Welcome to a very random and excessively strange story. Read on if you dare. Sorry about short chapter...
Disclaimer: It's not mine, although with what I'm planning to do with it, Colfer will probably so horrified he'll give it up... nah, in my dreams. Anyway...
It was a very blustery day, as Winnie the Pooh would have said, and in fact as Winnie the Pooh did say as he perched himself on Artemis' shoulder for no apparent reason.
"What the…" said Artemis in a rather unusual display of stupidity. He soon composed himself, however, and attempted to make the best of a bad situation.
"Bear-like thing, kindly tell me who you are, why you are, paying particular attention to why you are sitting on my shoulder, and what is the meaning of life."
The bear-like thing cocked his head to one side and looked Artemis in the eye.
"Honey," he said, "is particularly good on a Wednesday afternoon, when there is very little to do."
Artemis raised an eyebrow and released the horror of his Death Stare on Pooh. This, unfortunately, did not work, and Pooh simply sighed and climbed off the boy's shoulder and sat upon the floor.
"Do you have any honey?" he asked dolefully.
"You have not yet answered my questions, bear, and you will not be provided with honey until you do so. That is, if I decide to give you honey at all." Artemis was, by now, quite annoyed – he had a lot of very important hacking to do, and the bear was not conducive to a proper hacking environment.
"I am Pooh," said the bear simply, causing Artemis further confusion, as the 'h' on the end of 'Pooh', being an aspirate, is very difficult to realise unless you know what is being said.
"While I do not doubt that you are generally comprised of excrement, you have not yet answered my question. Answer it, if you will."
"Say please," uttered the stuffed animal.
"BUTLER!" uttered Artemis.
"Yes, sir? Oh god…" said Butler moments later as he entered the room.
What has Butler seen which will haunt him forever? Join us next time... also, please review. Telling me 'this is a piece of crap, please burn it' is kind of stating the obvious, but still, if that's what you want to write... any review is a good review.