A whisper was going round the Gryffindor common room. After the excitement of the morning, everybody was now lazing around, draped over chairs, sofas, tables and chandeliers.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the portrait hole, and Professor McGonagall climbed in. "A message here for Harry Potter." She said.
Harry got up from where he was helping pluck Ron's nostril hair, and walked over, still holding the tweezers. "What does it say?" he asked.
"It says – Harry Potter, there's a surprise waiting for you in the Great Hall. Love Malfie. Kiss, kiss, kiss." Harry blushed and grabbed the piece of parchment from her hands, to the laughter of everyone else.
Harry, Hermione and Ron hurried down the corridors to the Great Hall. When they got there, the door was opened by two house elves with tinsel on their heads. Harry, Ron and Hermione exchanged a worried glance, then entered.
All the tables had been removed from the hall, including the staff table. Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle and a few others were standing in a line on the stage. Wearing red mini-dresses, with white fur trimmings. And Santa Claus hats.
"Oh...my...God." whispered Hermione, as they launched into a raunchy dance routine, and Malfoy stepped up to the mic and started to sing.
"I don't
want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't
care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want
you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come
true
Harry, all I want for Christmas is you."
Ron stared at them in awe. He slowly walked up to the stage. "I want to dance…" He muttered.
"Ron, no!" yelled Harry. But Ron was already walking up the steps to the stage.
At that moment, the door opened and a headless chicken ran in, closely followed by Hagrid.
"Harry!" he yelled "Dun listen teh them!" Hagrid was dressed in a yellow mini-dress and fishnet tights. "Listen to me instead!" Hagrid launched into a round of 'Lady Marmalade'
"Hey
sisteh, go sisteh, soul sisteh, flow sisteh
Hey sisteh, go
sisteh, soul sisteh, flow sisteh
He
meh Marmalade down in old Moolin Rooge
Struttin' her stuff 'n
the stree'
said "Hello, hey Joe, you wan' giv it eh go?"
oh"
"Oh Hagrid, not you too!" Squeaked Hermione.
"Too right me too!" said Hagrid, grabbing the headless chicken and using it as a microphone, as he kept singing.
Harry looked from Ron, who was currently wearing someone else's Santa Claus hat and attempting to squeeze into a mini-dress someone had offered him, to Hagrid, who was still singing heartily, leaving a trail of feathers as he danced around the hall.
Suddenly the doors once again burst open, and the teachers entered, in a whirl of bikinis and batman outfits.
McGonagall, who had somehow disentangled herself from Dumbledore, stepped into the middle of the room. Some Slytherin students who were hanging from strings from the ceiling turned on some flashlights, focusing them on her.
"I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started..." she sang. Harry and Hermione looked at eachother and groaned, as the rest of the teachers spilled into the hall and started to rave. They followed McGonagall in an unorderly line towards the stage, and then up onto it.
Professor Flitwick took the mic, and started singing 'It's a small small world' as everyone danced.
Hermione and Harry ran towards the door, but to their dismay Hagrid was blocking it. He was carrying a pitchfork, no longer singing. He looked rather angry. They whirled around to see the other teachers acting in the strange way too.
"Kill, kill, kill..." They chanted, forming a tight circle around Harry and Hermione.
"Help!" Hermione squealed.
"Quick! Use your magic talking bottom!" exclaimed Ron, as he rushed through the crowd and stood behind Harry.
"My magic bottom..." Harry growled through gritted teeth, "Wasn't real."
"Oh." Ron paled. "Well – you'll be...erm, pleased to know that no way have I sold the story about your talking bottom to the papers...and Tonight with Magical Trevor...no way."
"Ron..." Harry moaned. "I'm going to kill you."
"Yes..." said Professor Flitwick, looking surprisingly scary for a two foot tall guy with a beard. "We're all going to kill you."
"Ok, I know what to do." Said Harry "Stand back!" He gritted his teeth, bent over and pointed his buttocks at one side of the circle. "Here goes!" Everybody on that side of the circle were blasted apart as Harry let out an Enormous Fart "Quick lets go!"
"Phew, Harry, what did you have to eat today?" Inquired Ron with a grin on his face. They ran through the gap in the circle onto the stage.
"Not so fast!" Professor Dumbledore came striding out to meet them, his wand pointing right at them.
"Oh no…" Moaned Hermione "Petrificus Totalus!" But the spell merely bounced off him.
"Transportus!" Yelled Dumbledore, which immediately transported them up to his office