A/N: And we're walking…

Part Two

Sam watched as Jack continued swirling his glass, watching the wine in it move around. They'd been at the Christmas part a couple of hours now, most of the people had consumed sufficient amounts of alcohol to be making idiots of themselves on the dance floor. That included Daniel and a Lieutenant, not that it took much to get Daniel drunk.

Teal'c was probably the only completely sober person in the room, due to the fact that he didn't drink alcohol of any form.

"Everyone coming to my place after?" Jack asked.

"Indeed," Teal'c replied.

"Yes, sir," Sam said.

"Wild party huh?" Jack said.

"If you say so," Sam muttered.

He looked at her. "I was being sarcastic…"

"Oh…right," Sam said.

Teal'c smiled slightly. "You are not enjoying yourself, O'Neill?"

Jack shrugged. "I'm not really a party person…"

"Have you tried to partake in the activities?" Teal'c said.

"Well no…but I can't dance, last time I did that was at my wedding," Jack said, suddenly a sad look washing over his face.

Sam watched him for a moment. Christmas couldn't be an easy time of year for him. She remembered how bad it had been after her mother had died, Christmas had just never felt the same. She could only imagine how much worse it would be for someone who lost their son, and basically lost their wife.

"How much longer?" Jack asked, looking up at Sam and catching her eye.

She looked away, embarrassed at having been caught looking at him with pity in her eyes. She fiddled with a napkin that was on the table in front of her for a moment. She felt Jack's eyes still on her.

"At least another two hours, O'Neill," Teal'c informed him.

"Great," Jack muttered. "You know, was I not a General I would just walk out of here right now…"

"That would not be advisable," Teal'c said.

"Thanks, Teal'c," Jack said.

They fell into silence for a few minutes, watching the people dancing. Daniel tripped slightly, knocking over the Lieutenant he was dancing with. He helped her up, but she seemed to want nothing more to do with him. He frowned and wandered back over towards the rest of SG-1, he almost missed his chair while sitting down.

"Wow I think she loves me," Daniel said, picking up his glass again.

Jack took it from him. "No."

Daniel frowned. "What?"

"Daniel, she doesn't love you, and you don't have to drink anymore," Jack said.

"But I'm thirsty," Daniel muttered.

Sam pushed the water in his direction silently.

Daniel grumbled, but poured himself a glass of water and drunk it in one gulp. Jack raised both eyebrows at him.

"So…what's going on around here?" Daniel asked.

"Nothing," the three of them replied at the same time.

"Well that's boring," Daniel said. "Let's dance!"

"No…lets not," Jack said.

"Sam?" Daniel said.

"Sure," Sam said, standing up.

As she did so she caught Jack's eye again. He looked suddenly like he was reconsidering his declination.

"I will also participate in moving to the dance floor," Teal'c said, standing up.

"Oh…for crying out loud," Jack stood up and wandered after them.

Sam smiled to herself as she noticed Jack was making great effort to walk right next to her, separating her and Daniel. She felt his hand brush hers and her insides froze. Had he done that on purpose? She squashed her feelings and continued walking, ignoring the man walking mere centimetres from her.

They reached the dance floor and the four of them stood there awkwardly for a few moments. Daniel managed to walk over to the Lieutenant again and apologise. She looked angry for a few moments before smiling at him and nodding. The two of them started to dance again.

"He was always good at making the girls fall for him," Jack muttered.

A familiar looking woman walked up to Teal'c and patted him on the shoulder. She was walking crookedly and obvious had drunk a bit too much. She smiled up at him.

"Yes?" Teal'c said.

"Could I possibly have a dance?" she said, slurring her words together.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow at her.

The woman burst out laughing. "You're so adorable."

She grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the crowd. Sam and Jack stood, watching him being dragged off.

"Maybe Daniel's not the only one…" Jack muttered, turning to Sam.

She turned to face him, slowly rising her eyes to look into his. He smiled slightly.

"May I have this dance, Colonel?" he said quietly, holding out his hand.

"Yes, General," she replied.

The use of their ranks reassuring each other that this was a completely platonic dance. Sam took his hand, just the small physical contact setting off alarm bells in the back of her head, the overwhelming emotions rising to the surface. He drew her closer and put his hand on her shoulder, his other hand on her hip.

She reached her hand to rest it on his shoulder, leaning her head to rest on his other shoulder. She felt him so close to her, and it felt so right, she belonged there. She felt more at home right there, dancing with him, than she ever had anywhere in her life. She didn't ever want the moment to end.

A sadness drew over her as she came to realise that even if she broke it off with Pete there was no way it would ever be possible for them to be together, not unless one of them left the SGC, and she knew that was much more important than anything that could be between them.

But somehow this felt more important to her than anything had in her entire life. Being this close to him right there, without the knowledge that they were about to die, that one of them wouldn't make it, that Earth was at that moment safe, was the best Christmas present she could have ever thought of.

She heard him sigh quietly and moved back slightly, so she could see him.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," he replied instantly, looking into her eyes.

The intensity of the emotions she read in them overwhelmed her. She hadn't seen that look in his eyes since the moment when she had been trapped behind the force field on the Goa'uld mothership, when he wouldn't leave her.

"I would rather have died myself than lose Carter."

"Why?"

"Because I care about her, a lot more than I'm supposed to."

She closed her eyes and looked down, her eyes resting on their feet. They'd stopped moving.

"Carter…" he said.

She looked up again, meeting his eyes once more. He smiled, a hint of sadness coming through.

"Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?" he said.

She swallowed hard. "Thank you, sir."

"Sir…" he repeated.

"Sorry," Sam said quietly.

"Don't be," he replied instantly, reaching his hand up to touch her face.

She pulled back, avoiding looking into his eyes.

"I'm gonna go, get a drink," she said, turning and running off.

What was he doing? Here? Now? Why? She made her way quickly through the crowd, everyone seeming to get in her way as she did so, towards the bar. She stopped. She didn't even want a drink.

She sighed and sat down in the nearest chair. Why was it that she suddenly felt so alone? The happy music seemed to be mocking her. She looked at the glass that sat in front of her. She wanted to smash it, to attract the attention of every SGC member and scream at them. But she wouldn't. She couldn't.

Feeling the overwhelming urge to cry setting in she stood up, grabbing her jacket and heading for the door.

"Sam!"

She kept walking, she didn't want to talk to anyone right then. Or ever. Not about this.

"Sam!"

She pushed the double doors open and stormed out of the building, the cool night air hitting her like a freezer. She threw her coat over her shoulders and kept walking, she had no idea where she was going, only that she wanted to get extremely far away.

"Sam…"

She spun around. "Damnit Daniel, I wanna be alone," she shouted.

"What just happened?" he asked.

"I said I want to be alone," she muttered.

"OK, fine," Daniel said, turning around and walking back towards the building.

"No, wait…" Sam said.

Daniel stopped and turned back around. "Thought so…now what's wrong?"

Sam sighed. She didn't want to tell him, but she wanted company. Daniel was probably the one person in the world she'd even consider talking to. She wasn't even sure he knew, or at least if he knew exactly how deep their feelings for each other went. Teal'c knew, she knew that, but Teal'c wasn't exactly the kind of person you talked to.

"It doesn't matter," Sam said, sitting down on the bench next to them.

Daniel sat down next to her, pulling his jacket closer around him. "Well then are you sure you want to stay out here? It's…cold…"

"I don't wanna go back in there," Sam said.

"OK," Daniel said.

They both sat there for a moment. Sam looked up. Above them the sky was completely clear, revealing plentiful amounts of stars.

"You know, we've done more than most people could even imagine doing in their lives, and yet we're so hopeless at managing our own lives," Sam said after a few moments.

Daniel raised his eyebrows and looked at her. "'Well we don't exactly have time for our own lives…"

"I'm doing a job that is better than I could have ever dreamed of, it's more than I ever wanted, and yet I'm not happy," Sam sighed.

"You…seem happy," Daniel said, frowning slightly. "Most of the time…"

"Oh I'm content…I have fun, I love my job, everything about it, but…" she stopped, sighing loudly.

Daniel seemed about to say something but decided against it.

"It's like the universe is mocking us. We save the planet, we make people happy every day, we save their lives, fight battles for them, and in the end of the day we go home and sleep and then we go and do it all again. We don't get anything in return. It's like everyone else gets to be happy, gets to have a family, gets to have fun, has people that they want to spend Christmas with…and all we have is a couple of days off a year and back to saving the planet…" she felt the tears rising inside her again.

"Hey…you have Pete…you're getting married, you'll have a family, have fun, have people to spend Christmas with," Daniel said.

"Great," Sam said, it coming out a lot more sarcastic than she had expected it to.

"It's…not?" Daniel sounded confused.

"No, no Daniel it's not. Everything's not perfect," Sam said. "This was never supposed to happen, he wasn't supposed to propose…"

"Uh…why?"

Sam didn't reply, but continued staring at the stars above her, willing the tears that were very close to bursting out to go away.

"Sam?" Daniel sounded concerned. "Is everything OK?"

"No," Sam replied. "I love him Daniel, I really do…but not…"

"Not enough?" Daniel finished for her.

Close enough.

"What have I done, Daniel?" she said. "I don't want to hurt him, I don't want…"

She took a deep breath, she didn't want to tell him this. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe that's why she was in this mood in the first place. She had fun with Pete, she loved the time she spent with him, that was why she'd accepted his proposal in the first place, right?

"I'm a horrible person," Sam muttered. "All I do is hurt people. Everyone I've ever felt close to has died or been hurt. I don't deserve to be with anyone."

Daniel put his arm around her and pulled her towards him. "That's not true. We're all alive."

"That's different…" Sam said. "You're my friends…"

"And we all have each other, all our lives suck Sam, but we have each other. After this we'll all go back to Jack's place and exchange presents and have fun," Daniel said.

Sam snorted slightly. Jack's place was not exactly where she wanted to go at that moment. She felt Daniel move away from her slightly and turning to face her.

"That's the problem, isn't it?" Daniel said.

"What?" she asked.

"Jack…" he said.

Sam closed her eyes briefly and looked away, pushing back tears again. So maybe Daniel did know more than she gave him credit for.

"Look…Sam…" Daniel started.

"Carter!"

Sam closed her eyes. She didn't want him to find them, she didn't want to face him right then. She felt Daniel slump too.

"Should I…?" Daniel asked.

Sam nodded slightly.

"Here," Daniel shouted.

Jack and Teal'c both appeared around the corner. Sam wiped her eyes quickly, trying to hide any tears. She knew Jack was staring at her, concern in his eyes. She refused to look at him, she didn't want his concern, didn't want his care. Right now she just wanted him to go away and stop complicated her already complicated life.

"Carter…everything OK?"

"Fine, sir," she said, still avoiding his gaze.

"ColonelCarter…would you like to join us back inside?" Teal'c asked. "There is desert."

Sam smiled slightly. "Sure…"

She stood up, as did Daniel. The four of them began walking back towards the party when Jack grabbed her arm, stopping her, letting Daniel and Teal'c continue to walk ahead of them.

"What?" Sam asked, sharply.

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "I shouldn't have let us get so close."

Sam felt all her anger melt away. Why did he have to do that? Why couldn't he be the rude, ignorant, not-so-nice Colonel she had first met him as?

"It's not your fault," she replied.

"Then what's wrong?" he asked.

She looked up into his eyes, trying to tell him what was wrong without having to say anything. He seemed to get the message because he reached forward and put his arms around her, drawing her in.

"I know," he whispered. "I know…"

She held onto him as if it were for dear life. For the second time that night she felt as though she never wanted the moment to end.

It was only a brief hug, but it was enough to confirm her feelings for him. She loved him, more than she could ever love anyone else, more than she could ever love Pete. As hard as she tried, there would never be anyone else.

"Lets go back inside," Jack said quietly.

He turned to leave, but she grabbed his hand and spun him back around. He looked at her, as if asking her why?

"I love you," she whispered, so quietly she barely heard it.

Jack froze.

"What?" he replied just as quietly.

She didn't reply, he knew exactly what she'd just said. She watched his face, the lights of the Christmas tree nearby reflecting in his eyes. She could see a hundred things going through his mind. He didn't know how to react, obviously hadn't expected her to say it. She had to admit she hadn't expected herself to say it. Ever.

He reached forward and brushed a strange of hair away from her face. Leaving his hand resting against her cheek.

"I love you too."

She heard the difficulty of saying the words in the way he spoke it. But he meant it, that she could also tell. The words seemed unfamiliar to both of them, words never spoken, at least not for a very long time.

Now what? She wanted to kiss him, wanted to lose herself in his arms again, but she wouldn't let herself. But she wouldn't, not while she was with Pete. She couldn't.

"Let's go back inside," she said, repeating his words from earlier on.

"That's probably the smart thing to do," Jack said. "And you always do the smart thing, Carter."

"No…not always," she replied.

He nodded at the door and the two of them made their way silently back into the building…

A/N: There's still one more part to this story. Which will be posted tomorrow (Christmas day)