Cobra Claws Comes To Town Again

"What the hell are you all doing here?" Rogue glared at Mystique, Zartan and Zanya.

"Us? What about you?" Zanya shot back. "This is the last place we expected you goody goods to be here on Christmas Eve!"

"Well maybe Burke," Zartan snickered.

"Are you…pregnant?" Matt's eyes widened as he saw Mystique.

"Relax Burke for once you're off the hook!" Mystique snapped.

"Yeah nobody's that stupid to get her knocked up twice!" Zanya rolled her eyes.

"That's no way to talk about your stepmother!" Zartan snapped.

"YOUR WHAT?" Rogue screamed.

"You heard the man," Zanya growled.

"You mean you and him are…?" Kurt pointed at Mystique and Zartan.

"Married, yes…" Mystique sighed. "I think it's legal but I'm not sure."

"How can you not be sure you're legally married?" Rogue looked at her. "Never mind I don't want to know!"

"This is not my life…" Kurt moaned. "This can't be my life!"

"YOUR LIFE?" Zanya snapped. "You don't have to live with her! Or her future hell spawn."

"I think I am going to be violently ill…" Rogue shuddered. "Just what we need for Christmas, more psychotic relatives!"

"You poor poor bastard," Matt shook his head.

"I know, I know…" Zartan sighed. "You're not exactly the first person to tell me that."

"He's not even the first person to tell you that today!" Zanya told him.

"Even Mindbender bursts out laughing whenever he sees me," Zartan looked very depressed. "Mindbender! The man who has to grow his own dates from a petri dish feels sorry for me!"

"The Dreadnoks have a pool going to when you'll get a divorce," Zanya said. "Well maybe not a divorce. Three of them think she's gonna walk out on you and the others think you'll both kill each other."

"Is suicide an option?" Zartan asked.

"I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW?" Mystique shouted. "You know I'm starting to think of my time with the Brotherhood as the good old days! So you know that's bad! The Brotherhood Boardinghouse is a palace compared to the Dreadnok lair! Toad on his worst smelling day was never half as bad as the Dreadnoks' den! And I thought Blob ate a lot!"

"Well you could give him a real run for his money too ya know?" Zanya snapped.

"One more word from you missy and…" Mystique made a fist.

"Knock it off the both of you!" Zartan snapped. "We can't let them ruin the operation!"

"What operation?" Rogue glared at them.

Just then a huge tornado started to blow inside the building, "The one that stupid sailor and the drunk weather witch just crashed!" Mystique shouted as she hung on for dear life to a column.

Nearly the entire gang of mutants and Joes ran towards them and saw the carnage going on. "What's going on?" Scott shouted.

"Short version, Cobra's here trying something and Shipwreck and Storm are putting an end to it," Matt yelled over the wind. "In other news Mystique and Zartan have gotten married."

"WHAT?" Everyone else shouted.

"I don't believe it!" Pietro shouted.

"To be quite honest I can't think of two people who deserve each other more," Matt remarked.

"Actually I was referring to that!" Pietro pointed to the inside of the room. There were several Cobras holding on for dear life to the phones they were stationing. Several high ranking Cobras were in evening garb and it looked like they were putting on a show. In the middle of it Shipwreck was fighting with Destro and Ororo was making it snow and lightning on Cobra Commander and Mindbender.

"FRY! FRY! FRY! HAHAHAHAHA!" Ororo laughed drunkenly as her powers raged out of control.

"I TOLD YOU THIS STUPID TELETHON WAS A LOUSY IDEA!" Mindbender screamed.

"Oh shut up and run! YEOW!" Cobra Commander screamed.

"A telethon?" Jean looked at the scene. "Cobra is trying to raise money with a telethon?"

"Didn't they already try something like this?" Cover Girl asked.

"Yeah and I guess we're gonna go kick their butts again and stop 'em," Roadblock told her. "Come on, YO JOE!"

"So much for peace on earth," Scott groaned as the fighting escalated.

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"All right Frost what was so important that you had to drag me out here?" Magneto growled as he met Emma Frost on a rooftop somewhere.

"What are you talking about? You called me!" Emma snapped.

"I did no such thing it was…" Magneto shouted. A large portal opening up interrupted him.

"Happy Holidays!" Peter grinned as he, Illyana and the demons threw fruitcake at them, then disappeared.

"Well…" Emma stood there. "That clears things up!"

"I should have known…" Magneto wiped the fruitcake off his cape.

"Here's my New Year's Resolution…" Emma growled. "Make the X-Men's lives miserable!"

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"I can't believe we survived…" Scott moaned. "I can't believe we survived…"

"I can't believe the head snakes got away again," Roadblock grunted. The entire first floor of the Taj Mahal was covered in snow. "Or how much damage those two did."

"What I can't believe is that the people in the casinos are still playing despite all the damage!" Ray pointed to a casino. Many people were calmly playing the slot machines despite the floor having huge drifts of snow in them, including Kurt's parents.

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…" Ororo giggled drunkenly as Jean and Althea supported her.

"Man and I though my pop could put 'em away," Althea grunted.

"Uhhhhh," Shipwreck was being carried by Roadblock.

"Shipwreck remind me to kill you when Christmas is over," Roadblock grunted. "Or whenever you get sober."

"Looks like Remy missed the party," Remy came up herding some other people along.

"Where the hell were you?" Rogue snapped. "And who are they?"

"Take a closer look!" Remy pointed. There were two men and three women. One man was muscular with short red hair and glasses and the other man was huge with brown hair. The three black haired women looked exactly identical.

Remy shut off their image inducers one by one. "Uh hi guys," Jamie waved weakly.

"No wonder we couldn't find them!" Lance groaned.

"You used image inducers to sneak into the casinos?" Althea gasped. "Now why didn't we think of that?"

"How much did you win?" Fred asked.

"Fred!" Jean snapped. "You are all in such trouble!"

"We're not the only ones," Quinn pointed out.

"Guess who was cheating at the card table games?" Daria pointed to Remy.

"WHAT?" Rogue glared at Remy.

"Look at all the money in his pocket," Brittany took it out of Remy's coat.

"Thanks a lot!" He snapped.

"All right that's it!" Xavier snapped. "I've had enough! Kurt! Kitty! Round up your parents and lets get out of here before we all spend Christmas in jail!"

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"Well let's see," Jinx sighed as she looked around. "We got the Christmas tree back up and the babies put down. Cleaned up most of the mess in here. And Xi…"

"Well he seems to have calmed down somewhat…" Mr. Jones remarked. Xi was happily hugging a strange colorful soft pillow.

"Love me, love my Mogu," Xi purred.

Logan walked downstairs. "Well Jubilee's feeling a little better. Rina's with her. The good news is they're both bonding."

"And the bad news?" Jinx raised an eyebrow.

"They're figuring out new ways to destroy the FOH," Logan sighed. "But in an odd way it's making Jubilee feel better."

"Well as long as it stays only in the planning stage I guess we can overlook it," Jinx put her arms around him. "Guess this hasn't been a very merry Christmas for you has it?"

"Between the Kentucky Fried Santa, Jean's evil hag of a grandma and the kids going nuts it feels more like Armageddon than the most holy night of the year," Logan sighed.

"Well technically today is Christmas Day," Mr. Maddrox looked at his watch as he and his wife walked in.

"Maybe we should make breakfast or something?" Mrs. Maddrox asked. "I mean they might be hungry and…"

Suddenly a huge crowd materialized into the room. "OH MY!" Mrs. Maddrox gasped. "What the…?"

"Oh goody," Logan sighed. "The gang's finally all here! Where were all of you?"

"In Hell," Scott moaned.

"But how did you…?" Mr. Jones asked.

"Well it's supposed to be a secret," Jinx glared at them.

"Dad?" Angelica looked at her father. "Dad!" She ran over and hugged him.

"Jamie!" Mrs. Maddrox shouted and hugged her son. He accidentally made a copy of himself. So his father shrugged and hugged that one.

"Son!" Mr. Maddrox smiled. "Merry Christmas!"

"Angelica!" Mr. Jones hugged his daughter. "Why are you covered in food? And snow?"

"Jamie?" Mrs. Maddrox noticed something. "What's that in your jacket? Fifty-dollar bills? Poker Chips? Playing Cards? A phone number from someone named Fifi?"

"Heh," Jamie turned a little red. "Funny story…"

"I'm afraid it's been one of those nights," Roadblock sighed as he dropped Shipwreck on the floor. "Where we've been in quite a few fights."

"I don't even know where to begin with all of you!" Xavier snapped. "Especially since most of the adults weren't exactly setting a good example!"

"I don't feel so good…" Shipwreck moaned as he lay on the floor.

"Jingle bells…" Ororo sang drunkenly. Then she passed out.

"I have never been so disappointed and ashamed in my life," Xavier told them. "Causing destruction, covering rooms in toilet paper, stealing…"

"I didn't mean to take the shirt! Honest!" Mr. Masters had a shirt saying YOU'RE FIRED on it. " I was only trying it out for the size when…"

"I was referring to the students," Xavier looked at him. "Gambling…"

"But those slot machines were so colorful," Jimaine pouted.

"Yes and those Blackjack players certainly know how to cheat," Donald told him.

"Again I was talking about the students," Xavier put his hand on his head. "Getting drunk…"

"Yes," Shipwreck sat up. "Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame on you!"

"THAT TIME I WAS REFERRING YOU AND STORM YOU NITWIT!" Xavier shouted. "I don't see why we shouldn't just cancel the whole thing!"

"Cancel Christmas? You can't!" Mrs. Maddrox exclaimed.

"Really Xavier," Matt said. "Don't you think you're being a little too much like Scrooge?"

"No, I am being a man who has had enough," Xavier sighed.

"Okay so we got involved in a few fights and maybe one or two things haven't turned out exactly right," Roadblock began.

"One or two things?" Xavier looked at him. "Roadblock in the past few days we've had a visit from the police, several fights and new possible lawsuits, bigots insult us, rampant destruction topped off with a dead Santa! This isn't Christmas! This is the gates of Hell!"

"It doesn't seem that bad," A blonde showgirl said.

"Who are you?" Logan asked.

"Heh…" The Blind Master nervously chuckled. "Everybody this is Carol. Carol…Everyone."

"You picked up a date and let her teleport with the rest of us?" Lance's jaw dropped.

"Okay this I would expect from Shipwreck," Roadblock groaned. "Not from you! Why don't we just take an ad out in the paper? Come ride the Misfit Express!"

"Oh don't worry I won't tell nobody," Carol said. "Believe me I can keep a secret. I dated a mob boss and a senator. And guess which of the two had a lot more dirty laundry? Some of those guys in Washington are really sick."

"Look Xavier we all know that this year things haven't gone right," Low Light said. "But considering the trouble we usually get into its not really that bad. We should count our blessings."

"Like what?" Scott asked.

"Well, I'm grateful I know how to disable the security cameras of an entire casino for one," Low Light shrugged.

"I'm grateful in the fact that if I ever get busted by the cops I've got plenty more people to take the fall with me," Jesse groaned.

"That's the important thing," Cover Girl said. "Not the cop part but the fact that we're all together at this time of year. Sure maybe we fight a bit more than most families…"

"HA!" Scott scoffed.

"But in the end we all can count on each other," Mrs. Masters said. "I don't care how crazy things get! I wouldn't trade Alex for the world. And one of the best things about him is that through him my husband and I met all of you."

"You mean you're actually glad you're associated with all of us?" Logan looked at her.

"Well yes," Mrs. Masters said.

"They say variety is the spice of life," Stephan shrugged. "And you cannot get much more variety than this I tell you that."

"Okay so this is a pretty odd and occasionally violent family," Matt said. "But…You can't deny we've done some pretty good things as well. We did stop a Cobra plot tonight you know. All right it wasn't one of Cobra's better plots but still…"

"Got my cousin back on his medication," Fred nodded. "And we managed to give all the stolen money back."

"Well most of it," Scott eyed the money Jamie had.

"Just being here with my little girl is enough for me," Mr. Jones said. "And now that I know she has people who care about her, and there are parents like me and I'm not alone anymore…"

"I think we've all accepted the fact that our kids are never going to have a normal life," Mr. Maddrox said. "But here…They have acceptance and a family."

"Oh you guys are all so sweet!" Carol twittered. "Who knew mutants had such interesting lives. And you're a lot more family oriented than a certain Governor that my brother once dated."

"Well Xavier you wanted peace and acceptance between mutants and humans," Cover Girl said. "Here it is."

"Yes, but did it have to be this group of humans?" Xavier muttered underneath his breath.

"You're all right!" Shipwreck sat up sobbing. "This whole thing is my fault. The only reason I took her to Atlantic City was for her to get over the fact that I exposed her nephew as a two timing backstabbing killer! I never wanted to hurt her…All I wanted was to make Ororo happy again."

"Aw Dad," Althea hugged her father.

"And then maybe ring her sleigh bells if you get my drift," He sniffed.

Althea instantly dropped him. "Okay that's enough of this. Let's go open some gifts."

"Well the ones the babies didn't tear up anyway," Logan sighed.

"MEOW!"

"SQUAWK!"

"ROAR!"

CRASH!

"Oh great!" Jinx looked inside the library. "The cat, the bird and the flying lizard knocked down the Christmas tree again!"

"PRESENTS!" Claudius and Barney screamed as they started to climb downstairs.

"What is all the noise down here?" Rina asked as she and Jubilee picked up the babies and came downstairs.

"We're all going to open presents and stuff so come on down!" Bobby called out. The entire group started to go into the library. "What about Shipwreck?"

"Just leave him there," Althea indicated her father on the floor.

"What's wrong with you two?" Logan asked as he saw Rogue and Kurt. Both looked very shaken.

"You don't wanna know," Rogue moaned. "Trust me, you don't want to know!"

Meanwhile back at the Taj Mahal a very confused Donald Trump looked at the damage. "George! Caroyln! What the hell happened here?"

"We're not exactly sure, Donald," George shook his head. "The police say terrorists invaded but the security men say mutants and aliens showed up. From what we could make out on the security tapes I think they're both right!"

"The cost of damages is estimated to over five million dollars," Caroyln told him. "And for some reason the entire hotel is out of toilet paper."

"No wonder my casinos are going bankrupt," Trump moaned. "They keep attracting all these nuts!"

Stay tuned for the final chapter! Who's gonna get fired? Whoops, wrong show!