Chapter Nine: Missed Chances

Jesse straightened his tie in front of the mirror in his bedroom and then pulled the comb through his hair. It didn't really matter whether he combed it or not, it would soon flop into its usual style, but at least he would know he started out neat.

His apartment was devoid of all but the most basic of decorations, just a few in the window so that it looked like he was home, even when he wasn't, and although he knew it was silly to deck the whole place out, somehow it seemed depressing and dull as it was. Christmas was a time for happy thoughts, making memories and being with those you loved. He hoped that this year, at home with his mom, he would do all three, but however hard he tried he couldn't get the Morganstern Christmas, as he had come to call it, out of his mind.

Fred's death still played on Mark's mind, Jesse knew that, and he had seen the way the older man would sometimes look lingeringly in the direction of the house next to his own. If he was honest Jesse thought more about Alisha than what had actually happened, he still missed her, but as was often the case, he hadn't appreciated that he would do so until she was ready to leave.

"I just don't see why you have to go." Jesse was sitting on a silver velvet stool in front of a kidney shaped dressing table in Alisha Morganstern's dressing room. He knew that he was sounding like a sulky child, but he suddenly realised that he was going to really miss the pretty, blonde young woman from the house next to Mark's and, as today was the day she was leaving town, his timing was lousy.

"Because my mom needs me. Jesse, I can go to law school in Baltimore, get my degree, no problem. Dad was an alumnus there, I even get a scholarship." Alisha had smiled at him then, and carefully folded a soft pink sweater and placed it in her suitcase.

"But I'm gonna miss you."

"Well then, maybe you should have decided that about six months or so ago when I was planning on living here all the time. I like you, Jesse, really like you, but my mom needs me way more than you do." This time it was a deep blue pair of jeans which were laid neatly into the case.

"I know Colonial has a good law school, but this is your home. The house is just great, and the beach, the sand, the surf…" He trailed off. They were the reasons he loved living here, maybe they didn't mean as much to Alisha.

"It won't work you know," Her eyes had sparkled and Jesse had blushed. She touched his shoulder, and a shudder had passed through him.

"What?" The innocent gaze he placed on her just caused laughter but she didn't remove her hand.

"That look. You and Steve, you both try it and it doesn't work. Jess, I've lived in dormitories for the last four years, and if you were to look at pictures of this house when Mom and Dad moved into it, and then walk around it now, you would think you were in the wrong place. She has changed it so much that … well it isn't home any more." Her voice was wistful and Jesse placed his own hand over hers. "You know, she even decorated this room, took everything out and changed it all around, without asking me first."

"I'm sorry." And he had been, very sorry. She was a beautiful girl, and he knew what it was like when parents took you for granted, or just ignored your feelings altogether.

"Thank you. She doesn't mean to hurt me, she just doesn't think. But maybe if we share a house together for a while we can get to know each other. Parents are special, Jesse, they help you become who you are, whether good or bad, and I really want to feel that I tried to be her friend as well as her daughter. She doesn't make friends very easily, I don't think. Dad, I always thought he'd be ok on his own, but not her." There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment as Alisha caught her breath. "I … I don't even know where Dad is, so I have to be with Mom, for me as well as her."

Jesse had just nodded his head and then he had moved in and kissed her gently on the lips. The kiss had become more passionate, and for a while all conversation and packing had been forgotten. When they came up for air he had looked into her eyes and smiled. "She will be lucky to have a friend like you."

"Thank you and if it doesn't work, or it works really well and she is happy on her own, I can get my own place." She had paused for a moment and then began to speak again. "I have family there too, Uncle Al, he sounds like my kind of guy, not afraid to speak his mind, opinionated, but in a way that is open for contradiction, I'm looking forward to having some great arguments with him." She had laughed, and the sound had warmed his heart. They hadn't talked about the death of her uncle, and Jesse wasn't sure whether or not to bring it up, but just before she closed the lid on her suitcase Alisha began speaking about him herself.

"Jess, I need to ask you a favor." He hadn't been sure, but it seemed as if she was suddenly uncertain of what to say next.

"Sure, anything, you know that." He had moved a little closer once more, and gently pulled her to him.

"I really did love my uncle, and I feel badly that even though I was here when he died I couldn't help him …"

"I know that. It must be hard, having an uncle that looks just like your dad. And then suddenly he is gone." Jesse had stopped talking for a moment, her dad was gone now too, and so he hurried on. "What is it you want to ask me?" Alisha hadn't moved out of his arms and he was enjoying the feel of her next to him.

"I don't want to leave him alone …" tears filled her eyes then and she brushed at them roughly. "Will you … if I leave you some cash … will you put flowers on his grave some time?"

Jesse had felt very humble that she had asked him and he'd nodded. "No problem, and if you leave me your e-mail address I'll let you know when I do it, and what I get, ok?"

"Thank you, thank you very much." The tears had escaped then and Jesse had pulled her onto his lap as he sat down on the side of the bed. She had cried on his shoulder for a little while, but then had composed herself and completed her packing.

They hadn't said very much after that, and Jesse had placed a chaste kiss on her cheek as he left the house. Their only contact since had been by e-mail, but he had done as he was asked, and every now and then a few dollars would arrive in the mail for him.

Jesse checked his watch, he had time to stop off at the florists on his way to Mark's, today of all days, it would be fitting for Fred to have something nice on top of him.