The Angel of Christmas
A/N: Merry Christmas, everyone, and Happy Holidays! Today, one year ago, is the day when I received the best friend I have ever had (angelbud2233). She has been the most amazing, trusting, loving, wonderful person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I wrote this story for her. I hope she enjoys it. And because it's about our two favorite characters, I hope that you all will enjoy it as well. Welcome to The Angel of Christmas.
Disclaimer: I don't claim anything.
Summary: We were all each other had, to start off. And maybe we would have been better off that way. Because now we are at a precious time period where we don't know how we're going to live our lives.
The Angel of Christmas
For many, Christmas is about presents. For others, it is about religion. For me? It is about you.
You know my darkest fears
You know my scariest dream
You've been here through the years
We're known as the dream team
I've never had someone this close to me before
I've never known of this friendship, my life seemed to lack
I've always been able to say this, so now I say it once more
I love you, Sirius Black
It was years ago today, that you became my best friend. Do you remember? We were only kids then. Foolish, naïve, just trying to get by. We hadn't paved a path yet. We didn't have a group. Our names were not known. We were simple first years. There was no Padfoot and Prongs, no Marauder's Map, no castle adventures. We were just two curious first years, Sirius Black and James Potter.
We were all each other had, to start off. And maybe we would have been better off that way. Because now we are at a precious time period where we don't know how we're going to live our lives. Lily is in the kitchen making us breakfast. You and I are in the living room and you're playing with Harry, smiling broadly as you tickle him. You grin at me when a giggle erupts from Harry's lips.
I'm sitting here thinking about my life. To what extent I have fully lived. Have I loved enough? Have I needed you too much? Was I ever too dependent on you Padfoot? Did I ever take more than I was offered? And… I'm not sure Lily knows to full extent how our relationship has grown. How we met, as though from two different worlds; a Potter and a Black. But those worlds quickly collided.
We had everything with each other. Laughter, tears, heart ache, pain, death, loss, betrayal… betrayal. I can feel it coming. I don't feel safe anymore, Padfoot. But I can't tell you. Not today. It's Harry's first Christmas. It's our ten year. It's been three years since Lily agreed to go out with me. I can't damper the mood, but it doesn't stop the sickly feeling I get in my stomach whenever I see you.
Because you are everything to me, Padfoot. You are the world rolled into one. You know what to say, and you know when to stay. You've helped me through everything and you know things that even Lily does not know. You know all of my horrid memories. You, and you alone, know that I've named my son Harry because of my younger brother who was killed by Voldemort. You're the only one who knows.
…You never took pity on me when I told you about my brother. You never take pity on me, now that I think about it. I thank you for that. You are there for me, but you are firm. You are strong when I need you to be most. You are my rock, and you make me stronger every day. I love you. Like brothers are supposed to love each other. Like family of the closest kind.
We've been best friends ten years today. Ten years. I have never spent this day without you. I promise you the only thing that will keep me from being your best friend, and seeing you on Christmas, ismy death.
Sirius stopped reading immediately and sank to his knees. He wailed softly, pounding his fists along the cold floor of Grimmauld Place. He tried to cry softer… someone would hear, someone would come. But nobody ever did. Nobody knocked on the door to ask what was wrong. Nobody noticed the tears that were staining his face.
Except, perhaps, one particular angel in Heaven.
And if Sirius would have read the last paragraph of the journal entry, maybe some things would have changed.
If I die before you do, I will go to Heaven and make sure that every Christmas it snows. I will go to Heaven—and on Christmas day, when it snows, remember that I'm sending you your favorite of all weather. The weather we built memories in; endless memories, Padfoot. I'll remind you, with every snow flake that you see, that I love you, and I always, always will.
For if Sirius would have read that, he would have noticed that it was snowing lightly, outside his bedroom window.