A/N: Requested by my dear friend May on Livejournal. Please, I have no idea what I was smoking at the time, and I don't own Naruto.
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Naruto Is A Ecchi Pervert
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Sakura tiptoed across the hallway, her back pressed to the wall. Strange moaning noises were coming from the second room over. She had to investigate… Kakashi-sensei was out of the hotel (probably on a porn binge, she mused) and Sasuke and Naruto were alone…
"Oh yes, yes, harder… God, don't stop…"
The kunoichi froze. Oh God, what was going on in there? Were Sasuke and Naruto going at it like rabbits, like she had suspected ever since they returned from the Wave Country? Had a enemy ninja broken in and cast a genjutsu, hoping to trick Sakura and kill her? The pink-haired girl's eyes widened.
What if said enemy ninja had broken in, killed Naruto, and was raping and brainwashing Sasuke to become his sex slave? Sakura withdrew a kunai from the pouch on her waist, and slowly inched towards the door…
She peeked through the narrow crack and saw Sasuke on all fours, being mounted by someone in a almost comical panda suit, like a animal…
"AAH! ECCHI PERVERT! DIE, YOU SASUKE-RAPING BASTARD!"
The girl tossed a flurry of razor-sharp kunai towards the offender, the lethal knives piercing the headpiece of the panda-suit man, blood trickling out of the hole, soiling the pure white fur of the costume and making it red… The dark-haired man underneath him had suddenly passed out.
"OW! SAKURA, YOU FLAT-CHESTED BITCH!"
The girl froze again. Her eyes involuntarily twitching, she forced out….
"Naruto?"
The man slowly climbed up from the floor and removed the wooly panda helmet, revealing a set of wincing azure eyes and spiky blonde hair, slowly changing color to a violent red. Sakura noticed the man's … equipment was still hanging out of a zipper, and Naruto hastily covered himself.
"Jesus, Sakura, you didn't have to throw frickin' kunai into my head…"
The pink-haired girl blushed, and blurted out something, Naruto didn't hear it, because by the time the girl had finished speaking, the kunoichi had come to her senses, and slapped the hell out of the blonde man.
"WHY THE HELL WERE YOU FUCKING SASUKE LIKE DOGS?"
"Ow, Christ!" Naruto winced. "You didn't have to hit me, coulda just asked…"
"Well, why were you?" Sakura's breath was slowing down slightly. Naruto took it as a good sign.
The blonde man, still having the odd appearance of a panda who had its head replaced with that of a adolescent boy's, spoke.
"Sasuke dragged me in here, forced me into this stupid suit, stripped naked, and forced me on top of him. I was feeling horny, so I went along with it."
Sakura was silent. Sasuke was gay? She'd never had a chance with him?
The girl slammed the heads of the two men together, and left, leaving two men unconscious on the floor, one naked, and the other bleeding and wearing a panda costume.
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