Why Snape Never Washed His Hair

And other odd stuff

It had felt like a normal day to everyone. The Slytherins and Gryffindors bickered before potions class, but no major fights erupted. The class waited impatiently for their professor to arrive. Harry, Ron and Hermione sat at the back of the class, as far away from Snape's desk as possible. At the table in front of the trio sat Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil, who were giggling quietly.

"You know who I saw snogging in the hall this morning?" Lavender asked Parvati, throwing a blonde pigtail over her shoulder. Paravti grinned and whispered, "Who?"

"Seamus Finnigan and Ginny Weasley!"

Parvati looked scandalized and covered her mouth with her manicured hand. "No way!" she said, shaking her head, eyes the size of saucers. "Seamus likes girls?!"

Lavender grinned. "Yep. You sent him into the closet, and Ginny yanked him out!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, wondering if those two empty headed imbeciles did anything other than giggle and gossip. Across the room sat Draco Malfoy, the ferret prat himself, between his two thug-like cronies Crabbe and Goyle.

Malfoy was having what appeared to be a pep talk with the two of them. Goyle had just gotten dumped by his first girlfriend and appeared to have been crying. Draco had his arm around the bulky boys shoulder, talking to him in a soothing manner.

"Now, don't cry Goyle. Your worth does not depend on how many people want to date you. You are a beautiful person. Don't you think so Crabbe? See- Crabbe agrees. And you have to be the strongest person I know. Who else can hold down three squealing Gryffindors at the same time? Feel a little better? Good. Chin up, gorgeous!"

Neville was sitting near the front of the class beside Seamus, and they were both grinning ear to ear about something.

"Yeah, you gotta try the internet. It's totally awesome! I was looking up porn over the holidays," Seamus said in a hushed tone so that the girls sitting behind him wouldn't hear. "and you know whose picture came up?" he asked, a crooked smile on his face.

Neville frowned, feeling a little guilty talking about that kind of thing. Curiosity got the better of him though, and he obliged.

"Alright, who?"

"Professor McGonagal!"

A few minutes later, Professor Snape gracefully strode into the room, voluminous black robes billowing behind him. The usual scowl was on his face, but something seemed different.

For one thing, all of the girls were swooning. Everyones breath had caught in their throat, and now they were staring at him in shock. Well, the girls' looks could have been described as a mix between shock and delight.

"What are you all staring at?" he asked distastefully, not sure what to make of all the girls sighing whistfully as he walked past them. Hermione held her face in her hands, a dazed look on her normally alert features.

"Professor Snape….Your hair…" she murmured, watching him as if in a trance. Snape rose one eyebrow in confusion and glared at her.

"Granger, 5 points from Gryffindor for not being specific." He said, feeling a little pleased. No one seemed to care at the moment though.

"Professor?" Parvati asked hopefully, eyes shining. "Can I touch your hair?"

Snape looked absolutely appalled and began backing away.

"You washed your hair. It's soooo beautiful, and shiney, and long and soft. Oh, can we please feel it?" Lavender said, standing from her chair.

"And smell it?" added Seamus hopefully. Apparently, he had gone back into the closet when Snape decided to use Herbal Essences.

"EVERYONE SIT DOWN AND SHUT-UP! YOU MAY NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TOUCH MY HAIR, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" he shouted, running behind his desk.

The trove of girls that stampeded to his desk didn't seem to hear him. Shouts of "You look so sexy!" and "I want to have your children!" and "Oooh, Professor, I've been a naughty boy, I need detention!" assaulted his ears.

This was why Severus Snape didn't wash his hair.

Authors Note: Please Review! I love getting any kind of feedback.