Chapter Three
Note: Some of the dialogue that appears in this chapter is not my own, but belongs to Carla Kettner, the writer of the Early Edition episode "Fate".
He remembered feeling the intense pain as the collapsed debris buried him. God, he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. And then...
Nothing.
Was he dead? The Paper said that he was supposed to die.
But life surged through him. He felt it. His fingers flickered underneath the rubble. Somehow he was able to pull himself out of the mountains of destruction that covered him.
Then he saw an intense light. And a man illuminated by the glare.
"Lousy day to die. Sure you want to do this?" The old man inquired.
"You brought me here."
"In my experience, we all get pretty much where we want to go. Having a problem with that paper, aren't you?"
"I can't do this anymore."
"Why is that?"
"Because someone died."
"And you decided that made it your turn. I've been there."
"No. No you haven't. No one's been there."
"If you wanna go on, you have to accept the responsibility. And the loss."
"Why? I didn't ask for it. I don't want it. Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning and know what's going to happen? I don't want to know. I don't want to care. I just, I just want to wake up one morning and not know. Please, I just. just. I just. I just want to wake up."
"The choice is yours. Always has been. Time to accept that."
* * * * * *
Kathryn sat up in the bed and wrapped her arms around Daddy's neck. She hugged him tightly. The hug lasted longer than usual. She shivered slightly. She acted as if she didn't want to let him go.
"Wow! What was that for?" Gary asked curiously.
"I'm making you a memory so you won't forget me." The precocious six-year- old replied.
"Forget you?"
Kathryn nodded. "Yes, when I leave you, Garrett, and Mommy and go home to the angels."
"That won't be for a very long time."
"No, Daddy. Soon. But I'm not afraid." Kathryn answered knowingly.
* * * * * *
Garrett realized why Dad blamed himself for Kathryn's death. It was because Dad knew that it was going to happen and somehow he couldn't stop it. With heavy emotion, Dad relived that painful day. There was a story in the Paper about a drunken man killed in a bar during a brawl. Dad had reached the bar, prevented the fight, and told the bartender to make sure that the man went home in a cab. Instead, the guy ended up in a car. It was that car, driven by the man Dad had saved earlier, that had struck and killed Kathryn. Dad had saved a life and that life had killed his daughter. Dad saw the story in the Paper about Kathryn's death, he rushed to the scene to save her, but he was too late. He had saved many people over the years, but he couldn't save his own daughter. The floodgates to Gary's pain and guilt opened and he cried. Garrett had never seen his Dad cry like that before. He walked towards Dad and hugged him tightly, comforting his father with his touch and his words. Dad's body was shaking. He told Dad not to blame himself. He had saved a life. Kathryn would have been very proud of him. And he was very proud to be his son.
* * * * *
A nurse brought the baby into the room. He was so tiny, so fragile looking. "He won't break." The nurse assured as she directed Gary to the chair next to Jennifer's bed. He sat down on the chair and cradled his son in his arms. Jessica smiled. She left the room to allow Gary this private time with his son. Looking down at the face of his son, Gary felt overwhelmed by emotion. The baby had a head of dark hair like his father and his mother's nose. Jeff was right- Gary felt such incredible love for this tiny person he had helped create. He never believed he could love anyone so much or be as happy as he was at this moment. Caressing his son's face, Gary whispered, "I love you, Garrett." The powerful emotions he felt manifested in the tears that streamed effortlessly down his face. His son. His dream of becoming a father had finally become a reality. Another destiny fulfilled.
* * * * * *
"Time goes by so quickly. I can remember the day that this picture was taken. You were just six months old. Look at you now. A grown man. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of the kind of man that you have become. I know that things haven't been easy. That it's not easy with you handling The Paper and going to school. I never wanted you to have that burden, The Paper."
"I know, Dad. But I don't mind, really. You've given your life to helping people. Now it's time for you to have your life back again. Now it's my turn."
* * * * * *
The tiny glimmer of light from the flashlight and the soft cries of Cat were his beacons as Gary fought the darkness and the steady shower of debris in search of his son. And if his memories were meant to be a comfort during this hour of need, they had instead become mocking tormentors reminding him of the tests that he had endured at the Paper's whim. Tests that he had failed. For years, he struggled with his guilt in not being able to save Jeremiah. For years and in countless dreams, he was back on that rooftop. He could feel Jeremiah's hand slipping from his grip. And Jeremiah's face, his eyes fulls of fear as he plunged to his death, were forever burned into Gary's brain.
There were other memories that tortured him. The thought of Jennifer and their baby teetering between life and death following her fall down the loft stairs. The doctor telling him that an emergency C-section was necessary to save Jennifer and the baby's life, but then asking him if the surgery could only save one, which one-his wife or his child- would he choose? It was an unfair choice. A choice that no one should ever have to make. And as he sat there in the hospital chapel, he prayed that he hadn't signed his unborn child's death warrant.
Then, Jennifer and Garrett's lives were placed in danger while he was out answering the Paper's call, helping strangers to whom he had no connection. Years later, the Paper had sent him to a bar to save a life and because of his actions, his daughter had been killed. The overwhelming grief and guilt he experienced after Kathryn's death was hundred times worse than the emotions he confronted when Jeremiah's died. So many months in a dark hole of loss. He had pushed everyone- Jennifer, Garrett, his parents, friends- everyone- away. It took a long time for the pain to dull, but it never went away.
And now, the Paper had taken him in a cruel circle. Somehow Gary knew that Garrett was in this building because of the Paper, because he was trying to save someone. When he spoke to his son this morning and asked about the saves (whether this Christmas day had offered a light load), Garrett hesitated briefly before answering, then, with a nervous laugh, the boy uttered an unconvincing "sure". His son never was a very good liar.
The light from the small flashlight grew faint.
"Meow!"
Gary followed the sound of Cat's cry. Garrett was alive. Gary knew that. He couldn't lose another child. He wouldn't.
Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him for in the distance, Gary thought that he saw an intense light.
Note: Some of the dialogue that appears in this chapter is not my own, but belongs to Carla Kettner, the writer of the Early Edition episode "Fate".
He remembered feeling the intense pain as the collapsed debris buried him. God, he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. And then...
Nothing.
Was he dead? The Paper said that he was supposed to die.
But life surged through him. He felt it. His fingers flickered underneath the rubble. Somehow he was able to pull himself out of the mountains of destruction that covered him.
Then he saw an intense light. And a man illuminated by the glare.
"Lousy day to die. Sure you want to do this?" The old man inquired.
"You brought me here."
"In my experience, we all get pretty much where we want to go. Having a problem with that paper, aren't you?"
"I can't do this anymore."
"Why is that?"
"Because someone died."
"And you decided that made it your turn. I've been there."
"No. No you haven't. No one's been there."
"If you wanna go on, you have to accept the responsibility. And the loss."
"Why? I didn't ask for it. I don't want it. Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning and know what's going to happen? I don't want to know. I don't want to care. I just, I just want to wake up one morning and not know. Please, I just. just. I just. I just want to wake up."
"The choice is yours. Always has been. Time to accept that."
* * * * * *
Kathryn sat up in the bed and wrapped her arms around Daddy's neck. She hugged him tightly. The hug lasted longer than usual. She shivered slightly. She acted as if she didn't want to let him go.
"Wow! What was that for?" Gary asked curiously.
"I'm making you a memory so you won't forget me." The precocious six-year- old replied.
"Forget you?"
Kathryn nodded. "Yes, when I leave you, Garrett, and Mommy and go home to the angels."
"That won't be for a very long time."
"No, Daddy. Soon. But I'm not afraid." Kathryn answered knowingly.
* * * * * *
Garrett realized why Dad blamed himself for Kathryn's death. It was because Dad knew that it was going to happen and somehow he couldn't stop it. With heavy emotion, Dad relived that painful day. There was a story in the Paper about a drunken man killed in a bar during a brawl. Dad had reached the bar, prevented the fight, and told the bartender to make sure that the man went home in a cab. Instead, the guy ended up in a car. It was that car, driven by the man Dad had saved earlier, that had struck and killed Kathryn. Dad had saved a life and that life had killed his daughter. Dad saw the story in the Paper about Kathryn's death, he rushed to the scene to save her, but he was too late. He had saved many people over the years, but he couldn't save his own daughter. The floodgates to Gary's pain and guilt opened and he cried. Garrett had never seen his Dad cry like that before. He walked towards Dad and hugged him tightly, comforting his father with his touch and his words. Dad's body was shaking. He told Dad not to blame himself. He had saved a life. Kathryn would have been very proud of him. And he was very proud to be his son.
* * * * *
A nurse brought the baby into the room. He was so tiny, so fragile looking. "He won't break." The nurse assured as she directed Gary to the chair next to Jennifer's bed. He sat down on the chair and cradled his son in his arms. Jessica smiled. She left the room to allow Gary this private time with his son. Looking down at the face of his son, Gary felt overwhelmed by emotion. The baby had a head of dark hair like his father and his mother's nose. Jeff was right- Gary felt such incredible love for this tiny person he had helped create. He never believed he could love anyone so much or be as happy as he was at this moment. Caressing his son's face, Gary whispered, "I love you, Garrett." The powerful emotions he felt manifested in the tears that streamed effortlessly down his face. His son. His dream of becoming a father had finally become a reality. Another destiny fulfilled.
* * * * * *
"Time goes by so quickly. I can remember the day that this picture was taken. You were just six months old. Look at you now. A grown man. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of the kind of man that you have become. I know that things haven't been easy. That it's not easy with you handling The Paper and going to school. I never wanted you to have that burden, The Paper."
"I know, Dad. But I don't mind, really. You've given your life to helping people. Now it's time for you to have your life back again. Now it's my turn."
* * * * * *
The tiny glimmer of light from the flashlight and the soft cries of Cat were his beacons as Gary fought the darkness and the steady shower of debris in search of his son. And if his memories were meant to be a comfort during this hour of need, they had instead become mocking tormentors reminding him of the tests that he had endured at the Paper's whim. Tests that he had failed. For years, he struggled with his guilt in not being able to save Jeremiah. For years and in countless dreams, he was back on that rooftop. He could feel Jeremiah's hand slipping from his grip. And Jeremiah's face, his eyes fulls of fear as he plunged to his death, were forever burned into Gary's brain.
There were other memories that tortured him. The thought of Jennifer and their baby teetering between life and death following her fall down the loft stairs. The doctor telling him that an emergency C-section was necessary to save Jennifer and the baby's life, but then asking him if the surgery could only save one, which one-his wife or his child- would he choose? It was an unfair choice. A choice that no one should ever have to make. And as he sat there in the hospital chapel, he prayed that he hadn't signed his unborn child's death warrant.
Then, Jennifer and Garrett's lives were placed in danger while he was out answering the Paper's call, helping strangers to whom he had no connection. Years later, the Paper had sent him to a bar to save a life and because of his actions, his daughter had been killed. The overwhelming grief and guilt he experienced after Kathryn's death was hundred times worse than the emotions he confronted when Jeremiah's died. So many months in a dark hole of loss. He had pushed everyone- Jennifer, Garrett, his parents, friends- everyone- away. It took a long time for the pain to dull, but it never went away.
And now, the Paper had taken him in a cruel circle. Somehow Gary knew that Garrett was in this building because of the Paper, because he was trying to save someone. When he spoke to his son this morning and asked about the saves (whether this Christmas day had offered a light load), Garrett hesitated briefly before answering, then, with a nervous laugh, the boy uttered an unconvincing "sure". His son never was a very good liar.
The light from the small flashlight grew faint.
"Meow!"
Gary followed the sound of Cat's cry. Garrett was alive. Gary knew that. He couldn't lose another child. He wouldn't.
Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him for in the distance, Gary thought that he saw an intense light.