Digital Monsters: Back In Action
By Charles Xavier
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The Return Of Acme
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"Good evening, people. May I welcome you to my new Acme Underground layer in Tokyo…I hope all of you had a safe and pleasant trip?"
An energetic Mr. Chairman glanced around at his VPs in his meeting room, all looking rather jet legged after having had to travel ten hours on an airplane to get from America to Japan. Even though they managed to get some rest during the flight, it wasn't enough to keep them awake from the tiring scheme their boss had been plotting for goodness knows how long. So far nothing had been going wrong for him, well almost…
"I assume all of you realize why we have traveled here to Japan tonight…so I won't bother explaining that. However in the meantime, only one small threat remains for Acme. And that is the anime Takeru Takaishi! We must find that boy before Eddie Valiant gets to him first; we mustn't risk having our covers blown by that pesky duck brained detective! Do you hear me?" Mr. Chairman began to go into a small fit of rage. "NOBODY is going to foil our plans tonight! We won't let the good guys win this time…NEVER!"
"Yes, sir!" The VPs nodded instantly.
"How do you suppose we will find Takeru?" Judge Doom asked, standing boldly next to Mr. Chairman. "The boy mustn't have gotten too far, even with that feather winged companion of his."
All the VPs sat forward on their chairs, rubbing their chins curiously and awaiting to hear their boss' response.
"You have a point there, Doom. But fortunately for us, I have managed to make some secret acquaintances at Toei Animation. And one of them happens to be a stinking rich anime…named PicoDevimon." He rubbed his hands together, smiling fiendishly. His VPs knew absolutely nothing of who PicoDevimon was, but they were just about to find out. "May I please have your attentions to the television monitor screen!"
Mr. Chairman turned around to the glass cinematic screen behind him and drew out the remote controls from his pockets. But once he turned it on, he was having great difficulty getting the right channels. It wasn't surprising, anyway, as he was never used to the Japanese channel systems.
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"Watashi…Watashi…"
"KEEEE-KIIII!!!!"
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Card Captor Sakura: The Sealed Card movie was being shown, where Sakura Kinomoto was bashfully finding it hard to admit something emotional to her friend, Syaoran Li. But sadly for her, Kero butted in when he found his favorite dish, cake, sitting in front of him on a table undisturbed.
"Damn Japanese programs!" Mr. Chairman saw that this obviously wasn't the right channel. So he continued to search. "Why don't they ever print on the English translations on these controls? How am I supposed to know what to press on these wretched things!"
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"MIAKAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Now the TV had switched onto 'Fushigi Yugi', where poor Yui was getting sexually assaulted. Doom and many of the VPs in the room covered their ears from her unbearable shrieking.
"GAH! I hate this show!" Mr. Chairman gritted his teeth with frustration. He was getting even more aggravated when the remotes weren't quite functioning properly; it was clear that the batteries weren't fully charged.
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"Country road…"
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The Ghibli Movie Channel was on, and to no surprise, it was showing a movie: 'Whisper of the Heart'. Everyone shut their ears again, moaning as none of them could stand listening to Shizuku singing 'Country Road' with her friend Seiji, playing a violin.
"You, over there!" Mr. Chairman glued his eyes at Acme VP Never Learning and pointed at him sternly. Never Learning gazed around the room with confusion at the other VPs, until he pointed at himself. "Yes, you!" Mr. Chairman spouted out. "Come over here and take care of this problem for me!"
Never Learning left his position and went up forth to take the remote controls from his boss' hands.
"Don't stop searching until you find a blue bowling ball creature with wings grinning right at you!"
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The Locomon Express Line was unbelievably fast, well, in Eddie's point of view anyway. It certainly made the Red Car in Hollywood look like a short lived kiddy show. The seats in the coaches in particular were comfy, with waitresses coming by every so often serving hot towels, snacks or beverages. The tickets were expensive, for a fairly short trip. But hey…everything in Tokyo had pretty high prices…this was only one out of many.
"You actually get to work like this every time?" Eddie said to Hikari, sitting just beside him.
"No…I only do this once in a while, usually when I'm with Takeru. Students in schools are dying to get this kind of treatment on trains, you know, and that goes also for some anime." Hikari turned over to the other side of her seat for one second, to see how Tailmon was doing at the window seat. "Everything all right, Tailmon?"
"Fine." Tailmon was busy reading with her nose stuck in her favorite book: Digi-Potter and the Order of Phoenixmon. "You HAVE to read this sometime, Hikari, these Digi-Potter series are just getting better and better!"
"These Digi-Potter books have really gone crazy over the Digimon lately." Hikari looked back at Eddie explaining. "I think I'll go take of read of them myself when I've got time."
Eddie wasn't too interested about books for the time being. Right now he was glued to the mini-television screen displayed in front of him.
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"Konban wa! Welcome back to the late Toei Kids Channel. I'm your host here, Lilymon. And coming up in fifteen minutes, we've got everybody's favorite little engines for all you cute kiddies out there. Yes, it's 'Trailmon the Tank Engine and Friends'. And don't forget, if any of you answer this following simple question of the day, you and two of your friends will receive free tickets to see the premiere of the most anticipated motion picture yet: 'Trailmon and the Magic Railroad'! Coming soon to theatres everywhere! So here's the question: Who was apparently accused of murdering Hayao Yamazaki? Was it a) A crazy Korean sumo b) Takeru Takaishi or c) A ferocious Chinese Panda. If you know the answer, please call this number below: that's 075-328-BAKA. Be quick and grab those movie tickets fast before they get grabbed away…but for now, let's return to two of the most immature Digimon, Gotsumon and Pumpmon!"
"Uh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh." Gotsumon was sniggering idiotically at himself, sitting on a sofa lazily like a couch potato along with Pumpmon next to him, who was only sniggering pointlessly back at him in return:
"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh."
"Huh, huh, huh…this is cool." Gotsumon said. "Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh…we've like, got own on TV show. Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh…"
"Yeah! Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh…this rocks! Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh…THIS ROCKS! Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh…but you stink!"
Gotsumon slapped Pumpmon constantly in the face silly.
"Shut up, damn it! Nobody asked for your thick headed comments! Don't make me have to kick your butt again!"
"Hey, cut it out, butt hole!" Pumpmon violently leapt onto Gotsumon got into a fight with him. Soon Pumpmon was literally sitting on his head, rubbing his bottom around his face. "Have a taste of this coming for you! Heh, heh, heh!"
'The End' icon came up suddenly and Lilymon appeared on screen before the show was to become too vulgar.
"Well, that's all we have time for Gotsumon and Pumpmon. Join them tomorrow for more incredible adventures, and who knows what they'll be up to next! 'Gotsumon and Pumpmon' has been brought to you in association with Zudomon's Zaniest Waterslide Park, Takeshi's Castle: Digimon Special, and…oh, my! My personal favorite: Cooking with Mimi Tachikawa: The Female Iron Chef!"
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"I'm amazed this channel's still running." Hikari commented. "Strangely enough, those two Digimon are getting widely popular for teenagers rather than for the kids."
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Author's Note: Can any of you guess what popular MTV program I was imitating there with Gotsumon and Pumpmon? And would any of you readers like to see more Digimon commercials, TV shows etc. in future chapters?