Disclaimer: I don't own Shadow hearts.
A/N I though I would thank all of you who reviewed this. It means a lot to me to see how many of you enjoyed it.
As I walk to her grave my memories of her flood out. Who knew someone as arrogant and unpolished could ever win over her heart. You are an angel among a legion of devils as far as I'm concerned. I can't believe that the little innocent Alice would fall in love with me. She gave up everything for me and the world and I couldn't do anything to save her. I should be under the dirt. Men like me are about a dime a dozen. The tears begin to fall from my eyes. Six months since I last heard your voice but how could I ever forget the voice of my angel. I feel so helpless now. First mom and now Alice, what are my god forsaken powers good for? Sure I am a god slayer now but who cares if I can't save the ones I love. I may have tapped into the ultimate fusion but what good is it if I don't have someone to protect? I give you my mother's cross. All these memories it bears mom, dad, and me. I pass this on to you Alice Elliot. I wish we were still on that train, you were asleep. I'd give you an affectionate kiss and you'd wake up. Alas you left me in this cold world alone, deprived of all my happiness. I walk over and run my fingers down your hand. The stone as cold as the reality without you. I kiss my fingers and touch your grave. I dug it with my own hands Alice, and weak from the loss of you I collapsed. You haunt my every thought. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you and sleep only increases the burden for every night I lose you all over again. Each time you slip out of my hands and while the masks laugh at me. Those masks I wish I could draw them out here and show them how I truly feel. Maybe if I could've you'd still be with me. For me each day I grow older while in our hearts and in our memories you are always the perfect little flower you always were. I bend down to your grave, the black stone mirrors the darkness in my heart. Each day I stare into the abyss of my soul wondering when the monster I keep tightly locked away might escape and run free.
"Alice Elliot I love you and no woman will ever take your place." I say.
Too little too late. Such a gift from god, he took you back way too soon.
"At least your safe now. Zhuzhen joined you and sea mama a few months back. I'm worried that everyone I know is soon going to leave me again. Keith went back to sleep, Margarete went back to spying, and Halley went to America with Koudelka and I'm alone again. Well not completely alone, I have Gepetto, a puppeteer for company though I'd rather be with you at this point." I tell her.
I know I'm pathetic. A man who slain a god caught up over a girl but fate is odd that way.
"Truthfully I can't say whether I want you here or not. This world is becoming chaotic in his day and age. I fear what the insanity of this world may bring. The countries of this world arm themselves for war. I know this would distress you so much. You cared so much for life. I know that much because somehow you fell in love with me despite my coarse words and impure thoughts. I miss you my love." I say.
I personally don't know don't know if you can here me but I find this is my only solace in this harsh world. I know I must march forward or be left behind but sometimes I fall behind. It is my angel's voice whom I hear encouraging me forward, but I'm not sure how much farther I can march. With each step I feel a growing desire to lag behind and join you.
"Please Alice my angel please guide me until I hear you calling me home. Home with you, mom, and dad." I tell her.
I hold on desperately to my grasp on reality but I'm starting to slip. Of course it's so hard to hang on when you want to let go so badly.