AN: Sorry this took so long! I hope you guys like it!
Chapter 5 – My Weakness Caused You Pain"Would you like some tea or coffee?" Nathan asked, as soon as they reached his apartment.
"Actually, want to make some coffee?" Haley said, curling up on the sofa, "We might need it."
"Right." He said, disappearing into the kitchen.
Haley looked around this apartment. Strangely, it reminded her of their house back in Tree Hill. The same built in stereo system on the wall, TV, sofa and all. She just smiled; it looked like a typical bachelor pad.
In reality, Haley felt like she in a different world. She knew Nathan and his unruly temper. For some reason, it hadn't flared yet. That surprised her. The way the two of them were talking, in a friendly civilized way. She knew the amount of pain Nathan must have gone through; she only went through half of it because she had the answers.
"You have matured quite a bit over the years." Haley grinned at Nathan, taking the cup of coffee from him, murmuring her thanks.
"Yeah," he half smiled, "It happened after you left me. Your leaving made me realize a lot of things."
Haley looked down at the coffee. She knew that she hurt him more than anything in the world. But he deserved a true explanation, and that is what she was going to give him.
"Well," Haley cleared her throat nervously, "I think I will start."
"Yeah, good idea." Nathan said, sensing the rising tension in the room. He had worked very hard to maintain a calm façade but inside, it was like a raging storm. He had a hundred questions to ask, but he wanted Haley to do it all on her own.
"Well, first of all, I just wanted to say that I am in no way shape or form in love with Chris. That is not the reason I left, because of him. I have not dated him or even tried to romantically involve myself with him. He is simply a mentor like person to me. He has helped me achieve the success I've had. My feelings for him are just simple friends." Haley felt the need to stress this. It really bothered her the other day when Lucas mentioned it.
Nathan held out the breath he was unconsciously holding. He needed to know that. He tortured himself too much over the years, wondering if Haley really did love Chris or not.
Haley, not noticing Nathan's relief, continued on. "I just felt that I was being stifled. I needed to prove something to the world; I was not just Lucas' best friend. I was not just Nathan Scott's wife. I wanted to prove that I was my own person, and I just guess…I just felt that I was not able to do that being in Tree Hill. I did take a coward's way out. I agree, but I did it for you too."
Nathan looked at her sharply. No way, she was not going to try to rope him in on some of the blame. He opened his mouth to give a retort, any retort, but Haley raised her hand, to indicate to let her finish.
"After I saw that letter from the basketball camp, I made my decision. I never regretted marrying you, but I just saw the complications it was bringing. I thought, if we had time to ourselves, maybe we both could pursue our dreams and be happy. I didn't want you to hate me for making you give up basketball. I hated knowing that eventually, I would be happy, because I had my music, but you would hate me because I was selfish and took away your happiness for mine." Haley said, fiddling with the rings on her hand.
"I know that those are pretty weak excuses as to why I left, but that was honestly what I was thinking at the time. I don't want you to think that I loved Chris, because I once again do not. I know I don't deserve any forgiveness, but after all I have done, it's the least I can offer to you." Haley said, looking at Nathan.
Nathan leaned back onto the sofa, crossing his arms and closing his eyes. She didn't love Chris. Good. That was one thought that gnawed him for the longest time. He could live with the fact that she left him, but he hated assuming that the reason was because she wasn't happy with him.
Haley sat quietly, staring at Nathan. He was still her husband, and she still loved him. It was an idea that she accepted daily. She thought of Haley Scott as her real name and Haley James as her pseudonym instead of the other way around. But at that moment, she realized how much she missed him.
"Did you really think I was happy, after you left?" Nathan asked, in the same calm detached voice. He opened his eyes and got up, standing near the window. It was a common pose for him; it was his thinking pose.
"No," Haley answered honestly, "No, because I was going through the same pain you were. But I wasn't looking at immediate happiness; I was looking at future happiness. You are happy, I can see it when you play or when you talk to the press. I like to think I help you get to that happiness by getting out of the way."
Nathan whirled around and gaped at her. "If I wanted you to get out of the way, I would have done it myself," He stated coldly.
Haley knew that she was starting to lose him. His temper was starting to show. She pressed herself back into the couch and waited for the eye of the storm to come.
"Did you talk to Dan before you left?" Nathan asked, his mind starting to piece together pieces.
Haley stiffened, signaling to Nathan that he had hit a sore spot. Haley thought back to the day after the formal.
Flashback
Haley walked up the steps to the beach house. It has a good many hours since the party had ended and Nathan had made sure everything was clean before his father came back. She jogged up the stairs, hoping that he was alone in the beach house.
She turned the knob to the front door, noticing that it was unlocked. 'Good, that means he is still here' she thought. She walked into the house and noticed the lobby empty. The house emanated a type of quietness, strange because it was filled with noise just a good few hours ago.
"Nathan?" Haley called out, hearing her voice echo. She paused before heading into the den, still calling his name.
She stopped suddenly as she saw Dan coming down the stairs. He looked at her coolly, not surprised by her appearance. Haley inwardly sighed; a confrontation with him was inevitable.
"Haley," Dan smirked, "My daughter-in-law. Looking for your husband? Sorry, he is not here. Why isn't he at home with you?"
Haley held herself tensely. She didn't want to show any of the nervousness and fear she was feeling. She knew that Dan would thrive on it. She didn't want to tell Dan that she and Nathan were fighting. He would eat that fact up with glee. Instead, she opted for the silent stance, eye straight ahead.
Dan circled her, "Well, I will gather that you both had a fight. After all, I used to come to the beach house when I had fights with Deb and she would come looking for me here. Although I can't imagine why you would be looking here for him. You know, fights at the beginning of a marriage indicate unhappiness and regret."
Haley stared straight ahead, trying to figure out how to get out of there. She knew that the more Dan talked, the more upset she would get and she might say something that she didn't mean. But Dan already struck a nerve. With a resolute voice, she quietly sad, "We are happy."
Dan chuckled, an ominous chuckle. He poured himself a drink and sat down in the armchair in front of Haley. He took a sip and tilted his head back to her. "You may be happy, but it's temporary. I don't appreciate you making Nathan give up his opportunity to attend the basketball camp. Regardless of why he did it, it just ruined his future. You had something to do with it."
Haley tensed up, trying to prevent herself from trembling. It was a good thing Nathan had told her to go home and read the letter. Otherwise she would have fallen over from the shock. But Dan confirming the fact that Nathan had really given it up for her made Haley feel sick.
Dan put his drink down and towered over Haley. "I don't know what type of spell you have over my son, Mrs. Scott, but I can guarantee you, that you have ruined his future. But it's not shattered yet, you can back off. Back away, leave him, and he will immerse himself into basketball to take away his pain. He will be successful and he will be happy. Basketball is his first love, and you can't hurt first love."
Haley had enough. She was not going to stand here and let Dan manipulate her anymore. It was clear that Nathan was probably already back home, so she was going to go talk to him there. She turned on her heels and stalked back towards the door.
Dan stood there, as he heard the door slam, echoing through the beach house. He smirked and turned around to go back into the den.
End of Flashback
"Haley?" Nathan asked, expectantly.
"No…" Haley whispered, clearing her throat. "Dan didn't say anything to me."
Nathan looked at her skeptically, and then turned around. He sighed; this is the closure he needed, but he didn't want it anymore. He heard Haley give a small sniffle, that she was trying to hide, and his heart went out immediately to her. He turned around and sat next to her on the sofa. Haley was looking at him, trying to mask the pain in her eyes, and it hurt him to know they both had brought on the pain they were feeling. He picked up her small hands in his and stared at them.
"I want you in my life," Nathan said, looking into Haley's eyes, "You helped me change tremendously in high school. The person I am today is partly due to you. But I don't know if we can go back to how things were. You hurt me too much, and I don't want to go through that pain again."
Haley looked down at their joined hands. That was good enough for her.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Can you hear anything?"
"You guys are being ridiculous, we don't even know if they left together."
"Shh! I definitely hear voices in there."
"Might be the TV"
"No, its Nathan's voice…and a girl's voice!"
"Oh move your foot, it's on my hand."
"You know what is ridiculous? The two of you plastered against the door." Jake said, calmly surveying the scene in front of him. Lucas nodded, clearly agreeing with the fact.
After they had speculated for a bit at the table, the girls had decided that Nathan and Haley had left together. So, as soon as the club closed, they dragged their boyfriends back to Nathan's apartment and they were currently trying to eavesdrop through the closed front door.
Lucas sighed, and he disappeared back into Brooke's apartment. Jake stood, leaning against the wall. "Even if they are in there, don't they deserve some privacy?"
Brooke whirled around, "I'm a concerned friend. Just making sure nothing is happening in there. We all know Nathan's temper."
"And he would rather kill himself than hurt Haley." Jake shot back, exasperated at the whole ordeal. He knew both Haley and Nathan separately. He had left before they had gotten married, so he really didn't understand their relationship.
Lucas appeared back in the hall, handing Brooke and Peyton two glasses, "If you are going to eavesdrop, then do it the right way."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Haley and Nathan sat together, with Nathan still holding onto Haley hands. Haley started to giggle, causing Nathan to look up at her.
"Look at us, we are 22 and have more drama than most 40 year olds!" she said, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.
It worked because Nathan chuckled, but before he could say anything, he heard something go chink against his front door. Both him and Haley looked curiously at the door. Then they heard a serious of thumps and the bellow of a male voice and the
slamming of a door.
Nathan let go of Haley's hands and looked out his peephole. He could see Lucas standing, grinning down at someone who was out of sight. He saw Brooke's door open again and Jake come out, looking pissed off. He seemed to exchange a few words with the person who was out of sight
"Well, well, 4 guesses as to who are outside the door and probably attempting to listen into our conversation." Nathan smirked, guessing that it was probably Brooke and Peyton trying to listen in.
Haley laughed, feeling the old familiar feeling of friendship creep back into her. "Should we let them in, or let them suffer some misery?"
"I have an idea." Nathan said, giving her his famous devilish grin.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Wait! I think I hear something!" Brooke said, as she began to hear murmurs.
"Me too!" Peyton said, trying to press her ear closer to he glass.
Lucas and Jake rolled their eyes. They knew that there was no way that the two boys could pry away their girlfriends from the door.
"You do realize that the doors would be made of something stronger, judging by the amount of rent for this place?" Lucas said.
"Oh, it's for all the bodyguards and such." Brooke said, dismissively.
All of the sudden, the four of them jumped as they heard Nathan's angry voice.
"YOU WHAT?!"
Brooke and Peyton dropped the glasses in shock. Obviously, there was no need to use them anymore. Instinctively, Lucas and Jake stepped closer to the door. Peyton and Brooke had their ears plastered back against the door.
'It's a good thing there is no one else on this floor besides Brooke and Nathan.' Lucas took a moment to ponder before directing his attention back to the conversation behind the closed door.
"Why is it easier to hear them now?" Jake whispered to Lucas, who was thinking the same thing.
"Probably since they moved into the living room. Now hush!" Brooke said.
They heard the sound of a women sobbing, before hearing the sobbing voice say, "I'm so sorry Nathan. I really am, it was a mistake, I didn't mean for it to happen. But it will be okay." Haley's distinct voice could be heard through the door.
"YOU HAD CHRIS' GOD FREAKING BABY FOR DAMN'S SAKE!"
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Nathan slapped his hand over Haley's mouth to prevent her from giggling. They both were standing in front of the door, to make it easier for their friends to hear the melodrama.
Haley leaned back into Nathan, removing his hand with her hand. She resumed her frantic sobbing, adding a wail every once in awhile. "It was a mistake. I was so lonely. Please forgive me."
"Should we let them out of their misery?" Nathan whispered, looking out the peephole. He could see Lucas' hair, indicating that all for of them were pressed up against the door.
Haley nodded, continuing with her sobbing. "I wanted to have your baby, don't you see, it hurts me just as much as it hurts you!"
Nathan paused, looking at her, "It's still possible." He trailed off, winking.
Haley smacked his head, relishing the fact that she would still banter with him. She kept on sobbing and pointed to the door, telling him to open it.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
The four shocked friends were frozen against the door.
"Chris' baby?" Lucas whispered, wondering how Haley forgot to tell him.
"That..that…" Peyton trailed off, getting angrier by the second.
"No wonder she looked like she put on a little weight." Brooke mused.
Jake shook his head, 'And I thought that drama only happened in Tree Hill' he thought.
Peyton opened her mouth, but before she could utter a word, the door swing opening and the four friends toppled into Nathan's apartment.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Nathan had enough sense to step back when he opened the door; it was a good thing because he now had a pile of four adults on the floor. Haley had a blank face, but Nathan knew that she was doing everything in her power to not crack. It was easier for him to adopt a scowling face.
"Well, what does a person have to do in order to have some privacy around here?" Nathan growled, looking into the faces of his four guilty friends.
Lucas pushed passed Nathan, and stood in front of Haley. "What the hell. You didn't tell me. ME. How could you forget that small fact?"
"You know why she forgot that fact?" Nathan said, arms crossed, leaning against the close door Peyton and Jake stood to the side while Brooke was still sprawled on the floor.
Lucas spun around, "No, but I'm sure you will enlighten me."
"Because, it never happened." Haley said, finally cracking and bursting into laughter. Lucas froze, as well as Peyton, Brooke and Jake.
Nathan chuckled, disappearing into the kitchen. "Come on, if you want to pull one over 'the stud', then you have to be quicker."
The five adults mouthed, 'the stud' before breaking into laughs. Haley curled back up on the love seat, as Jake, Peyton and Lucas plopped down on the sofa. Brooke sat down on Lucas' lap.
Immediately, all four pairs of riveted on Haley. She squirmed before sighing, "Okay, okay, we just talked. Everything is okay. We are friends."
Nathan came out of the kitchen with a few bottles of beer and some soda cans. "Yeah, don't worry, no throwing tantrums or anything. We reasoned it out like rational adults."
He sat down next to Haley.
"Funny," Brooke said, "I thought you said rational adults."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Haley laughed, and leaned back on the cushion. Jake was telling them one of the many Jenny stories he had. She took a sip of her drink and marveled at how normal everything felt.
The group had been sitting around for the last hour catching up and reminiscing with each other. Peyton had apologized very early on about her cold behavior. Haley understood fully, after all, it was only normal. She had done the same to Brooke and Peyton after the whole ordeal with Lucas.
Peyton stifled a yawn and leaned against Jake. "Oh wow, it's 2:30. Amazing."
"Really?" Nathan frowned, "Shit, I have practice at 7."
Peyton and Jake got up. "Yeah, I need to head back to Boston." Jake said, giving Haley a hug and Nathan a manly hug. "It was great seeing the two of you." He hugged Brooke and Lucas too, "And you guys."
Peyton hugged Haley. "I'm so glad you are back. I've missed you so much." She whispered into Haley's ear. Haley hugged her back, suddenly feeling very teary. She pulled back from Peyton and in a fake stuff accent, said, "We must do lunch!"
Peyton laughed, "Off course, you have my stats and I have yours. We will hook up."
With a few more good-byes, the couple left. Haley grabbed her stuff, "Well, it was a great evening. Lucas, since you are staying longer, we have to get together. Brooke and Nathan, I will be seeing you guys more often now."
Brooke nodded happily, while Nathan helped her with her jacket, "Let me walk you to your car."
"Um, I didn't bring my car. I took a cab." Haley paused, "that's okay, I can catch one back again."
"This late at night?" Lucas said, "At least let me take you. I would feel better."
"No Lucas, you don't have to! Stay with Brooke, you don't see her that much." Haley protested.
"Yeah," Nathan said, "I'll take her instead. Let me get my car."
"You both are being silly, Nathan, Lucas, I can just get a cab back."
"Hey, hey." Brooke said, breaking the little argument up. "Haley, I want to spend some time with you. Stay over my apartment. Tomorrow morning, I can drop you off before I have to go to work."
Haley paused, that was looking appealing. She was so tired and she was having so much fun with her friends. "Okay, thanks Brooke."
"No problem!" Brooke said, kissing Lucas and then giving Nathan a hug. Haley just gave the two of them a hug. "Good night boys!"
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Everything cool?" Lucas asked a smiling Nathan.
"Everything cool." Nathan agreed. "Now, if you will excuse me, I might be able to squeeze in a few hours of sleep.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"You and Nathan, a couple?" Brooke asked. She and Haley were spread out on the living room floor on two sleeping bags
"No, but that's okay. I hurt him enough. He needs time to adjust." Haley said, looking into the fireplace.
"Do you still love him?" Brooke asked softly, even though she knew the answer.
"Yeah." Haley said, surprised at how openly she admitted it.
"Well, you know, I helped you guys get together once. I can do it again!" Brooke excitedly said.
"BROOKE!"
"Just kidding!"
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
A/N: Wow, that took me forever to write. So sorry everyone! I've been hit with a bad bit of writers block. I do want to finish this story before the new episode comes out, so I will be getter out chapters quickly. This is my longest chapter so far. I hope you guys enjoyed it!
Tina