Disclaimer: I did not sleep with that women. Errr… sorry, wrong one. Lets try again.

I do not own any anime series, depending on what your definition of 'own' is.

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Nermia Prefecture, Dr.Opus's Wellness Center
Miko Mido's Office 3rd Floor

Miko relaxed in the hot tub, naked as a jay bird… minus the feathers of course. The feathered costumes she had on hand just weren't waterproof. She'd have to see about fixing that once she'd settled in. At the very least she needed to get them scotchguarded.

Sighing happily, she read through the file on one Ranma Satome/Ranko Tendo, carefully holding it above the bubbling water. Blinking at the mass of contradictory information in the file she began to wonder exactly how things had gotten this confusing.They couldn't even determine the sex of the guy/girl involved for very long.

'Hermaphrodite maybe?'

It would explain the gender confusion at least. Two separate doctors had examined the… patient and arrived at two completely different and contradictory answers. It was the only answer that made sense. The dual names might have something to do with some of the marriage agreements mentioned in the file, five complete pages of 11 ½ inch legal paper, filled out front and back, listing engagements and or marriage contracts… in very small print

At first glance she thought it was crazy, upon realizing that it was just an index with references to the 28 volume legal documents available she knew it was!

'Multiple marriage agreements… for both male and female? This just gets stranger and stranger.'

She paused as she read the dual stats for height and weight, as well as hair color.

'That can't be right. I can buy a hermaphrodite confusing a couple of docs who had only heard about the condition before, but the nurses take the vital stats and there's no way they would screw up something like this. This has to be some sort of a mistake.'

A rustle from near her desk drew her attention away from the file she was reading. Silently she slipped out of the hot tub, setting the file on the wetbar as she passed it, intent on her quarry.

'Shikima?'

Slinking around her desk she saw a diminutive figure rummaging through her 'costumes' closet.

With a startled cry of "Underwear Gnomes!", she dove forward trying to capture it.

Dodging aside, the small figure fumbled the pile of feminine undergarments it was collecting, sending them flying.

"My silkies!"

Happosai was shocked at the speed the new Doc had demonstrated as well as her stealth. Her license said Sex Therapist not kunoichi! Being the master of martial arts that he was, it took only a fraction of a second for Happosai to realize his opponent was naked and female, Very female! With a speed and grace that bellied his age and all laws of physics he did a quick 180º turn in midair and headed straight for her welcoming bosom. At least he was until she called out "Nipple cutter!" and her nipples began to glow a harsh red.

With eyes widening in horror Happosai once again thumbed his nose at the laws of gravity and inertia by zipping downward between her legs. The fact that he didn't even stop for a quick grope on the way through and seemed to be avoiding touching her naked flesh altogether, made Sasuke gasp out in disbelief. If Happosai was no longer groping beautiful naked women then something was seriously wrong. The next thing you knew Akane would admit she couldn't cook or Master Kuno would start making sense! Well… let's not go that far.

Unfortunately the startled gasp had drawn her attention and Sasuke found himself dodging her as well when her left foot had knocked him from his hiding place behind the houseplant.

Nin-Nin, upon seeing his mistress in danger, dove from his hiding place in the ventilation system. He had planned to help his mistress, unfortunately he had just replaced his own Ninjawear™ and resembled the other two more then his usual disreputable self.

"Aaarrrggghhh! Ninja Underwear Gnomes!"

The battle quickly degenerated into an all out brawl, as all four had completely different goals in mind.

Happosai was trying to escape, but kept pausing to try and regain his silky treasures.

Sasuke was just trying to avoid being flattened, but kept finding himself thrown back into the fight by Happosai, who was using him as a distraction.

Nin-Nin was alternately attacking the two and trying to avoid being hit by his Mistress.

Miko was just trying to flatten the three.

It was at that point that Ranma entered her office.

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-----------------Nermia Prefecture, Dr.Opus's Wellness Center -----------------
...Ward B - Male Side...

Ukyou grumbled to herself, while trying to get out of the straight jacket they'd put her in.

Who would have guessed that trying to kill your roommate was against the rules? She was sure that if she had succeeded she could have gotten away with justifiable homicide. It was bad enough that he had stayed up all night writing bad poetry and babbling like an idiot, but morning had shown a new horror. Ukyou shuddered slightly in remembrance.

She wasn't fond of that Jackass and considered being placed in the same room for a prolonged period of time was a form of slow torture, but she was prepared to put up with all that and more to get to spend some time with her honey. What she hadn't been prepared for was for Kuno to start making sense.

It had started off slowly. Kuno would occasionally say something that made a little sense while throwing yet another one of his crappy poems in the trash, but as morning approached he had started to make more and more sense and that just could not be borne.

Take away her freedom? Fine. She could deal with that.

Take away her dignity? Not a problem. She could handle that.

Take away her sanity? Not a chance!

The last thing she wanted was to end up like the rest of the Nermian weirdoes.

Futilely struggling against the 'I-Love-Me' jacket she muttered various curses under her breath.

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"Dr.Okamoto?"

The Doc glanced up from his vacation request form. "Yes, Can I help you?"

Entering the office, one of the nurse guys… err orderlies looked a bit nervous. "I know you asked us to do a quiet check on the patients in the ward to make sure they were all the proper sex and well…"

"Out with it son, I don't bite."

Relaxing a little the orderly cleared his throat and spoke up once more. "One of the patients in room 37 has breasts. I noticed them while we were breaking up a fight between her and her roommate."

Dr.Okamoto nodded to himself. He had thought one of them seemed a bit off. In retrospect it was rather obvious. "Don't worry son, I'll handle it. You did the right thing."

Ushering the man out of his office, he quickly finished his paperwork and told his secretary to have Ms. Kuno assigned to the female side of the ward after a three day 'Gender Acceptance' course.

'The love poetry should have been a dead giveaway. I guess the files for Tatewaki and Kodachi got mixed up.'

Picking up his suitcase and dropping the completed vacation request form (marked NOW!!! in purple crayon) on his desk, Dr.Okamoto left his office and this story.