Double Deck the Halls
"Some good news," Xavier wheeled up to Logan, Roadblock and Cover Girl. "Mrs. Grey is fine and has been discharged from the hospital."
"You call that good news?" Logan asked. "You can't be serious about letting her come back are you?"
"If I have to buy a hotel to put her in I will do so," Xavier told them. "Maybe I should have done it years ago…"
"She's not gonna press charges against us is she?" Cover Girl asked.
"I doubt it, she's too scared of us," Logan grunted. "Not that I blame her, I'm starting to get scared around here."
"Why?" Xavier asked.
"You haven't been in the kitchen the past hour have you?" Cover Girl made a grin.
"Should I be?" Xavier raised an eyebrow.
"Depends on how badly you want to keep your sanity," Logan showed him the way.
In the kitchen there was a heated argument with Hank, Low Light, Donald, Mr. Masters and Jesse D. Scott and Rogue were watching with amused interest.
"All right! I concede that 'Olive the Other Reindeer' is a feminist version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," Hank held up his hands. "But no way no how is Hermie the Elf gay!"
"Oh come on! It makes perfect sense that he's gay!" Donald said. "The hair alone is a dead giveaway!"
"Yeah I mean all the other elves were bald, why else would he have hair?" Low Light asked.
"That doesn't prove a thing!" Mr. Masters snapped. "If anyone is gay it's that Charley in the Box."
"Well duh," Jesse D said. "But so is Yukon Cornelius."
"How the hell do you figure that?" Scott looked at him. "He doesn't exactly act gay!"
"True, which means he goes against typical gay stereotypes," Jesse D pointed out. "However there are clues. His moustache for one thing is too well groomed. Has too much of a flair. Secondly he has a warm and nurturing nature. I mean come on, what kind of mountain man prospector would actually help a reindeer? Rudolph would be venison if it was anybody else!"
"He was wearing a pink ballerina tutu in the new computer animated special," Mr. Masters admitted. "I like cartoons, sue me!"
"Besides you saw those tiny little frou frou dogs pulling the sled," Jesse D told them. "What straight guy would have a dog team like that?"
"Well he's got us there," Mr. Pryde admitted.
"You people are sick you know that?" Logan asked.
"Blame the Misfits for this!" Scott groaned. "Toad, Blob and Quicksilver started it!"
"I don't know why you guys are shocked," Rogue looked at him. "They had the same arguments last year!"
"And the year before that, and the year before that…" Scott groaned. "Where are they anyway?"
"Outside decorating the mansion with Shipwreck, Alex, Lance and Arcade," Rogue told him.
"But we already did that," Logan said.
"Not according to Shipwreck," Rogue shook her head. As she spoke the familiar tune of 'Jingle Bells' could be heard. However it was done to the sound of yapping canines.
"Oh no," Xavier winced. "Not the barking dogs again!"
"I think I'm going upstairs and get some more sedatives," Cover Girl said as she went upstairs.
"We'd better see what they're up to," Logan sighed.
"We'll go with you," Rogue said as she and Scott got up to follow them outside. "I don't think we can keep up with such sophisticated conversation."
"Yeah it's a bit over our heads," Scott said sarcastically as they left.
"Oh good lord…" Xavier winced as they looked outside. The entire mansion was now covered in animatronic reindeer, colorful balloon snowmen and Santas, buxom angels doing a chorus line and a huge neon sign saying 'Santa Welcome' and another saying 'Merry X-Mas!'
"Shipwreck what the hell is all this?" Logan shouted. Shipwreck was up on the roof putting the finishing touches on a dancing elf. The rest of his helpers were down below watching him.
"My gift to you guys!" Shipwreck said excitedly. "I'm doing up your mansion right."
"Shipwreck you did not have to do this," Xavier told him.
"Oh it's no trouble at all," Shipwreck waved.
"No I mean it, you did not have to do this!" Xavier said forcefully.
"Aw come on Xavier!" Shipwreck waved. "What's a good Christmas without some wild colorful yet slightly tacky decorations."
"Slightly tacky?" Scott blinked. "My shades may have a tint making everything I see red but even I can tell that palm tree has purple leaves!"
"Where did you get all this junk?" Rogue asked.
"Oh we got a few things here and there," Shipwreck waved.
"Wasn't that tree from the Mayor's office?" Rogue asked as she looked at a tree on the ground.
"Does it have his name on it?" Shipwreck accused.
"Yeah," Fred looked at it as well. "Right here on this ornament right here. And on this one and this one…Hey, there's some presents here. Cool, a tie!"
"I got a paperweight," Todd held up an item.
"Here's some extra socks," Arcade showed them. "They're monogrammed."
"Oh so everything in the Mayor's office belongs to him?" Shipwreck snapped. "What about us taxpayers, huh?"
"Since when do you pay taxes?" Lance asked.
"Well I'd be feeling pretty miffed if I did!" Shipwreck snapped. "Now where did I put that blowtorch?"
"I think we should go back inside now," Xavier was definitely not feeling well.
"Oh come on," Lance said. "Sooner or later there's gonna be an explosion and I wanna see it."
"No!" Logan grabbed him. "Come in now before you catch on fire or something."
"Aww…" Pietro groaned. "We always miss the good stuff."
"Shouldn't he be with his kids or something instead of trying to commit arson and using illegal decorations on our place?" Logan groaned.
"My mom and Mrs. Wagner are looking after the babies," Alex told them.
"Which is a good thing considering how many un-Christmasy words Shipwreck said after hitting his thumb with a hammer forty something times," Arcade remarked.
"AAHHHH!" Shipwreck screamed as he fell over the side of the roof suspended by a dozen Christmas lights. "A little help here!"
"Leave him there!" Logan ordered. "Maybe that will keep him out of trouble for a minute or so."
"Hey where did Illyana and Colossus go?" Alex thought.
"Oh they went out Christmas Caroling," Todd told him. "She really wanted to go."
"Well I hope they have a nice time," Xavier sighed. "Somebody should."
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Senator Kelly lay back in his chair at his estate. "It's nice to know that at least one time of the year I won't be bothered by insane mutants."
His personal assistant staggered in. "Sir there are some…carolers out there that want to see you." He looked very pale, as if he'd seen the Ghost of Christmas Past kissing Scrooge.
"Oh all right," Kelly took his assistants' expression to be a result of some bad eggnog. He walked to the door and got the shock of his life.
"WE THREE KINGS OF ORIENT ARE! TRIED TO SMOKE A RUBBER CIGAR!" S'ym and several other demons garbed in loud holiday attire were singing very loudly and off key. "IT WAS LOADED AND EXPLODED AND WE TRAVELLED SO FAR!"
"AAAAAHHHHHH!" Kelly screamed, slammed the door and grabbed his cell phone. "Police! Help! I'm under attack by mutants! They're singing at me! You gotta make them stop! NO I AM NOT DRUNK! Listen that one time was not my fault! The mutants…Well maybe mutants are the cause of all my problems! Ever think of that? What? Why you…! Stop laughing at me! I am a United States Senator! Why are you still laughing? I want to speak to your supervisor! What do you mean real emergencies? I've got a dozen singing mutants invading my home! You telling me that's not an emergency?"
He heard several smacks at his window. "Oh my god now they're throwing snowballs at my house!" He screamed. "And they're…THAT IS DISGUSTING! OFFICER THOSE FREAKS JUST MOONED ME! HELLO? HELLO?"
Outside Peter and Illyana were watching the chaos. "This camera is quite an interesting invention," Illyana said as she filmed the scene.
"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Peter asked his sister.
"Lighten up Brother it is Christmas," Illyana grinned. "Now let's hit the next stop!"
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Back at the mansion…
"You know who else is gay?" Donald said as they went back into the kitchen. "The Snow Miser from Year Without A Santa Claus."
"I can see that," Hank put his hand on his chin. "It would further explain his antagonistic relationship with his brother the Heat Miser."
"Do you people hear yourselves?" Logan shouted. "Don't you people have anything better to do than to argue about the sexual orientation of a bunch of cartoon characters?"
"Not really no," Low Light shrugged.
A loud frustrated scream could be heard. "Oh I see Jean's back," Pietro grinned and ran off to meet her.
"The fun never stops around here doesn't it?" Logan rolled his eyes as he and the others went out to meet Jean and Ororo. Todd and Althea were there waiting as well.
"What happened?" Scott asked.
"What didn't happen?" Ororo sighed.
"My stuck up grandmother," Jean gritted her teeth. "The one who thought I was slumming living here…Has run off. With a janitor from the hospital!"
"Do we even want to know how that happened?" Scott winced.
"Not really," Ororo sighed. "But I suspect that she thought the janitor was a doctor for some reason. Of course I saw no need to correct her."
"Well now we can really celebrate!" Todd grinned.
"Yeah we can sing 'Grandma got Run Over By A Reindeer!'" Jean shouted. "Which is now officially my favorite song!"
"Hey, mine too!" Althea said cheerfully.
"That song brings back memories," Fred said. "Well sort of. I had an uncle who got squashed by an elephant."
"Not now Blob…" Ororo shook her head.
"I'm old enough to drink in this state now right?" Jean asked. "Because I really need a drink!"
"That's never stopped you before," Pietro quipped.
"Keep talking Quicksilver!" Jean snapped. "Just keep on making those cracks and see if you live until New Years! No jury would convict me!"
"You just had to bring that up didn't you?" Ororo moaned. "I'm going back into my room!"
"Storm! I didn't…" Jean tried to explain as Ororo left. "Thanks a lot Quicksilver! Thanks so much!"
"You're welcome," Pietro grinned. "Just spreading the joy of the season around!"
"Speaking of which, what is with all dancing Santas and barking dogs?" Jean asked pointing outside with her thumb.
"Shipwreck," Logan told her.
"Why did I even ask?" Jean groaned.