Umm... okay, in this chapter Kaiba's kinda, way Ooc, I think. I tried to do better, but I'm really not that good at it, so I apologize ahead of time. Anyways sorry it took so long, but hopefully the length will make up for it. Also, I decided I like the Japanese name for Joey better, so I'm going to call him Jounouchi. Sorry if this confuses anyone, but I don't think it'll affect the story much.
Happy Christmas to you all, and a Merry new year!.
Dedication- to my little sister, who thinks it's stupid, but helped me anyway.
"Talking"
'Thinking'
Time-lapse character change, yada, yada, yada.
Last Chp- I was left to sleep in the puzzle, waves of comfort from my light washing over me.
Chp. 5-Memories of the Past, Hints of the Future
(Kaiba's pov)
"What the hell..." I opened my eyes and saw the bathroom ceiling.
'What happened? Where's Jou...Wheeler' 'Did I just call him...' I shook my head. Something wasn't right. When I stood up I was slightly dizzy.
'Seth?' I called out, unsure if it had all been a dream.
'I'm here Seto.'
'What the hell happened?' I snapped.
'You remember the wall falling... right?'
'Yes, now tell me what the fuck happened already!' I snapped. I was in no mood to beat around the bush.
'Well, part of the wall fell on you, and knocked you out. Yami took Jounouchi, umm, Joey, to the ambulance. I said I'd take care of you. Your bodyguards are looking for you, you know.'
'Why? What time is it?'
'It's about 3:00pm... school ended and hour and 15 minutes ago.'
'Shit! Let's go!' I gracefully jumped up and ran towards the exit, into the hall, and smack into Roland, one of my bodyguards.
"Mr. Kaiba! Where have you been?"
I regained my composure quickly, and pasted a look of anger on my face. Roland flinched a little, but held his ground.
"Since when is it your business where I've been?" I spat out icily. Roland had known me since I was a kid though, I knew I didn't fool him. He heard the tiniest bit of relief in my voice that only he and Mokie were ever able to detect.
"Since you were a young boy and I had to keep you out of trouble. We were worried, you know." He added softly, as an afterthought.
"I had a little run in with a wall." I rolled my eyes at him.
"You... ran into a wall?" 0.0
"NO! I was checking the construction to see if this school was actually going to improve, and a weak wall collapsed on me, knocking me out." I glared furiously at the thought of me, Seto Kaiba, running into a wall. Kaiba's do NOT run into walls.
"Oh! Are you all right Mr. Kaiba?"
"I'll be fine. Now let's go home. I want you to cancel all my appointments for the day, I need to rest."
"Yes Mr. Kaiba." He bowed slightly, leading me back to the Limo and calling the others on his cell.
I saw many relieved faces climb into sleek black cars, but I knew only about 5 of them had actually been worried.
'Seto?'
I started.
'Seth? I told you not to do that without warning me first! What do you want?'
'I was wondering... will you really be all right?'
'I'll be fine. Now what do you really want?' I asked impatiently.
'Would you mind overly much if I went to the pharaoh?'
'Why?'
'Well, I've been locked up for a long time, and I miss him. He is my lover after all Seto.'
'Very well, just make sure he knows the difference between you, and me.'
'Seto! Of course he does, he's never once tried to kiss you, right?'
'Right... Just go.' I wave my hand, dismissing him.
'Thank you.' he replied as his spiritual form vanished.
I glared at the divider in the Limo.
'So much has happened. And I feel again. I feel my emotions returning, and I'm letting them. I have no idea why, but perhaps it is for the better. I feel stronger somehow, and free. I feel as if Gosoboro is finally gone.' I sighed.
'I know he's been dead for years, but his influence over my life will never truly fade. And I know it. This may be so, but he trained me not to let myself feel, and I'm feeling anyway. So maybe over time I can undo some of what he's done... but there are some things I will never be able to undo.' I sighed again.
'Maybe I really am depressed, but I will keep my promise to Mokuba. I will try and figure out what's wrong, and I will try to find out... what I'm afraid of. Am I truly afraid of feeling happy? If so... why? After all I've been through I deserve to be happy. Right? I can barely remember the last time I was happy.' I sat thinking and drumming my perfect fingernails on the door handle.
" Mr. Kaiba, we're here."
"Thank you Roland." I reply as he opens the door for me.
I go into the manor, but instead of going up to my room, I go to the library. I haven't been there in years. It is full of pictures and things from when Gosoboro was still alive, and things from the orphanage.
'Maybe there's a clue in here, a reason why I won't let myself be happy?' I think as I flip through some old photo albums.
This might not be such a good idea, these pictures are bringing back some painful memories. There's a photo of me in Gosoboro's office with a swollen and red eye. I remember this!
(FLASHBACK)
I sat in a plush chair in my stepfather's office filled with fear. I didn't show it though. I had learned not to show any emotion, especially in front of my stepfather.
"Seto." The voice that called my name was icy. It held no emotion what so ever. But Gosoboro's eyes betrayed him. They were filled with silent fury. I looked up at him, refusing to show my fear. In a voice as icy as his, I replied.
"Yes father?"
"You were crying earlier." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. And it was true.
Earlier that day Mokuba had asked about our mother. I had told him what I remembered, but after he left I hid in an empty room and cried. I didn't sob, for fear of someone hearing and telling Gosoboro, but silent tears streamed down my face. I had missed mother, and Mokuba had been so sad. All I wanted to do was keep Mokie safe, and protect his innocence while I could. I nodded at my stepfather.
"I was." I replied in icy tones, a slight glint of resentment in my eyes.
My eyes widened as, out of nowhere, a fist appeared, and sent me flying. I crashed into the wall behind me, clutching my eye but refusing to cry.
"And what about your lessons? Didn't I teach you better than that Seto?" He asked coldly, the emotion that had been behind his eyes gone. He was as cold and emotionless as ever. Which was not a good sign for me.
"Yes father, you taught me better." I replied, making sure my voice didn't quiver with the pain from being hit in my face.
"Then for what reason did you allow yourself to cry? Were you in a situation where it would help you gain something you desired?" He asked, staring into my eyes so that I could not lie to him.
"No sir, I was sad... I tried not to..." I stammered, knowing that it was a very, very, very big mistake. Kaiba's do not stammer.
Another hand appeared and slammed me into the wall, holding me by my throat, leaving just enough room for me to breathe. The hand shook slightly with his silent fury, pressing into my throat occasionally so that I had to gasp for breath. It hurt, but I would not allow the tears that prickled my eyes to well up.
"No excuses boy! You're a Kaiba! Kaiba's do NOT cry! We show no emotion whatsoever! Or do I have to teach you that again?" He asked, pressing his thumb into my throat.
"No sir." I rasped, not daring to say much. If I did, I might sob, and I couldn't do that. Especially not now. Not if I wanted to live. To keep him away from Mokie.
"Good. Remember that we show no emotions. No matter what. Do you understand?" He asked, giving me his icy emotionless death-glare.
"Yes, sir." I replied calmly, waiting for him to release me. He did, but told me to sit back in the chair and put my hand down. Then he pulled out a camera.
"This is a reminder for the future Seto. Don't forget it." He snapped the Polaroid and gave me the picture, telling me to add it to the book of picture reminders that I already had. I did.
(End FLASHBACK)
I put the photograph down, trying as hard as I could not to be engulfed in the memories. After that day I had not cried again. Not once. And I had forced the memory down, along with the memories of all Gosoboro's "lessons".
'Is this why I wouldn't, couldn't feel? Is this what I was afraid of? Ever since we ran into Noah's virtual game, I've been distant. Perhaps it was seeing Gosoboro again that brought my "lessons" back into play? In duelist Kingdom I allowed myself to feel, though not much. Is this why I can't be happy? Was there a "lesson" involved with that too? Damn him! He's been dead for years, and still he controls me!' I thought, slamming my fist into the dusty table.
'Still... I need to find out why I'm afraid to be happy... maybe if I find out why, I can make it stop. I want to feel again. I don't want to be a cold-hearted bastard... I just don't need anyone exploiting me. If I can learn to feel, without showing it, I'll be fine. Even Yami, and Seth, they know this. They both offered to clear my mind... and told me not to bury my emotions... wait a minute... Yami... Joey!' I mentally kicked myself. 'Wheeler. His name is Wheeler. We are not on a first name basis. Seth said Yami took the mutt to an ambulance... but... will the puppy be okay? I'm sure his friends will take care of him... and why the fuck should I even care?' I wondered, struggling with the urge to drive to the hospital myself and check up on him.
'Wheeler will be fine, right now I need to figure out why I'm so afraid to be happy. If I can figure that out, I might be able to stop being afraid. Maybe then, I'll be free of Gosoboro's influence.' And so I buried my head in old photo albums, searching for some memory that would tell me why I was afraid. But there was no picture for this event. Whatever had happened, Gosoboro didn't want anyone to know about it.
"Seto?" Mokuba called.
"Where are you onni-san?" (big brother)
"I'm in here Moke." I called out hoarsely, my voice raw from all the emotions coursing through me.
"Seto! Why are you in here?" He asked, warily entering the room. Seto hadn't been in here since they added all of their things from Gosoboro's time.
"I was looking for something." I replied coldly.
"Like what onni-san? You never come in here."
"I was keeping my promise, and trying to figure out why I won't let myself be happy. I thought maybe there would be a reason in here."
"Did you find anything?"
"Nothing. All I did was remember things I'd rather forget. I remember Gosoboro's lessons now. He made me like this Mokie, he taught me not to feel. But whatever he did to make me fear happiness, it's not in here." I sighed wearily.
"Are you alright Seto? You're really pale." Mokuba asked worriedly. Seto NEVER talked about their stepfather. Never.
"I'm fine. But I think I'm going to go lay down."
"Okay, I'll get a maid to clean up in here. What time to you want me to wake you?"
"Don't. I need this. If I'm not up for dinner, so be it. And if I don't get up in the morning, don't wake me. There's no way I'll get any work done in this condition." I sighed.
Mokuba's eyes got huge, but he simply nodded as I headed back to my room. All I could think of was our stepfather, and everything he had done. The memories that I had locked away were coming to the surface, and I remembered why I never allowed myself to get close to anyone. Then my thought turned back to the pup.
'Damn mutt! Why was he bleeding like that? And why'd he stop breathing? He said he went into the bathroom to think. So what the hell happened? He must've re-opened his stitches. As for the breathing... was he afraid? Maybe the blood, and that guy scared him, and he passed out? The lack of blood causing him to stop breathing? Still... Why should I even care! What's it to me if the damn mutt was scared? I saved him, but that doesn't mean anything. Just because he's my rival doesn't mean I want him dead!' I clutched my head in my hands and moaned.
'What's wrong with me? I can't even summon up the hatred I usually feel for the mutt... and now there's Seth too. thanks to him I can no longer feel my hatred towards Yami. My two biggest rivals, and now I can't hate either of them. Maybe I should go visit the pup in the hospital... Perhaps that will clear my head. Besides, I need to see how much he remembers. I don't want him to think I care...' I thought as I finally drifted off to the black oblivion that was a dreamless sleep.
(Jou's pov)
'Man, my head hurts. Where am I?' Jou thought, blinking his eyes open.
"Yug? that you?" I call out to the figure in the corner. It ignores me though, and I don't like bein ignored.
"Who are ya, and what er you doin in my room?" I ask angrily.
"Relax, I'm not going to hurt you. not yet anyway."
"Ryou!? What are you doin here man? I thought you'd be at home." I replied, missing the glint in his eyes, and the end of his last statement.
"Jou, Jou, Jou. I'm disappointed. I seriously thought you'd know better by now." He replied, shaking his head at e. I was then that I noticed something was wrong. He was too tall, and his hair was too spiky. 'What the hell?'
"Look man, I know Yug and the other's been hangin' out with you and Malik lately, but I've been a little busy. I haven't seen any a ya outta school in over a month. So whateva ya gotta say, say it!" I replied, my accent getting more pronounced now that I was angry.
"Well, for a start you were correct."
" 'bout what?" I glared.
"In the alley you fool. You saw me in the alley. But you were right, I'm not Ryou."
"Then who the fuck are you!" 'This is no-ot good...'
"Well, you know how Yugi has Yami. Well, Ryou has me. My name is Bakura, and I believe we've met from time to time."
"You! You were the maniac in duelist Kingdom! You trapped ar souls in the cods!"
"Glad to see you remember me." He replied with an evil laugh.
'Yup. He's definitely the homicidal maniac I remember.
"Don't look so scared Jounouchi, Yami knows I'm here, so you don't have to worry about being sent to the shadow realm. He won't allow it. Oh, and as for Malik, do you remember the events of Yesterday?"
"Sorta... I remember... the guy lookin for me... and I cou'nt breathe... And Kaiba makin' the guy leave..."
Suddenly they heard a disturbance in the hall, and then a single set of footsteps heading towards Jounouchi's room.
"Shit!" Bakura silently cursed as he returned to his soul room.
'speak of the devil...' The door opened and none other than Seto Kaiba entered the hospital room, closing the door behind him. He walked over to Jou's bed, and glared icily at him.
(Kaiba's Pov, but in third person. I think.)
"Mutt." I stated, eyeing the pup.
"Wha da ya wan Kaiba?" He asked angrily.
'Hmm... His accent flares up when he's angry. I wonder what's gotten the pup so riled? I haven't done anything... yet.'
"I'm simply here to make sure you survived Mutt."
It was then that Wheeler's eyes grew wide, memories flooding him. There were several unreadable emotions in his eyes, one which I could identify was fear. Plain as day it shone in the blonde's honey colored eyes, and it shocked me.
'Why am I noticing his eyes? I've never cared before... not that I do now, but he shouldn't be scared like that. I don't like it, he reminds me to much of me.'
"Well, as ya can see, I'm alive." muttered the pup.
"I see. How much of Yesterday do you remember mutt?"
"I am not a dog! So stop it with the fucking Dog references Moneybags!"
I just looked at him pointedly, completely ignoring the insult.
"I member... you made that guy leave..." The mutt muttered, eyes clouding over with memories.
"And?" I asked impatiently. 'Does he remember what I said? What I did?'
"And... I coul'nt breathe...an...an... you!" the mutt gasped as he remembered.
"You came in and saved me..." he groaned. "Again."
"Yes pup, but what else?" I asked again, my patience growing thin.
"There's mor'?" He asked, eyeing me apologetically. 'He doesn't remember Marik. Good.'
"Forget it puppy, you were out."
"Kaiba..." He growled. 'Just like a little puppy.' I smiled in amusement.
"Umm..." he blushed and looked down.
"Thanks. I know ya did'n mean it an all, " he began putting his arm behind his head in his usual embarrassed manner, "but thanks fur savin' me. Again."
(Jou's Pov)
"Puppy...I did mean it..." I looked up and saw the flash of hurt in Kaiba's eyes before his face went blank. He looked as emotionless and cold as ever, and for a minute I thought I had imagined it. But his next words made me change my mind.
"I did not save you by accident. Kaiba's do not do anything by accident. Everything I do, I do for a reason, with a purpose. You may be my enemy, and you may annoy the hell out of me, but I do not wish you dead." He said softly.
"Just because I hate you beyond all reason doesn't mean I'd sit there and let you die. I am human you know." Kaiba said, rolling his eyes at me.
"Uh..." I just stared with wide eyes.
"Don't look to much into it Mutt, you might hurt yourself." He sneered.
"Well, so-orry! It's not my fault I fugot that yur human! The only one you've eva cared about is Mokuba, you act like a cold-hearted bastard around everyone else! So can ya really blame me?" I shouted ignoring the flash of hurt and anger I saw, forcing myself to believe I imagined it.
Then there was a sudden change in Kaiba's body, and it said something to me in a language I didn't know and had no time to learn. Kaiba stood drawn up to his full height, his shoulders tense and shaking. There was a roaring fire in his sapphire eyes, and his lips were quivering with silent fury. It all seemed to mean something of utmost importance.
"I'll keep that in mind Wheeler. Next time I'll just leave you there, seeing as that I'm so cold hearted. Perhaps my heart of ice will even allow me to mock you in your time of need. Or have you truly forgotten?" I was startled as a hard, bitter laugh escaped Kaiba's lips. It wasn't his 'Ha ha your about to lose to a superior duelist laugh' either. He sounded bitter, like he saw the truth and didn't like it. Or something. And he hadn't called me mutt, or puppy. That wasn't good.
"Fugotten what muneybags?" I snapped, truly frightened by his attitude.
But just as quickly as it came, it went. Kaiba went back to his icy, emotionless self, his face closing up to Jou.
"Forget it mutt. If you don't remember than it obviously wasn't important. I only came to see how much you remembered, and even that was a waste of my time." he scoffed.
"Enough already! Quit it with the Fuckin' dog references! I am not a dog!" Joey glared.
"Yes you are. But coming here was a waste of my time, see you around mutt." Kaiba said, turning on his heel and exiting the hospital room.
'What the hell was that all about? What did I forget that made Kaiba so upset? I remember the pain... an tellin him not to come cos I didn't want him ta see me...an... an... he called me Joey! He called me by my first name!" Jounouchi marveled.
"But... He was really wurried... I remember.... an' he had tears in his eyes! He was almost cryin'! An...An... I called him Seto... an asked him ta stay... an he did... Why did I want him to stay so much? I was scared... An I didn't want to be alone, and he stayed with me! He kept me safe! And I was such a jerk to him a minute ago!'
"Kaiba wait! I was wrong! You do care about others besides Mokuba! I'm sorry! Seto please come back!" I called, but Kaiba had already left, and no one heard my calls. Or so I thought.
"Why do you want him to come back so bad?" asked a bored looking Bakura.
"Cos I was a total jerk back there, an he saved my life. That's not a good way to repay sumbuddy. Especially with whut I said..." I trailed off staring at the spirit.
"Whadda ya want Bakura?"
"Well, I heard the whole conversation, and I need to remind you of something else you forgot. Or more rather, someone."
"Huh? Now I'm confused..."
"Malik you fool! His Yami returned."
I paled. "Marik is back? The one who's as psychotic as you!" 00
"Yes, my lover has returned. But he is not against us anymore, that was the fault of Malik's father. But that is past now, ask the Pharaoh about it later."
"Yur Luva!?"
"Yes, my lover. Got a problem with that?" He asked glaring at me.
"No, I jus neva knew yew an Ryou wur gay!"
"Yes, well, we are. And just so you know, Ryou is mine. So don't even think about it!" He snapped warningly.
"Jeez! Al right! I wouldn't anyway. I know I'm gay an' all, but Ryou's just my friend man."
"Good. Let it stay that way."
"Why ar yew so protective of him?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.
"Because, he's my Hikari, and my Uke. I may love Marik, but Ryou comes first, and they both know that."
"What if Malik wanted Ryou?"
"I'd kill him." Bakura shrugged, acting as it were nothing. Then again, to him it probably was nothing.
"Oh..."
"Anyways, want me to get Kaiba for you? I have a new toy I'd love to try out on him."
"Na' that's al righ' Kura. I think me an him 'er evn, fur now."
"Do NOT call me that!"
"Why? Only Ryou allowed to give you a pet name?" I teased.
"Yes." He said fiercely with clenched fists, making me want to hide under my blanket.
"Okay." I whimpered slightly.
"Good. I'm glad we understand each other."
"Yeah... umm, I'm going to bed now, so you can leave if you want."
Instead of answering, Bakura shrank, as did his hair, and his dark blue eyes changed to a violet blue-ish color.
"Jounouchi? Sorry about Bakura, he's just upset because Malik wouldn't let him borrow Marik."
"Oh?"
"Yeah..." Ryou blushed. "Anyways, sorry about that."
"Hey, no problem man. I neva knew you swung that way. Look, tell Yug an the othas I said Hi?"
"Sure Jounouchi. But..."
"What is it Ryou?"
"Yugi asked me to find out why you don't hang out after school anymore. He misses you, you know."
"I know... but I..." I looked down, clutching the sheets so hard my knuckles were white.
"But what Jou?" Ryou asked, concerned.
"I can't. I don't have time anymore. Tell Yugi I'm sorry, but I just can't."
"Alright Jou... But we're your friends, and you can talk to us if you need to."
"I know Ryou. If I need to talk I will." I replied. I hated lying to him like that, but it was far too dangerous for him to know the truth.
"All right... I hope you get well then Jou. And be careful." He called as he left me alone.
'I wish I could talk to them... but they woul'nt undastand... Only Honda gets it. And he just barely knows the tip of the iceberg. What is dad gonna say now? He wanted me home... no matta what. I am in such deep shit..." I groaned. Just then I heard the door open yet again. I had another visitor.
"Hello Jounouchi." The tall well-muscled man looked positively livid.
"Hello Mr. Damien..." 'Shit!'
"Jou, Jou, Jou... What am I going to do with you? Well, obviously nothing right now. I've been assigned to guard you tonight, to make sure you don't try to escape."
"But... I would neva..."
"I know that! But your father doesn't." he snapped.
"But why... I thought you..." 'Now I'm really confused...'
"Jounouchi, I know I'm one of your 'masters' but have I ever touched you? Have I ever hurt you in any way? I know I've yelled at you, and I've threatened you and destroyed your things... but I did it to protect you child."
"What the hell are yew talkin' about!?"
"I know I was to claim you tonight Jou, and I am aware that you know it to. However, I never planned to. I have a twin who works elsewhere in the city, and we are very interested in you for our own reasons."
"And they are?"
"You're very innocent Jounouchi. Yet you have a fire and passion as well. And the fact that you retain your innocence despite all your father has had done to you intrigues us. We believe that you are special, and you may be the key."
"The key to what? Whadda yew talkin' about!"
Damien smiled. It was a very scary sight. He had fangs.
"In time, you will see. But for now, just go to sleep." His face softened and his fangs withdrew.
"Sleep well little one, and do not fear, for I will never let any harm come to you. I know you are confused, but It'll all work itself out in the end."
"But I..."
Damien put his finger to my lips and smoothed away my bangs. It felt wonderful, as if I was finally safe.
"You are like a son to me Jou. Do not worry. Sleep."
And so I did, watching Damien watch me. For the first time I felt what it was to have a parent that cared. And for the first time I had dreams that weren't nightmares.
"Night Jou..." I heard the whisper as I finally drifted off.
Okay, I know I know I know. It's confusing, right? But it will all make sense soon, I promise! And for clarification, Jou's father beats him, but doesn't rape him. His friends do that. Damien was to rape Jou that night, which he obviously didn't. Any other questions? Review review review! And merry Christmas to you all! -starts throwing pieces of fudge at you all-
Flame Swordswoman, I am sorry that there isn't much Jou/Seto, but being as that they're both stubborn asses...
Seto and Jou: ARE NOT!
me: pink. dresses.
0.0 -gulp-
me: that's what I thought. As I was saying, they're stubborn, and it might take a while to develop their relationship, especially with the couple a side plots I have going. It should all work out in the end. Love's ya all, and please, please, please review. Plus, if anyone has a story they want me to review, I'll be happy to. Tay, nigh!