I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.
A/N: ok, kind of first serious shifting POV fic… thoughts are written like this. Before each thought part will be a little -- with the thinker's initial written in between. Say, -N- means Naruto's thoughts (yes, he's capable of coherent, intelligent thought, go away you Naruto bashers). Thought parts without the -- are joint thoughts for the other two people involved in the fic :p
I'm sorry in advance if ffn messed the layout, I did the best I could -.-
Be Like That
"I wonder what he thinks of me."
Is one of the only things I can think of when I waste my time like this, watching him.
"Waste".
Such a negative word. I don't think it's a waste, really. Sure, I mean, all I'm doing is sitting here, doing close to… well, nothing, really. But I still can't count it a waste. I'm learning what kind of person he really is… and what kind of person I want to become.
He's always smiling, that person, but I've seen him differently, too. I've seen him in way no one else has. I've seen him get angry. I've seen him get hurt. I've seen him cry.
When you watch someone, even from the corner of your eyes, you learn at least that much about him, and also, about yourself.
You see him at his best, you see him at his worst. You learn his best traits; you learn his worst qualities.
You also learn the same about yourself.
It's like… "I wish I could do that". You think about something you lack he has. "That's something I'd never do." You think with half a smile, thanking God not all's wrong with you… and that he's not that perfect.
At least like that, he's approachable. At least like that…
I might just have a chance.
Maybe.
Love him?
…I guess you can call it love, what I'm feeling. But I'd never be able to tell him that.
He'd laugh in my face for lack of a better response.
He won't do it to hurt me, though.
He never would.
That's one of the reasons I…
Love him?
…I guess you can call it love, what I'm feeling…
There is one person, though, who could if she wanted to. Tell him, that is. It's someone he loves with all his heart, but she won't give him the time of day. Sakura no Baka, why can't you see what's right in front of you? Why won't you look back at him, talk back to him… if only so he'll know he can look at anyone else… look at someone who might not look away…
Someone…
Like me.
A shuriken cut through the air, passing right in between the two young Konoha ninjas. Neither even blinked, their special eyes assuring them they were not in any danger. It did, however, make them look in the other's direction, and so, notice each other's existence.
Uchiha Sasuke couldn't care less about the girl he discovered was sitting on the ground next to him, holding a boxed lunch in her lap, a slight blush on her cheeks. To be perfectly honest, he had to admit that she was one of the girls whose company he preferred more, as she belonged to the quiet ones. Heck, the only person he knew was quieter than her was Shino, but the guy was almost mute as far as people were concerned.
That didn't stop him from still finding her rather annoying… or disturbing, to be precise. He wasn't a fool. He knew why she was there. And he didn't like rivals, not in strength, not in ability, and certainly, not in love.
Hyuga Hinata on her part looked away under the boy's intense glare, feeling as though she'd enrage him if she'd do so much as breathe. Spotting a moment he wasn't looking directly at her, she peeked at him. Arms crossed, he was leaning against the trunk of the tree whose shade she was sitting under, his dark eyes transfixed on the man she admired.
Her hold on the box in her lap tightened as she commanded her voice to be heard.
"A, Anou…"
He looked at her, glaring again for disturbing him.
"Ko, konichi… wa…"
"Un."
Was all he found appropriate to reply.
"Ni, nice day, i, isn't it?"
"Just another day, if you ask me."
He was surprised at himself for actually saying that much, but found he didn't really care. Not as long as he didn't have to move from his spot.
"He's amazing, isn't he?"
He glanced at her with a raised eyebrow, but she was watching the same thing he was a second ago.
"Naruto-kun, that is."
He returned to look at his teammate, his gaze stopping for a minute at the boxed lunch.
"Planning on having a one woman picnic?"
Glancing again, he saw she was blushing, quite fiercely at that.
"I was hoping… to share."
Sasuke couldn't help but sigh.
"I have no intentions of having lunch with you, Hinata."
She stared at him, but against his expectations her blush, if changed at all, lessened.
"I, um, that is, this… isn't… for you."
She turned away. He blinked.
"You don't mean…"
"He always… he always trains so hard… sometimes he forgets… skips meals…"
He frowned as his instincts pretty much pointed at him and laughed, a loud "told you so" evident in their malice-filled eyes. He never believed that rumor from academy days, one saying that there was someone who liked the blonde idiot. Someone who always looked at him with a silly smile, always following him around from afar.
"How do you know that?"
"I… watched him…"
He should've known better.
-S-
I always knew she was watching him, to be honest. I did, because I've been watching her occasionally. A member of the Hyuga's main house… But she turned out to be a disappointment. So weak, not as much in body as in mind, she posed little threat and I found no other interest in such a shy, quiet girl. Some might say she isn't my 'type', but I don't have a 'type', really… well, maybe other than –him-, but he's a 'type' all on his own.
Turns out he's her type, too.
I can understand why, though.
Ever heard of Opposites Attract?
While she's weak, he's strong, if only in his belief in himself.
While she obviously has above average intelligence judging on academy test results, he's the absolute Dead Last, and he seems to have fun proving it whenever he opens his mouth.
She's shy and quiet and keeps to herself. He's as bravadant as they get. I mean, who else would wear that hideous orange costume save for someone desperate for attention?
And speaking of which, that's something she'd give him as much as he could possibly want. Heck, she does right now, he just doesn't know it. Or at least, is pretty good at seeming oblivious…
Compared to that, I…
I turn to look at him just in time to see him fall from a tree. He seems in pain and the both of us are worried, but he quickly gets up with a grin and waves at us. So much for staying hidden…
She waves back shyly. I snort and turn away. Like I always do. Can't look at him, can't talk to him, not without arguing, can't smile at him.
I don't smile, but that's besides the point here.
I'd die for him and back, heck, I almost did once (wouldn't had made the 'back' part had that feminine bastard been any less kind hearted), but I still can't bring myself to acting the way I want to around him. Even in my thoughts, I call him an idiot.
I'm not like her. I can't be honest about it; I'm hardly honest about it with myself. I could never be honest about it with him.
Compared to her, I…
I stop to stare. Stare at her watching him.
Smiling at him.
So openly…
Loving him.
I wonder if he notices it at the times he turns to look at us.
If only I'd have been able to look at him like that, smile at him like that… Maybe he'd have smiled at me more often. If only I'd have been able to love him as openly as she does… maybe I wouldn't have been so lonely.
If I were that sort of person…
"What's to watch about him?"
Came Sasuke's harsh voice, though his eyes were almost fixated on the blonde's moving form.
"He's clumsy, slow, pathetic almost…"
"Then… why are you here?"
The curiosity and innocence in her voice, almost completely covering the soft knowingness, shocked him and he could only stare at her.
"Wha…"
She went on as though he never even tried replying.
"You… would probably… prefer to train yourself. Yet, here you are…"
He blinked. Both at her remark and at the sudden heat wave the sudden blush brought to his face.
"Do, don't be ridiculous! I'm just watching him, to, to see how much stronger he's gotten, and frankly, I'm disappointed! He's so bloody weak…"
He was interrupted by the sound of an explosion from nearby, and both turned instantly to see smoke coming up from a small crater. The boy slowly rose from it, coughing dust, yet otherwise unharmed. Upon noticing the two, though, the grin returned, this time accompanied by a scratch to the back of the head.
Silence fell as even the birds flew away, and for a few minutes nothing was heard… until the silence was broken by what were at first hesitant giggles, which grew to be a soft, melodious laughter. Sasuke stared at her for the better part of the following minute until Hinata managed to explain herself.
"He always… overdoes it like that…"
She giggled again.
"Only to get back up, smiling like that. But even though you said those things…"
He looked at her, slightly frightened of what she was to say.
"…you, too… care deeply for Naruto-kun."
The blush returned as the Uchiha boy noticed his back wasn't pressed against the tree anymore. He had jumped up in concern when the explosion came, without even realizing doing so. He quickly leaned back, arms crossed again.
"Humph."
But he once again returned to watching the other boy, his eyes much softer now.
"That bastard… whenever I look at him, he's either smiling, or laughing, or sounding far too happy, or…"
Hinata's face twisted with sadness and a knowing air, but as to what exactly she knew, her next words gave no clue.
"It sounds… like you're jealous…"
He glare-stared at her, but she seemed too sad to be angry at for long.
"I am too… not only… of Naruto-kun, though…"
She trailed off, blushing, but it was obvious by her constant glancing at him who she meant by that.
"He's smiling the most… when he's with you…"
-H-
Even I don't know why I told him that. Why I told him so much about myself, this person whom I know nothing about save for his name. I get that way, I guess, when I'm watching him. His spirit seems to slip into me, and I often feel happy just gawking. So when he replied earlier, I suppose I just instinctively wanted to share all this with someone I thought… no, knew understood. The look in his eyes as he watched Naruto-kun told me he did.
Is that what I look like when I watch him? So far away, so out of reach, yet so utterly… content? So happy with just my own thoughts and the image of the one I love in front of me?
…I never doubted for once Sasuke-san loved Naruto-kun, though in what way I'm not sure. Everyone knows of the so called miracle called their friendship.
No matter how many times Sasuke-san pushes him away, Naruto-kun will keep coming back. No matter how many times Naruto-kun fails, Sasuke-san will eventually open up to him, even if only by using a mocking grin.
I guess it's inevitable, as it –is- Naruto-kun we're talking about here.
That's what I adore about him the most.
No matter how many times he'll fall, he'll still get up and walk on, try again. Just like he did now, right in front of my eyes. And he'll eventually succeed.
I'm not that strong, not that persistent.
Maybe I'm just not that desperate.
Even though I've been called weak, I always had someone look at me kindly, look at me warmly, if only for being a part of the main house. I've always had my existence acknowledged. This weak existence of mine…
How unfair it seems now, that someone as strong as him was denied such a thing…
Yet I still want his attention.
Am I selfish?
I know I am… but I can't help it. I can't help wanting him to look at him, wanting him to smile at me… like he does towards the boy whose name is all I know about him.
I guess that's the type Naruto-kun's attracted to. The one whose approval is hardest to earn. The one whose loyalty is so utterly in questionable. The one who will give his life for him. In short…
Someone much like Naruto-kun himself.
I wonder, had I been on the same team as Naruto-kun, would he have looked at me? Would he have smiled at me, laughed with me? Or would he simply say a fast hello and goodbye before and after the mission, seeing me as nothing more than an acquaintance…
No, that wouldn't have happened… if he and Sasuke-san became such close friends…
But I'm not like Sasuke-san.
I can't call him an idiot with half a smile. I can't push him harder than he pushes himself. I can't give enough value to my approval of him… because I'm not Sasuke-san.
Should he choose Sasuke-san over me…
I know it's ridiculous, but ever since they kissed… even Sakura-san hasn't done that yet…
No one knows, but just like all the other girls, Sakura-san included, wanted to hurt Naruto-kun (and did, too, damn them all, they hurt him so badly!) I wanted to hurt Sasuke-san. Everyone kept thinking about "Sasuke-kun's first kiss"…
But what about Naruto-kun?! That was his first kiss, too… and it was ruined… I'll be lying if I said I didn't want it for myself… but at the very least… he should've had the right… not to have it like that…
Yet they both forgave each other. Could it be… they're attracted to each other, despite all they said? Attraction can be more than just that, you know. It's more complicated than you might think. I learned that the hard way.
If only I was more valuable to him… if only I were more… more like that person… maybe…
Maybe he'd have looked my way…
If I were that kind of person…
Neither said a word after that, both of them merely continuing to watch their prey. The boy in question was still going at it, throwing shuriken and kunai at random targets, kicking and punching in speeds the naked eye couldn't see. Luckily for his two spectators, neither had that problem. Something seemed different than before, though. The look on his face was far more serious. His movements were far more precise, less careless, far more… presentable, in a way. Both were turn between being grateful for it, and regretful he stopped acting as natural as before. They knew.
He was putting on a show for them.
-N-
It's a strange feeling, really. I've been getting this more and more often, but it's still strange. Not in a bad way, mind you, just… different. In a good way.
To know that someone's watching you, paying you their full attention, yet at the same time their eyes are warm and soft and kind and…
I accidentally trip in the middle for glancing at them but somehow manage to get back to my feet fast enough so I don't break my rhythm.
They're still there when I look again. Such a strange feeling, this is... makes my chest tingle.
More, more, I push myself harder, trying to see at what point they'll turn away. Leave me to be alone again. It's not that I don't want them here. I just try to keep a policy.
It says don't get your hopes too high up.
Hinata's not moving.
Sasuke's still there.
I kick a bit too high and feel a muscle or two give up on me, but I don't let it show. They're watching me, I can't let it show. Not now. What else can I do, I hardly use it.
"He hurt himself…"
The girl said worriedly, earning her an agreeing nod from her silent companion.
"Un."
"He's so reckless…"
Though her worry wasn't the dominant factor in neither her warm expression nor new fit of hesitant giggles.
-N-
She's laughing. Quite a nice sound, really, especially since, for some reason, I just know she's not laughing at me.
She has that laughter, the one so rare you just know it's for a damn good reason. Been hearing it more often lately for some reason.
Been catching him watching me more often, too.
It really is strange, really. That just their presence there makes me try so hard. That just knowing they're looking seems to make me stronger. But there's only so much they can do. The rest is up to me.
"In my eyes… you're a proud failure!"
Chakra gathers in the palm of my hand, its warmth gently tickling the skin.
"Naruto, I… want to fight you!"
It's glowing so brightly, almost mesmerizing. It's a beautiful Jutsu, really. The best I have. And that's exactly what they're going to get.
The Chakra exploded, lighting the area around him. It truly was a beautiful sight; Blue lightning like waves encircled him, making the boy seem like an angel surrounded by heavenly light.
"Pretty…"
Hinata said softly. Sasuke grunted his approval.
-N-
There isn't much pride in being a failure, even if it is one who managed to make enough noise to get an Uchiha prodigy to look at him like he looked at me then. A failure's a failure, after all. Pride means nothing when it comes to what counts. My pride can't keep me warm on cold nights. It can't whisper the words I've never heard in my life but has longed for since birth. It can't make me feel safe and secure and warm. Pride can't take the loneliness away.
That's why I don't want her to keep looking at me like that. I'll prove myself to her… just as I'll prove myself to him.
I'll prove it to myself that they were all wrong… and those two were right.
I'll make it so he never looks at me coldly again only because he thinks I'm weak, think I'm not worth his time of day because of the so called difference in strength.
I'll become someone who can call himself his rival.
I'll make it so she can be honest with herself when she says she's proud of me, make it so she can be proud as she says it to other people away… make her truly be able to look at me without a trace of shame.
I'll become someone worthy of having her of all people look up at.
And I'll protect them.
I've had too little for far too long.
I'll be damned to lose them now.
That's why I can't stay the way I am now.
I will change.
I will become that kind of person…
The Chakra faded, leaving Naruto standing there, almost as though nothing happened, even though it obviously did. Both crowd members were standing, looking at him with worry mixed with excitement. For their sake quite a show was put up. And they certainly enjoyed it.
"Humph."
Sasuke began, smirking.
"Show off."
"Only because… he has someone… to show off to."
She smiling gently, causing his smirk and face soften with agreement.
"Un."
-H-
I don't regret calling him what I did, back then. I really do think he's a proud man, and has every reason for being one. He's stronger than anyone, brighter than anyone, far freer than anyone... If only because he chose the shackles of commitment he chose to be bounded by. He can make it, I know he can. The burden of his dream isn't heavy enough to take him down. No, it will take him higher and higher away. He'll fly up, head towards the place where he'll be recognized and appreciated and acknowledged and loved. I, too, will do my best to reach that place…
So I'll be able to see him there, so I'll be able to be with him there… So I'll be able to say that he's a proud failure who gave them hell.
So I'll be able to tell him he's not a failure anymore.
To have the ability, and above all, the right to do so…
-S-
I'll be the first person to admit he's strong. I've watched him more than anyone else, challenged him more than anyone else, hated him more than anyone thought possible…
But I'll be damned to admit it to anyone. I hardly admit it to myself, I certainly will not admit it to him.
Maybe one day I'll be able to do so, once there are no more shadows of my past to chase. One there is no more vengeance crying for me to carry out. Once I can take him on his friendship for all its worth…And then, maybe more…
I still can't, though.
So I'll just call him a weak idiot, and feel his angry stare at my back, yelling at me to get stronger. I have to get stronger. If I don't, but he does… if he passes me… he'll forget about me.
I can't allow it. Because I'll be the first person to welcome him once he reaches his dreams, once he reaches his self created paradise. She'll be there too, I have no doubt of that, but so will I. The one who can stand at that place without being looked at with hate and contempt… the one who can rightfully claim the right to stand by his side, more so than anyone, more so than her…
"Oooooooi!"
Naruto cried out as he ran towards the two, a playful grin on his face.
"Sasuke! Hinata!"
The girl buried her gaze at her boxed lunch; Sasuke seemed indifferent, hands in his pockets.
"Nice going, idiot, think next time you show off you could take yourself down along with your immediate surroundings?"
They exchanged the mock glares, but the girl only smiled in content at them, making the two blink. After a moment of silence, Sasuke sighed, blushing slightly.
"Now that I think about it, Hinata has something for you, idiot."
Naruto turned to her, letting the idiot comment slide due to surprise, and Hinata was so shocked, she blushed for the sake of it.
"Really? What?"
Stammering, she handed him the box and, now that her hands were free, played with her fingers in her usually nervous manner.
"Figured you… you'd be hungry…"
The blonde stared at her for a long while, a smile slowly yet surely claiming his lips. It wasn't his usually grin, though, a fact which took both his companions by surprise. It was a warm sad smile even the boy's own face was unaccustomed with. None complained over its presence, though.
-N-
I think… I can grow to like her…
"Of course he's hungry, he's always hungry."
Sasuke commented, earning himself another angry glare. The smile refused to leave its place, though.
"Then again, he might not eat it, you know. He only eats Ramen. He even tastes like it."
Realized what it was he blurted, Sasuke looked away, blushing in embarrassment and rage aimed at none but himself. However, Naruto's smile only seemed to widen.
-N-
I think… I can also continue liking him.
"Say, why don't we all eat it together?"
The two stared at him, making him stare down, blushing slightly.
"I mean, looks like there's enough food here for more than one person…
I want to be there for him
"Open it up already, idiot."
Sasuke commanded as he sat down on the ground, arms crossed, his stomach rumbling silently.
"Hai… it should be enough…"
Came Hinata's comment as she knelt down as well.
I want to be…
Grinning, Naruto plopped down and placed the box filled with good in the middle. It wasn't his usual grin, though, both dark haired girl and boy thought, the image of his previous smile engraved into their memory for keepsake.
It seemed their own paradise was one step closer, and both were able to return the smile when again the blonde looked at them.
Only then will I be able to face him. Only after I'd have changed. Will he change too, I can't help but think as I watch him. Will those radiant eyes remain the same, looking always ahead? Will that voice still be the cheery cry I came to know and expect? Will he still have his proud pose ready, trusting his inner glow to do the rest of the talking?
I doubt it, yet at the same time I know it. People change; they grow up, pass painful and pleasant experiences, and they move on. During all this time I've watched him, however, he remained the same. I know he will remain this way forever more, too.
Untouched.
Uzumaki Naruto will remain Uzumaki Naruto, after all.
I think, his smile will look more like what he just showed me, though...
Will there be a time when my own smile will be so true? So calm about the future, so confident about everything… so loving because I gave him someone to love.
Will I ever have such a smile which is so completely, utterly, undeniably… me?
I wonder… if I were… that kind of person…
"ITADAKIMASU!!"
