Hehehe this is fun... hope you guys like it too! Wow, 10 reviews already... people do seem to think its funny, which makes me very happy. Anyway, on with the story...
Artemis Fowl and the Undignified Situation
Butler sank slowly to his knees, sobbing quietly.
"Butler, my good man, what on earth is wrong?" asked Artemis, his voice gradually rising in pitch.
"You're…you're… I can't bear to say it, sir, it's too awful. I hoped I'd never live to see this day…" replied Butler between sobs.
"I really would like some honey," added Pooh.
Artemis tensed and then exhaled and relaxed.
"Butler, just as soon as you compose yourself, I need you to escort this bear from the premises. He is making rather a nuisance of himself." The boy's voice was, by now, quite high-pitched.
"But… Artemis… you're turning into…" stuttered Butler.
"What? Kindly tell me precisely what you are on about, or vacate my room, along with this ridiculous creature," squeaked Artemis impatiently.
Butler took a deep breath.
"Piglet," he uttered.
"Pardon?" shrilled Artemis. The heir to the Fowl empire looked down at his feet, and gasped. They were pink. As were his hands-turned-trotters, legs, and rotund torso. Apart, of course, from the purple stripes across his middle, which caused him the greatest of disgust.
Artemis understood his bodyguard's cryptic comment.
"Piglet!" cried Pooh. "Surely you will have some honey with me?"
Artemis shuddered internally, but to his horror found himself saying "Most certainly, although I am always so frightened that the honey jar will swallow me all up."
Butler was overcome by another wave of sobs. He summoned up the last of his emotional strength to plead with his master.
"Artemis! This isn't you! Be strong, sir, and fight the idiocy! You must not let it consume you…"
Artemis tried and tried to explain to Butler that he was still sane, but eventually realised that it was impossible for him to say anything that wasn't meaningless drivel about honey and how the vessel in which it was contained was so dreadfully frightening. Butler soon collapsed from the strain, and Artemis resigned himself to insanity.
"I could only find the honey if you came with me, Pooh; it's a terribly big house out there, and if I was to get lost… I might never be found!"
"Don't worry, Piglet – we shall go together, and if we get lost… we'll be lost together! It shall be an Adventure!"
What a relief that is, thought Artemis sarcastically. I could never survive without you, dear excrement.
It was at that moment that he noticed a slight distortion in front of the window, and although he didn't know what it meant for sure, a heavy feeling settled in his belly which could only be described as 'You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding… please…'
Who or what has Arty-let seen at the window? Or is it simply a fault in his eyesight? Join us next time… hehehe…
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