The sun shone as bright as ever in the near cloudless sky. It was nearly silent, if not for the birds and the cicadas. They always took the back streets to get to school. It was longer, but the lack of people and cars made up for it. For a brief time, it was as if the plagues of civilization never existed. At least what was still left of civilization, after Second Impact. Summer was still endless. Even Shinji couldn't put the earth back on its axis, or bring Kaworu back.
"Shinji, why did you choose me?" Asuka suddenly stopped walking.
"Huh?" He was blindsided by the question. "What are you talking about?"
"Why did you choose me to stay with you when you took away everyone else's AT field?" She stared at his feet while she spoke, as if she feared looking him in the eye would bring about an unfavorable answer.
"I..." Shinji paused for a long time, trying to figure out for himself his reasoning behind it. "I'm not sure. I guess I felt like you were the only person who wouldn't accept me for the coward I was back then." He stated the answer as it came into mind. He was a little surprised himself by what he had said. 'Isn't that what Misato's voice told me earlier?'
"Oh..." Asuka trailed off. "That didn't have anything to do with it, I really just thought you were an idiot." She said playfully. It was then that she also realized why she had treated him the way she had.
"I knew I should have chosen Rei," He smiled. "Come on, we're going to be late. If we're late again, we'll have to stand in the hall." He resumed walking, letting Asuka fall a few steps behind.
'He's really different, isn't he?' Asuka thought to herself. 'He's always been Shinji, but he's a better Shinji now.' She smiled to herself as she walked behind him.
'And that's why you love him, isn't it?' Kaji's voice said. 'That's why you stayed with him, while you lost touch with everyone else.'
'What are you saying?' Asuka thought. 'I'm not in love with Shinji!'
'Are you sure about that?' Now it was Misato in her head. 'Even just a little bit?'
'Stop it, both of you!' Asuka was becoming irritated. She cupped her hands over her ears in a vain attempt to drown them out.
'JUST TELL HIM.' They both said at once.
"Stop it!" She cried. "Just stop it, please."
"Asuka, what's wrong?" Shinji was facing her, holding her by her shoulders. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine! How dare you grab me like that?" She shook herself free of him. "If I want your help, I'll ask for it. Now keep walking!"
"Well if nothing's wrong, don't scare people like that," he smiled.
"Shut up and walk, moron." She countered. 'They'd stopped for so long that I thought they were gone. Why did they have to come back?'
--------------------
The bell rang just before he could slide the door open.
"You two are late," the teacher said flatly. "Again."
"I guess the newlyweds were a little busy this morning," someone snickered. The whole class broke into muffled laughter.
"Hey, who said that? Come up here and say that to my face!" Asuka demanded. No one stood up. "Cowards," she snorted.
"That's enough, all of you," the teacher said sternly. "I told you two what would happen if you were late again."
"But Maya... I mean, Ibuki-Sensei..." Asuka pleaded. Maya picked up two empty buckets.
"Fill them up," She said flatly. Asuka grunted as she snatched the bucket away from her and stormed out of the room, slamming the door.
"Sorry about that," Shinji apologized. "You know how she is."
"You don't have to apologize for her, you're not married yet." Maya winked. Shinji's face turned red as he took the second bucket.
'Why does everyone keep saying things like that?' He wondered as he walked out.
'Because something's wrong.' Rei's voice was in his head again. 'You have to fix it.'
"What are you talking about?" Shinji growled in frustration.
"All I said was how I think Maya is a lot different than when she worked at NERV," Asuka replied. "I guess you haven't noticed."
"Huh?" Shinji was confused. "Oh, no, I agree. She sure has calmed down. Remember when she used to freak out at every little thing that happened back then?" Shinji chuckled.
"Nothing 'little' ever happened back then," Asuka said quietly as she stared into her bucket of water. "Maya was normal. It was the rest of us who were so strange. Some days we thought it was all over and we acted like it was business as usual. That still bothers me, how cold everyone was; how cold I was." Shinji was taken aback. He'd never heard Asuka say anything so personal.
"But it WAS business as usual." Shinji looked up at her. "We had to save the world every day. And in the end, we were the ones to destroy it..." Shinji trailed off.
"This bucket is getting heavy," Asuka said lightly.
"Yeah..." he replied. 'You mean I was the one to destroy it.' He still felt guilty for wishing everyone away.
'Everyone wishes that sometimes,' Misato comforted. 'We all want everything to just go away for a while.'
'But I actually made everything go away,' he countered.
'It's not your fault,' Rei had returned. 'They used you.'
'But it is my fault.' He was starting to feel worse. His stomach was starting to cramp.
Suddenly his surroundings melted away, like wax trickling down the side of a candle. He could see the endless orange ocean. He could smell the sickening odor of blood. He felt the waves as they grotesquely lapped at his ankles. It almost seemed real.
"Shinji. Yoo hoo, Shinji." Asuka was waving a hand in front of his face. "Earth to Ikari..." His body straightened. His face twisted into a bewildered expression. "You dropped your bucket, stupid. It was like you turned off or something."
"Oh, sorry." He picked up his bucket just as Maya slid the door open.
"Can't you two even stand in the hall without doing something weird?" She sighed. "Go get a mop, clean this up, and come back to class."
"Thanks a lot, you idiot." Asuka muttered as they walked away. "I'm not helping you clean it up."
"I had a flashback," Shinji's tone was sullen.
"Yeah, big deal, everyone gets those sometimes. But most people don't leave orbit when they do." She said condescendingly.
"It was different," his tone was unaffected. "It was like I was there, right after the Third Impact." Asuka stopped walking. Shinji stopped a few steps ahead. "I could smell it. I could see it. I could even feel it. It felt like I was really back there. Does anything like that ever happen to you?" Asuka simply stood, her eyes wide in surprise.
"Of course not! Why would the same weird things happen to me? Not everyone is as messed up as you are." She said indignantly.
"I get them sometimes. It's been a while since the last one. They keep getting more realistic."
"Why are you telling me this?" Asuka gulped. Her tone was gentle now. It took Shinji by surprise.
"Asuka, do you ever hear Misato, or Rei, or anyone else?" He asked gently.
"Misato lives on the other side of the city, and no one's heard anything about Rei for almost two months." She responded, pretending not to know what he meant.
"I mean in your head," his tone was still soft. "Do they ever talk to you... in your head?"
"Why are you asking me this?" Her voice shook slightly.
"Because I hear them," He replied flatly. "They tell me things about myself; about other people. Answers to questions I don't know how to ask. I'm afraid I'm going crazy. I always wondered if it might be from piloting Eva. I'm asking you because I want to know if I'm crazy."
"Sometimes..." she said quietly. She sounded as if she would burst into tears if she said anymore.
"I'm sorry, Asuka. I didn't mean to..."
"No, it's ok." She interrupted. "Maybe we should find Misato and Ritsuko. They might have some answers."
"Yeah, let's do that." He said kindly. He almost lost his balance when she wrapped her arms around him from behind. Her breath was hot on the back of his shoulder.
"I'm scared, Shinji." She sobbed. He reached up and rubbed the top of her head.
"Me too."
"Shinji, why did you choose me?" Asuka suddenly stopped walking.
"Huh?" He was blindsided by the question. "What are you talking about?"
"Why did you choose me to stay with you when you took away everyone else's AT field?" She stared at his feet while she spoke, as if she feared looking him in the eye would bring about an unfavorable answer.
"I..." Shinji paused for a long time, trying to figure out for himself his reasoning behind it. "I'm not sure. I guess I felt like you were the only person who wouldn't accept me for the coward I was back then." He stated the answer as it came into mind. He was a little surprised himself by what he had said. 'Isn't that what Misato's voice told me earlier?'
"Oh..." Asuka trailed off. "That didn't have anything to do with it, I really just thought you were an idiot." She said playfully. It was then that she also realized why she had treated him the way she had.
"I knew I should have chosen Rei," He smiled. "Come on, we're going to be late. If we're late again, we'll have to stand in the hall." He resumed walking, letting Asuka fall a few steps behind.
'He's really different, isn't he?' Asuka thought to herself. 'He's always been Shinji, but he's a better Shinji now.' She smiled to herself as she walked behind him.
'And that's why you love him, isn't it?' Kaji's voice said. 'That's why you stayed with him, while you lost touch with everyone else.'
'What are you saying?' Asuka thought. 'I'm not in love with Shinji!'
'Are you sure about that?' Now it was Misato in her head. 'Even just a little bit?'
'Stop it, both of you!' Asuka was becoming irritated. She cupped her hands over her ears in a vain attempt to drown them out.
'JUST TELL HIM.' They both said at once.
"Stop it!" She cried. "Just stop it, please."
"Asuka, what's wrong?" Shinji was facing her, holding her by her shoulders. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine! How dare you grab me like that?" She shook herself free of him. "If I want your help, I'll ask for it. Now keep walking!"
"Well if nothing's wrong, don't scare people like that," he smiled.
"Shut up and walk, moron." She countered. 'They'd stopped for so long that I thought they were gone. Why did they have to come back?'
--------------------
The bell rang just before he could slide the door open.
"You two are late," the teacher said flatly. "Again."
"I guess the newlyweds were a little busy this morning," someone snickered. The whole class broke into muffled laughter.
"Hey, who said that? Come up here and say that to my face!" Asuka demanded. No one stood up. "Cowards," she snorted.
"That's enough, all of you," the teacher said sternly. "I told you two what would happen if you were late again."
"But Maya... I mean, Ibuki-Sensei..." Asuka pleaded. Maya picked up two empty buckets.
"Fill them up," She said flatly. Asuka grunted as she snatched the bucket away from her and stormed out of the room, slamming the door.
"Sorry about that," Shinji apologized. "You know how she is."
"You don't have to apologize for her, you're not married yet." Maya winked. Shinji's face turned red as he took the second bucket.
'Why does everyone keep saying things like that?' He wondered as he walked out.
'Because something's wrong.' Rei's voice was in his head again. 'You have to fix it.'
"What are you talking about?" Shinji growled in frustration.
"All I said was how I think Maya is a lot different than when she worked at NERV," Asuka replied. "I guess you haven't noticed."
"Huh?" Shinji was confused. "Oh, no, I agree. She sure has calmed down. Remember when she used to freak out at every little thing that happened back then?" Shinji chuckled.
"Nothing 'little' ever happened back then," Asuka said quietly as she stared into her bucket of water. "Maya was normal. It was the rest of us who were so strange. Some days we thought it was all over and we acted like it was business as usual. That still bothers me, how cold everyone was; how cold I was." Shinji was taken aback. He'd never heard Asuka say anything so personal.
"But it WAS business as usual." Shinji looked up at her. "We had to save the world every day. And in the end, we were the ones to destroy it..." Shinji trailed off.
"This bucket is getting heavy," Asuka said lightly.
"Yeah..." he replied. 'You mean I was the one to destroy it.' He still felt guilty for wishing everyone away.
'Everyone wishes that sometimes,' Misato comforted. 'We all want everything to just go away for a while.'
'But I actually made everything go away,' he countered.
'It's not your fault,' Rei had returned. 'They used you.'
'But it is my fault.' He was starting to feel worse. His stomach was starting to cramp.
Suddenly his surroundings melted away, like wax trickling down the side of a candle. He could see the endless orange ocean. He could smell the sickening odor of blood. He felt the waves as they grotesquely lapped at his ankles. It almost seemed real.
"Shinji. Yoo hoo, Shinji." Asuka was waving a hand in front of his face. "Earth to Ikari..." His body straightened. His face twisted into a bewildered expression. "You dropped your bucket, stupid. It was like you turned off or something."
"Oh, sorry." He picked up his bucket just as Maya slid the door open.
"Can't you two even stand in the hall without doing something weird?" She sighed. "Go get a mop, clean this up, and come back to class."
"Thanks a lot, you idiot." Asuka muttered as they walked away. "I'm not helping you clean it up."
"I had a flashback," Shinji's tone was sullen.
"Yeah, big deal, everyone gets those sometimes. But most people don't leave orbit when they do." She said condescendingly.
"It was different," his tone was unaffected. "It was like I was there, right after the Third Impact." Asuka stopped walking. Shinji stopped a few steps ahead. "I could smell it. I could see it. I could even feel it. It felt like I was really back there. Does anything like that ever happen to you?" Asuka simply stood, her eyes wide in surprise.
"Of course not! Why would the same weird things happen to me? Not everyone is as messed up as you are." She said indignantly.
"I get them sometimes. It's been a while since the last one. They keep getting more realistic."
"Why are you telling me this?" Asuka gulped. Her tone was gentle now. It took Shinji by surprise.
"Asuka, do you ever hear Misato, or Rei, or anyone else?" He asked gently.
"Misato lives on the other side of the city, and no one's heard anything about Rei for almost two months." She responded, pretending not to know what he meant.
"I mean in your head," his tone was still soft. "Do they ever talk to you... in your head?"
"Why are you asking me this?" Her voice shook slightly.
"Because I hear them," He replied flatly. "They tell me things about myself; about other people. Answers to questions I don't know how to ask. I'm afraid I'm going crazy. I always wondered if it might be from piloting Eva. I'm asking you because I want to know if I'm crazy."
"Sometimes..." she said quietly. She sounded as if she would burst into tears if she said anymore.
"I'm sorry, Asuka. I didn't mean to..."
"No, it's ok." She interrupted. "Maybe we should find Misato and Ritsuko. They might have some answers."
"Yeah, let's do that." He said kindly. He almost lost his balance when she wrapped her arms around him from behind. Her breath was hot on the back of his shoulder.
"I'm scared, Shinji." She sobbed. He reached up and rubbed the top of her head.
"Me too."