Chapter 2: How 3vil.
"That won't work." Jaydeb had finally given Della back her hat under the insistence of a Wizards staffer. "We have neither the equipment nor the motivation to build a clubhouse."
"That's not what I meant." Della cracked her knuckles. "You know something like that would come in handy. If our houses weren't so damn far apart we could use one of them, but we don't. If we could get some kind of central location we could arrange something as sort of a base of operations."
Mike, of course, had to spoil her fun with practicality. "Since when have we had any operations that need a base?"
"Since now."
"What're you planning?"
"To form a religion, become the High-Priestess, then have my followers overthrow the government, then I'm going to take over the world and unite and/or enslave all of mankind under my rule."
"We all have goals." Jaydeb sighed loudly. "If we ever need to meet we can just use one of our houses. Mike and I can walk to each others houses, and you can ride a bike, can't you?"
"Oh, fine." Della stuck out her tongue. "You spoil all my fun."
As Mike and Jaydeb began a heated argument about Third Edition D&D, Della allowed her mind to wander. Specifically, it wandered across the room to the tall young man in the trenchcoat. Several thoughts containing varying levels of appropriateness (or lack thereof) drifted unbidden into her mind.
"He's got nice hair."
Her friends turned to look at her. She blinked. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yep." Jaydeb glanced around the room. "Who's got nice hair? It CAN'T be sexier than MY hair, that's not possible."
Both Della and Mike glanced at Jaydeb, each wondering whether or not they should bother commenting. "You're strange." Mike said with an air of finality.
Della agreed. "Unless you have a really sick fetish, hair is simply not sexy."
"Hey, you commented on someone's hair in the first place. Who was it?"
The girl's blue-green eyes flicked to the man in the trenchcoat and she gestured. "Him. The 'coat. Over there." Then she paused, frowning slightly. "Dudes, have you ever seen a 'coat inside Wizards before?"
"Only Giotis." Jaydeb was referring to a mutual acquaintance of theirs. Well, more than an acquaintance for Della: she had dated him for several months.
She shrugged dismissively. "Giotis was a wannabe 'coat. I thought this place was too geeky for the real ones."
"Why can't 'coats be geeks too?" Mike put in.
"Well, I guess they can, but this guy looks like real Mafia material. I mean, check him out! He's got some MAJOR 'don't piss me off' vibes comin' off of him."
The group had wandered nearer, though they tried to stay out of earshot of the 'coat. Jaydeb gestured to the counter before responding to Della. "He's playing Magic, that's probably why."
"Oh, Magic?" Mike became interested, and they moved closer to watch the game.
The 'coat was playing against a blue-haired kid who reminded Della a bit of one of the main characters in a web comic called Life of Riley. The kid was winning, this was obvious to even Della, who knew next to nothing about Magic.
Still, she had reservations about going closer to the Trenchcoat. She had tendency to pick people out by the clothes they wore and the way they held themselves. Trenchcoats, or simply 'coats were people who carried themselves like they were armed at all times, usually with automatic weaponry. It didn't particularly matter if they wore a trenchcoat, as people other than actual 'coats could wear them. There were also Suits, who could be almost as bad as 'coats. This category ranged from government agents to Mafiosi, and really didn't include any particular behaviors other than a secretive nature and the wearing of a suit. There were other categories, but at the moment all Della was worried about was what the 'coat may have been carrying inside his coat.
"Stupid paranoia." She muttered under her breath. "Stupid 'coat for making me paranoid. Stupid Wizards for attracting geeks like flies. Bah."
The 'coat must have had a freakish sense of hearing, or he sensed her apprehension at coming closer to him. Either way, Della found herself trapped in the path of two muddy green eyes.
"Hey, squirt." The 'coat's voice was strange; it was at once musical and flat. rather like a burned CD. "What're you lookin' at?"
"Uh." Della's brain lost connection to her mouth for a moment. "Uh. Nothin'?"
"Nothin' my ass, kid. You're looking at the worst Magic player ever programmed." The 'coat received a cold glance from the kid he was playing against. "Oh, right. Born. I've been watching that goddamn movie too much. That goddamn Matrix movie. Stupid Keanu Reeves. Can't act worth crap."
"Truth, but it's an awesome movie." Della grinned, happy to at least have something to say now. "And one can never get enough Agent-y goodness!"
Mike groaned. "When they surround you and are pointing their Deagles at your head one has enough Agent-y goodness."
Jaydeb nodded, agreeing with Mike. "You just have a freaky Agent fetish."
As Della made a token attempt to deny this, the 'coat and the kid shot a quick glance at each other, one full of hidden meanings.
***
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] What exactly do we do about THIS? [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] We act like humans, that's what we do. And you don't talk about being a program again. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] How did they notice us? Humans aren't supposed to notice anything different about this store. We're supposed to be completely unnoticeable! That girl shouldn't have ever seen us! [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] And the boys should have waved us off and ignored us. They've probably grown up around the local Anomaly or something. I probably should look them up. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] They could be LD's, couldn't they? Are you looking it up? [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] No. But I'll keep their names registered so if they ever become an issue I'll be able to handle them. They don't look like they're anything dangerous to me. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] By the Architect, did he just say what I think he said? [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] I'm afraid he did. Agent fetish. I am massively disturbed at the moment. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] Okay. She's denying it. That's good. That's a good thing. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] Do you really believe that? [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] In the name of all things programmed, allow me some blissful ignorance here. [End transmission]
***
"It's all real, of course." Said the kid in the blue glasses, who claimed to be named David. "The Matrix, you know. I'm really an omnipotent program, and he; well Theo here is a program designed for the sole purpose of killing off irritating humans and programs. It's all real."
Della smirked, but said nothing. There was something wrong with these two. Something off. She sniffed the air, but smelled nothing. Jaydeb and the 'coat, who was calling himself Theo were already arguing about the minor evil that was Third Edition D&D.
David had now quite thoroughly destroyed Theo's Magic deck and was looking rather pleased with himself. "You see? As an omnipotent program, I can easily cheat and defeat Theo no matter what he does."
"WHAT?!" Theo broke out of his conversation with Jaydeb. "You cheated?! Why you little sh."
"Of course I didn't cheat!" Snapped David. "Can't you take a joke?"
Theo growled softly, one of his eyes twitching.
Mike reached inside his coat. Theo's eyes locked onto him, his body tensing as if preparing for a gun to be drawn. When it became obvious that the only weapon Mike carried was a deck of Magic cards, the six-foot-five 'coat seemed to relax a little.
"I'll play you." Mike said, removing the rubber band that kept the cards together and shuffling them in a mock professional style. "Omnipotent program or not, this deck is near unbeatable."
A grin appeared on the kids face, and he looked at Mike over his blue- tinted glasses. "You're on."
"Oh, great." Della threw her hands into the air. "Just friggin' peachy. Magic games can take forever and a day."
"Do you have any better ideas?" Jaydeb leaned against the counter, watching Mike and David play.
"Yes. Let's go get ice cream."
Mike perked up. "Ice cream?"
"Ice cream." Della grinned at Mike, rather evilly. "But you can't eat ice cream in Wizards, so ha."
Mike said that she was mean, she agreed, Jaydeb decided to stay with Mike, Theo, and David, and then Della left.
***
There's something up back there.
The small, skinny, blonde female who called herself Della drifted in and out of random stores, trying to figure out why her mind wouldn't stop demanding that something was wrong. It wasn't paranoia, this she knew. Della was no stranger to feelings of being watched.
After finding herself inside Claire's Accessories and mired in pinkness, she decided that she needed ice cream to straighten out her head. She walked to Maggie Moo's ice cream, which was without a doubt the best ice cream place in the mall. After claiming her sweet prize she headed to the food court to sit and think.
~There's something up back there. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I WANT to know what it is. What is it? There must be a perfectly logical explanation for this. Yes. Logical. Become like a Spock/Yoda, you must.
~I need to relax. Yeah. I'm WAY too paranoid. Paranoia is not my friend. Paranoia is the bleedin' Mind Killer, more than fear. Irrational Fear will kill you; Natural Fear can aid you. Sometimes. I think. Dunno.~
Now that her mind was thoroughly off track, Della decided that she didn't particularly want it back ON track. Something may or may not have been up back there, but, in the long run, did it matter particularly? The ice cream seemed to be helping ease her fears, allowing her to people-watch with only a token amount of paranoia as she checked the passers-by for weaponry.
If there was one thing Della was good at, it was being inconspicuous. Going near strangers and calling attention to herself like she had done with the 'coat in Wizards was extremely out of character for her. In an attempt to return to her version of normalcy, she retreated into herself, creating a sort of mental glamour around herself. Whatever it did, it kept most people from noticing a small, blue-clad girl with a cup of ice cream staring off into space while she noticed most of them.
She began to pick out favorites among the crowd. There was a young woman in a red dress who Della decided was probably a spy sent from some government to seduce a member of another government and get him to give her plans for some sort of death ray like device. ~She's got nice legs, but those high-heeled sandals look uncomfortable.~
Then there was the 6-year-old boy who was OBVIOUSLY going to become a brilliant scientist. He was babbling to his friend about the chemistry set he'd gotten for his birthday while his mother explained to one of HER friends why she couldn't understand her husband and that her sex life was horrible. ~Now's the time to stop listening, I think.~
Her favorite person to watch at the moment was, naturally, a relatively decent looking young man of about 17. Dark hair, eyes of an indeterminate color. He looked slightly familiar, kind of like David from Wizards. Perhaps they were brothers or cousins or something. They moved alike, and as Della listened to him order a small sprite from one of the restaurants she discovered that they even sounded alike.
He turned away from the counter, allowing Della to see his full body. He was about 5'8", a decent height without being noticeably tall, his hair was black and fell in front of his eyes in a manner that seemed more mischievous than sloppy. His clothes were. odd. He wore black cargo pants with white pockets and a white, long-sleeved T-shirt that said in bold, black letters: "AGENT"
She kept her eyes on him for a while as he made his way through the crowded food court, searching out a table. Then she blinked.
When her eyes opened again, he was staring straight at her.
~Noticed.~
Della's eyes snapped away from his and down to her half-finished ice cream. She'd been seen. Time to pretend she had never noticed him at all in the first place.
~No.~ She thought as she saw him approaching out of the corner of her eye. ~Time to run.~
She got up, keeping her back turned to whoever that guy was, and walked swiftly and purposefully away from the food court. Passing a garbage can, Della turned around to throw away her uneaten ice cream. She checked for. for whoever he was, but didn't see him.
Relieved and mildly gratified, she continued walking, heading toward the local knife and tool shop.
A heavy hand clamped down on her shoulder, and she froze.
~It's him.~ ***
***
***
***
AN: Well, here's another chapter! I must say, I'm posting this with EXTREME reluctance, because Self-Inclusions almost always end up as Sue-ish, and this story was originally the biggest Sue EVER, even if it had a decent premise. I've changed some things around, especially dealing with the Real World characters. (Mike, jBOB, this is SO dedicated to you guys if it turns out right!) I also realized that I have no disclaimer! Holy Copyright Infringement Batman!
And so without further ado:
I do not own the Matrix or any recognizable material. The Debugger is property of Mike and his most awesome Matrix: ZERO role-playing game. Agents Theta, Davies, and Kirke are mine. Della is all my fault. And I own Anomalous!Mike and Anomalous!Jaydeb, though they are their own people in the "Real World" which may actually BE the Matrix, you never know...
Booga booga!
"That won't work." Jaydeb had finally given Della back her hat under the insistence of a Wizards staffer. "We have neither the equipment nor the motivation to build a clubhouse."
"That's not what I meant." Della cracked her knuckles. "You know something like that would come in handy. If our houses weren't so damn far apart we could use one of them, but we don't. If we could get some kind of central location we could arrange something as sort of a base of operations."
Mike, of course, had to spoil her fun with practicality. "Since when have we had any operations that need a base?"
"Since now."
"What're you planning?"
"To form a religion, become the High-Priestess, then have my followers overthrow the government, then I'm going to take over the world and unite and/or enslave all of mankind under my rule."
"We all have goals." Jaydeb sighed loudly. "If we ever need to meet we can just use one of our houses. Mike and I can walk to each others houses, and you can ride a bike, can't you?"
"Oh, fine." Della stuck out her tongue. "You spoil all my fun."
As Mike and Jaydeb began a heated argument about Third Edition D&D, Della allowed her mind to wander. Specifically, it wandered across the room to the tall young man in the trenchcoat. Several thoughts containing varying levels of appropriateness (or lack thereof) drifted unbidden into her mind.
"He's got nice hair."
Her friends turned to look at her. She blinked. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yep." Jaydeb glanced around the room. "Who's got nice hair? It CAN'T be sexier than MY hair, that's not possible."
Both Della and Mike glanced at Jaydeb, each wondering whether or not they should bother commenting. "You're strange." Mike said with an air of finality.
Della agreed. "Unless you have a really sick fetish, hair is simply not sexy."
"Hey, you commented on someone's hair in the first place. Who was it?"
The girl's blue-green eyes flicked to the man in the trenchcoat and she gestured. "Him. The 'coat. Over there." Then she paused, frowning slightly. "Dudes, have you ever seen a 'coat inside Wizards before?"
"Only Giotis." Jaydeb was referring to a mutual acquaintance of theirs. Well, more than an acquaintance for Della: she had dated him for several months.
She shrugged dismissively. "Giotis was a wannabe 'coat. I thought this place was too geeky for the real ones."
"Why can't 'coats be geeks too?" Mike put in.
"Well, I guess they can, but this guy looks like real Mafia material. I mean, check him out! He's got some MAJOR 'don't piss me off' vibes comin' off of him."
The group had wandered nearer, though they tried to stay out of earshot of the 'coat. Jaydeb gestured to the counter before responding to Della. "He's playing Magic, that's probably why."
"Oh, Magic?" Mike became interested, and they moved closer to watch the game.
The 'coat was playing against a blue-haired kid who reminded Della a bit of one of the main characters in a web comic called Life of Riley. The kid was winning, this was obvious to even Della, who knew next to nothing about Magic.
Still, she had reservations about going closer to the Trenchcoat. She had tendency to pick people out by the clothes they wore and the way they held themselves. Trenchcoats, or simply 'coats were people who carried themselves like they were armed at all times, usually with automatic weaponry. It didn't particularly matter if they wore a trenchcoat, as people other than actual 'coats could wear them. There were also Suits, who could be almost as bad as 'coats. This category ranged from government agents to Mafiosi, and really didn't include any particular behaviors other than a secretive nature and the wearing of a suit. There were other categories, but at the moment all Della was worried about was what the 'coat may have been carrying inside his coat.
"Stupid paranoia." She muttered under her breath. "Stupid 'coat for making me paranoid. Stupid Wizards for attracting geeks like flies. Bah."
The 'coat must have had a freakish sense of hearing, or he sensed her apprehension at coming closer to him. Either way, Della found herself trapped in the path of two muddy green eyes.
"Hey, squirt." The 'coat's voice was strange; it was at once musical and flat. rather like a burned CD. "What're you lookin' at?"
"Uh." Della's brain lost connection to her mouth for a moment. "Uh. Nothin'?"
"Nothin' my ass, kid. You're looking at the worst Magic player ever programmed." The 'coat received a cold glance from the kid he was playing against. "Oh, right. Born. I've been watching that goddamn movie too much. That goddamn Matrix movie. Stupid Keanu Reeves. Can't act worth crap."
"Truth, but it's an awesome movie." Della grinned, happy to at least have something to say now. "And one can never get enough Agent-y goodness!"
Mike groaned. "When they surround you and are pointing their Deagles at your head one has enough Agent-y goodness."
Jaydeb nodded, agreeing with Mike. "You just have a freaky Agent fetish."
As Della made a token attempt to deny this, the 'coat and the kid shot a quick glance at each other, one full of hidden meanings.
***
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] What exactly do we do about THIS? [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] We act like humans, that's what we do. And you don't talk about being a program again. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] How did they notice us? Humans aren't supposed to notice anything different about this store. We're supposed to be completely unnoticeable! That girl shouldn't have ever seen us! [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] And the boys should have waved us off and ignored us. They've probably grown up around the local Anomaly or something. I probably should look them up. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] They could be LD's, couldn't they? Are you looking it up? [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] No. But I'll keep their names registered so if they ever become an issue I'll be able to handle them. They don't look like they're anything dangerous to me. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] By the Architect, did he just say what I think he said? [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] I'm afraid he did. Agent fetish. I am massively disturbed at the moment. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] Okay. She's denying it. That's good. That's a good thing. [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Debugger to Agent Theta] Do you really believe that? [End transmission]
[Private transmission: Agent Theta to Debugger] In the name of all things programmed, allow me some blissful ignorance here. [End transmission]
***
"It's all real, of course." Said the kid in the blue glasses, who claimed to be named David. "The Matrix, you know. I'm really an omnipotent program, and he; well Theo here is a program designed for the sole purpose of killing off irritating humans and programs. It's all real."
Della smirked, but said nothing. There was something wrong with these two. Something off. She sniffed the air, but smelled nothing. Jaydeb and the 'coat, who was calling himself Theo were already arguing about the minor evil that was Third Edition D&D.
David had now quite thoroughly destroyed Theo's Magic deck and was looking rather pleased with himself. "You see? As an omnipotent program, I can easily cheat and defeat Theo no matter what he does."
"WHAT?!" Theo broke out of his conversation with Jaydeb. "You cheated?! Why you little sh."
"Of course I didn't cheat!" Snapped David. "Can't you take a joke?"
Theo growled softly, one of his eyes twitching.
Mike reached inside his coat. Theo's eyes locked onto him, his body tensing as if preparing for a gun to be drawn. When it became obvious that the only weapon Mike carried was a deck of Magic cards, the six-foot-five 'coat seemed to relax a little.
"I'll play you." Mike said, removing the rubber band that kept the cards together and shuffling them in a mock professional style. "Omnipotent program or not, this deck is near unbeatable."
A grin appeared on the kids face, and he looked at Mike over his blue- tinted glasses. "You're on."
"Oh, great." Della threw her hands into the air. "Just friggin' peachy. Magic games can take forever and a day."
"Do you have any better ideas?" Jaydeb leaned against the counter, watching Mike and David play.
"Yes. Let's go get ice cream."
Mike perked up. "Ice cream?"
"Ice cream." Della grinned at Mike, rather evilly. "But you can't eat ice cream in Wizards, so ha."
Mike said that she was mean, she agreed, Jaydeb decided to stay with Mike, Theo, and David, and then Della left.
***
There's something up back there.
The small, skinny, blonde female who called herself Della drifted in and out of random stores, trying to figure out why her mind wouldn't stop demanding that something was wrong. It wasn't paranoia, this she knew. Della was no stranger to feelings of being watched.
After finding herself inside Claire's Accessories and mired in pinkness, she decided that she needed ice cream to straighten out her head. She walked to Maggie Moo's ice cream, which was without a doubt the best ice cream place in the mall. After claiming her sweet prize she headed to the food court to sit and think.
~There's something up back there. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I WANT to know what it is. What is it? There must be a perfectly logical explanation for this. Yes. Logical. Become like a Spock/Yoda, you must.
~I need to relax. Yeah. I'm WAY too paranoid. Paranoia is not my friend. Paranoia is the bleedin' Mind Killer, more than fear. Irrational Fear will kill you; Natural Fear can aid you. Sometimes. I think. Dunno.~
Now that her mind was thoroughly off track, Della decided that she didn't particularly want it back ON track. Something may or may not have been up back there, but, in the long run, did it matter particularly? The ice cream seemed to be helping ease her fears, allowing her to people-watch with only a token amount of paranoia as she checked the passers-by for weaponry.
If there was one thing Della was good at, it was being inconspicuous. Going near strangers and calling attention to herself like she had done with the 'coat in Wizards was extremely out of character for her. In an attempt to return to her version of normalcy, she retreated into herself, creating a sort of mental glamour around herself. Whatever it did, it kept most people from noticing a small, blue-clad girl with a cup of ice cream staring off into space while she noticed most of them.
She began to pick out favorites among the crowd. There was a young woman in a red dress who Della decided was probably a spy sent from some government to seduce a member of another government and get him to give her plans for some sort of death ray like device. ~She's got nice legs, but those high-heeled sandals look uncomfortable.~
Then there was the 6-year-old boy who was OBVIOUSLY going to become a brilliant scientist. He was babbling to his friend about the chemistry set he'd gotten for his birthday while his mother explained to one of HER friends why she couldn't understand her husband and that her sex life was horrible. ~Now's the time to stop listening, I think.~
Her favorite person to watch at the moment was, naturally, a relatively decent looking young man of about 17. Dark hair, eyes of an indeterminate color. He looked slightly familiar, kind of like David from Wizards. Perhaps they were brothers or cousins or something. They moved alike, and as Della listened to him order a small sprite from one of the restaurants she discovered that they even sounded alike.
He turned away from the counter, allowing Della to see his full body. He was about 5'8", a decent height without being noticeably tall, his hair was black and fell in front of his eyes in a manner that seemed more mischievous than sloppy. His clothes were. odd. He wore black cargo pants with white pockets and a white, long-sleeved T-shirt that said in bold, black letters: "AGENT"
She kept her eyes on him for a while as he made his way through the crowded food court, searching out a table. Then she blinked.
When her eyes opened again, he was staring straight at her.
~Noticed.~
Della's eyes snapped away from his and down to her half-finished ice cream. She'd been seen. Time to pretend she had never noticed him at all in the first place.
~No.~ She thought as she saw him approaching out of the corner of her eye. ~Time to run.~
She got up, keeping her back turned to whoever that guy was, and walked swiftly and purposefully away from the food court. Passing a garbage can, Della turned around to throw away her uneaten ice cream. She checked for. for whoever he was, but didn't see him.
Relieved and mildly gratified, she continued walking, heading toward the local knife and tool shop.
A heavy hand clamped down on her shoulder, and she froze.
~It's him.~ ***
***
***
***
AN: Well, here's another chapter! I must say, I'm posting this with EXTREME reluctance, because Self-Inclusions almost always end up as Sue-ish, and this story was originally the biggest Sue EVER, even if it had a decent premise. I've changed some things around, especially dealing with the Real World characters. (Mike, jBOB, this is SO dedicated to you guys if it turns out right!) I also realized that I have no disclaimer! Holy Copyright Infringement Batman!
And so without further ado:
I do not own the Matrix or any recognizable material. The Debugger is property of Mike and his most awesome Matrix: ZERO role-playing game. Agents Theta, Davies, and Kirke are mine. Della is all my fault. And I own Anomalous!Mike and Anomalous!Jaydeb, though they are their own people in the "Real World" which may actually BE the Matrix, you never know...
Booga booga!