Disclaimer: Harry Potter and company belong to J.K. Rowling. The song, "Kiss That Girl" is performed by Sheryl Crow. Who isn't me either. Please don't sue.
…Only in Your Mind…
She sat and watched the Quidditch practice, as she always did. Afterwards, she took cocoa, marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate bars up to the common room so that the boys could make s'mores and drink hot cocoa, as they always did. She would then curl up in a corner and read – or at least pretend to read – as she always did. And they would ignore her and not even say thank you to her, as always.
Always.
It seemed to her that her life was set in stone; that this was how it was, and how it always would be. She could recite in her head the list of things that each of the trio was assigned to do.
Save the day – HarryBack up Harry – Ron
Come up with a plan to save both Harry and Ron – me
Bring cocoa – me
Watch boys practice Quidditch – me
Do homework – me
Bug me for homework answers – Harry and Ron
Have dates – Harry and Ron
Comfort someone – me
Argue with Ron – me
Have a snowball fight – Harry and Ron
Get into trouble with the teachers – Harry and Ron
Talk the teachers out of giving Harry and Ron detention – me
Come to think of it, Harry and Ron got all the fun things, and she got all the boring things. But it went beyond simple tasks. Hermione was expected to know everything, at least anymore, and when she didn't the boys got upset with her. So she would spend MORE time in the library, researching, and less time with them. No, as she said before, this went beyond simple tasks. These rituals of theirs placed barriers on whom she could be – how she could dress, who she could talk to, what she should know… And she was tired of it.
I woke up this morning with my makeup on
I've been faking it lately, but those days are gone
The first two lines of a song echoed in her head. "…but those days are gone…" She whispered. Suddenly, she stood up. No more. She headed for the door to the hall. "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
Harry and Ron looked up, surprised. "But… we were just outside for over three hours, Hermione!" said Harry.
"Besides, it's snowing… You don't want to go out there!" Added Ron.
She turned to look back at the boys. "Don't be ridiculous. I'll only be a minute or so. How much harm could the snow do to me?" She quirked an eyebrow at them. "And, no, I don't need you two to tag along. Enjoy your cocoa." With that, she exited the common room, leaving two stunned boys behind her.
You look at me and wonder why
I got to cut these strings and learn to fly
The next two lines of the song drifted through her head. "Oh, the look on their faces… that was delightful." she said, a smile dancing across her face. As she walked alongside the lake, she felt… free. Unbound by rules and regulations. Maybe Ron and Harry didn't even realize they were imposing those rules on her, but being without them – even for ten minutes – felt wonderful.
She lay down in the snow, staring up at the sky. She must have lost track of time, because all of a sudden two faces peered down at her. She blinked and sat up.
"Hermione! We told you that something could happen to you!" said Ron.
"Don't be silly, Ron. I was just thinking. Where's the harm in that?" She replied, then stood and walked away from them for the second time that day.
But this girl is only in your mind
She's leaving everything behind
"…Leaving everything behind. That's right. Leaving all this…" For it was true, she was to leave Hogwarts in a few short weeks. Her final term was nearly over, and then what? Would she follow Harry and Ron around for the rest of her life? Was she doomed to be an eternal follower? True, she hadn't been the best of leaders when it came to the S.P.E.W. campaign she had waged several years ago, but she was getting better. She had made Head Girl, after all.
No, she couldn't see herself endlessly wandering after Ron and Harry – she needed to make her own life. And why not start now? Most people clung to their friendships as the dwindling weeks flew by – but that didn't mean that she had to. No, she could cut her strings right now, if she dared… Slowly, she wandered back to the common room, lost in her thoughts.
She's not the girl that's gonna make it right
So you can kiss that girl goodbye
When she got there, the place was a disaster. Apparently, the seventh year boys had decided to throw a party while she was out, and had neglected to pick up their mess. Sighing, she bent to pick up the trash nearest her feet. She froze as her hand touched the first butterbeer. Why should she pick up their mess? Yes, she was Head Girl, but there were five prefects in the House, and none of them had bothered to clean up the chaos lying before her. Slowly, she stood and headed towards her room, suddenly unexplainably tired.
We're so glad you made it in this dead end town
Everyone's waiting for you to come down
When she got downstairs the next morning, the mess was still there. Groaning, she marched up the stairs to the door marked '7th year boys.' She knocked once before entering.
Seamus rolled over and mumbled, "Hermione, what in the hell are you doing in the boys dorm at this ungodly hour?" He didn't wait for an answer before falling back asleep.
Once she had reached them, she debated whether or not to wake them. For they were still slumbering peacefully in their beds, classes a million years from their minds. She hit Harry on the shoulder until he rolled over.
"What do you want, Hermione?" He muttered, still half asleep.
"A clean common room would be nice." She informed him.
"What are you talking about?"
"Downstairs. Party. Last night. Remember?" she asked, but gave no time for a response before continuing, "The mess is still there. I want it gone before breakfast."
He stared up at her, confused. "Why is it still there? Don't the house elves clean it up at night?"
She sighed as she sank down onto the edge of the bed. "No, Harry. They don't. Cleaning up after parties is our territory. They only light fires and dust. Not repair six chairs and two tables. Or three lamps. Or the banner for Gryffindor."
He sat up. "Someone tore our banner?"
She stared at him in astonishment. "Do you ever pay any attention during one of your parties?"
"No. I usually have you to do that for me." He said casually, not noticing her back stiffen and her eyes grow hard. "I wonder who's picked up after us all this time then, if it wasn't the house elves…" He mused.
Slowly, she stood. "I did." She said quietly. "But I'm not going to be your housekeeper and secretary anymore, Harry. Not anymore." She left then, quietly without slamming the door or screaming. No, doors and big scenes were for Lavender and Parvati, not her.
You're gonna wake up from your dream
You're gonna find someone who looks like me
She walked down the stairs regally, her back straight and her face expressionless. By now, many of the students were already up and getting ready for breakfast. The room was eerily quiet as she descended, and it seemed like every set of eyes was on her. They were probably waiting for her reaction to the mess. But she wouldn't give them the satisfaction of one. She sauntered over to the portrait and opened it before turning and saying, "By the way, you might want to work on your Repario spell if that's the best "fix-it" job you can muster." Then she stepped out of the common room, leaving a shocked room behind her.
But the girl is only in your mind
She's leaving everything behind
When Ron and Harry made it to breakfast, it was almost over. They looked scruffy – probably because they wanted to talk to her before she headed off to class, and were afraid that they'd miss her if they took the time to shower. She felt the corners of her mouth lift up into a small smirk before wiping clean – a blank mask for the guys to have to decipher on their own.
"Morning." She stated calmly as they sat down across from her.
"Hey – we can explain about the mess…" began Harry. He had always been the charmer, the one who could make you melt into forgiveness with one sentence. But she would not hear his arguments today.
"Mess? What mess?" She said innocently, widening her eyes a little glancing at her watch. Standing, she said, "Sorry to run, but I have an eight o'clock class. Catch you boys later." With a wave she was off. Exit, stage right she thought, amused.
She's not the girl that's gonna make it right
So you can kiss that girl goodbye
"What in bloody hell was THAT?!?!" She could hear Ron's voice echoing from the table behind her.
"She didn't even let you finish your sentence! Is your charm wearing off or something? Not one smile or blush…" Stated Seamus. Poor boy, he sounded very confused.
She smiled as she turned to steal a glance at the table full of Gryffindor students, all looking baffled, before continuing on her way.
You could look forever for someone like me
She's just a memory
Oh yes, it was fun, not worrying about how she could fit into the preconceptions that the boys had placed on her throughout the years. All through the day, she found herself enjoying little differences – not raising her hand in Potions; doodling a little (a very little, as she still needed these notes for her NEWTS) on the side of her paper during History of Magic; not sitting next to Ron during Transfigurations, but sitting next to Blaise Zambini instead – all things that she had wanted to do for a long time, but felt restrained from doing.
As she walked down the hallways, she noticed that amid the strange looks that most people were giving her – after all, she rarely walked anywhere without Harry and Ron – there were some witches giving her approving nods or smiles. These girls seemed to understand why she was walking alone, or so it appeared to Hermione.
So you can kiss the girl goodbyeThey cornered her at the end of the day, in the common room. They sat her down, and told her that they were concerned about her – was she feeling alright?
All they got for a response was a peal of laughter.
So they pressed on, saying that they thought she was under a lot of pressure and that she should relax some, that they had planned a special evening just for the three of them, that they had heard a rumor that she had actually accepted Draco Malfoy's assistance in carrying her books to class.
She sat there listening to them ramble on for a few minutes before speaking. Oh no, there was no way they could get her to release her new-found freedom, but she was a little reluctant to give up their friendship. So, she placed a hand on each of their arms, and explained the situation to them. No, she was not going to do their 'special evening,' no she wasn't under any particular amount of stress, no she wasn't under a hex that made her be nice to Draco Malfoy. Finally, she wasn't going to be everything that they had pegged her to be simply because that's what she had always been. She wanted to be friends still, but understood if they couldn't accept that. And with that, she kissed them each on the forehead and headed upstairs to bed.
Glancing over her shoulder at them, she smiled serenely down at them before taking the final step into her room and shutting the door behind her – placing all arguments that they might have come up with out of her hearing range for good.
Yes, kiss that girl goodbye.
Fin
A/N: Well, not entirely what I had in mind, but do tell what you think. I was going for a Hermione who suddenly realized that she had been painted into a corner, and decided to break free of the mold. Did it work? Tell me, tell me. Was it good, bad, horrid? Share your thoughts.