Disclaimer- i dont own Tokyo Babylon or X. what i do own is a pestery angst ridden muse determined to make Subaru's life even more miserable...

Well, shinzonasuggested the possibility of a second chapter and the novelty of the idea caught my attention. usually my angsty introspectives only last so long....the possiblilty of making it get better before the end....it is so nice! my muse, on the other hand, is rather peeved at the idea of lightening the angst load. i have politely told him to stuff it. and so we have part the second! in which we get Subaru's opinion on getting kicked out and some of his rather unique brand of inner monologue! as always, reviews make me happy! and sometimes even get me to write things that i never thought to be doing! and yes, there will be more to follow this. Lyrics are from Days of the New, song "What's Left For Me". if you have ever heard the song it really has that just-kicked-out-wandering-through-town sort of feel to it....
-fireun

"Taken by surprise/by the size of my brain
Knowing all the time all the lies/all the games
Thinking up a storm/when it storms it's going to rain
Taking what's mine all the time/all the time"

There is something almost sublime about being kicked out for the first time in ones life. It is suddenly as if the world is actually that big and you are actually that small. Even the air smells different, wet and grey like clay and ashes rolled on the tongue like a fine wine. Those were Subaru's first impressions of his existence outside of the apartment he had shared with Kamui for the past seven months. Mechanically he settled a cigarette in his mouth and lit. 'Well. Kamui is known for being rather volatile…I suppose it was only a matter of time.' Cigarette securely smoking, Subaru managed a grin. 'The current head of the Sumeragi Clan thrown out like a cheating lover. Hokuto would be pissed.' The next though made him bite through his cigarette to his lip. 'Seishiro would laugh…'

"Damn it…leave me alone you bastard." He hissed, emotion he never dared show around Kamui. The thought of the young man, who could quite possibly be watching from the window of their, his, apartment, propelled Subaru forward, the crunched remnants of half a cigarette falling to the ground and dousing itself out in a small puddle of what was most likely at least half rain water. Couldn't let Kamui see, mustn't let him worry, feel guilty…Subaru had come back of his own volition, and he never wanted Kamui to think he regretted the decision.

'You do though, don't you?' That thrice be damned voice in the back of his head, taunting and teasing, whispering things he didn't dare utter aloud. Insidious whispers tormenting in the voice of a lover standing over the body of his murdered sister…

He never wanted to mean that much to Kamui, never as much as Seishiro meant to him, almost as if he was afraid of reenacting his own betrayal, but this time on the side of perpetrator as opposed to victim. He didn't want to infiltrate another's life in the way Seishiro had his. And now, walking along on a crowded sidewalk in the early evening, the glow of neon lights and headlights, and dancing LEDs, he had no idea what he was doing. Subaru didn't notice the people he evaded as he walked, didn't notice the cars he walked in front of, didn't notice the coffee house he ordered espresso in. It was the bitter tang of coffee on his tongue, oddly sweet as he never had ordered a flavor in his espresso before, that made him pause. He had nowhere to go but his ancestral home or back to Kamui. One was uncomfortable, and the other had just thrown him out.

"Take some for yourself
It's all good for something
And when there's no more to give
The window will shine in the light
On what's left for me"

One would assume this is what led him to settle in the next café he came across. For approximately eight hours. Not that the proprietor was complaining, as Subaru ordered a coffee at least once a half hour, and obviously had the money to pay, something he had questioned upon first seeing the rather plainly dressed, upset looking young man. Every hour or so Subaru would consider the menu, then place it down with a sharp smack of paper against wood. 'Subaru-chan, you need to take better care of yourself! Have some of the dinner I prepared! I knoooow you like crepes!' His sister. Even his sister now was conspiring against his sanity. It was bad enough when it was only his lover…As if on cue that other voice would chime in, as it always had in life. 'Hokuto-chan is right, Subaru-kun. You hardly ever have any time to take care of yourself when you are taking care of an entire city. It appears I will have to feed you. Open up!' That is what would send the menu slamming back onto the table

And then he would place more money on the table, a wordless command that his coffee cup be refilled.

If he ingested enough of the bitter stuff maybe it would start to taste sweet, like that one cup back on the street, like the feel of Kamui curled against his side, crying in his sleep. It was so possible, so probable. Which is most likely what led Subaru to drink coffee with a dedication usually reserved for drunks at their favorite pub.

'Gah, Subaru, I don't know how you drink that stuff.' Kamui would shudder over dramatically, a smile in his expressive eyes.

'It is an acquired taste.'

'Kinda like me?' Kamui would lean forward, over the cup of coffee and peer up into his mismatched eyes, questioning, a smile attempting to hide the insecurity included in the joke.

Subaru thought he might just decide to give up coffee. It just wasn't as interesting anymore…He glared at the cup in sitting on the table, still steaming lightly from a recent refill. It was lacking a sort of appeal that had encouraged him to have at least a cup a day for the past half a year.

"Know in your mind that you've got to remember your name"

It was around four in the morning when Subaru settled the payment for his last cup of coffee, which remained forlornly alone and untouched on the table, and wandered back out onto the street. There was something ridiculously mundane about walking through the city in the early morning, something he had never noticed before. Before he had always been coming from some place, going somewhere; there had always been a purpose to his movements. No one here knew him, not the hooker, the drunks, or the restless night owls. No one expected anything of him, thought anything of him. It was a particular variety of interesting, to be passed over casually.

This was most definitely what they meant when the writers meant when they described someone as being alone with their thoughts. It was not a physical alone; it was a purely mental phenomenon.

He settled upon a park bench, near a young man oblivious to the world due to the headphones with which he was obviously engaged in listening to music he adored. It was only in the chill of the predawn, settled on a metal bench, that Subaru realized he had left his coat in Kamui's apartment.

'I had better write that one off as lost…I doubt the boy will want to see me anytime soon. Not that that should bother me.'

'It does though, doesn't it?' That damn voice again, silky smooth and rich with laughter.

"Staggering around/can't find a place to sit down
Nothing suits my ass
Toast to some champagne of pain
I know you can bring us all a bottle
Remember the time when time was a friend
And you could make him lend you a hand
Now there's a place where taking takes place
And time just gets in your way"

The bench really wasn't that comfortable after all. Subaru lurched to his feet with a grimace, all of his innate grace abandoning him in his less than centered mental state. He didn't know exactly what it was he needed, but sitting on a bench in the early hours of the day was obviously not even in the running.