I felt your heart next to mine, its beat a lullaby I sang too. The plead in my voice, as I whispered our song, the song we sang together. I heard the raspy breaths you drew, each one deeper than the next as you tried to sing along. The gentle caress your fingers gave mine, our hands touching. You told me not to cry, but my tears still fell. And through my tears, I sang. And I forgot the pain, I forgot everything. I just watched you smile, happy to see it again. Your eyes grew heavy, the smile faded. The pain was back.

I begged you to stay, to fight everything that was taking you away. But as the clock tick by, as each second died, your eyes closed, your chest stopped and the beat to which I sang my lullaby ended, into silence.

The doctor came and checked your pulse, frowning as he searched for it. Nothing. He looked at me, with sympathy. But he knew nothing of the pain I was feeling. I was pulled away from your side. But I didn't want to leave. Leaving would end it all, reality would come back. And I didn't want that.

I wanted to…wake up in my bed, see your smiling face next to me. I wanted it to be like it used to, you, pulling me down the stairs, listing off your demands for the day. I wanted to hold you again, to kiss your forehead and to soothe your pain. I wanted it so much at that moment, that it became a dream…

But it wasn't. It was real. And you had really gone, you had left me. I cried, sobbing next to you, grabbing your hand that was icy to touch. Your life had gone…and I was alone.

But I can't blame you. No, I would be cruel if I did. Because what mother can hate their son? What mother would I be if I felt resentment towards you, when you had done nothing wrong? No mother should feel that way…so I won't. You have made me proud, my son, proud to be your mother. And no matter what happens, I'll always will be.

The tears had stopped as I unclenched your hand. I stroked your forehead, pushing back the bangs from your eyes. With a sweet kiss to your head, I stood from my chair and walked out the room. I had no idea where I was going, but it felt like you were taking me somewhere…because before I knew it, I was in a park. Our park. The one we always went to, every Sunday. I smiled, in spite of myself, and sat on a swing, gently swaying on it. I sighed, the cold settling in around me. I remember, one day before Christmas we came here and it started to snow…and we danced in the snow, together. Your father, you and me, together as a family…

Your father appeared behind me, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned back into him and we stayed there, together. And, I know this may sound strange, but I could feel you around us. It was like; you were looking at us, from heaven, smiling at your father and me. I hoped you were. I looked up, expecting to see you in the clouds. Instead, I saw a snowflake falling, landing on my nose. I giggled and blew it off. And soon, many more began to fall. Just like it did that day before Christmas. I smiled, closing my eyes, enjoying the odd comfort the snow gave when it landed on me. And when I opened my eyes and looked to the clouds, I could see you, smiling down from your place in heaven.