Chapter Thirteen

He walked her to her car…and followed her home. Then he walked her from her car to the building…and rode with her in the elevator to her apartment. He unlocked the door for her and helped her inside.

"Will you be okay tonight?"

Jordan nodded. She looked better than she had in her office, but still appeared too vulnerable for Woody's liking.

"Will you call me if you get scared? If you need anything?"

"Yeah…sure," her voice didn't sound too convincing.

"You want me to stay here tonight? On the couch?"

A huge part of Jordan…a large chunk of her heart wanted to say yes….but his words still echoed through her mind: I don't want to see you again. Neither professionally nor personally. Our working career is over. Our personal….whatever it is ….that's over, too. I don't want to see you or talk to you again. Is that clear?"

"No…thanks. I'll be fine."

Puzzled, Woody replied. "Okay….are you sure, Jordan?"

She nodded. "It's late. You'd better go."

Garret finally talked her into returning to normal office hours. It had been awkward at first….things between herself, Nigel, Bug, and Garret. It slowly got better, but Jordan kept more to herself than ever…seemingly content to keep her relationships with her co-workers only on a professional level.

No matter how much they wanted to change it.

Nigel tried…hard. He teased…talked….tried to joke his way back into her life to no avail. The Jordan he knew…the fun-loving, hard-working ME was no longer there. Instead, he saw a young woman who still worked hard, but was seemed to be constantly looking over her shoulder in fear…fear she was going to be hurt again…or get into trouble. She kept did things "strictly by the book" these days…no fun at all, Nigel thought.

He voiced his concerns to Garret. "That's what job probation is supposed to do to you," he told Nigel. "Make you straighten up and fly straight…not screw up."

"Yeah, but this is Jordan we're talking about. She's never played by the rules. She'd always write her own. And you know damn well you would have never put her on probation if Rene' hadn't of come up pregnant the same day Jordan's reprimand came down from the DA."

Garret had to admit that Nigel was right. As much as Jordan was his "resident pain in the butt," he rarely called her on the carpet….at least with much heat, anyway. He played favorites with her…he admitted it. But she was also the best ME he had. She did more, gave more, knew more than anyone else he had ever worked with…including himself, although he would never admit it to her. Her problem was that she didn't know when to back off. In Jordan's mind, the lines blurred between her job as an ME and Woody's job as a detective. They both were working toward the same end … solving the case. So what did it matter if she crossed the lines a few times?

Now Garret was faced with a problem he thought he would never have with Jordan…she was doing things too much by the rule book…at least too much for Jordan Cavanaugh. She had gone from being his rogue employee to being a candidate for employee of the month. She was even washing her own coffee cup out in the morgue break room. "I admit…she's not acting like herself at all…I know what happened to her with Pullman is going to bother her for a long time. Couple that with the probation, and it all has had an effect on her…but I'm not quite sure what to do about it."

Nigel nodded. "Have you talked to Dr. Stiles?"

Garret sighed. "Yes. And so has Jordan. She insists she has seen the error of her ways in pushing the envelope too far and has reformed. And as far as the Pullman incident goes, she said she was fine….just give her time."

"That doesn't sound like Jordan."

"No, Nige. No, it doesn't. It sounds like she's just…well….given up. She thinks if she goes by the rules, she won't get hurt again."

"But she's not even talking to us much….I'm worried about her."

"I know. I believe she thinks that if she goes by the rules and isolates herself, she won't be hurt…and won't hurt anyone else."

Nigel glanced over at Jordan, who was busily working in her office…doing paperwork? God forbid…she hated it. He did know one thing….he was going to have to keep a closer eye on his girl for a while.

The next few months slipped by without incident from Jordan. As winter faded into spring, Jordan appeared to be coping fine…coping, but not back to normal. She worked normal hours. Her hair grew back out.

But she couldn't shake the fear that she would be abducted again when she walked from her El Camino to the morgue or back to her car at night. And she still couldn't get warm. She felt cold, even with the early spring temperatures pushing the 50's and 60's in Boston. She had dealt with these fears so long by herself, that she couldn't remember a time when they weren't her constant companions. She was just beginning to understand that her fears of being hurt again…or hurting others would most likely closely accompany her for the rest of her life. In an uncharacteristic burst of optimism, she decided that this may be the best thing….if it made her aware enough to be cautious, then nothing would happen….to her or to others.

She and Woody were working together again. He had told Garret that he no longer had the same professional "issues" with Jordan that he had before. So they were solving cases together, but that was all. She kept her relationship with the detective on such a professional level that Woody was concerned. She rarely joked with him. Never teased. Often Woody would leave a homicide scene with a worried look on his face that had nothing to do with his victim. It was all to do with her. He hoped that as spring pushed its way through Boston, and the bulky clothes she was wearing to keep warm came off, she would feel like herself again…feel better. That maybe her face would hold a little more color than it had.

Pullman had pleaded out. He had gone straight to jail. Jordan didn't have to testify. She didn't have to come into the courtroom and see the box that she spent three days and nights in. For that, Woody was grateful. As soon as everything was cleared, he destroyed the box himself, wishing during the process that he could somehow get rid of her memories of the event just as easily as he had splintered the wooden sides of that box.

He, Nigel, and Garret had talked. He was very aware of her fears…of her playing strictly by the rules now. Like Nigel, he knew that wasn't Jordan. Not the Jordan he knew…not the Jordan he loved. Not the Jordan he wanted back. Finally, one day, after they had worked a crime scene together, they were getting ready to go back to their offices. She was loading her equipment in her SUV. He paused at her door. Thinking he needed to know something about when her report would be in, she said, "I'll probably have the preliminaries ready for you in a few hours. Do you want me to fax them over to you or do you want to come by and get them?"

"Either is fine," he replied. "And Jordan," he continued as she turned to leave, "let me know when you're through being upset with me."

"Upset?"

"Yeah…"

"I'm not upset with you, Woody."

"Then why aren't you talking to me anymore?"

"We talk…"

"About cases…sure. But nothing else."

Jordan gave him a puzzled look. "But you said…"

The crackle of Woody's radio interrupted their conversation. He stepped aside to talk with whoever was on it for a few minutes. "Look, Jo…I have to go. Can we finish this conversation later? Can I come by your apartment tonight?"

Jordan nodded, wondering what on earth he was talking about. He said it was over. Professionally, we are working together again. Personally, he told me whatever it was we had, was over. He didn't want to see me again.