Too Many Cooks and Crazies

Some time lateron ChristmasEve things had quieted down, well as quiet as things can get with two hyper toddlers in a house.

"SANTA! SANTA! SANTA!" Barney and Claudius bounced around screaming. "SANTA!"

"It's nice watching children on Christmas," Xavier observed with several other X-Men and their family members in the study.

"SANTA!"

"Yeah and it's even nicer knowing they aren't yours," Logan grumbled. "Where is Shipwreck?"

"Out trying to console Ororo again," Jean told him. "No Barney! Don't pull those ornaments!"

Lance and Althea walked in. "Hey has anybody seen Xi?" Lance asked.

"He's in here with Rina. They're both looking at the tree," Bobby told him. He pointed to the two genetically created mutants standing by the tree.

"It's like they're hypnotized or something," Ray remarked.

"Oooh," Xi blinked.

"Pretty…" Rina looked at the tree.

"Well that will keep 'em occupied for a few hours," Logan sighed.

"Well somebody has to start preparing Christmas Daydinner," Jubilee got up.

"It's Christmas Eve," Bobby pointed out.

"Yeah you gotta start early!" Jubilee said. "We can't just have Chinese take out like we did tonight!"

"Hey I told you guys I didn't want to do any dishes tonight," Logan said. "Or what was left of them."

"Sorry about that," Donald apologized. "We didn't mean to throw those plates."

"We just got carried away," Mrs. Pryde said.

"Look we'll have a nice big feast," Roadblock said. "I'll cook and…"

"If you don't mind I will be cooking dinner this time," Remy told him.

"Since when do you cook?" Lance looked at him.

"All the men in my family cook," Remy huffed.

"I guess it's kind of good to have a skill to fall back on in prison huh?" Pietro remarked.

"I would not be talking about prison if I were you boy," Remy glared at Pietro.

"No he really can cook," Rogue said. "He's made quite a few dinners for us when you Misfits didn't show up."

"Nein, I will make dinner," Jimaine shook her head.

"Gentlemen as a professional chef I will be happy to cook dinner," Mr. Masters said.

"Well let's see about that," Jubilee huffed as the five of them went into the kitchen.

"Maybe we should go help?" Kurt asked.

"Sure," Kitty stood up. "I could…"

"NOT YOU KITTY!" Everyone in the room shouted.

"Kitty, remember our little talk with the nice person from the Poison Control Center the other day?" Xavier said delicately.

"Fine," Kitty folded her arms and sat back in the chair.

"Come on, let's go check out the kitchen," Kurt said to Bobby and they went.

"Yeah maybe they'll let us lick the bowl!" Bobby said excitedly.

"Santa? Santa!" Barney chirped.

"Santa! Santa!" Claudius pointed at the tree with his little flipper.

"Yes Santa is coming," Mrs. Masters picked them up. "And it's way past your bedtime. Come on now, its time to go to bed."

"I'll help put 'em down," Cover Girl took Barney. They went upstairs.

"Yeah I gotta go find my sisters and tranquilize them," Althea got up. "Better get Spyder too."

"I think I'll go have some fun," Pietro grinned as he ran out.

"Do you really wanna know what he's up to?" Scott looked at Low Light.

"Not really," Low Light sighed. "I…" Suddenly there was a low moan. "What was that?"

"Did you hear a noise coming from the tree?" Sam asked.

"Yeah there is something in there…" Logan sniffed and peered inside the branches for a closer look. "It looks like…"

Just then Prometheus the cat shot out of the tree and landed on Logan's face. "AAAAHHHH! GET THIS FLEA BAG OFF ME!" Logan wildly waved his hands around.

"Logan!" Jean shot up. "Don't hurt him!"

"DON'T HURT HIM? GET IT OFF!" Logan shouted trying to get the crazed cat off of him.

"I'm telling you Freddy it's nine ladies dancing…" Todd walked in with Fred, Angelica and Lina and saw the chaos. Everyone was trying to help Logan and they were making a mess at the same time. "What the…?"

"All right! They're playing Catch the Cat!" Fred squealed. "I love that game!"

"It's not a game Blob! Jean's cat is psycho!" Logan shouted as Prometheus made his way to his back.

"He's not psycho, he's scared!" Jean defended as she finally got Prometheus off Logan's back and into her arms. "You would be too if you were attacked by a parrot and a dragon non stop the second you got here!"

"Where are they anyway?" Fred asked.

"Who knows? Who cares!" Logan snapped. Prometheus hissed at him and ran off. "Yeah you'd better run hairball!"

"Could be worse," Todd remarked. "Could have been a squirrel."

"That actually happened to my cousin Clark once," Fred remarked.

There was an extremely loud crash coming from the kitchen. "Now what?" Logan groaned.

Bobby and Kurt staggered back in. "It's not pretty in there," Kurt warned.

"It's like World War III in there!" Bobby said.

"How bad could it…" Xavier winced as a loud crash and a scream of obscenities in German could be heard. "Perhaps we should go have a look…"

They left Xi and Rina behind. They were still staring at the Christmas tree. "Oooh…Tree…" They awed in unison.

They went into the kitchen and saw that in a short time it had become covered in flour and other foodstuff. All the 'chefs' were arguing and using kitchen utensils in ways that they were not designed for. "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Xavier shouted. "Jubilee stop banging on Remy's head with that melon baller!"

"Well he started it! I don't see how you can call yourselves chefs if you don't even have fresh grown basil and thyme," Jubilee sniffed.

"In December?" Remy shouted.

"Get an potted plant herb garden!" Roadblock snapped. "Every cook knows that!"

"No you dry them in the fall you dumkoff!" Jimaine snapped whacking him with a spoon.

"Well with this turkey here and these vegetables there wouldn't be any difference!" Mr. Masters snapped.

"There is a difference! The difference is…" Jubilee stiffened. "MY PARENTS AREN'T HERE! WAHHHH!"

"I was afraid this would happen," Xavier sighed as Jubilee sobbed.

"It's finally hit her," Scott sighed. "Boy do I know that feeling."

"WAAHHHHH!" Jubilee began to sob. "LOGAN!" She ran over to him and clung to him.

"Oh god no…" Logan felt very frightened.

"Now look what you've done!" Roadblock glared at Remy.

"ME? HOW DOES REMY GET BLAMED FOR THIS?"

"WAHHHHH!"

"Poor child," Jimaine sniffed. "Let it all out."

"Does she have to?" Logan asked. "I'm starting to miss the crazy cat!"

"Logan!" Jean snapped. "You have to be supportive!"

"Can't I be supportive some other way?" Logan whined. "I'm not good at this touchy feely stuff!"

"NO KIDDING! WAAAHHHHH!" Jubilee wailed.

"Oh God…" Logan looked like he was going to cry himself.

Hank walked in. "What's going on here?"

"Too many cooks, not enough kitchen," Scott told him. "Jubilee's holiday depression is in full swing and Logan is having a slight nervous breakdown. Hey have you seen Storm? Last I checked she wasn't looking too well."

"Well you wouldn't be too well either if you had five glasses of spiked punch and two more of spiked egg nog," Hank sighed. "Not to mention a wine spritzer."

"Oh man I knew she was taking this whole thing with Evan hard but I had no idea," Scott shook his head.

"Maybe we should talk to her," Jean suggested. "I'll use my telepathy to look for her." She focused for a moment then frowned. "I'm not getting a reading. She's not at the Institute!"

"What? Well where could she be?" Scott asked. "It's not like her to take off without telling anyone."

"Well actually Shipwreck said he was going to take Storm out for a while," Hank told them.

"Out? Out where?" Althea asked.

"Uh…I don't know," Hank shrugged.

"You don't know?" Lance asked. "When was this? What were his actual words?"

"An hour ago. I believe the exact phrasing was 'Come on babe I know a place to get your mind of your troubles,'" Hank scratched his chin. "To which she responded. 'What the hell? I've lost everything already.'"

"That's not good is it?" Todd asked.

"I fear not," Xavier winced.

"So let me see if I get this straight," Althea scratched her head. "You let Storm, a depressed and slightly drunk weather witch, run off with my irresponsible insane father. On Christmas Eve?

"Uh…" Hank blinked.

"You know Shipwreck's gonna try and pull a fast one right?" Lance asked.

"Well…"

"Of course my father will give her some sporting chance," Althea said.

"Yeah he'd get drunk too," Todd said. "Even things out."

"Uh…"

"So to recap, both of them are probably soused out of their minds right now and out of control," Wanda folded her arms.

"Probably?" Lance looked at her. "That's like saying it's likely to be cold outside when it snows!"

"So since neither of them are in their right minds," Matt began. "Not that Shipwreck was ever in his right mind to begin with, they're probably going to cause a lot of fights, fires and thunderstorms."

"Not to mention lawsuits," Scott groaned.

"Oh dear," Hank blinked.

"And if by some horrible twist of fate my father does end up having his way with her," Althea continued. "One she gets her hangover and sees the light of day, she's not gonna be happy with you is she?"

"Yeah after she fries Shipwreck you'll be next!" Lance said.

"This cannot get any worse," Xavier shook his head.

"Hey anybody see Pietro?" Angelica walked in. "Trinity, Jamie, Spyder and Arcade are missing too."

"And nobody's seen the Blind Master anywhere," Angelica said.

"Oh I did," Fred said. "I saw him talking to Shipwreck earlier on about how nice Atlantic City is this time of year."

"It just got worse," Low Light groaned. "And how much you want to bet Polly and Lockheed hitched a ride with 'em?"

"Oh no," Scott felt sick. "He wouldn't. They couldn't have gone…"

"Well the babies are finally asleep," Mrs. Masters sighed as she walked in with Cover Girl.

"Yeah that was fun," Cover Girl said. "Hey I just saw the weather channel. Did you know there's a freak snowstorm going on in Atlantic City?"

"LET'S ROLL!" Scott shouted as most of the Misfits, Joes, X-Men and guests in the room took off.

Not all of them however.

"WAHHHHH!" Jubilee sobbed.

"Come on guys! It's not fair! You can't leave me here!" Logan shouted holding a sobbing Jubilee. "I really need to slice something!"

Meanwhile…

"We wish you weren't living with us! We wish you weren't living with us! We wish you weren't living with us! We're not happy you're here!" The holiday demons sang as they smashed up the FOH meeting hall, destroying everything in sight.

"AHHHHHH!" Duncan ran from one demon that was breathing fire on his behind. "THAT HURTS!"

"All right I admit this is funny," Peter told his sister. "But don't you think we have done enough damage?"

"Brother I have barely begun," Illyana looked at her list. "So many enemies, so little time. I wonder how Santa does it all in one night without using interdimensional portals?"

"Well for one thing I don't think Santa uses flamethrowing demons," Peter observed.

"Then he doesn't know what he's missing," Illyana said.