere idea was ludicrous.
"I'd believe it." he raised his eyebrows skeptically.
"I was fine. They were just paranoid. But since James was in there they kept me as well. That was a very slow two weeks. But Mum came down, and Chloe was pawning off the advice – I almost throttled her." She grinned a little wickedly.
He laughed.
She toyed with her empty teacup, accidentally spilling the dregs onto her jeans. She was getting sleepy. And getting up and changed and brushing her teeth seemed like an absolute mission. He was laughing at her, edging his way down the bed so that he was lying down, slowly drifting off as they talked.
As she fell asleep she pulled the covers over herself and rolled towards him.
She was aware of him getting up – twice. His watch alarm would go off, it would take a few long seconds for that to wake him, for him to realize where he was and why his alarm was going off, and then he'd roll out of bed, leaving it a bit cooler, and return to warm it up again just by being there.
The open curtains let the sun stream straight in the window onto her face. Mark was facing her so it was getting the back of his head but it penetrated her eyelids, waking her. She moved a little closer to Mark so his shadow would cover her and she let her eyes fall shut luxuriously. Just as she was drifting off again his hand slipped around her waist. She opened her eyes instantly, searching his face for an explanation, only to find he was still fast asleep.
No! Don't do that. This isn't good. I shouldn't want this after all we've been through and how badly I treated him. Plus, he's just dreaming. It doesn't mean anything. This is probably the last thing he wants. He could be dreaming about anyone, I'm just the fool that fell asleep in his bed. I'm just the fool that hasn't seen him for a year and still wants him. I even expect him to want me. I am a fool.
She tried to roll away but he just held her tighter. In his dream this was a game. But she was far too awake to be able to enjoy it like she wanted to.
Then he whispered something. She stopped focusing on his hand at her stomach and looked at his lips to try and figure out what he was saying. That was her first mistake, looking at his lips. Her second was deciphering what he said.
"I love you." A contented sigh, and then, "Susan, just stay."
What she didn't know was that he knew this dream well. He even knew he was dreaming. But the inevitable conclusion never changed his hope that in the dream she'd stay. Only this time the body under his hand didn't get up, quickly tucking the covers over the void. His shock at this alternative-reality grabbed him out of the dream, his eyes opening tellingly.
She was still looking at his lips.
He pulled his hand back. "Sorry. I was..." ooh, cringe, awkward.
"It's okay," she smiled, "You were dreaming," shrug, "Don't worry about it."
What the hell was he thinking? It had just been a dream, clearly enough, but still... what if he'd said something? Thank God he'd only touched her stomach. Flip, this was stupid. He sat up at the same moment she did. Then he remembered why he'd stayed the night – to look after James. He checked his watch.
"It's okay, I'll feed him." She escaped into James' room, shutting the door.