Title: The Twelve Days ofChristmas
By: Kibethan
Disclaimer:Let's see...what do I own? :looks around: Three...no...four empty pop cans,a pen,a preferred reader savings certificate, an eiffel 65 c.d., nope, no Gravitation or "The Twelve Days of Christmas". :sighs: somebody else owns those...As a side note, I also wasn't the first to use the "hippopotamus" thing...explanation at the bottom by the (1)...
Summary: A better name for this would probably be "The Birds". Or "The People"...Oh Gods! The people!
Half-warning: Um...nohalf-warning for this one either...
The Ninth Day of Christmas
…On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Nine ladies dancing
Eight maids-a-milking
Seven swans-a-swimming
Six geese-a-laying
Five golden rings
Four calling birds
Three French hens
Two turtledoves
And a partridge in a pear tree…
The next day, Yuki woke up with a bright smile on his face. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and there was a fresh blanket of snow on the ground. For a moment, time was suspended and he forgot about the massive amounts of gifts that Shuichi had purchased for him over the last week.
Hippopotamus…I mean, unfortunately (1), he was pulled back to reality by the massive amounts of noise coming from the rest of the house.
"Get off of me!"
"Get the hell off of me!!"
Yes, that's right. The maids were fighting. Again. After they had entered the house yesterday (after the milking), they had done nothing but fight, fight, fight.
Yesterday, it had been grating on Yuki's nerves to the point of him almost blowing up. His nice dreams had eased the tension a little, but now that he could hear them fighting again. Well…the tension just picked right back up.
Yuki stole a glace at the clock. It was six a.m. It was way too early to be up and fighting. He should've figured that the maids were up though. Early to bed, early to rise is the maid's code. Except, in their case, it was late to bed early to rise. That explains why they were so pissed off.
The fight between the two maids was starting to escalate, and Yuki soon heard palms hitting faces. He groaned and shifted to be able to get off of the bed.
Shuichi woke up when he felt the pressure change on the bed.
"Yuki?" he questioned.
"The maids are fighting again. I'm just going to go put a stop to it."
"Oh. Okay."
"Is it alright if I kick them out?" Yuki asked Shuichi.
"Yes."
Yuki hadn't been expecting that answer, but he was quite pleased to hear it. Either Shuichi wasn't awake enough to know what he was saying, or he was starting to get as annoyed at the maids as he was.
Plus, if he kicked out the maids, there was a good chance that he would get rid of the cows too. (He had forgotten about them, but was reminded when he heard a "moo".)
He slowly walked down the hall, walking over all the birds, and into the room that the maids were fighting in. He walked in just in time to see one of the maids tackle another one. From that tackle came a lot more tackles, and soon Yuki was looking upon the sight of maids throwing themselves at one another.
"Ladies! Ladies!" he called out. It was no use; they were completely deaf to his shouts. He came to the conclusion that they wouldn't have been able to hear anything that he had to say. Therefore, he did the next best thing. He marched right into the fight and started pulling women off of women.
He might be afraid of getting pecked by geese, but getting hit by women was something that didn't bother him at all. They were way too weak.
These women were especially weak. Supposedly they were strong because they came from a farm. When you looked at their arms though…well…they were just plain weak!
Once he had gotten a fair amount of them apart, he tried once again to get them to pay attention to him.
"LADIES!" he practically screamed at the top of his lungs. This time, they actually heard him and started paying attention. "I want all of you out now!" The ladies looked surprised.
"But…why?" one of them asked heartbrokenly. Yuki was taken aback. Was she that stupid to want to live in a house that was overrun by birds? Was she that stupid that she didn't realize that she was driving the master of the house insane?
"Because you're driving me crazy! Now all of you get out!" he screamed again. Instead of getting the desired reaction of them leaving, however, all of them decided to jump on him.
"But! Yuki! We love you!" they all screamed together like fan girls. Yuki wasn't sure what to do. His body was telling him though to get them the hell of his him so that was what he tried to do.
I say tried, because it was actually a very difficult task. Can you imagine trying to pull eight women off of yourself? It was a hearty task, and hippopotamus (sorry, couldn't resist)…I mean…unfortunately, Yuki wasn't in the best shape possible. He was starting to regret all the cigarettes that he'd ever had in his life.
Fortunately, Shuichi came to his rescue.
"Get OFF of him!" he screamed at the women. Sure, he had been the one that had let them into Yuki's apartment, but when women start jumping all over his lover he gets pissed. He launched himself at them and with strength that Yuki didn't know that Shuichi possessed, managed to rip each and every one of the girls off of Yuki.
"Why are you protecting him?" one of the maids asked. "Are you, like, gay or something?"
Yuki coughed loudly. Were these women really that stupid? Did they not realize that two men who live in the same house and sleep in the bed are most likely gay?
"Yes," he said, throwing his arms around Shuichi's shoulders, "we are gay."
Four of the girls ran out screaming, "AHHHH!!!! You're going to go straight to hell!!!!" (3)
The other four girls swore, "Damnit! It's always the cute ones that are gay, too! No fair!" They slowly sauntered out of the room with their heads hanging down.
Yuki and Shuichi looked at each other in shock. It had taken a lot less than they thought it would take to get ride of them. They each picked themselves up off of the floor and walked into the living room.
Yuki swore when he saw what was still in there.
"Shit!!! They forgot to take their cows with them!" How they could forget, he would never be able to figure out. Perhaps they'd be by later to pick them up. He highly doubted that though. Half of them had been so sad about them being gay that they were probably too sad to come by.
The other half was too disgusted at them for being gay.
"What are we going to do with them?" Shuichi asked.
"I don't know, it was your brilliant idea in the first place. Where did you get them from?"
"They came with the maids!"
"Then where did you get the maids from?" Yuki asked. Shuichi put his hand to the chin and tried to think. "Don't hurt yourself thinking too hard," Yuki said dryly.
"I got them from a farm. They delivered."
"Is there any way we can possibly give them back to the farm."
"Why?" Shuichi asked, instantly sad, "Do you not like your gift?" Yuki was dying to say that he absolutely hated it, because that would've been the truth. He had even started to say it, but one look at Shuichi's face and his words died on his lips. He just couldn't be that mean to him.
"No, no. I like it. It's just that, if you think logically, the cows can just not stay here. There isn't enough room and we don't have enough food…" he was going to continue, but he could see that his point was starting to make it's way into Shuichi's brain so he stopped.
"Alright, I'll give the farm a call."
They were very lucky and a few hours later, a truck with a horse trailer (it would be carrying cows, though) pulled up. With some difficulty, they loaded up all of the cows into the trailer.
"Thank you so much for agreeing to buy the cows back," Shuichi told the farmer.
"Oh. It's no big deal. I'm actually glad that you offered. I didn't realize how much I needed them until today," the farmer said through the driver's side window. He drove away.
Somehow, Yuki wasn't sure how, the house just seemed kind of emptier without the cows in there. It was silly to think, because there were still all of those birds, but with it having been so full it just seemed weird.
Hippopotamus…it was still a day of Christmas, which meant that eventually he was going to be getting another weird messed up present, plus everything he had gotten the day before.
Yuki still didn't know about the whole "twelve days of Christmas" thing, but he did figure out that each day he got the same things that he had gotten the day before plus something else.
He also knew that he was going to be getting something that day, too, because Shuichi had told him a couple of days ago.
That's why he was afraid, once again, to open the door when he heard the doorbell ring. He just knew that right outside there would be eight cows. Everything could stay outside for all that he cared. He personally hoped that the stray cats that were outside would eat everything.
Yet, once again, his hopes came crashing down as Shuichi opened the door. The first things in were nine ladies; they were all dancing to music that was going on in their heads. Yuki was a little bit worried because one of them looked like they were having a seizure (2).
Everything else walked in, and once again, Yuki was disgusted as eight maids (different from the ones before), milked eight different cows. He was going to have to go through the whole fight thing again, he just knew it.
He also looked away as the six geese-a-laying laid their eggs. He was a little bit disturbed, though, by the seven new swans. There wasn't really any room left in the pool in the living room, so the seven swans were just standing there. Every once in a while they were move one of their feet as if paddling.
They were pretending to swim. It was really funny, as well as the disturbing that he had thought earlier. The swans were obviously in denial about not being in water.
Yuki sat down exactly where he was and just started thinking, wondering what he was going to get tomorrow.
Was it going to be as messed up as all the other gifts that he had gotten?
Probably.
End "The Ninth Day of Christmas"
(1) Okay, last night while I was writing this chapter it was late. Writer's block cursed me, so I started reading another fanfiction. Hippopotamus used as unfortunately is from the fanfic: "Seven Guys, One Girl, and One ! Elevator" by: Lady of the Wolves. It's a hilarious story...Yu-gi-oh...anyway yeah, I was just giving credit where credit is due...
(2) If you want to imagine this, just download Gackt's "oasis" video. You'd see what I mean by dancing like their having a seizure...
(3) Added during editing...I actually had someone (a sort of friend, more like an acquaintance, because I hate him) tell me this...made me start crying. You would too if the the first thing the popped into your head was Shuichi right after he got raped saying something to the effect of "Is it so bad? Why should it matter if it's a guy I love?..."
Okay!!! I FINISHED!!! This chapter anyway. There's still three days left. You know what that means? Three days until Christmas. :starts hyperventilating: I still have some gifts to buy...ahh!!!
Well...onto a review of reviews:
Shuuichi-chan: You can do whatever you want with it! Here! Yuki-plushie for you!, Elements: Yay! I'm so glad that you liked! Yami plushie for you! :drools: I want a Yami plushie..., Shirubaa Kitsune: Geese are funny like that, they seriously attack for almost no reason at all, be careful around geese. Inuyasha plushie for you!, Kanasua-angst-angst-angst: Wow...I'm glad that you liked! Hiro plushie for you, goku-the-saru: To go with the Gackt plushie...hmm...would you rather have Hyde, or Masa?, AnimeLover4ever-ever: Yay! I'm glad that you like it! Since you don't have a bio, random plushie for you...Hatsuharu from Fruits Basket..., robuddi: MUWAHAHAHA Freud plushie for you!, Syaoran is kawaii: I LOVE GACKT!!! He's so cute...if not a bit feminine. Syaoran plushie for you..., Notta Writer: You should go to , and then look under images. Be careful, though,one of the first three pictures is a nude picture...Shuichi plushie for you, Queen ofthe Paperclips: Well...he doesn't really want to waste all that much money...Jou in puppy form plushie for you...,Kitty in the Box: It...fizzled out...why...how? Not possible!! Here. A gackt plushie for you to get you to like him again!, Soralover1: Yes...possibly...Hiro plushie for you!, Tricksters Girl: I'm going crazy. Random plushie for you! Spike from Cowboy Bebop!
That's it! Sorry it's so long...maybetomorrow it won't be...
I'm too lazy to write anything inJapanese today. I'm going to see "A Series of Unfortunate Events" today. I know it got kind of panned, but I like the books, so gotta support the movie.On the upside....HARRY POTTER IS COMING OUT IN JULY!!!!!!!:SCREAMS: I'm so happy!
Until tomorrow...
Ki-chan, who still loves Gackt very, very much!