Disclaimer: I don't own SD boys, Inoue does. The events that follow are not included in the original plot but enjoy anyway.
Summary: Kanagawa Daily publishes Mitsui's opinions on Kanagawa boys and of himself and some answers to his fans' buggy questions. Strictly for those who LOVE Mitsui. Mitsui's POV. One shot.
A/N: I gave my best not to make this look like a crappy utility article and since it's Christmas (I'm writing this in the middle of Christmas Eve, would you believe it?) I hope that I wouldn't be flooded with unsigned flames like 'what a retarded piece of shit' or 'here's a free ticket to hell for you, crapcake'; the phrase 'this sucks' will suffice, m'kay? I'm just exercising my journalistic, quasi nonexistent skills on this one. No plot is expected to emerge from this; it's really a human interest feature ARTICLE.
To Pollux: the poorly constructed teaser can't be helped. I suck at inventing one. Anyhow, this is dedicated to you.
Warning: Highly opinionated. Contains statements that are largely based on a MitRu-RuMit's fan's perspectives.
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Mitsui's POV
Should one really call this bragging? I mean writing stuff about yourself just to show the world that you're godly and that it's worth knowing such things about you? Perhaps it is. But it makes a lot of difference when somebody asks for it, or make that 'when a whole lot asks for it.' What's more, bragging is proper when one gives it to someone who is less than he is; and it's even more justified when one directs it to someone who adores him. Like you and me? Come on, you wouldn't be bouncing your eyes all over this page if I don't amaze/enamor you. It's either you're dyslexic that you missed the summary or that you're with a sadistic intention to refute me. It's fine; but I don't think the majority will be swarming on your side at that, given that I've just been voted by suffrage as the hunkiest guy in Kanagawa which will soon rename itself as the 'world' or 'the galaxy' or 'the whole hot damn universe'. The eventual fact requires not much of an analysis; after all, this world is like a menu that's running out of selection. How horrible.
That's my assumption--spoilt, corny, hardly funny but entirely believable and holistically reliable and, as it may seem to you, excessively biased and narcissistic.
Just to ease your attitude from vehemence and before we get to the point where everything I say is offensively haughty; let me clear some hazy rumors/things that have been peppered around cyber space like an endemic. First of all, my Christian name did not originate from Marijuana so it's not true that my parents rearranged the letters (hashish) to come up with a cute baby nick. Some fans have been blasting me with that idiotic guess and I say it again; no. it's stupid to come up with such etymological gossip when I myself don't even know where 'Hisashi' came from. Should I really be asking my parents about it? I don't think so but I am, however, aware that the name is cute and that it's sexy and it suits me just great. Like a key and a keyhole. Or maybe it's because I'm its owner that it conjures up adoration the moment it's been uttered. So there you have it.
About my 2 year hiatus; everyone saw it as something most controversial for some reason that is plain obvious. I'd been the mega star even before I got to play in the official league and it was pretty tough for Shohoku people to survive after the Great Mitsui. So I guess a lot was affected by it. It's one of the biggest mistakes I've made and a very stupid one for that matter. I moped over it alright; just don't make me recall what's been cribbed in my past, I find it shameful. On a lighter issue chained to this, people wonder if I was ever the stereotyped gangster during those days. I'm not specifically sure by what 'stereotypical' means in there but the first thing that comes to my mind is the question of whether I drank and smoked. No. I knew those dirty stuff would break my health into shambles if I had the blood to engage in them. I wasn't healthy in the first place so why add further damage, right? What's more, I was hoping to recover my stint in the basketball club even after those hang outs with the street guys. So again; I didn't smoke and I didn't drink. They nauseate me. Nor did I sell my soul to the devil for 5 night-stands just to retain my basketball touch.
Then there goes the love life. This part is only exciting because of the potential, massive disgrace that'll come after it; no, I haven't had a girl/boyfriend. And I'm including both sexes here because I'm considering the generic extent of my admirers. Y'all know what I mean so don't try to get away with the confusion which isn't one to begin with. My yaoi and OC fans, anyone?
Some people are so gaga over coupling me up with Kogure who happens to be my closest bud. They are so hypnotized by the best friends-becoming-lovers-in-the-end cliché that they want to apply it to my relationships with people, even imaginary. I don't see anything bad about it; it must have been a rational, empirical presumption. Hello? Why not? We're friends and friendship is founded in love, isn't it? But on the more logical side…do I look like someone who has fetish for geekology majors? Am I the ilk who would rather embrace mediocrity when I can have MORE? It's me, for crying out loud. Some people will argue that it's been a popular culture for a rowdy rough guy to fall for a gentle, plain brainiac; another pathetic cliché. I hate clichés. Need I say more? Case dismissed.
On rare instances I find myself in a fantastic world of swains with Sendoh or Sakuragi. Sendoh and I are made in heaven. People are so fun having us together because we're both pretty. Sendoh is a dyed in the wool perv; I am bold and sarcastic. He's looks so easy to get while I am so pushy and magnetic; how unchallenging and unflattering. Our equation is so balanced you'd think a formula has been made regarding the mystery of cuteness. We're so compatible and so kawaii together. It's too perfect. It's so perfect it makes me puke. I can only have a handful of enough and a whit more than that; I'd crush myself to dementia. In a nutshell, it's another predictable, typical tale; perfect guy meets perfect guy and lives happily ever after. Sendoh might've been my type but I won't suffer myself to cross another gulf of clichéd ending. That's done. And Sakuragi; I love the guy; he never fails to make me laugh because of his arrogant innocence which I like most about him. Ironically, it's his being ignoramus that endangers my opinion on him which becomes prejudiced. The point? That's pretty hard to convey but let me say that when people pair me up with Sakuragi the plot is as linear as the equator horizontally drawn across the bloody globe. He's always this innocent scum who only sees me as a friend whereas I, I would be the love struck tootsie boy who hankers after his scent and foments a mechanic hard on at the sight of his nakedness. In a word; I'm painfully desiring and slobbering over Sakuragi and he doesn't know a thing about it. Is that what you call unique? Why not put it the other way to get the prescribed tonic called 'cliché'? I think people will get more plaudits if they put these 2 together which is the sole reason why I inserted them in one paragraph. Sendoh and Sakuragi are a thicket of conflicts, but together they make a beautiful and colorful relationship; imagine the contradiction in terms of character. It's almost genius.
And then enters Rukawa. The boy doesn't speak quite a lot aside from his usual monosyllabic sound bites like 'yes' and 'no' and thus, doesn't give much of himself away. He's an interesting character if we discount the fact that his biological clock is winded down 2 hours late because that displays obdurate idleness; and I hate lazy people. When you're Rukawa there's just no sense in being anything save to be icy; can't say it behooves him all the more. He's too dumb to be included here but since our fandom is stretching into a whole continental and perhaps even international populace, I'll have to do some explaining so that our connection wouldn't be stuck in a farrago of lust and attraction and desire that's devoid of love and respect. People think Rukawa is hot. Girls run around the Shohoku building with a banner that shouts 'Rukawa is HOT!' I don't think he's hot; definitely not with the exclamation mark. And I'm not saying this because I think it's lame to haul it to someone's face that he's physically alluring with the loudly urgent punctuation mark; it's because it's shallow and indecent and meretricious and flirtatious and lewd and everything. Do I sound diplomatic now? For the sake of this godsend team mate I will try to.
I like him because he's a good basketball player. I like his quietness and calmness. I like his submissiveness to his seniors even if the presence of his ferocious pride is too patent in that stony silence. I like his simplicity and talent. I like him because although I have everything to pit up against his pomp, I always end up succumbing to his coldness. I don't mind if people pair me up with him as long as the story that comes along has a sparkle of reason in it. I may even think it's cute and that's a rare decisiveness for someone like me. I'm too picky, I know. But still on top of that I want to reiterate that I don't think he's hot. Had he been hotter than me, I would've mentally established the claim as a fact. Unfortunately for him, the case is remarkably otherwise. Nyahahahaha. That's settled.
And lastly, to end this solo ranting; it's fine if people come up with original characters and pair me up with them. Original characters that in some ways resemble themselves no matter how violently they deny it. It's a way of sending out their love for me. Should there be anything wrong with that? Would you condemn me for coming up with a story about Lara Croft and me in a Venetian honeymoon? I hope not. Oh well, I didn't think this article would be this exhausting until I finished it. Jesus; it ain't easy to be a star.
END
A/N: I shouldn't be stating what's morbidly obvious here but I really really really suck at dialogues. Like a black hole. That's why I'm giving my darnest just to omit them. Pathetic. I should be reading more of Oscar Wilde, really. Anyway, it's PURE self insert; don't blame me for being a MitRu-RuMit fan because I dread tolerating other pairings with Mitsui, m'kay? But I did, however, manage to be nice to MitsuixOC lovers and to tone down my love for MitRu-RuMit , and that's quite an accomplishment. Thanks for reading. Ciao!