An Azumanga Christmas Carol

Chapter 3b

Kaori was not a big fan of Gaelic music, but that was the type of music Yotsuba was into at this moment. She was very curious of the world around her, and for some reason, today was the day that Gaelic music became her genre. Yukari and the spirit could hear the music of a band called Gaelic Storm. They were a band that originated in California, but where a majority of their members hail from England and Ireland. The interesting quirk to the infatuation was that Yotsuba's pigtails swayed to the music, too. Perhaps Yotsuba was really Irish? The family was left to assume where Yotsuba's true origins were, as her deceased father, too, was an adopted parent. Kaori and Sakaki were the second and third parents for her.

What also was in her little bedroom that she shared with Ena was a UFO catcher doll shaped like a certain girl with certain brown pigtails and a smile so equivalent to hers. She would play this doll with Juliana, Ena's little doll. Miura would also join in the fun, although he was more into the N64 set that was bought at the thrift shop. He had conquered Super Mario 64 65 times already, and he never got tired of swinging a lizard that spewed fire around and around like a record.

"Turn that down, Yotsuba,' the mother with the short hairdo said to her upstairs.

Fuuka, meanwhile, was Kaori's assistant in cooking, cleaning, and also doubled as a little bit of a nanny to the younger three kids. She was in her last year of high school, but she could not find a place to work yet. She hoped that her time would come very soon after Center exams. Perhaps with the placement in one of the tops universities in Japan she would pull the family out of a hole.

Kaori Aida, meanwhile, had given up on her college pursuit, and focused instead on being a housewife. She tried her hand at being an OL, but to no avail as she was fired after three weeks by someone fresher. Sighing, she prepared the ramen as Fuuka prepared the sushi and miso soup. They didn't have much, so they went with the cheapest, yet filling materials they could afford. They were struggling like you wouldn't believe. A sympathetic touch leapt out of Yukari's mind for a bit, even shedding a little tear.

"Dear god," Kaori said, looking around, "where is my Sakakikins? She should be here, with that darn cute cat Maya. He's such a cutesy sweetie-pie. And where's Asagi? She should be here by now!"

"Here I am, kaa-san," said a tall girl walking into the room, who was also adopted by Kaori and Sakaki. Asagi, Fuuka, and Ena Ayase's parents died in a car crash heading home 3 years ago, and since then, they had been making themselves at home at this small cottage which had the bare bones of luxuries.

"There's Ayase, kaa-san," Yotsuba and Ena said coming down the stairs. "Yay! Is the dinner ready yet, Asagi?"

"I'm not sure. Is it ready?"

"Not yet," Kaori said. "It will take a little longer to get it done. And Asagi! Thank goodness you're here. I was a bit worried."

"I just went outside to play in the snow with Miura, that's all."

"I see. Well, go ahead and kick back, the four of you. And keep that Irish music low, Yotsuba. You hear me?"

"Okay Mommy!" she replied in a high-pitched, spirited voice. Yukari let out a little "Awwww, she's my favorite," as the Spirit gave her a weird expression.

"Hey," Ena said, "Dad's coming!"

"You mean our other mom," Miura said, walking in, frowning with a pout. "I hate having two moms. It's so…haremous!"
"Haremous…is that a real word?" Yotsuba asked.

"That doesn't matter," Ena shot back. "Quick, Asagi, hide!"

Asagi hid herself pretty well, at least nowhere from where Sakaki was seeing, when she walked in, donning her rather shabby, but decent business outfit of a long jacket, a blouse under a sweater, pants, and cheap Valerie Stevens shoes.

Maya was on her shoulder. The poor cat had a cast on its left arm, and could not move. He used to be a rather frisky kitten, going back when Sakaki was a high school senior. She had been with Maya ever since. But this time, he was hurt, and the cast made it hard for him to move. Sakaki had to carry him on her shoulder every time. He wasn't too heavy, but Sakaki had a very soft side for cats, Maya in particular. She didn't want to see cats hurt, and she loved Maya with all her heart and soul, as if he were another son. Maya rubbed his head on Sakaki's neck, and purred lovingly.

"Hey, my little Kaori," asked Sakaki to her wife preparing dinner, "where's Asagi?"

"Not coming," she replied rather solemnly.

Sakaki was stunned. "Not coming? Not coming on Christmas Day!?" Sakaki was on the brink of tears when Asagi went over and hugged her taller mother, who laughed rather brightly. The large wok of fried chicken could be heard hissing and crackling on the stove, as well as a small pizza made from scratch. Even though there were only 7 pieces of the bird prepared and made, all of them thighs, it was barely filling enough to support this starving clan.

"And how did little Maya behave, my little Sakakirino?" Kaori said, leaning over for a kiss.

"As good as ever," she replied, returning a kiss back and smiling, "and much better. He always meows for his lunch, and he also seems to enjoy the grass on our lawn. God, she loves our grass so much, it her food source every day. He hoped that people saw him in our temple, because he was a crippled pet, and that it might be pleasant to them to remember Christmas Day, who made kitten purr for pleasure, and dogs lick for fun. God, that's so awesome." She let out a rather girlish sigh as she blushed in joy.

Kaori let out a sweatdrop as she laughed in slight embarrassment. This was the first time Sakaki let out her emotions this much. Normally she was restrained every day. But when the holidays came calling, nothing but fun, fun, fun came from her lips. And nothing was held back.

Ena took Maya and placed him on a pillow, where he was fed with his dinner. He munched with a smile, Fuuka and Yotsuba taking the chicken and setting it on a plate with the pizza. It wasn't high quality chicken, but it has some flavor and taste, and that and the pizza were bought from the freezer section of a small supermarket on the outskirts of town. Miura set the chairs as the others took the other dishes-the sushi, miso soup and ramen-and placed them on the table. Asagi also took the silverware and plates and set them in the American banquet arrangement…or at least she tried to.

At last, everything was set, and the family took their seats. Saying grace (the family had converted to the Catholic faith, though Yotsuba considered becoming Mormon or Presbyterian before following suit) became a mainstay before each meal, and then everyone took a piece of the chicken, which was met with rather bright admiration and applause.

And then the pizza! Oh, and how flavorful and great the pizza was. Though it was small, each and every one of the family took a piece, and a simple combination of the crust, tomato sauce and mozzarella was good to suffice smiles from everyone's face, even Master Yotsuba's. Her face rendered a slight mess in her consumption, too.

After dinner was done, the family drank from a bowl a punch that Kaori made with Fuuka and Asagi's help. The base: fruit punch and water. The other ingredients: cinnamon, peppermint, nutmeg, lemon slices, orange juice, and a kettle to heat the concoction of Wassail up. There was more than enough to go around, but Yotsuba drank up a good deal of the Wassail punch.

"A Meri Kurisumasu to everyone, my dear Kaori, Kami-sama bless us!"

Maya meowed loudly as the family echoed in unison.

"Kami-sama bless us, minna-san!" Yotsuba added spiritedly.

"Spirit," said Yukari, in a hurried notion of slightish panic, "tell me if Maya will live."

Putting her hands on her head and concentrating as if she were making a charm to protect her, the Spirit then said, "I see a vacant pillow, in the corner of the living room, and a cast, preserved, intact. If these shadows remain unchanged by the future, the cat will die."

Yukari, taken back said, "Son'na! Please Spirit, say he will live."

"If this is unchanged by the Future, which is beyond my control, my race will find him here. Besides, he's probably best thrown off a bridge or a building to make the country less crowded!"

Yukari hung her head. "Crud. Just crud. My words….they backfired on me."

"Miss Yukari," the spirit said, "if you know better, you can't be saying that type of stuff if you don't really know what crowded is, and where it mostly takes place. Are you going to be the one that decides who shall live or die by their leaps from high places? Well?" Yukari was silent. "You know what? If that's the case, Miss Yukari, you sure aren't fit to live better off than this poor pika-meow-meow that you're seein'!"

Yukari paled out, and trembled even more. Her words to those St. George girls really backfired on her this time. And she had no one to blame but herself.

"Miss Yukari," said Sakaki, holding a glass, "To Miss Yukari Tanizaki, the Founder of our Feast!"

"The Founder of the Feast my ass," said Kaori, her fist clenched. "I wish I had her here. I'd give her a piece of my sucker punch to feast upon, and I hope she had a good appetite for some blood!"

"Kaori-chan, the children? Christmas Day?"

"Oh, it sure should be Christmas Day…on which one drinks to the health of someone so intoxicated, insane, and emotionally unacceptable to society as Yukari Tanizaki," Kaori ranted. "I don't even know why you had to work for her again, Rie! You should have worked for some other teacher, or worked in a cubicle."

"But…Christmas Day…"

As Sakaki and Kaori got on a small one-sided argument, Ena asked Fuuka, "Hey, who's this Yukari Tanizaki?"

Fuuka replied, "Oh, her? She's a high school teacher that teaches at this very high-class school not too far from here. Our moms were former students of hers, and living alumni."

"Oooooh!" said Yotsuba, eyes widening and sparkling with glee. "She must be one fun teacher."

The Asagi sisters rolled their eyes, saying in unison, "You'd think…"

"Huh?"

Fuuka added, "Actually, she's one scary teacher. She's like a witch."

"Oooooh…I love witches…BOOGIDY BOOGIDY BOOO!" Fuuka and Ena laughed embarrassingly.

"Excuse me," Miura said, drinking more punch, "but did I miss something?"

The girls said, "N-n-nothing!"

"Oh."

Kaori ended the one-sided argument, saying, "I'll drink to him for you sake and the day's, but not for hers. Long life to her. A Meri Kurisumau and a Happy New Year. She'll be very merry, happy, and whatever, that's for sure!"
The children drank the toast silently, Maya lapping a little of the punch that remained. The night was left for Kaori and Sakaki to talk about stories. "Say Yotsuba-chan," Sakaki said, "have you ever thought about being an idol?"

"Idol? What's that?" she asked.

"It's a popular person that sings, makes records, and has a cool, cute image," Ena said. "Idols rock!"

"Funny," Miura said, "I thought they were cute high school girls wearing nothing but bras and pantsu!" He received a huge bump in the head from Mother Kaori for saying that. Nonetheless, his nose was in due need of a fixing, as it was losing blood like a river. He only smiled as his pride was swimming in the gutter like a wandering three-eyed fish.

"Well, anyway," Sakaki said, "do you want to be an idol, Yotsuba-chan?"

Her eyes widened. "OK!" The family laughed at the remark. High ambitions, at least for this family, were harder to come by. As well as better clothes. The wardrobe they had was decent, but was in due need of as makeover, as well as a washing down.

The hour grew dark as the snow continued to pour down on the Tokyo streets. The music was still playing. A distant techno tune by a not-so-recognized band in the past called Animotion began blaring from the speakers. People were rolling in the snow on the sidewalks, and more snowmen could be seen around every corner.

Yukari and the Spirit, without warning, now stood in a dark and polluted part of Tokyo, where advertisements for rather beautiful girls were advertised for sex, and where men upon men spent their money on, some betraying old partnerships for new ones, all for the befriending demon called lust.

"What place is this?" asked Yukari

"A place where Gentlemen of all persuasions, young and old, come to be entertained," the Spirit said, "But they know who I am. Take a look!"

Inside one of the clubs, a young girl, 13 years of age, wore nothing more than a red bikini bedecked with white fur and sparkles. The guys let out a wild howl as the young girl gyrated and sat on one of the guys, who lost blood so bad, he immediately was taken to the hospital on a gurney. She only smiled as she began to take off her top in front of the guys, exposing her developed…

As the men whose minds were mashed in the sewer continued howl and lose more erythrocytes, Yukari held on to the Spirits robe, and soon after, was found standing on the rocks of a port many miles away from the city. The night, combined with the loud thrashing of waves, lightning and thunder, became a deafening book in Yukari ears. She became frightened at the sight and wonder of such a horrible place.

Two men, walking on the jagged beach, wished each other a Merry Christmas as they drank cheep bootleg liquor from China. Actually, it tasted much like moonshine. Heck, it was.

The Spirit continued on as they were back on land, next to a rather chic building. What Yukari did not realize was that inside the building, a few people were talking in the hatch below. The building was, of course, Café Fribourg.

Nyamo was laughing crazily, "Bwahahahahahah! She said that Christmas was a baka, and she believed it, too!"

"More shame for her, Minamo-chan!" Yukari's nephew said blatantly as he laughed along. He was a tall, stocky, yet slender figure. He was a man that was waiting to have a partner. A slicked-back hairdo, a small soul patch, a mouth was waiting for its first kiss…he was every girl's dream, and they did not know it.

"Yukari's a pretty funny person, and yet, she's not as pleasant to be with. But what she does, she has to pay, and that just how it goes."

"Well, she has a lot of alcohol on her shelf. At least that's what I heard."

"Whatever, darling. Her booze is of no use to her. It doesn't do her good. And she doesn't think we're gonna benefit from it, either."

"But Minamo, you drink too, right?" said Eiko, sipping wine.

"Well, not as much as Yukari. She drinks to excess. Every friggin' day!"

"I have no patience with someone like her." Yukari's other nephews agreed with this. Yukari had 4 nephews to her credit, all sober, nodding. At least until they sipped some Cabernet Sauvignon from the San Joaquin Valley.

"Well I do," defended Nyamo. "I feel so bad for someone like Yukari! Who suffers by her own ignorance? Her, of course. And she takes it into her heart to not like us, and not come and dine with us."

"Well," Eiko said, "She does lose a very good dinner." The nephews agreed.

"I'm glad to hear it," Nyamo said, "because I haven't gotten great faith in these young, middle-aged chefs. What do you say, Monsieur Tetsu?"

Tetsu, the Osakan chef waited who had a French tone to what he said, had gotten an eye on one of the sister of Scrooge's nephews who had rather large…She blushed a little bit, for she was a virgin. "Anosa…"

"Do go on, Minamo," Yukari's nephew interrupted, "He never finishes what he begins t say. He's such a bonklish fellow!"

"Bonklish!?" Nyamo exclaimed. "Where did you find the type of word?"

"The Dictionary Straight To Your Heart." The group laughed at the remark. Nyamo blushed.

She then said, "I was only saying that the result of Yukari now having dinner with us is losing some rather…good times, which are by no means important to her. I am sure she also loses some very good friends. And yet, I give her the same chance to have her dine with us, whether she like it or not. I pity Yukari, really. If she can allow to leave her fellow assistant 5,000, even 10,000, yen, that would be something, and I think I got her to do that yesterday."

"Sure you did," one of Yukari's other nephews said, as the rest of them laughed as well.

After their dinner, a small band played some rather classic enka tunes, with a vielle, a fiddle, and some good harmony. Tetsu, who didn't have much of a voice, joined in, and after that, a karaoke session came into place. Actually, Tetsu had a voice that would make Raffi Cavoukian cry like a baby in Antibes.

Nyamo outdid the competition in karaoke. She didn't know why she would be able to do something like unleashing such a sweet, angelic tone. A young man's nose might bleed profusely at the sound of something as lyrical as Nyamo's singing. It was a wonderful scene.

"Please, oh kind and loving spirit, can I stay?" asked Yukari.

"Sorry, but I can't do that," she responded tersely, shaking her head.

An hour into the karaoke session, Nyamo replied, "Miss Yukari has amused us to the point that I can die laughing. And it would be disrespectful not to drink to her health. To this beer, we raise a toast to your Aunt Yukari!"

"To Aunt Yukari!" they cried.

"A Meri Kurisumasu and a Happy New Year to the little hag, whoever she is," said Yukari's niece. "I could care less, but here's to Aunt Yukari!"

"TO AUNT YUKARI!" cried the congregation.

Yukari would have thanked them in spirit, but it was over in the flash of an eye, and she and the ghost were again on their travels.

Yukari and the Spirit trudged on, navigating the rest of Asia, Africa, and perhaps Europe in a flash. People in villages dying, but still happy. Soldiers from a nation viewed by the rest of the world as tyrants celebrating amidst gunfire. UNICEF, the Red Cross and Red Crescent donating food and gifts to the disabled and destitute. As they returned back to Tokyo, Yukari noticed that the Spirit's hair had turned grey.

"Do Spirits like you have short lives?" asked Yukari.

"Yes, and they are very brief," she replied. "Mine's ends tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yes, at midnight. The Hour is drawing near."

"Oh, and pardon me for asking, but there seems to be something hanging from your skirts. Is it a kid, or a vegetable?"
"Actually, it may be something else." She the two items, which looked dirty, ragged, dismembered on the verge of being disintegrated. Yukari was stunned at such an unusual, and yet so appalling, sight.

"Spirit," Yukari said, starting back, are these yours?

"These are Everybody's." The Ghost then gave a stoic explanation that turned into a proclamation made for Hollywood. "See this hawk? This is Violence. And this rotten eggplant here? This is Lust. Fear them both! Fear, fear, fear! But most of all, beware this Hawk, for it says on its right wing the number 666, and on its left wing the word Armageddon. Deny this!" She outstretched her hands, still holding the items. "Slander those who bring these to you! Admit that this is what you do, and you add more to the bigger problem, and wait for the end of the world to come! Fear it! Fear Fear Fear!!! Ahahahahahahaah!"

"Don't they have a place for them to go!?" cried Yukari, tears streaming down her eyes.

"Are there no sweatshops? Are there no nightclubs and brothels?"

"No, my words backfired on me like I'd never believe," she said, as the ghost laughed wildly again into the wind, and it disappeared.

The bell struck twelve. Yukari realized the prediction Kimura's ghost laid on her and lifting up her eyes, a giant white flattened plush cat with big, yet ominous black eyes and a mouth come forward, raising its right hand silently.

End Chapter 3b