As Good As Dreams

By: Christina K.

Chapter 17: Same Ending, New Beginning

(A/N: Oh my gosh, I'm so ashamed of myself! I can't believe it took so long to update. Actually, I can… I've been really busy with work and trying to get all of my school stuff straightened out, and on top of that, I had a major break up with my long term boyfriend, which has taken all of the romance out of me, but my muse not only visited me tonight, but whacked me over the head and I'm definitely going to finish it tonight. I'm finishing up the last chapter as we speak, so enjoy!)

"…How could I let myself fall in love with him? I feel so stupid. I knew that he loved her. But still I pursued. And this is where it gets me, hurt and hating myself."

I looked at my journal, a tattered, blue notebook and sighed, old feelings refreshed as I read the entry I wrote on my lonely plane trip back to Miami. That was over three months ago and the wounds on my heart still felt fresh, as if inflicted only yesterday.

I closed the cover and tucked the book back into its hiding spot, wiping a lone tear out of the corner of my eye.

I stood up and looked at the clock. It was time to retrieve my kids from gym class.

It was Thursday, the next to last day of school for the year. Friday, there was a big celebration for all of the grades and I wasn't looking forward to it at all, for one reason, my former fiancé. I didn't know how I was going to handle facing him again.

I had done so well with ignoring him, not being around him, but I hadn't yet been put into a situation where I was forced to be in the same room with him.

Tomorrow's party would change all of that.

I walked out of my classroom, down the hall and out to the playground and let Mr. Green know it was time to hand over my little monsters.

He looked at me and asked, "How are things, Delilah?"

"Fine, Alex, thank you." He knew I wasn't being honest, but tactfully ignored it.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a flash of blonde, and by instinct, I turned to see Travis entering the blacktop with his students in tow.

"Come on, guys, line up! After your spelling test, we're going to watch a movie. Let's hurry up." I tried to direct my attention anywhere but Travis as he approached us.

"I have to get these guys inside for their test. Excuse me." I tried to walk away, but was stopped by Travis gently taking my wrist in his hand.

"Delilah, please wait." The sound of desperation in his voice and the feeling of his skin touching mine compelled me to turn around and look into his stormy-grey eyes for the first time since that night in Canada.

A million emotions ran through my body and my eyes burned with tears.

"I can't." I pulled my hand away, the feeling of his touch lingering on my skin.

"I just want to talk. No strings attached." He read the hesitation to walk away on my face and took it as a sign to continue. "Just hear what I have to say and I'll leave you alone."

Hundreds of cruel, hateful phrases came into my minds, but I bit my lip to hold them back, and nodded, defeated.

"Okay. After school is out, come to my classroom," I muttered, before ushering my students back to class, leading them like a mother duck with her babies.

After the spelling test, I popped in some cartoon that was sure to keep the kids glued to the TV while I graded their papers and regretted my decision to speak with Travis.

I thought about ducking out, letting Maria, my teacher's aide, take over, and going home, but instead, whispered the word "Coward," knowing that he would just keep persisting.

And sure enough, time flew by at record speed and the first bell rang, dismissing all of my bus-riding students.

Ten minutes and the second and last bell of the day would ring and the minute I was dreading would be upon me.

But, they came early. He walked into my room shortly after the first bell rang, and my class stopped talking, feeling the tension choke the room.

Maria stood up and gestured that she wanted me to go, that she could handle it.

I said goodbye to the remainder of my class and to Maria, gathering my stuff and walked out of the door, Travis letting me take the lead.

He followed me out to a picnic table under a group of palm trees behind the school cafeteria and we both sat down.

"Talk," I said, bluntly. I had no desire to waste time with meaningless conversation.

"Did Melanie tell you that I stopped by the other day?" I couldn't read his face. But what else was new? I was never able to read him; except that night with Lily. I shook the offending image out of my head.

"No, why did you?"

"I had a long talk with her. It really opened my eyes about our situation.

"Your situation, Travis. I didn't do anything wrong. You did." His eyes flashed his pain, but he recovered and continued.

"She told me a lot about you, a lot that had confused me before."

"Like what?" I didn't need to ask. I knew exactly what she had told him.

"About how you've been these past few months. I know that I hurt you and because of that, I'm truly sorry. It was never my intention and it's my biggest regret. To make amends, I'll do anything you ask me to."

I scoffed. "How typical. A guy screws up and thinks that a simple favor can fix things. Please, Travis. Don't patronize me. I deserve better than that."

"Delilah, I don't know what to do. I feel like my life has been taken away from me. I can't breathe without you in my life. I'm lost and I know that I can never take back what I did."

I felt my anger melt away with his words, and I secretly sympathized with him. I knew exactly how he felt, but I couldn't admit it. I still had a little pride left.

"Travis, if you," I couldn't finish my sentence. My words were choked back by new tears, forming in my eyes and falling down my cheeks. "Why?"

"I loved Lily for so long. Eight long years, I held onto feelings that I knew wouldn't be reciprocated, because her heart belonged to another, to Ray. When I moved here, it was to get away from her, to move on with my life. And I met you. You helped me do something I had tried to do for most of my adult life.

"Going back, putting us in the situation I did, was my first mistake in many that I made that night. I hurt so many people that night, Ray, Lily, Robbie, but out of all that happened, I most regret hurting you. Because I look into your eyes now, your beautiful brown eyes, and I can still see the pain. That pain hits me deep in my soul and I know that I'll never get you back.

"You're my angel, my life, and I can't stand knowing that every day I see you, I'm hurting you. So, this is good bye. I'm sorry, and I'll live the rest of my life loving you, and only you." He reached his hand across the table and squeezed mine, before standing, planting a chaste kiss on my forehead and walking away, leaving me sitting alone, tears falling on the old wood and soaking in, leaving dark, wet spots next to the chipped, blue paint.

I turned and watched him walk away, the sight of his retreating back breaking my heart all over again.

Damn my pride. I wanted to go after him, call his name, run into his arms and let his kisses melt all of my pain away, but a part of me was still scared of trusting him again.

I dried the last of my tears and stood, set on heading home.

I heard the door slam behind me as my sadness was replaced with a sort of raw anger.

"Melanie!" I dropped my bag on the ground in frustration.

"What? What's wrong?" She burst out of her room, holding her bathrobe closed.

"You let him in my house?"

"Oh, so he talked to you today. Listen, Del, this really isn't a good time."

"But it was the right time when Travis came over, right?"

"Delilah, please don't be mad."

"He had no right being here." My words, mid-sentence, flattened as my anger dissolved with the fresh batch of tears falling down my face. "God, Mel, I don't know what to do." I plopped down on the couch unceremoniously.

She sat down next to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Love sucks, Delilah, we all know that," she joked, trying to cheer me up and against my will, a smile tugged at my lips and it was working.

I jerked up when I heard a loud thump coming from Melanie's bedroom. I looked at her and saw her cheeks flush.

"I caught you! Who are you with?"

"No one. No one's in there." She tried to sound casual, but the blush on her cheeks gave her away.

"Who is it?" I dropped my voice.

"A friend."

I choked back a small laugh.

"Do I know him?"

She took in a deep breath and started to answer, but was interrupted by Robbie stumbling out of her bedroom.

But the awkwardness of the situation never hit the room, because we were stopped by the telephone ringing.

Melanie picked up the phone, listened for a minute and handed it my way.

"Del, it's for you. It's Lily, Lily Brennan."