A/N: Well here is another
weird chapter to my even weirder fic. In the beginning it bounces back
and forth between Harry and Draco but don't worry you'll know who is
who. Also I am SO!!!!!! Happy to finally be getting this posted. I've
had this ready for like two days now and I couldn't post it because of
the problems ff.net was experiencing. Well nothing else to say so on to
the fic!
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter Harry and Draco would have gotten together by now! Also to be on the safe side I do not own Linkin Park either because I use something I saw off of their "Breaking the Habit" video. Once again this is just to be on the safe side.
Warning: This chapter contains slash (boyXboy), suicidal themes, and mentions of abuse. If any of these make you feel uncomfortable I suggest you leave. If you flame me for any of these things, hey I warned ya!
%%%%%%%
'I want it all to end, I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to live anymore, I just want to die. Nobody loves me, nobody ever has and nobody ever will. He was right I am nothing and I do deserve to die. I thought that if I kept performing the Cruciatous Curse on myself all of the pain would disappear, but it didn't. So tonight it is all going to end, I'm going to break that habit and just slip away. Besides nobody will even miss me, nobody will even care that I'm gone.'
&%&
Harry raced through the dungeon corridors; opening every door he came to, praying to God that he didn't arrive to late to save him.
He turned the corner to see two doors at the end of the hallway; he raced down to them and opened them. The first one he found a broom closet, and the second he found cleaning fluids. 'Dammit! Where could he be?' Harry thought to himself. He turned around and began sprinting off to find more doors.
&%&
'I tried finding love but I failed miserably. He never loved me; he despised me and beat me screaming at me that I am a disgrace to the family name. She never loved even though she has suffered along with me. Nobody ever loved me and nobody ever will.'
&%&
Harry continued his search for Draco Malfoy opening every door he passed by, turning every corridor he came to, and cursing loudly when he opened the door to find any thing other than Draco Malfoy. 'God where are you Draco, please don't do anything you will regret, just wait until I get there. Just wait for me.'
&%&
'He always told me I am nothing. She always told me I am nothing. Everybody has always told me I am nothing. I am nothing, I am nothing. I am nothing and I always will be.'
&%&
Harry turned down what had to be the one hundredth hallway that night, he saw at the end a single door. Making a mad dash for the door, praying to God he wouldn't open it to see something horrible inside, he arrived and opened the door. He was relived to open it and see Draco Malfoy standing inside, but when he saw Draco and saw what was on the walls, the color (if any) that remained in his face drained, his eyes widened in shock, and he thought he was going to be sick.
Standing in the middle of the room holding a bloody knife was Draco Malfoy. He had cuts all over his body and blood running down his arms and legs. Harry could also see blood matted in his blond hair and saw blood running down his face as well. Harry also noticed that he was crying and with the blood mixing with his tears it looked as though he was shedding tears of blood. Written on the wall behind him in what Harry realized was Draco's blood were the words, "I Am Nothing." Harry just looked from the wall to Draco and then back to the wall.
Draco looked shocked when he entered the room, as he hadn't expected anyone to find him. "How the hell did you find me Potter?" asked the puzzled Draco.
"Dobby the house elf told me. Oh my god Draco, why are you doing this to yourself?" asked Harry in a shaking voice.
"Why? Why you ask? Because I want out of here! Here where I am hated, where I am beaten, nobody wants me here and I don't want to be here either!" said Draco as he began to cry harder.
Harry took a step towards Draco, "That's not true, nobody hates you and nobody wants you to leave" Harry said as an attempt to try and calm Draco down.
"Yes they do! The entire fucking wizarding world wants to see me burn in hell!" Draco said backing away from the advancing Harry.
"Please don't do this Draco just calm down and we'll talk about this" Harry said as he began raising his hands and kept moving towards Draco.
"No! Stay away or I'll do it!" Draco screamed holding the knife to his throat.
Harry immediately stopped dead in his tracks. "Don't do it, please Draco!" said Harry in a panicked voice.
"Shut up! You don't know what its like for me! Having been beaten every time you go home! Having your father scream at you what a disgrace you are to the family and how he wishes you were dead! You have it easy! Harry Potter The-Boy-Who-Lived, always getting what ever he wants! Always having tons of people love and admire you! Never having to deal with real pain like the rest of us!" screamed Draco.
"Never having to deal with real pain? What do you think my entire life has been! Ever since I was a baby I've had to deal with real pain!" Harry yelled, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.
"Oh boo hoo! You've had to live without parents you don't even remember! Boo hoo you had to defeat Voldemort! So what you'll never know what I've gone through because of you!" yelled Draco, still holding the knife to his throat.
"Did you ever once stop to think what kind of an impact that entire ordeal had on me! Countless of innocent people are dead because of me! Because they loved and admired me so much they went and threw their lives away just to save me! Molly Weasley died to save me! Bill, Charlie, Fred, and George died to save me! Cedric Diggory died because of me! All because I told him to take the cup with me so we would both win the Triwizard Tournament! My Godfather died because I made a stupid mistake! Do have any idea what it is like to carry that kind of weight on your shoulders?" yelled Harry in a choking voice as tears began screaming down his face. "I'm sorry that you have been abused all of your life but your not the only one who has had to deal with pain!"
Draco Malfoy lowered his knife at these words.
"Do you know how many times I tried killing myself? I must have tried over fifty times but I never went through with it because I knew it would be an insult to their memories if I did. They would have died for nothing." Harry began walking towards Draco, "Please don't do it I couldn't stand it if someone else I cared about left me."
Draco backed up until he felt his back hit the wall, "You're lying! You don't care about me! Nobody does!"
Harry stepped up so that he was right in front of Draco. Close enough that Draco could see the tears pouring out those emerald pools. Close enough that Harry could see all of the pain in those gray silvery orbs. Close enough so they could both feel each other's breath on their skin. "Draco I care about you more than you could ever imagine" and with these words Harry leaned forward planting his lips on Draco's.
Draco dropped his knife as his eyes widened in shock. Harry pulled away and looked into Draco's eyes to see confusion in them. He then wrapped his arms around the other boy's waist and began to cry into his chest. "Please don't leave me Draco, I don't know what I would do without you! I love you!"
With these words all of the urge to kill himself began to leave Draco's body, all he felt like doing was crying. Crying until he couldn't cry anymore. He looked into Harry's emerald green eyes and seeing all the love in them put his head on Harry's shoulder, and began to cry into his lover's arms.
Harry sank down to the floor still holding the crying Draco in his arms. He put a comforting arm around Draco and tried to calm him down. "Shh, It's ok. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you always, I'll stay by your side until the day I die."
Draco looked up and Harry, red eyed and puffy he professed his love for the savior of the wizarding world, "I love you too, and I'm sorry Harry. I'm sorry for what I said to you, and I'm..."
Harry had placed his soft pink lips over Draco's once again to quiet the boy. Draco closed his eyes and began melting into the kiss. Draco began returning the kiss and could feel the other boy's needy tongue trying to gain entrance, Draco granted it. He loved the feeling of Harry's tongue exploring every crevice of his mouth and was sad when he had to break the kiss for air. "It's ok, I forgive you. I know what its like to say things you don't mean." Harry pulled Draco closer to his own body, "I'll help heal the all the pain you've had to go through. I don't ever want to see you cry again Draco."
Draco smiled up at Harry and put his head back down on Harry's shoulder. For the first time in Draco's entire life he was truly happy at the moment and he felt a little bit of the pain inside him disappear as he clung to the body of the man he loved.
%%%%%%%
A/N: Ok, yes the ending got a little fluffy/corny but oh well. I had a different ending for this chapter but I hated it, it sucked! So I decided to type this in stead. I hope you guys like it! Forgive me for spelling/grammatical errors, I'm only human! Ok time for thank you's!
December Jewel: Hey are you the same December Jewel who reviewed chapter 2? Just curious. Anyway thanx so much for your review it made me laugh! You see Draco is ok! Trust me I would never kill him, well at least not in this fic anyway. I have been considering a suicide fic with the both of them in it but that is still in the works. Anyway getting off topic once again thanx for reviewing!
SilverDragon161: Thanx so much for reviewing and of course Harry was going to find Draco in time! Honestly people I'm not going to kill him off! Then where would I be? Once again thanx for reviewing!
HOnEySky: Well they are happy at the end of this chapter so does that count? Of course there happiness may not last for very long! Mwhahahahahaha!
Freddysgurl8904: Hey I love your name! Sorry I just had to say that! Once again I would never kill Draco! If I did that would be the end of the fic and it would kinda be a dumb ending. Well someone will die by the end but who will it be? Hmmm...
AJHEETRACTOR(): Dude what is up with your name? That is so cool! I love it! Anyways thanx so much for reviewing and I shall be writing more in the future but first I'm going to finish this fic.
h0n3yduk3s sweetie: Oh thanx so much for reviewing! Once again I loved your RonXHermoine fic! It kicked serious ass! I know what its like to start a fic and then never get the chance to review so don't worry about it (if you were. I don't know) Thanx so much for giving my slash fic a try. You never know what will happen when you give something a try!
Alrighty well I'm off to post this. Oh I am going to be doing this from now on (I think) I will recommend a Harry Potter fic you guys might like, this chapters is "A New Darkness" by lilysunshine it is kinda weird but really good! It's in my fav.'s section. Also for RonXHermoine fans go check out h0n3yduk3s sweetie's fic "Whatever Comes" that is also in my fav.'s. Well to all those mentioned above thanx again for reviewing and to all you new people please review. If you don't then it hurts my feelings T-T, that and I don't update forever!
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter Harry and Draco would have gotten together by now! Also to be on the safe side I do not own Linkin Park either because I use something I saw off of their "Breaking the Habit" video. Once again this is just to be on the safe side.
Warning: This chapter contains slash (boyXboy), suicidal themes, and mentions of abuse. If any of these make you feel uncomfortable I suggest you leave. If you flame me for any of these things, hey I warned ya!
%%%%%%%
'I want it all to end, I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to live anymore, I just want to die. Nobody loves me, nobody ever has and nobody ever will. He was right I am nothing and I do deserve to die. I thought that if I kept performing the Cruciatous Curse on myself all of the pain would disappear, but it didn't. So tonight it is all going to end, I'm going to break that habit and just slip away. Besides nobody will even miss me, nobody will even care that I'm gone.'
&%&
Harry raced through the dungeon corridors; opening every door he came to, praying to God that he didn't arrive to late to save him.
He turned the corner to see two doors at the end of the hallway; he raced down to them and opened them. The first one he found a broom closet, and the second he found cleaning fluids. 'Dammit! Where could he be?' Harry thought to himself. He turned around and began sprinting off to find more doors.
&%&
'I tried finding love but I failed miserably. He never loved me; he despised me and beat me screaming at me that I am a disgrace to the family name. She never loved even though she has suffered along with me. Nobody ever loved me and nobody ever will.'
&%&
Harry continued his search for Draco Malfoy opening every door he passed by, turning every corridor he came to, and cursing loudly when he opened the door to find any thing other than Draco Malfoy. 'God where are you Draco, please don't do anything you will regret, just wait until I get there. Just wait for me.'
&%&
'He always told me I am nothing. She always told me I am nothing. Everybody has always told me I am nothing. I am nothing, I am nothing. I am nothing and I always will be.'
&%&
Harry turned down what had to be the one hundredth hallway that night, he saw at the end a single door. Making a mad dash for the door, praying to God he wouldn't open it to see something horrible inside, he arrived and opened the door. He was relived to open it and see Draco Malfoy standing inside, but when he saw Draco and saw what was on the walls, the color (if any) that remained in his face drained, his eyes widened in shock, and he thought he was going to be sick.
Standing in the middle of the room holding a bloody knife was Draco Malfoy. He had cuts all over his body and blood running down his arms and legs. Harry could also see blood matted in his blond hair and saw blood running down his face as well. Harry also noticed that he was crying and with the blood mixing with his tears it looked as though he was shedding tears of blood. Written on the wall behind him in what Harry realized was Draco's blood were the words, "I Am Nothing." Harry just looked from the wall to Draco and then back to the wall.
Draco looked shocked when he entered the room, as he hadn't expected anyone to find him. "How the hell did you find me Potter?" asked the puzzled Draco.
"Dobby the house elf told me. Oh my god Draco, why are you doing this to yourself?" asked Harry in a shaking voice.
"Why? Why you ask? Because I want out of here! Here where I am hated, where I am beaten, nobody wants me here and I don't want to be here either!" said Draco as he began to cry harder.
Harry took a step towards Draco, "That's not true, nobody hates you and nobody wants you to leave" Harry said as an attempt to try and calm Draco down.
"Yes they do! The entire fucking wizarding world wants to see me burn in hell!" Draco said backing away from the advancing Harry.
"Please don't do this Draco just calm down and we'll talk about this" Harry said as he began raising his hands and kept moving towards Draco.
"No! Stay away or I'll do it!" Draco screamed holding the knife to his throat.
Harry immediately stopped dead in his tracks. "Don't do it, please Draco!" said Harry in a panicked voice.
"Shut up! You don't know what its like for me! Having been beaten every time you go home! Having your father scream at you what a disgrace you are to the family and how he wishes you were dead! You have it easy! Harry Potter The-Boy-Who-Lived, always getting what ever he wants! Always having tons of people love and admire you! Never having to deal with real pain like the rest of us!" screamed Draco.
"Never having to deal with real pain? What do you think my entire life has been! Ever since I was a baby I've had to deal with real pain!" Harry yelled, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.
"Oh boo hoo! You've had to live without parents you don't even remember! Boo hoo you had to defeat Voldemort! So what you'll never know what I've gone through because of you!" yelled Draco, still holding the knife to his throat.
"Did you ever once stop to think what kind of an impact that entire ordeal had on me! Countless of innocent people are dead because of me! Because they loved and admired me so much they went and threw their lives away just to save me! Molly Weasley died to save me! Bill, Charlie, Fred, and George died to save me! Cedric Diggory died because of me! All because I told him to take the cup with me so we would both win the Triwizard Tournament! My Godfather died because I made a stupid mistake! Do have any idea what it is like to carry that kind of weight on your shoulders?" yelled Harry in a choking voice as tears began screaming down his face. "I'm sorry that you have been abused all of your life but your not the only one who has had to deal with pain!"
Draco Malfoy lowered his knife at these words.
"Do you know how many times I tried killing myself? I must have tried over fifty times but I never went through with it because I knew it would be an insult to their memories if I did. They would have died for nothing." Harry began walking towards Draco, "Please don't do it I couldn't stand it if someone else I cared about left me."
Draco backed up until he felt his back hit the wall, "You're lying! You don't care about me! Nobody does!"
Harry stepped up so that he was right in front of Draco. Close enough that Draco could see the tears pouring out those emerald pools. Close enough that Harry could see all of the pain in those gray silvery orbs. Close enough so they could both feel each other's breath on their skin. "Draco I care about you more than you could ever imagine" and with these words Harry leaned forward planting his lips on Draco's.
Draco dropped his knife as his eyes widened in shock. Harry pulled away and looked into Draco's eyes to see confusion in them. He then wrapped his arms around the other boy's waist and began to cry into his chest. "Please don't leave me Draco, I don't know what I would do without you! I love you!"
With these words all of the urge to kill himself began to leave Draco's body, all he felt like doing was crying. Crying until he couldn't cry anymore. He looked into Harry's emerald green eyes and seeing all the love in them put his head on Harry's shoulder, and began to cry into his lover's arms.
Harry sank down to the floor still holding the crying Draco in his arms. He put a comforting arm around Draco and tried to calm him down. "Shh, It's ok. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you always, I'll stay by your side until the day I die."
Draco looked up and Harry, red eyed and puffy he professed his love for the savior of the wizarding world, "I love you too, and I'm sorry Harry. I'm sorry for what I said to you, and I'm..."
Harry had placed his soft pink lips over Draco's once again to quiet the boy. Draco closed his eyes and began melting into the kiss. Draco began returning the kiss and could feel the other boy's needy tongue trying to gain entrance, Draco granted it. He loved the feeling of Harry's tongue exploring every crevice of his mouth and was sad when he had to break the kiss for air. "It's ok, I forgive you. I know what its like to say things you don't mean." Harry pulled Draco closer to his own body, "I'll help heal the all the pain you've had to go through. I don't ever want to see you cry again Draco."
Draco smiled up at Harry and put his head back down on Harry's shoulder. For the first time in Draco's entire life he was truly happy at the moment and he felt a little bit of the pain inside him disappear as he clung to the body of the man he loved.
%%%%%%%
A/N: Ok, yes the ending got a little fluffy/corny but oh well. I had a different ending for this chapter but I hated it, it sucked! So I decided to type this in stead. I hope you guys like it! Forgive me for spelling/grammatical errors, I'm only human! Ok time for thank you's!
December Jewel: Hey are you the same December Jewel who reviewed chapter 2? Just curious. Anyway thanx so much for your review it made me laugh! You see Draco is ok! Trust me I would never kill him, well at least not in this fic anyway. I have been considering a suicide fic with the both of them in it but that is still in the works. Anyway getting off topic once again thanx for reviewing!
SilverDragon161: Thanx so much for reviewing and of course Harry was going to find Draco in time! Honestly people I'm not going to kill him off! Then where would I be? Once again thanx for reviewing!
HOnEySky: Well they are happy at the end of this chapter so does that count? Of course there happiness may not last for very long! Mwhahahahahaha!
Freddysgurl8904: Hey I love your name! Sorry I just had to say that! Once again I would never kill Draco! If I did that would be the end of the fic and it would kinda be a dumb ending. Well someone will die by the end but who will it be? Hmmm...
AJHEETRACTOR(): Dude what is up with your name? That is so cool! I love it! Anyways thanx so much for reviewing and I shall be writing more in the future but first I'm going to finish this fic.
h0n3yduk3s sweetie: Oh thanx so much for reviewing! Once again I loved your RonXHermoine fic! It kicked serious ass! I know what its like to start a fic and then never get the chance to review so don't worry about it (if you were. I don't know) Thanx so much for giving my slash fic a try. You never know what will happen when you give something a try!
Alrighty well I'm off to post this. Oh I am going to be doing this from now on (I think) I will recommend a Harry Potter fic you guys might like, this chapters is "A New Darkness" by lilysunshine it is kinda weird but really good! It's in my fav.'s section. Also for RonXHermoine fans go check out h0n3yduk3s sweetie's fic "Whatever Comes" that is also in my fav.'s. Well to all those mentioned above thanx again for reviewing and to all you new people please review. If you don't then it hurts my feelings T-T, that and I don't update forever!