Pictures of You, a yu yu hakusho fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything associated with it. The song is "Pictures of You" by The Cure. I don't own that either. ISAF is from Ace Combat 04 I don't own that either, it's just kind of a cameo. Review please.

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you

That I almost believe that they're real

I've been living so long with my pictures of you

That I almost believe that the pictures are

All I can feel

I, stood alone in my room. I walked over to my bed and reached for the dresser drawer, and pulled it open. I pulled out a book, a photo album. I blew the dust off of it, and opened it up. I flipped to the first page, and glanced at the pictures there. There we all were, me, Kuwabara, Keiko, Yukina, Hiei, Kurama, Botan........Botan. I flipped a couple of pages over, there she was again. She was smiling, her hair tied back. I'd been looking at these so much lately, looking at them for so long that I almost believed that they were real.

I felt horrible, I opened my wallet, slipped a particularly nice picture out of the album, and stuck it into the wallet. I sighed, and closed up the album, I put it back and went into the living room. I went to the door, and stepped outside, I walked to the bridge near the park. I shoved my hands in my pockets, and thought of her. I felt my cheek and realized there were tears running down it. I wiped them away quickly. Who would have thought, looking at me for the first time, that I, Yusuke Urameshi, after seeing my toughness and tenacity in tough situations, would get all choked up over this. But, I can't deny it, what I felt for her.

Remembering

You standing quiet in the rain

As I ran to your heart to be near

And we kissed as the sky fell in

Holding you close

How I always held close in your fear

Remembering

You running soft through the night

You were bigger and brighter and wider than snow

And screamed at the make-believe

Screamed at the sky

And you finally found all your courage

To let it all go

I remembered her standing on this same bridge where I am now. She was standing, just standing, quietly in the rain,looking out over the pond. I wondered what she was doing, I called to her, she jumped startled, turned around,and looked at me. I then knew she wasn't feeling to good, I mean mentally, from that forlorn, depressed look in her eyes. But her eyes seemed to brighten, just a little, when she saw me.I ran towards her, and she towards me. I held her and we kissed as the gray sky above us gave way to night.

She suddenly pulled away, and screamed with anguish, and burst into tears. I was startled at first, by this sudden outburst, but as I moved to comfort her I knew what her trouble was.

Keiko had died a while back, a victim of a bombing run, by demonic forces, in the last days of the great war between the demons, and the Humans plus Spirit World. The demons had launched one final sortie into the human world, a last-ditch assault as their power wavered and their hopes for victory grew thin. The allies, ultimately won, but not before witnessing many horrid battles.

Hiei had also died, in combat. Though at least for him, that was probably the way he wanted to go. He died honorably helping to defend the human world along with I.S.A.F.(Independent State Allied Force). ISAF was the protector of all the lands in the west, but they had come to the defense of the east, Japan where the demon struggle originated. Genkai had also been lost in battle.

Combat also claimed other friends of ours, people we had met in ISAF, soldiers who we became good friends with. I would have thought, Botan would not have been like this. She is a ferry-girl after all, I suppose the loss of so many close friends was just to much.

Remembering

You fallen into my arms

Crying for the death of your heart

You were stone white

So delicate

Lost in the cold

You were always so lost in the dark

Remembering

You how you used to be

Slow drowned

You were angels

So much more than everything

Hold for the last time then slip away quietly

Open my eyes

But I never see anything

I remember Botan, standing there crying. She fell into my arms. She was so cold, and pale. I new that couldn't be good. I held her some more trying to calm her down, then I took her home. I said good-bye, if I had only known that it was the last time I could hold her, I would have done more. She just slipped away from me, from all of us. Claimed by a combination of depression, stress, and illness.

Sometimes after looking at my pictures of her, I dream about her at night. I wake up, my eyes snap open, expecting to see her there. But, of course she's never there. And she never will be.

If only I'd thought of the right words

I could have held on to your heart

If only I'd thought of the right words

I wouldn't be breaking apart

All my pictures of you

If I had only thought of the right words, when I talked to her, maybe this could have been different. If only I had told her just how much, how infinitely much I loved her, her heart wouldn't have been so stressed, and maybe she would have stayed.

I turned around and walked back home. I went inside and into my room. I threw myself onto my bed and cried. I pulled my self together and looked around. My eyes came to rest on my photo album. I picked it up and looked at those pictures again. These memories might be too painful for me. My eyes traced the room and landed on the paper shredder in the corner of the room. I got up taking the photo album with me and crossed to it.

Looking so long at these pictures of you

But I never hold on to your heart

Looking so long for the words to be true

But always just breaking apart

My pictures of you

I looked at a photo of her and then at the shredder. Should I shred them and free myself of the anguish of staring at these photos? My hand moves to put one in the shredder, but then stops. I slide the photo back into the album and I put it away.

These memories might be painful now, but I enjoy remembering her, I just have to think about the good thing, the happy times we had. I can learn from my past mistakes and help others, with my experience. Building the future and keeping the past alive, are one in the same thing. Thank you Botan, for showing me that, and thank you for everything you've done for me.

I will never forget you.

There was nothing in the world

That I ever wanted more

Than to feel you deep in my heart

There was nothing in the world

That I ever wanted more

Than to never feel the breaking apart

All my pictures of you