Summary: Each Sohma realizes how he really feels about Honda Tohru.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fruits Basket, nor do I own any of its
characters, even though I'm borrowing them for a bit. I own the
thought behind this story, and that's all. So please don't sue me,
Natsuki Takaya. Just understand that I love your stories so much and
the wait for them to be translated to English is killing me, so I
have to write and read fanfiction so as I don't go postal.
CHAPTER 3: Shigure
"Oh! Shigure-san! Well, it will only be the two of us for dinner tonight, I'm afraid. Yuki had a student council meeting that will run all night – they're ordering dinner there. And Kyou's spending the night at his Shishou's dojo. So, I hope you don't mind – I only made some chicken teriyaki, some steamed vegetables, and some riceballs. I know it's not mu-"
"Toh-ru-chan!" Shigure interrupted Tohru's frantic explanations before she worked herself into a full-out tizzy, playfully poking her nose on each syllable. "It looks wonderful and all your food is always so delicious – much better than my previous diet of alternating charcoal with carryout. Anyway, you know anything that is made from your loving hands is bound to be more than this sad and lonely old dog deserves." He struck a melodramatic pose with the back of his hand to his forehead and the other pushing away from him – very Sarah Bernhardt.
"Oh, but that's not true!" A blush had started in her cheeks when he touched her nose and was working it's way down her neckline as he extended the compliment. "Shigure-san works so hard all the time, and has so kindly let me into his home. It wouldn't be right if I didn't serve him proper food." She looked at the meal that she was just in the process of placing onto the serving dishes when he walked in. "You deserve more than I could ever give you." Her eyes went to the ground as she mumbled, "Much more."
He cocked his head wondering what she could possibly mean. Then remembered that she probably didn't know he heard her last statement. "Well, it looks like dinner is almost done!" he changed the subject. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Thank you for asking, if you wouldn't mind bringing the tea, I think I can handle everything else."
"Right-o!" He turned around and put the pot of tea that she'd already prepared on a serving tray and found two matching cups while she carried the platters of food to the dining table. When he got there, he noticed that his place setting and Tohru's were closer together than usual.
Tohru noticed him hesitating. "I-uh- I thought that it would seem less lonely if we didn't have so much space between us. You know, with it being just us and all. And this way, I can serve you your dinner more properly..." She swallowed hard and put on her determined face. "Please. Sit. Allow me to serve you."
He sat. No comments. This was just not normal.
She knelt next to him and began to load up his plate with various foods. As she bent over to scoop up some food for him, her dress rode up a bit in the back, and he could see creamy thighs. Then, she twisted to put the food on his plate, and he could see down her top to the soft curves, supported by white lace.
'Oh, Kami. You delight in torturing me, don't You?' he thought as he closed his eyes and tilted his head up and away from the sight in front of him. 'She doesn't realize it's just us. She doesn't realize what I can see. NO! Don't think about that! Remember, she's young. She trusts you... And she's so easily swayed, I could talk her into – NO, NO, NO! Yuki and Kyou will be here tomorrow. They need her. They NEED her! We ALL need her. Calm down.'
"Shigure-san?" He opened his eyes and saw her looking at him – her eyes wide with concern. "Is it... not – okay?" She sat back on her heels and looked up at him. Her eyes. They were so big. So deep, yet so innocent. And her lips were starting to quiver.
"No, my lovely wife. It's not okay. It's perfection!" He joked and sighed in relief as she did. But again raised his eyebrows as in the next second she looked down with a small smile and blushed. This was not the normal blush. He'd seen her blush about ten thousand times in the time since she first admired his little zodiac-painted stones. And the smile on her face lit her up like a supernova.
"I'm... so glad," she said very quietly, and began to pour him some tea. Then she sat back and quietly began to eat.
'This is just odd. She's not acting normal.' He was trying to eat normally, but this was not the normal silence of dinner. 'What is going on? Normally at dinner, Yuki acts polite, Kyo gets angry because he feels inferior and says something he doesn't mean, Yuki calls him on it, Kyo gets angry and invites him to a fight, Tohru gets upset and asks them not to fight, and then we all eat in silence – AH! That must be it! It's just we haven't got Kyo and Yuki's fighting to start us off. That must be why it feels so odd.
"Well, my most magnificent flower, how lovely it is to share a meal in such a quiet and peaceful environment – with no fighting threatening to ruin the delicate flavors that you have so gracefully prepared. We really must send the boys out more often, so that we can enjoy more meals together alone."
Tohru looked up at him surprised. Then smiled shyly, lowered her head and, looking coyly up at him through her bangs said very softly, "I'd like that. Shigure-san." And then she blushed again and quickly turned back to her plate, eating as though embarrassed she'd said anything.
'Ok. So it's not the boys.' He noticed that she now seemed about 4 inches closer to him than she was when they first sat down. 'Could it be she... No. I'm way too old for her. And she barely even knows me – really. And if she did... I know she's loving and forgiving and all, but even she must have her limits.'
He looked at her again, but out of the corner of his eye. He didn't want her to catch him staring.
'She's not a beauty queen. No. There are many women more gifted with looks. But – she just outshines them. She is indeed perfection. And I – I just want to use her. Even if she DID feel something for me, it would be misguided at best. Much like Akito, I don't deserve anyone like her in my life.' He was careful not to let his face show what he was feeling, but he was starting to feel a little nauseous. 'But if I don't follow through with it, no one will ever be free. I AM doing it for them, right? Right. Right! Of course I am. And that's selfless, right? So it's not really that I don't deserve her. It's just that I can't have her, or else the curse will never be broken. Yeah. That's right.'
The food started to lose its taste in his mouth.
"Well, my most adored one, you've outdone yourself as usual!" he crowed, patting his stomach. "I couldn't eat another bite!"
Tohru looked at his plate. He must have had only 10 or so small bites before saying that. 'Did I cook it wrong? Or maybe he didn't want teriyaki for dinner? How could I be so thoughtless in not asking what he wanted to eat before cooking? But he never usually minds and is always so happy to eat whatever I put before him. Or maybe it's just because it's only the two of us. Maybe he really doesn't want to be alone with me?'
"Thank you for the compliment, Shigure-san," she said out loud, while looking at the floor and concentrating on not crying over her obvious failure.
'Oh, no. She's upset. Well, I didn't eat as much as I normally do. Think, think. Oh. I know:'
"I had such a large lunch today, I guess I was still a little full already. But I'm willing to bet," he sing-songed, "that I'll want a snack later on, since I didn't eat so much with you." He reached out and ran a finger along her cheek. "Would my darling wife mind setting aside a plate for me for later?"
She looked up at him, and when he touched her cheek, she not only blushed, but a visible shiver took hold. Gazing into his eyes, she didn't speak, only nodded her head yes.
'Kami! Her eyes are so deep. Trusting.' He continued to stare into them. 'I was wrong. She is the most beautif-' He jumped back from her.
"Um. Okay. Thank you. I'm going into my study now. Write! That's what I do. Write, write, write. Stories. You know. Must work. Um. Okay. Bye."
'Oh, yeah, Shigure! That was SMOOTH! And what was that? What the hell is happening to me? I can NOT entertain thoughts like this. I've got to stay out of this. It's only through her that the curse can be broken. I KNOW this. Okay. Work. Like I just said. Let's go write out some of this frustration.'
He closed the door to his study and sat down at his computer. And stared at the blank screen. Then he stared some more. He forced himself to type.
So beautiful. So perfect. So pure. And I, I would not ruin her. Not just for the likes of me. She must be kept pure. She is a sacrifice. But not really a sacrifice, more like a savior. She is the lamb without blemish that will sacrifice herself so that we may have life. She will give herself up, and by her gift, the cursed and doomed shall be saved. We do not deserve her. We never have and never shall. But she loves us. Kami, she loves us. And through her love, she shall be the key that sets us free...
'This is ridiculous. I'm not even writing anything!'
He laid his head down on the desk, closed his eyes and focused on his breathing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Shigure-san."
He felt her stroking his hair, out of his face.
"Shigure-san."
He turned his head and looked at her, crouching next to him, concern on her face. He noticed that the lights were out and it was now night. The only light in the room came from the computer monitor. But when he looked at her, dressed in a beautiful flowing white full-length cotton nightgown, it seemed more like it was she glowing than the monitor. 'The monitor! What I wrote!' His eyes widened for a second, but he tried to cover it: "You are looking positively radiant, my lovely new bride. Have you come to finally claim me as your husband?" His hand reached out to the monitor and turned it off, removing the light from the room. Except, the light didn't vanish. She really was glowing.
"Shigure-san. Who is she that will set you free?"
'Crap.'
She stood up, stepped closer to him, and placed her hands on his shoulders.
"What do you mean, Tohru-kun?"
"When I couldn't wake you to bring you your snack," she pointed to a little tray of food she'd brought for him, "I turned out the lights so you could nap better. I thought you'd nap better in your bed, but I thought if I woke you that maybe you wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, because I know that sometimes you don't sleep so well, so I thought I'd just turn out the lights, but then your monitor was on and it seemed pretty bright, so I came over to turn it off, but I noticed what you'd written, and... It felt important and like I should already know. Like I'd forgotten, but that I knew. It felt cold and hard, but bright, too. And I started moving the hair out of your face, and then you woke up."
He looked up into her eyes and got caught. She really was glowing. Or maybe it was the moon shining in through the window. Or maybe it really was her.
Their eyes linked, and he heard her, but knew she wasn't talking.
Shigure-san. I have felt you needing me.
"Shigure-san. Um. Why do you... Why do you call me your wife?" She blushed furiously, and he could feel her forcing herself not to look away.
To remind myself that I'll never have someone to love me.
"I just like to tease the boys. I know how much it upsets them."
Why won't you speak the truth to me?
"But... but they're not even here tonight."
And tonight you could... You could...
I couldn't. Oh beautiful Tohru. Do you mean to tempt me?
"Well." He tore his eyes away from hers. "Habit, I guess?" Even to him, it sounded false.
Do you want me to...?
What is it, that you truly want? I would... I would give it to you.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have asked. I brought you... a snack?"
I would give you all what you really want.
And that's it. That's why you can't give me what I want. For all the novels that I write...
"Thank you, Tohru-chan. I truly am blessed to have such a lovely, thoughtful wife."
what I really want is someone to love me and only me. To know me deeply and truly, and yet still truly love me. And that won't happen until the curse is broken.
I want that, too.
"Was that habit, too?"
I will do whatever it takes to break the curse to free all of you that I love..
Oh, Tohru. We do love you. But I am the only one who knows what will be required of you. And I'm the only one ruthless enough to use you like that. For that, I don't deserve love.
"Maybe."
But I'm asking you to take me. Do you... not find me attractive?
"Shigure-san?"
God, you're beautiful. But you have to be pure to break the curse, and I would make you dirty if I took you. It might be a blessing to you though. But I'm too selfish. I won't.
"Yes?" He looked into her eyes again and felt himself falling.
You truly want to save them all. And me, too. But it's not like there's no hope. You CAN love. You will be loved..
"Is - Is it hot in here?"
I can't have you. I don't deserve you. You're. The key.
"Um."
Shigure. Tthis is just a dream. You can't really hear what I'm thinking. It's just a dream. Please. Let me love you.
"I. Um... It seems hot. In here." She swallowed hard, and he noticed that she was wearing an Ayame-created maids uniform.
It IS a dream!
"It's just me." And he leaned forward and kissed her. She spread her arms and embraced him, kissing him fully. She straddled him and sat on his lap. The depth and fire of their kiss surprised even him. He broke it only to gasp for air, but when he tried to open his eyes, all he saw was darkness.
He clearly heard Tohru's voice in his head, but she sounded all grown up – a grown woman, not a young girl:
Inu-chan. I do love you.
He felt Tohru's hand stroke his face.
There is no reason for you to worry for me. The sacrifice will be willingly made. So that you can truly see. So you can truly see that I have always known that you love me too. It will end the pain. And you will be able to love again. You will truly live. My beloved. Husband. Brother. Child. Friend.
You love me, so greatly that you hurt yourself and deny yourself love. See the love in front of you, and know that I love you too. I am not the only key. Each of you and your love for me. They are just as important.
Don't make my sacrifice be worthless. Love.
The darkness receded, and in the dusk of the night, he saw Mii-chan on his lap, her face flushed with desire, yet a sad look in her eyes. He jerked back from her.
"Shigure, please don't stop. I love you. I know you don't love me. You don't have to love me, but please don't tease me tonight. Just... Just please."
She looked up at him pleadingly, want, pain, and a touch of self-deprecation warring on her face. 'I put that look on her face. Oh, Mii. Please don't look like that. Don't you know that I keep you at a distance for a reason?'
Don't make my sacrifice be worthless. Love.
"Mii." He tried to make that one name convey everything he felt. And he crushed her to him, kissing her furiously.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, when he didn't transform, a part of him realized he was dreaming. But for now, he'd just take it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He awoke to a knock at the door.
"Shigure-san? Dinner is ready. It will only be the two of us tonight, I'm afraid. Yuki had a student council meeting that will run all night – they're ordering dinner there. And Kyou's spending the night at his Shishou's dojo. So, I hope you don't mind – I only made some chicken teriyaki, some steamed vegetables, and some riceballs. I know it's not mu-"
"Toh-ru-chan!" Shigure interrupted Tohru's frantic explanations before she worked herself into a full-out tizzy, playfully poking her nose on each syllable. "It smells wonderful and all your food is always so delicious – much better than my previous diet of alternating charcoal with carryout."
"Thank you, Shigure."
They sat down to a delicious, and completely normal meal.
Once they were done and Tohru was cleaning up the dishes she stopped and said, "Oh! I almost forgot. Mii-chan called, and said that I should tell you that she's coming by at 10 to pick up your manuscript, so that when she shows up at 9 you'll still be here. Oh. But I probably was only supposed to tell you the first part." She knocked herself on the head.
"Mii. Tohru. Um. Can you not tell Mii that you told me the second part? And when she gets here, can you just tell her I'm in my study and that if she sneaks in, she can probably grab me before I can get away?"
The key to their future looked at him with a confused expression.
"Um. And then." He actually blushed. "Would you mind if I called Momiji so that the two of you could maybe... go for a walk for a little while? I. Uh. Wanted to talk to Mii-chan for – a bit."
She looked at him with a shocked expression, which grew into the biggest smile. She nodded furiously.
"Please don't tell the boys."
"You can count on me!"
"I know. You always show me that. We don't deserve to have you in our family. You make our curse a blessing, nee-chan," and kissed her on the forehead.
He was off to start a life.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Please remember a few things when reviewing:
1) This is part of a series where they all are dreaming about Tohru, and in so doing, find out something about themselves.
2) This is a DREAM sequence. I don't know about y'all, but when I dream, things that would seem choppy or not make sense do not seem out of the ordinary at all.
3) I'm new at this and tender, so please be kind. If you're really kind, I'll direct you to a site where I'm considering posting the alternate to this story - the way it really wanted to be written. It wanted so badly to be a one-off NC-17 Gureru.
THANKS AGAIN!
KdN