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If you do.

Chapter Eleven: Erised Snogard

The Great Hall was unusually silent during the first dinner feast of the New Year. The candles on the ceiling were flickering wildly from a whirlwind that had sprung up around the Boy Who Lived.

Spinning on the outside of the wind were a green Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini.

It started with Parkinson and Zabini slipping a potion into Hermione and Draco's drinks. Harry presumed that he had one in his as well, but he hadn't drunk anything yet. The potion's effect was to trap the drinker in a nightmare until the antidote was administered. Needless to say, Harry hadn't taken the attack on his friends well.

"Potter! Calm down NOW!!!" Snape was forced to use a sonorous charm just to be heard over the roar of the wind. A pair of glittering green eyes met his before the wind stopped abruptly, dumping its two victims twenty feet to the floor. The pair promptly started throwing up from the motion sickness. "Finite Incantatum," Severus's voice returned to its normal velvet drawl. "I have already administered the antidote. Ms. Granger and Mr. Malfoy are fine, and I suggest that you go visit them in the Hospital Wing while I deal with these two." Harry gave a brief nod and stomped out, Remus and Sirius trailing behind him.

"That was an impressive display, Harry," Remus commented mildly. "Do you often do accidental wandless magic when you're angry?" Harry grunted non-committally. "Harry?"

"Sometimes."

"Have you ever been able to control it like that before?"

"No."

Rumples-as Shiva-piped up from Harry's pocket. "I told you that the meditation would increase the control over your magic. You probably have a gift for wandless magic, too! We can test it out after collecting your friends."

Padfoot's grin was pure mischief. "You realize what this means, don't you?"

Harry eyed his Godfather warily. "What?"

"You can turn Pansy into a pickle, and no one can prove you did it!"

"Why a pickle?" Remus was still trying to figure out how his mate's mind worked.

"What do you mean?"

"Why not a credenza? Or an antelope? A pea-shooter, even!" Remus threw his hands up in the air. "Why, out of all the things in the world to choose from, did you want to turn Parkinson into a pickle?!"

"I like to ask 'Why not?'" The hallway was filled with two pained moans. "What?"

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Neville and Ron were already waiting in the Hospital Wing on one of the beds while Madame Pomfrey checked over Hermione and Draco. When the three arrived, they launched into Harry.

"That whirlwind was wicked, Harry!" Ron looked awed.

"Did you see Zabini's face?! I wish you could make my Gran pull that face!" Neville was having an unusually evil moment.

Draco looked confused. "What whirlwind?"

Hermione frowned. "Harry, what did you do? More to the point, can you be expelled for it?"

Harry smiled. "I twirled Blaise and Pansy around in a tornado for a few minutes." The doors of the infirmary opened to admit Snape floating the now unconscious pair. "Apparently they don't like things like roller coasters…"

"No, Mister Potter, they do not," Severus sounded amused. "And they both owe me a new pair of shoes. The next time that you decide to wreak vengeance, would you be so kind as to do it in a manner that does not involve the potential for regurgitation?"

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you."

Harry turned back to Hermione and Draco with a worried frown. "Are you two alright? What were you dreaming about?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "We're fine, but the two numb-skulls brewed the potion wrong…unless, of course, my worst nightmare is Barney in a tutu sacrificing magic cabbage." The infirmary was filled with several fits of suspicious coughing.

Draco blinked. "My dream was that my broom decided it didn't like me and went on to a career as a country singer, but no one could understand it because it was made out of Brazilian rubber trees." The coughing was replaced with large bouts of laughter.

"Was…that…why you were…humming…'Man, I feel like a woman'?" Ron managed between laughs.

"And Hermione…was muttering…'No! Not the purple ones...I was going to make a salad!'" Neville's face had turned a brilliant shade of red.

Madame Pomfrey hushed them al with a stern glare. "If you're all quite done, you may leave Ms. Granger. You as well, Mr. Malfoy. And Mr. Potter, I would appreciate it if you would kindly refrain from creating any more patients for me."

"Yes, ma'am." Harry tried to look properly chagrined, but the image of Ballerina Barney sacrificing cabbage kept intruding.

Once the five were out of the infirmary, they went to the library to do their homework while Sirius and Remus went back to their rooms-after sternly reminding the five to be back in their dorms before curfew (where stern means "barely managing not to snicker on every other word"). However, the five successfully managed to lose track of time by falling asleep on top of their transfiguration texts.

It was 1:30am before Hermione woke-and woke everyone else up with her cry of, "Bloody Hell! We are so dead!!"

Rumples-as Ate-spoke up from beside Harry's hand. "We're going to be if you don't be quiet!" The four boys raised their head to stare at the mouse. "Now gather your things and get as close to each other as possible. I'm going to make us invisible! Then we'll drop Ron and Neville off at the tower and head back to the dungeons, okay?"

Harry blinked sleepily. "Sometimes I find it really hard to believe you're a Goddess of evil…"

"Only because I like you, dear."

"Good point." The five-plus the possessed squeak toy-snuck out of the library and toward the tower with only one encounter. Filch was patrolling the fourth floor and heading directly toward them. Panicking, the five dived into an abandoned classroom…with a mirror in it.

Ron walked up to it and tapped the glass. "What's this? Hey! It's me!"

"That's generally what mirrors do, Ron," Hermione said as if she were talking to an infant. "They show your reflection, but it's not really you. Do you understand?"

"I know that! I mean it's me, but I'm taller! I have muscles and a moustache! I look good!!"

"I somehow doubt that." Draco was having a hard time picturing Ron with a moustache. "Let me have a look." The blonde stepped in front of the mirror…and blinked. "Wow…I'm older…and I have a fan club! They're all swarming around me wanting an autograph…I need to start wearing sunglasses like those!"

Hermione groaned. "Is there something on the mirror that tells what it is?"

"Inluminare Conclave!" Suddenly, the room was filled with light.

"You just can't do anything the easy way, can you Harry?" Draco looked amused.

"What did I tell you about using unknown spells?!" Hermione was incensed. "Where do you get these things, anyway?!!"

Harry shrugged eloquently, figuring it was better not to irritate Hermione anymore by telling her he made them up from an English-to-Latin pocket dictionary. "Look, 'Mione! The mirror has an inscription!"

"Nice dodge," Ate muttered.

"Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on woshi." Hermione looked puzzled. "What language is that in?"

"It's backwards. It says, 'I show not your face but your hearts desire." Ron looked at the incredulous faces surrounding him. "What?"

"Are you feeling okay?" Neville looked concerned.

"Why is it that I can't say something intelligent without everyone looking at me like I'm a purple antelope?!"

"I'll take that as a no."

Harry stepped in front of the mirror while Ron attempted to strangle Neville. In the mirror, four people were standing behind him. One was a woman with flame red hair and brilliant green eyes. The other looked like an older version of Harry, except that his eyes were brown. "It's my parents…" he said softly. "And Sirius and Remus." He blinked back tears before he noticed something else. "Why are my Godfathers holding rubber chickens?" He stepped away from the mirror, sensing that it was somehow dangerous.

Hermione walked up and looked in. "Ooohhh! A big library, and it's all for me!" She looked close to dancing until Harry and Draco pulled her away. "You two are mean…"

Neville stood in front of the mirror…and blushed. Inside the mirror, he was performing a tap-dancing routine worthy of Fred Astaire, but he was wearing spandex.

"Nice, Neville!" Draco commented lightly. "Now I know what to get you for your birthday: a top hat and a cane!" Neville groaned with embarrassment.

On impulse, Harry booted Ate out of Rumples for a moment and placed the mouse in front of the mirror. Silence reigned for a long time.

"My squeak toy wants to take over the world…"

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A few weeks later, Harry, Hermione, and Draco paid a visit to Hagrid in an effort to get the giant to spill some more about the third floor corridor and the protections on the Sorcerer's Stone. Instead, they found the gamekeeper frying an egg in a pot.

"Is that a dragon egg?" Draco said faintly.

Hermione sighed. "Hagrid, you live in a wooden house!"

"Yep."

"Dragons breathe fire."

"Nifty creatures, aren't they?" Hagrid, as usual, missed the point.

Harry tried. "Wood and fire don't mix well."

"Na that's not true, Harry. You can get a nice bonfire out of a bit o' timber and a flaming marshmallow."

Harry groaned. "I give up. You try, Draco."

"Do you use the big marshmallows or the little ones that go in cocoa?"

"Draco!" The blonde gave his two friends a look of pure innocence.

"I was just curious!"

"I don't s'pose it matters too much, Draco, as long as the marshmallow is on fire." The sound of something cracking came from the pot. "'Old on Norbert! Daddy's comin'!" Hagrid rushed over to the pot and liberated the dark brown egg, placing it on the table. A gray dragon the size of a cat emerged in a shower of shell pieces and promptly set Hagrid's eyebrows on fire. "Bless him, he knows his mum!"

"First: Norbert? Second: you're a male." Draco ducked out of the way of a small spurt of flame.

"He's got to have a name, don't he?"

"He's lovely, Hagrid," Hermione said soothingly. "But I think we need to get back to the castle and study." Two quick nods of assent followed this announcement.

Hagrid nodded absently, and the three took off toward the castle before the hut could burn down.

"Hagrid can't keep a dragon. It's illegal," Draco pointed out.

"So what do we do?" Harry asked.

"We find some way to ship Norbert off to a dragon colony without alerting the authorities," Hermione answered reasonably.

"In what? A wooden crate?"

"No, a steel cage with pot-holders on the bottom to keep his feet from getting cold!" Draco was at his sarcastic best.

"That's actually not a bad idea…" Hermione said thoughtfully.

"The pot-holders or the cage?" Harry asked, confused.

"The pot-holders. We can use Norbert to bake cakes."

"Draco, contain yourself. Harry, think before you speak." Hermione was doing an excellent impression of Professor McGonagall. "We just need to find some willing victims to ship him."

"Maybe Sirius and Remus know some people…" Harry said hopefully.

"And if they don't, we could always auction him off on the Black Market."

"Draco!"

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I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed. Reviews make me sooo happy!! (Just like funny-tasting egg-nog…mmmmm…On a side note, remember to check the expiration dates on egg-nog before you drink it.) Anyway, for my purposes, the scenes in the Mirror of Erised can be viewed by anyone who is looking at it, rather than the just the person in front of it.

athenakitty: Everyone hexed the presents because they all know that Remus likes to peek. I doubt the Dursleys are going to get out of the sanitarium for a long while, but not to worry, plenty of vengeance will be wreaked on other parties in the meantime! :) -Gives out gingerbread man named Bob-

Night-Owl123: Oooh…you poor thing! Speaking tests are the worst! Hope it went well! -Gives out gingerbread man named Sam-

Lady FoxFire: Thanks! Hey, my first hit-list! Wow! :) I've already planned evil things for Cho later on…I'll see what I can do about the others! (evil snickers) -Gives out gingerbread man named Pringle-

gaul1: Thanks! I think it went fairly well…as in I didn't panic and run screaming out of the classroom. :) -Gives out gingerbread man named George-

Saetan: Yeah! Can I have them? Incidentally, does your name come from the Dark Jewels Trilogy? -Gives out gingerbread man named Daemon-

Signeus: You should have a doctor check your ribs. I'd hate to think I accidentally killed one of my reviewers… ;) -Gives out gingerbread man named Fred-

TammyLSlark: Nope, but I looked up the fic after you mentioned it. Very funny!!! Thanks for the compliment! -Gives out gingerbread man named Williker-