Wario was in the middle of dreaming about eating a five pound marshmallow when he woke up choking on his pillow. After spiting the bag of down out of his mouth, he observed that it was five minutes to two!
"What? Oh, no... Not again!" Wario shouted, "Well, I'll show him. That next spirit won't surprise me this time!"
Wario then proceeded to pull back all the curtains surrounding his canopy bed. He kept his eyes on all the sides for the next five minutes, ready to slug whatever appeared. However, when the clock struck two, no spirit appeared! Instead, Wario noticed that a light was shining around the cracks in the door between his bedroom and the sitting room. Slowly, Wario got out of bed and approached the door. When his hand was on the doorknob, an obnoxious, high pitched voice called to him from the other side.
"Hey! What are you waiting for? Come in and say 'Hi!' already!"
Of course, Wario wasn't about to say no (there wasn't any other way out of his bedroom, anyway), so he entered the sitting room.
The sitting room was quite different since the time Wario had his conversation with Waluigi in it. It was really bright, like there was a fire in it that was to big for the fireplace to handle, and the smell of something cooking loomed in the air. As Wario stepped inside, he immediately slipped on something and landed on his big fat butt. When he looked for what caused him to fall, Wario found a banana peel lying not far from where he had slipped. That was when Wario noticed that the whole room was filled with bananas! Bananas were piled to the ceiling! There were bananas bigger than any he had seen! And, if there was a food item in the room that wasn't a plain ol' banana, it was banana pie, roasted banana, or a banana split!
"Oh, sorry." Came the high pitched voice again, "I forgot I left that there. Allow me to introduce myself: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!"
Wario looked up and saw, sitting on top of one of the smaller piles of bananas, a little monkey. He was wearing a red tee shirt with a star pattern on it and a red baseball cap. Around the baseball cap, in an attempt to look festive, was a holy wreath. While Wario stared in awe, the spirit noticed the inquisitive look on his face.
"What? You haven't seen anyone like me before?"
"Not in particular..." Wario replied.
"You haven't seen any of my brothers? They all look kinda like me."
"Um, how many do you have?"
"Aw, gee... I'm not very good at math. One of my brothers is but not me. Um... Let's see... Carry the two... Multiply by the reciprocal... Oh, I'd say about two thousand."
"WHAT!? TWO THOUSAND!? THAT'S, LIKE, A BROTHER FOR EVERY CHRISTMAS!"
The spirit looked at Wario without saying anything.
"Oh, I get it..." Wario mumbled, "There is one for every Christmas, right?"
"Bingo. And each of our lifespans is one Christmas Eve."
"I bet age must catch up with you quickly! HA! I made a joke! Ain't I hilarious?"
"Right..." The spirit moaned before immediately perking back up again, "So, what are we waiting for? We're burning moonlight!"
Suddenly, a crude jet pack made a barrel (probably a barrel of gunpowder), flew up behind the spirit and strapped itself to his back.
"Let's go!" The spirit shouted, "Grab onto my tail and hold on!"
"Wait a second!" Wario protested, "We're going to travel on that... that... thing? It looks like something from Ape Escape!"
"Well, what did you expect? The Polar Express?"
Wario remained quiet when he couldn't come up with any witty reply.
"Just as I thought. Now, hurry up!"
Reluctantly, Wario obeyed. When he had a firm grip on the spirit's tail, the jet pack ignited and the next thing Wario knew, he and the spirit were crashing through the same window that Waluigi had departed from earlier. The firm grip became a death grip as the two of them flew over the city, hundreds of feet above the ground. In fact, Wario was freaking out so much from the height, that he didn't notice what was right in front of him and slammed into a weathervane! At that point, it was a one-way trip to the city streets. Fortunately, Wario managed to survive, and watched as the spirit gracefully landed on his two feet and the jet pack detach from his back and fly off.
"I said to hold on." The spirit repeated.
"Oh, shut up..."
Looking around, Wario noticed that it seemed like it was before he even left the office. It was dusk, and the streets were still somewhat filled with shoppers. The lights in the houses were on, sending a warm glow outside.
"Hey, wait a sec..." Wario grumbled, eyeing the spirit, "I thought it was two in the morning. What the heck!? Technically, that isn't even Christmas Eve!"
"Well, ok..." The spirit admitted, "I use the term 'Present' loosely... Uh-oh, hold on."
The spirit ran over to two toads who were yelling at each other with a pile of wrapped gifts around them on the snowy ground. It didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what had happened: The two of them, not being able to see each other over their high piles of presents, slammed into each other and both were currently blaming the other guy for the mess. The spirit, in response to this argument, took his baseball cap off and pulled something that looked like confetti out of it. He sprinkled it on the two toads and almost immediately, they stopped fighting and began helping each other restack their gifts and go on their way with a "Merry Christmas!". Wario, dumbfounded, walked over to the spirit and asked what was going on.
"Eh? What was that? Confetti?"
"This," The spirit began, holding in his palm the stuff in question, "Is a spice. It's kinda like a Christmas spice."
"That's nice," Wario stated flatly, "What flavor?"
"It's my own."
"So, ya gonna put that on any actual food?"
"To food given kindly. And the poor gets the most."
"Dare I ask why?"
"Simple. They need it the most."
Wario and the spirit continued walking, and the spirit continued to sprinkle the spice on all who needed it, from a shivering koopa in a makeshift Santa outfit standing next to a charity pot to a yoshi struggling under the weight of ten presents stacked on his back. Soon, practically everyone was full of Christmas cheer. Wario saw this and, despite how hard he tried, he couldn't help but smile.
"Wow, spirit." Wario mumbled, "Is every one, like, super happy now, or something?"
"Actually, yes." The spirit replied, "But don't worry, we'll be back, but for now..."
The jet pack suddenly reappeared and strapped itself to the spirit's back again.
"We've got the rest of the world to cover!"
"Aw, nuts..." Wario moaned, "Not again..."
Even more reluctantly than the first time, Wario grabbed onto the spirit's tail, and soon they were off again, but this time, they went too high into the clouds to see the ground below. After about a minute, the spirit (and this time, Wario also) landed gently on the ground as the jet pack flew off for a second time.
"Now where are we?" Wario questioned.
"Well, according to my map," The spirit answered, glancing at a road map he pulled out from seemingly nowhere, "We're in Station Square, and I think I know someone who needs a little Christmas cheer!"
The first thing Wario noticed about this new location was the fact that it seemed mostly populated by animals. In fact, there was a tree in the middle of the square and a group of colorful animals were standing near it, giving each other gifts! There was a blue hedgehog, a yellow fox, a red echidna, a purple chameleon, a green crocodile, a purple (fat) cat, as well as a few others. The spirit didn't hang around these animals, however. Instead, he led Wario to an alleyway were a black hedgehog was standing, watching the festivities from afar.
"Hmph," The hedgehog grunted, "Stupid faker... Why does he care about some lousy holiday anyway?"
While he was ranting, another hedgehog, a pink one, approached.
"Shadow!" The pink hedgehog gasped, "What are doing back here? Why don't you join us by the tree?"
"Heh... You pathetic lifeforms don't understand how foolish you act at this time of year. What's the point?"
"Hey, spirit?" Wario questioned, "What's his rip, huh?"
"What ever it is," The spirit replied, grabbing a handful of spice, "He won't be that way for long! They know me everywhere!"
The spirit sprinkled spice on the black hedgehog, just as the pink one began talking again.
"Christmas is a time to be happy! I know you have a little... ahem... grudge against most of humanity, but you can't be alone on Christmas! Besides, I thought you could relate to Christmas, since it's about a man who came to earth to save it spiritually, kinda like how you saved it physically..."
"Wait a second..." Wario grumbled, "Save the earth!? That fuzzball saved the earth!? Was I off that week? When did that happen!?"
The spirit didn't reply, since he was busy watching the spice take its affect on the hedgehog.
"Man who saved the earth spiritually..." The black hedgehog repeated, "Maria told me about someone like that, but she died before she could tell the entire story... Could you... Please tell me about this man?"
"Why sure, Shadow!" The pink hedgehog replied, grabbing the black hedgehog's arm and leading him out to where the festivities were being held, "It was about two thousand years ago, when a young woman named Mary was visited by an angel of the Lord who..."
"Wow..." The spirit sighed, watching the two hedgehogs walk off, "Nothing like seeing my spice being able to bring people to the truth... Aw, geez! Look at the time! I've still have the rest of the world to cover!"
And so, the spirit led Wario on. They went everywhere, even to places Wario never knew existed. They visited places ranging from a medieval forest where a young kid in a green tunic named Link was leading the celebrations to a city where almost everyone had some sort of pet monster called a "Pokemon". And everywhere they went, the spirit sprinkled his spice and spread Christmas cheer to all the inhabitants of each location. As they were doing this, Wario noticed something strange about the spirit. As the night wore on, the spirit aged rapidly. Soon, instead of a small monkey, the spirit was a full grown gorilla with a necktie! When the spirit finished growing to this age, Wario realized that they were in a small town in the middle of the desert.
"So, spirit," Wario asked the spirit, almost talking to him in a buddy-buddy sort of way, "Where are we now? Dry Dry Desert?"
"Nope." The spirit replied in a now much more gruff voice, "This is a town that is sometimes called the 'City of David', and they usually have the best Christmas celebrations!"
The spirit led Wario down the streets until they found a cathedral. Inside, the place was packed, and a huge group of singers were standing in front of a large stained glass window, singing.
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth, and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled."
Joyful, all ye nations, rise,
Join the triumph of the skies;
With th' angelic host proclaim,
"Christ is born in Bethlehem."
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King!
That was when it hit Wario like a two-by-four: The City of David... The spirit had led him to Bethlehem! Looking up at the stained glass window for the first time, he noticed it did indeed show a picture of the nativity, complete with the shining star at the top. Wario turned and tried to ask the spirit why he had led him here, but the spirit silenced him with his big, furry, paw.
"Wait." The spirit requested, "This verse is my favorite."
Hail! the heav'n-born Prince of peace!
Hail! the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings,
Risen with healing in his wings
Mild he lays his glory by,
Born that man no more may die:
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth.
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King!
When the song concluded, Wario himself was on the verge of crying, finally realizing what Luigi, Mona, and even (in a way) that pink hedgehog were telling him all this time. The spirit, seeing this, leaned over and whispered to Wario in the most sarcastic voice he heard that night.
"Try yelling at this batch of 'religious nutcases'. I dare you."
Wario felt like a complete pile of trash when he heard his own words used against him.
"Aw, don't be down in the dumps!" The spirit shouted in such a jolly voice compared to his previous comment that Wario thought he had a split personality, "Remember what I said earlier? We're gonna go back to your city now! I believe your nephew is throwing quite a party..."
The spirit dragged a still dejected Wario towards the cathedral doors, but when he opened them, they didn't lead outside. Instead, they led right into the living room of Luigi's mansion, where Wario's nephew was indeed throwing a huge party! The room was brightly lit and, sitting on a sofa in the middle of the room, laughing at some sort of just told joke, was none other than Luigi! Standing around him were a few people that Wario didn't recognize in particular, they just seemed to be a couple of shy-guys, bloopers, crazy daises, and the like. They all seemed to be laughing too. Apparently, whatever Luigi just said really brought the house down.
"Hey! Hey, Luigi!" One of the bloopers, still trying to recover from a laughing fit, gasped, "Do that again!"
"Ok, ok!" Luigi replied. He stood up, hunched over, made one of the most goofy looking "mad" faces one could think up, and bellowed in a ridiculously low pitched voice, "Of course I mean it, you moron! What good is Christmas except for losing employees to some screwed-up little holiday that is only for whiny brats and religious lunatics!? If I had it my way, any idiot who'd even mention the word would be crushed under a Thwomp, chewed up by a Piranha Plant, and blown to bits by a Bob-omb!"
The whole crowd burst out laughing again at Luigi's near perfect impersonation of Wario, some of them rolling on the floor, banging the ground with their fists. By the time they were done recovering, a woman came into the room wearing an apron around her orange dress.
"Alright, you clowns!" The woman yelled, "Stop trying to tear up the carpet! I just had that installed yesterday! Geez, I leave you boys alone for one minute to check up on the turkey, and my husband just has to do his Wario impression..."
"Heh... Always listen to the lady of the house eh, Luigi?" A shy guy commented.
"Well, that's Daisy..." Luigi replied in between chuckles, "Anyway, how about we try listening to her for once and do something, you know, less rowdy. Say, did you guys remember to bring your GBAs? I've been wanting to try that Crystal Chronicles game in multiplayer for quite some time now!"
Luigi managed to round up four GBAs, and soon they were playing Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles like a bunch of D&D nerds. Luigi, having already played the game in single player, clearly was doing the best out of the other three players, who switched out every level so that everyone had a chance to play.
Eventually, Daisy popped her head in to announce that dinner was ready. The dinner was delicious: Turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, and various other dishes were available for everyone to eat. Dessert was even better, Daisy brought out a "Birthday Cake" for Jesus (it was an angel cake, of course) and, after the cake was wolfed down faster than the rest of the meal, Luigi and the gang were back playing FF:CC.
Now, to say that Wario cheered up watching all this is a bit of an understatement. He was arguably having more fun at the party then Luigi was! Needless to say, Wario was quite disappointed when the spirit said it was time to go.
"Aw, come on..." Wario whined, "They just got to the Rebena Te Ra level. Can't I just stay and see them beat the game?"
"We don't have time." The spirit answered, "And there is still one more place I need to show you."
Suddenly the music, laughter, smells, everything, faded away and Wario found himself standing outside the window of the house owned by his poor, financially unstable, employee Mario. However, Mario wasn't home. Instead only his wife, Peach, and one of his sons, Baby Luigi, were home, and they were setting up the dinner table. Well, Peach was, since Baby Luigi was much too young to even reach the tabletop.
"Mommy!" Baby Luigi shouted, "When Daddy and me brodder comin' home? Where are dey now?"
"Oh, they just went out for some errands," Peach replied, "They'll be back soon. Oh! Look! Here they come!"
Wario turned away from the window and saw Mario walking up to the house. He was carrying what looked like groceries in both his hands and on his shoulders rode a child that almost looked like Mario himself, except he was younger of course. The child was wearing the same cap that Mario wore, and he even was wearing overalls. Mario and the child were talking, and both seemed very happy. However, the child rather often would start hacking uncontrollably, but he would always recover, and immediately continue talking to Mario like nothing ever happened. The two of them entered the house, where Mario was quickly greeted by Peach with a hug after he put everything down.
"Well," Peach began nagging sarcastically, "Were have you been? You're half an hour late!"
"Oh, well Baby Mario wanted to stop by the church," Mario answered, "He always behaves in there, and I think he likes visiting because he knows it's where he can talk to the one who can make him well..."
Mario appeared to be holding back tears as he said the last line.
Baby Mario, however, climbed up into his high chair and, between coughs, began cheering for his dad.
"Hey, Mommy!" Baby Mario celebrated, "You gotta see the turkey Daddy got! It is monstrosuliousous!"
"Ok, ok..." Peach replied, chuckling at Baby Mario's attempt to say monstrous, "First I have to get your brother in his high chair, then we can begin eating!"
Peach put Baby Luigi in his high chair as Mario began setting the food on the table. Tragically, compared to Luigi's dinner, Mario's didn't even look like it could feed a goomba. The "turkey" was a Cornish Game Hen, there was one measly spoonful of mashed potatoes, and there was about as many green beans as you can get from one plant. However, no one in the family complained in the least bit as Mario sat down and led the way in prayer.
"A Merry Christmas to all, and God bless us!"
The whole family repeated this except for Baby Mario, who said the prayer a little differently:
"God bless us, everyone!"
When the prayer was done, Mario held up his glass of water (which he made by bringing a cup of snow indoors) and prepared a toast:
"To Wario!" Mario shouted, "The founder of our feast!"
Naturally, a big smile formed on Wario's face when he heard his name used in a positive light.
"Founder of our feast my rear end!" Peach rebuked.
There went Wario's smile.
"Uh, Peach..." Mario mumbled, "The kids..."
"If I ever get my hands on him, I'll give him a piece of my mind to feast on!"
"Peach... The kids..."
"Don't you know what he puts you through every day of the year? Why on earth would you have a toast to him!?"
"But Mommy!" Baby Mario interrupted, "He did... HACK! COUGH! WHEEZE!... foundeded our feast! He gived us the money to buy the food!"
"Oh, heh heh..." Peach muttered, finding it hard to argue with the simple logic of a child, "I guess when you put it that way... To Wario!"
The family finished the toast and began eating what little food they had. They were poor, they were cold, and they were hungry, but they were happy. Watching Baby Mario once again start having a coughing fit, Wario turned to the spirit with a pained look on his face.
"Spirit, Mario's kid... He's gonna live, right? I mean, he just has a small cold or something, right?"
"If nothing happens to help the child..." The spirit began, "I can see an empty high chair, and a lone tiny cap hanging on the coat hanger without an owner."
"Wait..." Wario whispered, turning away from the spirit and looking back at Baby Mario, "You don't mean he's gonna..."
Suddenly, Wario felt himself get whacked over the head with something hard. Turning around he saw that the spirit had again aged, and this time, he was an old gorilla with a white beard and a walking stick (which, apparently, was what he had hit Wario with)!
"Of course he's gonna die, you nitwit!" The now cranky spirit shouted, "What did you expect? That he'd miraculously get better? This isn't a RPG! He's not just gonna rest in an inn and all his negative status effects just go away, dang it! You youngins just think that everything works just like a video game!"
The spirit stormed off and Wario quickly ran after him.
"Hey! Wait up, you old coot! How'd you age so fast, anyway?"
"Weren't you listenin' earlier? I only live one Christmas Eve! Heck, in about five minutes, I'm gonna die! Dang kids who don't respect their elders..."
Wario looked up at a nearby clock tower which showed, indeed, that it was five to three, when the third spirit would come.
"Now, you young hoodlum, do you have any other stupid questions?"
"Uh, yeah, actually..." Wario replied noticing something about the spirit, "I think there is something behind you. What is it?"
"Eh? Oh, you mean this?" The spirit asked as he stepped aside to reveal something horrifying.
There were two goombas, one male and one female. The boy was wearing a blue baseball cap and the girl was wearing a miner's helmet and had a ponytail, but that wasn't what made them so hideous. They were disfigured beyond belief, as if Mario had jumped on them a hundred times over with cleats, and they were a sickly yellow color. They were so... so... ugly that not even the Koopa King himself could possibly stand them. Wario jumped back, appalled at the sight, and his face went slowly pale.
"Ack! Spirit! Are those your kids!?"
"What!? No!" The spirit replied, "They are mankind's kids! And they're stuck with me, appealing from their father. The boy's name is Ignorance, the Girl's Want. Avoid both of them, but definitely the boy, because he is doom!"
"B-But don't they have any r-refuge or s-something?"
"How about prison?" The spirit responded, using Wario's words against him for the final time, "That's where your tax dollars are going, aren't they?"
The spirit walked into the fog just as the clock struck three. Wario called to him, but he was gone. Panicking, Wario tried to figure out what would happen next.
"U-Uh... L-Let's see... T-There was past, there was p-present, that means that w-what comes next must be..."
Wario was slowly backing up all this time when he suddenly bumped into something. Turning around, he saw a tall phantom looming over him, his appearance completely covered by a black, hooded shroud. Upon seeing it, Wario could only croak out one hoarse word.
"Future..."